Do you know,. the more i read, the more i feel that the experience of the LTTTC woman is that of the "normally conceiving" woman but MANY TIMES MAGNIFIED.

I had wanted a baby for a long time, but was not ttc because XP didn't want to. When i fell it was a complete accident, but i still felt INCREDIBLY guilty for hating morning sickness. I felt under constant duress to "love and welcome" the baby because she was an accident. When she was born and XP and i split i lost EVERYTHING. And i mean EVERYTHING. My job, my home, most of my friends, my social life, my health (having her sent my thyroid down the toilet for good) EVERYTHING. At some point i remember looking at her as i BF her and thinking "this is all i have now" and feeling desolate and simultaneously that i had WANTED this, LONGED for it, and feeling incredibly guilty for that reason.

Motherhood is so difficult in our society. It is a task we must be impeccably good at and are simultaneously utterly dismissed for.

Bx