I didn't go down the IVF road but I was a LTTTCer. I started TTC at 28. I gave birth for the first time at 42.
I never once thought about having a planned CS. I just hoped I could have a vaginal birth. I was quite worried actually that I would have to have an emergency CS due to my age causing complications. In the end it was a vaginal birth with the help of a vac.
I must admit after giving birth I thought "I'm not doing that again, and if by some miracle I do give birth again it will be a CS". That was all about pain and trauma though, nothing to do with safety. I think I've got over those thoughts now.
I've never looked at the stats on safety of CS so I don't know the facts but I guess I kind of think it would safer for bubs to be born that way, but not for mum. I base this on all the problems that can occur during labour that bubs would not face if it's just cut out. That's probably how a lot of people see it when they've been trying for so long.
That said I still thought a vaginal birth was best for us as did my OB. CS was never ever discussed.
I never thought I'd have the issues I had with BF. I thought there could be a few hurdles but that I would still manage to do it OK. It didn't turn out that way. Even though I'd picked my hospital partially because they had a large SCN I didn't really expect to have to use it. A bub in there for 5 days made things far more difficult for BF than I ever expected.
Our bub was conceived naturally. Maybe that's why I didn't think about planned CS or BF difficulties. I guess I just figured that I got pregnant without help, I should be able to birth & feed bubs as well. Maybe when you've had so much assistance to get there you lose a little confidence in your ability to do those things.
I definately think IVF and LTTTC affected how i felt about birthing these babies, i remember when i first fell pregnant i actually said to my Ob "i don't care how you do it i just need these babies in my arms, there is nothing natural about how they were conceived and i dont care how they get here so long as they do" i found as time went on i then wanted to experience labour and birthing my children if possible mainly because i know there is a HUGE chance that i may never get to experience this ever again due to the fear of going back to IVF. I think after everything i went through to fall pregnant i felt i should be thankful that i was, when other women were still struggling so i shouldn't be selfish and expect to get my optimal child birthing scenario.
And to be honest there is no part of me that thinks childbirth, breastfeeding, mothering etc is going to come naturally or i will get what i want because that's just not how history has worked so far.
Sorry to babble but another point i think it affects our DH's BIG TIME! Mine is terrified after watching me go through the IVF crap that something will go wrong and he will lose me and/or the babies and so wanted a c/s as itwas controlled and up to the medical staff and not dependant on me and my body. I think sometimes we forget how out of control they feel during IVF and they then view childbirth as the same but with more to lose.
Another good point, Shannon, about how it affects our DH's. My DH insisted on an obstetrician, something I was indifferent too until I started 'catching' his fear and believed that an ob would 'monitor' our pregnancy more.
DH also initially wanted me to have a c/s but I was never going to agree to that, and in time, he understood that I was choosing a method that was in fact safer for us (and it's actually safer for baby too, not just mum, btw, and there is quite a lot of evidence behind that).
It was the same with BFing - he couldn't understand why I was insisting on continuing to BF when my nipples were cracked and I was in so much pain. But to me, I wanted Charlie to have the best of me (and TBH I probably put way too much pressure on myself to be this 'perfect' mum) but the upside is I ended up having a great BFing relationship with my son despite the rocky start, and my DH, as a result, is madly pro-BFing now. Lol!
ETA also to clarify my own position: I am not particularly pro-VB, in that I don't believe a VB is the 'only' way. When I had my 3 older kids, I had a VB because I thought only if it was a medical emergency, would a woman have a c/s. And tbh, back then it was probably pretty true (esp in the public system). My first child, my DD, was incredibly precious to me, yet I never had (or was given) any doubts over about a VB being the best way to deliver my baby safely. Not like it is these days, when women (not just LTers) routinely are either led to believe, or have formed a personal opinion, that a VB will somehow put their baby are more risk than a c/s. But, like I've said before, is simply not true or supported by evidence.
When I fell pregnant to Charlie, I had actually read tonnes and tonnes of stuff here on BB. I now knew you could 'request' a c/s for no medical reason, I even got the impression that a c/s was considered safer by many who were posting (including my ob). But the more I read, the more I realised it wasn't true, VBs were safer. The evidence is undisputed. It made me feel better for not wanting a c/s and wanting a VB - I was doing what was safer for my baby after all.
So now when I read that women wish to have a c/s because it's a 'safer' option, I get confused. Where does that idea come from? The obs? Or does it come from the woman's lack of belief in herself?
If a VB is safer, how do we get the message through to women? How do we ensure that they know that their safest option is not to have a c/s?
Because it's all topsy turvy now. Women, esp LTTTCers are having c/s in order to 'ensure' their precious babies are safe, but the reality is their babies are statistically LESS safe with a c/s. So I guess what I'm saying is I'm not pro-VB, I'm pro-IVFers, and trying to get discussion going as to what it is that makes us choose c/s over and over again, citing that it's safer for us and our babies, when it's not true?
Last edited by sushee; October 20th, 2008 at 01:13 PM.
It doesn't help when women hear from their FS or their OB things like "this baby is very precious, let's not take any chances (on a vag birth)...etc
I've heard a few women tell me this has been said to them. When the "medical professional" is saying either outright or by implication that a caesarean is safer, and women who are long term TTC have such trust in their word because they helped them get pregnant....very hard to argue against that.
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