Why do LTTTCers seem to prefer a c/s?

[sushee]

Wouldn't it be great if there was so sort of inbetween services to AC/ LTTTCers to show them there are a huge variety of choices in their ante natal care and birthing experience.

That too is a great point (all the contributions to this thread have been fantastic! So many ideas and thoughts!). I have come to believe that the greatest disservice to IVFers is how they're left to flounder once they fall pregnant.

There are threads about how IVFers feel guilt about complaining about the more uncomfortable aspects of pregnancy.

There are threads about IVFers not 'connecting' with their unborn baby for fear that if they start to believe that something good has finally happened to them, something will go wrong.

There are threads about IVF mums putting incredible amounts of pressure on themselves to be 'perfect' mums that they drive themselves into the ground trying to live to a standard that is impossible to achieve.

So, as IVFers, we have to ask ourselves, why is that that once you fall pregnant, support and understanding seems to 'fall away' and suddenly you're expected to cope with this new and scary phase without anyone but the medical profession - and its 'medicalised' view of things - to help you with your decisions? Or feeling like you not only have to cope with all the anxiety that pregnancy brings, but also have to cope with your DH's anxieties as well? And cope without help or support?

I mean, you have gone through a traumatic and life changing event - dealing with you or your husband's infertility/subfertility, yet once you're pg, you're expected to just 'accept' that you're just another pregnant woman, when you feel so much more fragile, so much more anxious than anyone could possibly believe. Why isn't there anyone for you at that point in your life focussed on assisting you through your difficulties, to help you cope with the new phase of this never-ending journey.

What do we need to ensure that IVFers have as much support during pregnancy, birth, BFing, and parenting as they need, so that they can learn to trust in themselves, their bodies and their instincts again?

[nic]

So, as IVFers, we have to ask ourselves, why is that that once you fall pregnant, support and understanding seems to 'fall away' and suddenly you're expected to cope with this new and scary phase without anyone but the medical profession

So very true. When we had our over the phone clinic interview, we were told that we could access counselling over the phone since we lived quite a distance from the clinic, we could also access their library, plus the usual nurse you have. She told us any books we wanted to borrow or questions we had, we just had to ring her.
Such personalised 'service'. Then you find out you're pregnant, and all of a sudden you are alright to go and find the mythical person you've heard about but never seen, called an OB lol.

You go from having all this support available, to nothing

[scooby]

Great thread

I will try to keep this as brief as pos, i have DS concieved 1st go and very traumatic VB with him (in another thread somewhere!) This time over 3 years to concieve with OI, IUI an ectopic pregnancy and finally IVF, i have been told CS is the best option for me as i had a very bad 3rd degree tear with imense problems for the year after (and some ungoing issues) as well as having a very short perinum. I have researched and done this topic to death as i really wanted a natural birth, but have pretty much decided that the risk of ending up with fecal incontinence, will sway my decision.

All that said i would love, after all the medical intervention to feel like i "CAN" give something of myself to this baby! if that makes sense, and have a VB. I definately will be breast feeding.
I may be way out of line and making a gross generalisation but i know a few women who have "elected" to have CS these women have generally been "older" I think working, corporate women may prefer CS for convenience and the "too posh to push" reasoning. Again another generalisation but these tend to be the women who have babies later and need assisstance in the form of IVF etc. I realise some women may want to fry me for these comments, but i am only speaking from my own personal experience and maybe a partial reason for sushee's dilema.

It interesting too the "left to flounder" points made, i was just talking about that the other day as i dont believe ACers are any different to first time mums, we go to antenatal classes and you basically get taught about the different medical interventions. The whole system needs a shake up we need to learn the "real" way to give birth and lets be honest unless you hunt the information down it is not readily available and usually at a pretty high cost.
The thing is during AC you do become so dependant on the medical system, we basically hand our bodies over and its almost heartbreaking when you hear "we dont need to see you anymore" i know after 2 years i felt totally lost.

[lilmisshavachat]

Awsome thread Sushee...

I have been TTC 22mths now and am starting AC next cycle and my biggest fear right now is falling PG with twins (not that I wouldn't love that) as the suggestion towards c/s is so much stronger.. I have spent the 20mths reading and researching as much as I can about birth and really can't wait to experience a VB for myself.. If I had my way it'd be a homebirth for me but I have too many others around me who believe an OB will do a better job birthing my baby than I will.. I hadn't noticed necessarily that it was higher in the LTTTC that thought a c/s was safer, I feel it's pg women in general. My feeling is that as a society we aren't spending any time looking into our birth choices and putting too much trust in our doctors. Maybe it appears more prevalent in LTTTC as we spend more time (years v's months) on this site discussing our views due to the amount of trouble we have conceiving where a member that has only just joined and fallen pg quickly will more likely move on and not require this site as much. (if that makes any sense). Yes we have more time to think about this and worry about the outcome but I think LTTTC as well as all women need to be given more information on why a VB is safer that a c/s.. I think it's a fact we are losing sight of.. I also agree with Bathsheba.. "The business of being born" is a must see. My opinion only and I'm loving reading everyone elses...