Parenting after LTTTC #2

[nic]

Shannon, sorry to hear about your cycle..hope next one is better Your twins sound like they are having a ball distracting mum while the other gets into mischief! This week here, we have also been putting naughty things in our moouth, like Sudocream!! He thought it was fantastic, me I had a heart attack as well i think.

Marcellus, exciting news about your FET..Won't be long, christmas is around the corner, then it will be february! Just think, this time next year you could be in your third trimester.

Kelly, Congrats on the arrival of Tara Rose. Hope you are recovering well.

Big hello's to everyone else. Not much happening here...DS is like i said, experimenting with new flavours.. Sudocream, AA batteries, biro caps, Books, DVD's... DH suggested ringing the FS who did our transfer and ask if there was any well behaved embies or were they all little devils Next time he wants a good one, or a refund lol. He was describing to his brother the other day what DS is like with a favourite activity of his, which is standing on the side of the lounge grabbing the DVD's from the bookcase and hurling them across the room..He says, "Oh bro, it's like something from those Poltergeist movies, the DVD's are flying everywhere and there is this evil little giggle while we are screaming NO NO NO" It's funny, because it's so true..

Sleep is starting to slowly improve....getting about 3-4 hours, wake for a feed then anywhere up to another 5 hours after that.

[onthefly]

Your DS sounds delightfully wicked . IT's so hard to be serious when they giggle, isn't it?
So, you planning No.3 already?

Glad the sleep is improving. We seem to have turned a corner here.... most nights he's only really waking once or twice and he actually didn't get up till 6:45 this morning, which is some sort of record compared to 5, 5:30 usually. I put alfoil on his windows yesterday - had to lock him out of his room cause he insisted on chewing on bits of foil....

[nic]

Talking about #3 at the moment.. Something we have to give a little extra consideration too because our embies are about 1000 klms away from us, as well as the FS, because their satellite FS (200klms away from here) has retired. So we would have to look at possibly moving them to the other clinic closer to us...not sure I want to do that though??
Another child would mean another room, we currently don't have. With DD turning 10 next month, I think she needs her own space, and DS's room isn't big enough for another person. It's a battle of heart versus practical brain at the moment.
Far out at your wake up time of 5-5.30am! Good to hear that the alfoil seems to have done the trick with getting a a little more sleep

[onthefly]

Wow - some tricky logistics! Is the other clinic not so good, or you're just unsure about the move?

I thought about changing clinics, but it seemed a bit daunting to up sticks like that so decided to try a different FS instead. He seems ok from our first meeting, so will see how we go.

Heart vs brain - which will win...? In these matters I find it's generally the heart. You know if you have another baby, somehow or other everything will work out.

I spoke too soon about A's sleep. He's back to needing company most of the night. sigh. Maybe it's the next lot of teeth.

[farmgirl77]

Hello all,
I have been popping in and out but not posting much cause I dont know really what to post...so here goes. I've been struggling a bit with DS and the whole being a mum thing - DS has not been sleeping much during day (just crys when I put him in the cot and then gets over tired), and has sever ezcema which I've been trying to get under control. I've scored higher than the 'professionals' like on the PND tests and so now I'm trying to work out if I have PND or am just suffering from lack of sleep (although DS has started sleeping well at night) plus trying to deal with a few other things like a close relative dying of cancer (mum just rang me to say that the relative had gone into a coma but the last thing she had said was that our DS was the most beautiful baby) and my mum! I am just finding the transition from work to motherhood hard - esp not having any control over my day and not being able to 'achieve' much! Anyway, I feel bad for feeling like this when we have been so lucky to have our little baby when there are so many people who are still waiting. DH does not think that I have PND - thinks that I've been sad/upset etc the whole time of doing IVF!

Anyway, that's my rant. I'm sorry I've not caught up with personals, but I hope that I can spend a bit more time here if DS starts sleeping!
FG

[butterfly_warrior]

Farmgirl, don't feel bad about how you feel and the fact that you are honest enough to express it. I think we all struggled with the transition to motherhood at first (and to be honest, there are still some days where I find it really hard). I can't type up a long response at the moment as I'm trying to get Sam to sleep (still needs to be wrapped and cuddled, but we do it cos it works), but I couldn't leave your post without replying, however briefly. I can really relate to how you're going... reminds me so much of how we were in the early days.

BW

[farmgirl77]

Thank BW - it is good to know that this is 'normal' what ever that is! Hope that you got Sam to sleep

[Lenny]

Oh FG - big hugs I wish I could say something to make it all better.
You might have PND - it's awesome that you are at least admitting to things not quite being right.
I have to agree with you that those first months can be so so hard. I am an organised, busy person, who loved her job and loved getting results and acheiving goals. I hated myself for not getting the bed made or the dinner cooked or the washing hung out. I had a baby who slept for 10 mins at a time - how could i ever get anything done!!! I cried a lot, I felt like a huge failure.
All the other mum's in my mum's group had their mum's over to help, or their husbands doing night feeds or something. I just quietly drowned in the corner and pretended everything was fine.
But things improved for me and I did get better at admitting that 'things' weren't so important to do. Feeding DS, feeding myself, and going for a walk each day (with a screaming baby usually!) ... those were my goals, and if I ticked them off, then it was a good day.
I remember marcellus jokingly said one day that going out to the letterbox was a successful trip out of the house. Some days are like that. And no-one really prepares you for it. And well-meaning people tell you not to worry about the dishes, or the vacuuming or the fact that you haven't done your hair - but it doesn't make you feel any better.

Don't feel bad - we put higher expectations on ourselves because we fought so hard to have these wonderful bubs. But you shouldn't. In fact we should probably expect for things to be even harder emotionally after all the heartache of IVF.

For what it's worth DS sleeps for 9.5/10 hours every night now! I think that's my pay off for all the sleepness in the first 12 months!

I can only offer you big hugs and I hope you can find some time to really see what a success you are every day - just by feeding your little DS and rocking him off to sleep in your arms. Truly, nothing else matters.

[onthefly]

Hope your poor DD's tummy settles down soon Kelly. Maybe if you can manage frequent feeds during the day, you can push the night feeds further apart.

The 3-4 week mark is often tough, even if you're not having issues with feeding. They just tend to get very unsettled at that age and it can last several weeks. Take care of yourself

Nic - DS was the same about having to stand. Thank goodness he's finally grown out of that one - does the back in.
Holidays or baby.... good luck making that decision. Maybe take the holiday and then see how you feel about another baby? By then I'm sure your DS will be sleeping really well and you'll be ready for another 3-4 years of sleep deprivation

[nic]

Wow - some tricky logistics! Is the other clinic not so good, or you're just unsure about the move?

I thought about changing clinics, but it seemed a bit daunting to up sticks like that so decided to try a different FS instead. He seems ok from our first meeting, so will see how we go.

Heart vs brain - which will win...? In these matters I find it's generally the heart. You know if you have another baby, somehow or other everything will work out.

I spoke too soon about A's sleep. He's back to needing company most of the night. sigh. Maybe it's the next lot of teeth.

I think the clinic is ok...I've just heard a few people having some problems with them, which put both DH and I off them a bit... I know you hear good and bad about clinics, so maybe, I just need to keep remembering that...good and bad..
As for the heart vs brain??? Somedays it's heart that i think will win, other days i think brain. We have been talking about saving from next year for a nice overseas holiday in about 4-5 years time. If we have another bub, then that puts that dream of for a few more years, by which time DD will be out of home, and I'd love to take her overseas before then, especially considering she will be old enough to appreciate and remember it all. DS will be old enough to not need nappies, we'll be past the toilet training etc... and hopefully in about 5 years he will also make a wonderful travelling companion. I keep thinking that we could maybe go back for #3 after an o/s trip? I'm 31 now, so would be trying again around 35-36yrs old, but with embryo's from when i was 29 It's the stamina I'm worried about. DS has me completley run down now, I can't imagine feeling like this in another 6+ years lol.
How's the sleep going now at your place?

Farmgirl - sending some hugs your way. I think we've all been standing where you are now...and some days still feel like we are. I like the others felt the same, and this was my 2nd child, you would've thought I knew what i had to do to get this little person to sleep! There were plenty of days where my DH would come home and I would sit on the verandah crying that i just didn't know what to do with DS, that he was driving me mad, i didnt know what to do with him anymore and finally that i thought i was depressed... you'd have these irrational thoughts...like why did i go through all this to have a baby who did nothing but scream unless he was in my arms, and i was standing with him. He hated me sitting!
DH would remind me that I was suffering from a huge lack of sleep, which made me think irrationally, and made me less capable of dealing with things that normally wouldn't bother me.

I think what BW has said is perfect. This parenting thing is a tough gig, and even me having a child already, it still couldn't prepare me for the new little person who did nothing but scream for most of the day.

[briggsy's girl]

FG - i didn't post yesterday cos i didn't know how to. your post really struck a chord with me - as much as i don't think i'm struggling as bad now as i was a month or two ago, i've really had to fight hard to overcome similar feelings. i don't think i have PND but i know i have depression and it has flared somewhat since DD's arrival. even more so the past few weeks with DH losing his job - but him losing his job means he is here to support me while i struggle, so it's something of a double edged sword.

i hope you can find a way to get some help - whether it's counselling, AD's - or asking for help when you need it. i have found that, now that DD is more interactive, as much as i get the lows, talking to her and having her babble back, her smile - they make it a little easier to cope with the crappy days

hugs hun

[TaRhLi.]

Hi Everyone

FG: At least you are willing to admit that you are struggling with motherhood. I think it is a big reality shock for a lot of us LTTTC's. I know that I have found the whole not being in control thing hard to manage as we have always known what's next in our TTC journeys and now that our miracle bubs are here there is no knowing what happens next. Have you considered seeing a counsellor at all, even if it isn't PND sometimes it is just nice to talk to someone and get everything off your chest. You might find that will help.

Well, we have been having a few unsettled days with feeding, my milk has all but gone now so Tara is formula fed 100% and it is playing havoc with her tummy. For the past couple of days we have had the most horrible vomits with it even coming out of her nose the force is so strong. So yesterday I had her on smaller and more frequent feeds to try and help her tummy adjust and also to keep the feed down. The only problem is that she was feeding every 1 1/2-2 hours and not getting much sleep in between and last night she was very unsettled after her feeds so only managed about 4 hours sleep in total. I'm hoping that today will be better and I'm going to try and get her from 3 hourly feeds to 4 hourly feeds if possible. 3 hourly feeds at night with a baby that takes 1 hour to feed isn't giving me much opportunity to get good sleep in between. Anyway, better go and get my washing out of the machine before Tara wakes up for her next feed.

I hope everyone else is going well.