Sunbeam : So glad to know you have a great support network with your. I am sorry again, it sounds like you have some wonderful people around you..
Kirsten: That's some good positive results from your appt... I know how frustrating it can be to think one thing but be told the complete opposite by the docs... Try and stay positive for you, yours DH and your baby... I have a good feeling about this.....
eliselouise85: I'm doing well, passed my last pg milestone 7wks 1day.. DF and I are really confident... To be honest ladies, if it weren't for my partner and his support I think I'd be a wreck
dory: my personality is usually bright and bubbly I am told, however after my MC i felt it took that part away from me, now I have to think about me, this baby and my DF.... Stay positive, healthy... Whatever is going to happen will, mother nature will take her course with all of us... I just pray and hope and know that all of us with be parents to heatlhy babies whether it be with this pregnancy or the next!!
Ladies I am sending each and everyone of you my Bubbliness and Positivines!!!!!!
AFM: Ultrasound next Thursday, our first one with this pregnancy very excited!!!
This is just a quick note to update everybody on my appointment today.
Went in and usually for a first appointment they weigh you, do BP, dates etc, but when I told the midwife about the bleeding she said she would hold off on all of that until the Ob had done a scan (sort of figured that would happen). I was sure that it was all over. Had even made a list of things to do when I wasn't pregnant anymore (silly things like finish the bottle of COwboys in the fridge!)
Anyway, after a 45 minute wait we went in and told him what was going on. He had a note from the ultrasound lady (his wife) who had told me that the measurements were OK, but were actually showing 7w4d when we were actually 8w1d. So that just reinforced in my mind that it was not going to be a happy ending.
We went in and did a scan and the first thing he said was "there's a live baby". I started to cry. When I asked what it was measuring he checked and it was measuring 8w3d. Exactly where it should be! Either blobby has had a growth spurt in the last couple of days or the angle wasn't quite right when it was done on Wednesday. I broke down. I lost it. Started to sob and everything. He then looked around a found a little tear at the bottom of the placenta which is over my cervix and that was where the blood was coming from. He said there was still a lot of placenta attached to the wall and he was 87 to 90% certain we would get a healthy baby! He said since it had a growth spurt it indicated that there was little chance of a chromosomal abnormality, which I was worried about as I am 35 now and my little eggies are getting old!
He said that a couple of days of bed rest would be beneficial and might give the tear a chance to heal. I could also bleed for the next day or the next 5 months! As long as I get a healthy baby out of it I DON"T CARE how long I bleed for!
So I have a good book and a fantastic husband (who is VERY unimpressed that we can't DTD for 2 weeks after I stop bleeding- so he is hoping the bleeding stops real soon!) He is going to look after the kids and the house all weekend while I put my feet up (way up to get the pressure off my cervix) and send lots of positive vibes to my little blobby!
Have to go back in 10 days for another scan and see how everything is going, but hopefully the bleeding will stop and I can go back to a normal stress free pregnancy (if there is such a thing!)
Now I am going to go to bed and pass out. Being so worked up and worried for 2 days really does wear you out!
Kirsten i am so so so happy for you, that is the best news to come on here and see first thing. Have a lovely rest this weekend and nope no such thing as a stress free pregnancy after what weve all been through.
Yay Kirsten! I am SO SO SO SO SO happy to hear your good news. I even choked up a little for you. We all know how scary it is wen the bleeding starts and I am absolutely thrilled for you that your baby is a sticky one!!
Feeling a bit better these days. i read magnetic jewelery could help with nausea and I was willing to try anything and made two bracelets and a pendant out of magnetic hematite beads. Since I have been wearing them i have actually been feeling better. It could be complete coincidence but I won't take them off now just in case LOL I still get a bit nauseous if I'm too hungry but have been feeling better than i have in months! I hope it lasts!
I want to reply to all of your posts but I have so much housework to do I should really run, I just wanted to make sure everyone was well and that our bad news was turning good again. Talk to you all soon!
Kirsten - that is such good news! Well done. Remember to rest. My ob says there is no conclusive evidence to suggest that resting helps, but we both agree it seems logical to rest. If there is a tear, resting might give it the chance to repair, and as you said the emotional rollercoaster you've been on is totally draining. Even just having the opportunity to give yourself some time to recover emotionally, is a good thing.
That's why I have given up work, to rest as much as possible and give this pg every chance I can, both physically and emotionally. Thank god for income protection insurance. My claim hasn't been approved yet, but hopefully it will be, but even if its not, DH and I know we have made the right choice. Although DH said it was totally up to me.
Twinsis - I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday as the nausea just seemed to get on top of me, and I thought, OMG, I can't cope with this. So it's good to hear that you had some success with magnets! I don't care if its a coincidence, if you have some relief, than that's all that matters.
HPL - I am usually pretty up beat and positive too, so it is an adjustment for my own self concept to be on my pity potty. It's hard for me when I've only experienced successive losses, at different stages , to feel really positive. Obviously I feel hope, but its tinged by a fair bit of fear. I know that the idea of control is just an illusion and I can do things to give the pg the best opportunity but there are no guarantees. What will be will be. Sometimes I wish that I had a vodoo date to pass. I remember what that was like, and it's a pretty awesome feeling to have conquered it. Good to hear you have passed your voodoo date! Onwards and upwards for you!
It's inevtiable I feel down at the mo as it is the first of my "first annivesaries" for this year- on this date last year 21 Feb, I started to have the contractions that lead to the most amazing and heartbreaking moment of my life when my daughter Amelia was born on 23 Feb, just too frail to survive. I had been concentrating so much on 23 Feb I forgot until this afternoon of the events leading up to it, starting 21 Feb. Quite sobering really.
Thanks for the positive vibes, though, because they are good to get, and a reminder for me not to be so glum. Honestly, I am thankful and I feel blessed, for both my precious little ones and for this pg, it's just some days, I feel sad and lose my way a bit.
Dory: I'm dreading the 17th April to be honest with you, that is our EDD for our first baby, sadly it's my neices 4th bday as well, so i will be sad for our baby but happy for my neice
I'm not always up beat trust me on that, yesterday was an absolute shocker day, sorry to put a downer now on the thread....
My SIL i love dearly is 10 weeks pg, my Boss is 15 pg, another woman i use to be friends with is the same as me.... Now why am i not happy for these woman? Probably because all of them have never had a problem TTC, i feel so selfish and horrible that my first thought was to break down in tears, which i did.. I should feel happy that they have not had to go through what we all have, but i still felt sad..
I feel much better now of course, but am i allowed to feel frustrated, even just a little? I wish them all the luck and am happy for them now, but still feel like some woman have no problems and don't understand what a blessing and miracle it truly is to fall pg...
Ladies again, i wish everyone happiness i know sometimes we get down and pity ourselves, but we have each other and our familes to keep us level headed!!
I think we are entitled to get down sometimes. After what we have been through I think it is natural for us to grieve and mourn our loss, even if it did happen months or even years ago.
And as for other people being pregnant. I had my first mc 2 weeks after my sister was pregnant with her first. On Christmas Day she had the ultrasound pictures of her 12 week scan and was proudly showing them around. I couldn't look at her. I was so upset as it had only been 6 weeks since we had lost our own baby. After a couple of months I started to get over it and was really excited for her, but I was always reminded of what we had lost.
It is natural for us to feel a bit bitter towards those who seem to have it "easier" - easier to fall pregnant; easier more relaxed first trimester; easier pregnancy. But I would never wish for what I have been through on my worst enemy.
So grieve, cry, shout, scream if you have to. If it helps you to get through another day - do it!
HLP - oh sweetie. This journey is so tough, sometimes even when we think we've got a handle on it, something happens, and we realise we don't.
You don't have to feel happy for other people and their pg. It's ok not to be and don't beat yourself up if you don't feel happy and you have thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable. Given all you've been through, it's a normal reaction. Maybe in time it's something that will come to you, or maybe not. For some reason I don't tend to have those thoughts very often, I just get so scared for people, that they will lose their bubs, and feel the agony that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I did feel a little jealous of my nephew when he and his partner fell pregnant, but I was soon able to realise they were entitled to be happy and in fact I wanted them to be happy. Personally I was really glad to have been able to get to that point of view so quickly.
Wow - two big events on one day on 17 April. Here's a tip - do something special with your niece before her birthday and then have 17 April all to yourself. You might need it. But then if you do decide to spend some time with her on her birthday you do it on your terms because you feel up to it not because you feel obliged. On these big days, I find it best not to put too many demands on yourself. Good to have a back up plan if you are feeling robust, but if you're not? Well then you can crawl into your coccoon and just be with your memories and your feelings.
Kirsten - oh wow, that is pretty insensitive of your sister. I understand her excitement, totally, but it was just a but mis timed for you. I guess she really just didn't understand your pain and heartbreak and that her pregnancy would be a reminder of all you had lost. In a way, it would be nice to have her niaivety huh? ( how do you spell that word? I have had 4 attempts and its still wrong).
I am new to this forum and have been reading some of the posts which have helped me alot. I am currently 7 weeks pregnant (3rd pregnancy). I mc twin girls last January (at 23 weeks) and found out last week that I am carrying twins again (non-identical this time). I have had a fair bit of spotting and have been placed on bed rest for the next couple of weeks. I can't help but feel petrified with every small ache and pain I get. I find that I am getting alot of period like and back pain this time around, however I have been told that this is simply my body stretching and making room for the bubz to grow.
I have an appointment with my dr next week and hope that all goes well. I can't help but feel scared that this pregnancy will be a repeat of my last one.
Are the emotions I am feeling at the moment normal???
Mummy of 5 - oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your pain, and your fear. But they are totally normal!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hopefully coming here helps with some of your anxieties. It's good news that your twins are non identical - from a pregnancy point of view - hopefully they are also di chorionic di amniotic - or dcda - which means they each have their own amniotic sac and placenta. I remember there are more aches and twinges with a twin pregnancy and more fatigue, and more appetite ( I ate the house out of food I reckon) and more chance of spotting. But honestly if you are really worried, it is your absolute perogative to call your Dr. Don't be shy about it. if you need to call, call.
Rest up as much as you can. Bed rest can be pretty hard, so know that someone is usually lurking in here and will respond to you. You're not alone.
Each of us has to find a way to deal with the fears and anxieties. I am not saying that right now this strategy will work for you or even whether you should try it.
Mine is, every day, I try to remember that I am blessed with a pregnancy, and that this moment, this day, there is hope that it will work out. I put my hand gently on where I think my baby is, and give my baby every ounce of love that I can muster. I still get scared. I still feel sorry for myself. I still grieve my 3 precious little ones. But right now I have a gift, and I think it would be sad to think when I look back on this time, that I didn't "enjoy" the time I have with this bub in this pregnancy, irrespective of how long I have.
Have you got some good DVD's and books or craft to keep you occupied?
If you don't mind me asking, did you name your girls? If you're up to sharing I just love knowing our precious little ones by name. For me its important, but I understand if you are not up to sharing.
Take care, and good luck with getting yourself in the right head space. Hmmm, it doesn't have to be "right" just one that works for you? There is no right or wrong in this journey.
mummyof5 welcomo this thread and congratulations on your pregnancy. Im so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful angels and i wish you a H&H pregnancy this time round. It is completely normal to have those fears that your experiencing but as dory said try and enjoy every minute and dont be afraid to call your dr even if it is only for peace of mind for yourself. Dory your words are just amazing and you truly are a beautiful & strong person, i love coming in and reading your posts and taking away lots of advice from each and every one. HPL it is ok to have those feelings towards other woman who are pregnant, we wouldnt wish it on our worst enemy to go through what we have been through but it is hard to think that some people do have it so much easier and even harder when these people dont appreciate how lucky they are that it has been so easy for them.
AFM just plodding along, still cant get the fear out of my head that im going to go to the docs for my next appt only to be told your bub has stopped growing or there is no hb. I know i shouldnt be thinking like this and i should be enjoying it but its just a little hard at times. Ive had no signs or reason to think this but just cant seem to get it out of my head. I have a docs appt on wednesday and im going to get her to do an u/s just to put my mind at ease, but wednesday cant come around quick enough. Anyway enough whingeing from me, id better go and get ready for work.
Take care
Thank you for your replies, I completely agree with EL85, Dory your response was beautiful and very helpful, thank you. I was 22 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my twin girls when one of the sacks ruptured, I was in hospital for 5 days and went into labour on the morning of the fourth day at 23 weeks and 2 days. I find it very soothing to talk about my loss because I am not alone and I find it comforting to hear other people's advice. This twin pregnancy is a diachorionic diamniotic (I think that is the termonology) twin pregnancy i.e. seperate sacks, seperate placentas, I have been told that this is the safest twin pregnancy to have to fingers crossed.
Because the girls were 23 weeks I had to give birth and register their births, we ended up naming them Mikayla Hope and Gabriella Faith, because at the time eventhough we were very confused as to why God was doing this to us, we still had hope and faith that he would send them back to us one day, which ultimately he has.
I am really trying to enjoy this pregnancy and am very lucky that I have a strong support network around me, as I have a little girl who is turning two next month.
Kx
hi all! Haven't had a chance to read up yet so no idea what has been happening but...
Hayley Michelle was born 17/02/10 at 5:06AM weighing in at 9lb3oz (4.165kg) and 52cm long. Healthy and happy but doesn't like to suck so BF is causing me some dramas (not happy about this as it was so straight forward with DD1 & 2). We got home yesterday and are settling into a home time routine. My BP got dangerously high and has stayed very high since so I am still on meds and have to visit the ob weekly to get checked up and discus meds. Even got told I HAD to have pethadine during labour to try and bring the BP down as it was really really high. Anyway, no tearing, no stitches, so I feel great! Will read up over the next little while, time to try and feed bubs again
Dory - no wonder you were RAK's twice! your posts are so thoughtful and sharing.
Elise - I'm at 29wks and i still worry. If i dont feel movement for a few hours or something like that...its just that we don't have that innocence. Enjoy what you can and dont beat yourself up for feling scared...thats what in here is for p.s. did you see the photo on facebook at 24wks? I look bigger then than at 29weeks! must have been the clothes
Mof5 - I love your little girls names. I can only imagine the heartbreak you have suffered (along with Dory) as while it is still a loss my bubs were all in the first tri. It is great to read you are preg with bubs again. Enjoy the bed rest, when they are here you won't be getting any of it!
HPL - there were plenty of times I would be on the verge of tears and want to leave work last year when there seemed to be every second person pregnant (4 on the level I work on, 8 in total). Its a normal reaction. Sometimes ppl really dont think, a friend went into labour the same day I lost one bub and for her first two birthdays she would text me that it was her little girls bday. Eventually I had to ask her not to and explain that I won't forget it as it is an important date in my life. feel free to vent here, its good for that!
Kirsten - I really felt for you reading your email - I was in the same situation with my first and SIL. I was lucky though that normally she tried to be sensitive. If someone hasn't been through this type of loss they REALLY have no idea
Twin Sister - glad the nausea is eased. I was lucky in that while I did chuck - it was over by week 11.
Bonham - SO good to see you here and with such great news!
Hi to everyone I have missed
AFM: after the little scare with the HB and nearly going to emergency I scored an additional scan I'll have it on March 3 so am really looking forward to it. My belly cast kit has arrived and it is taking ALL my willpower not to do it already. Am waiting till 34wks then I will do it.
We put an offer in on 700acres and it was accepted so now we just need to go to bank and organise finance. Will be crushed if we don't get it. We are quite excited about it. It's for our 'retirement'.
I think I told everyone bout applying for my job? We'll I got first! Now I just need to wait and see if I get permanently appointed from it.
At work so I guess I should get back to it (yuck!)
Have a great Day all - enjoy your bubs...Zen is moving lots and feels like waving or something so 'hi from Zen' lol
Little Ones - welcome to your daughter Hayley - given the HBP you sound like you did a brilliant job - well done on the birth and may you and your bub come to enjoy the gift of BFing - it took me a few weeks first time round to get it sorted - my daughter has a high palate and it was fitting in an interesting fashion. I wish you both a lifetime of shared smiles and understanding silences - Congratulations!!!
Much love to you and your family
Karen van
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Wow - i don't come on for the weekend and so much to catch up on. I apologise now for no persies my brain is mush today i didn't sleep very well last night as i have another u/s booked for today. Spoke to my ob yesterday about the spotting (not much at all but still persistant, tiny bit of coloured discharge most days) and he squeezed me in for a scan at 4.30 this arvo. Nervous.....will update you all later xx
I too have been reading this thread for the last couple of weeks and just not felt ready to post, until now.
I am currently 6 weeks preg with my (hopefully) 3rd child. My first preg ended in mc nearly 6 years ago which was the most devastating thing I have ever gone through. At the same time my best friend was preg with her first and a work friend was preg with her 3rd - an unplanned preg due the same day as my baby I lost. After my mc I had to endure watching my work friend's unplanned preg unfold and the eventual delivery of her daughter. It was all so heart wrenching, so I can identify with those feelings of jealousy etc some of you were talking about. Life can be so cruel sometimes.
Fortunately DH and I went on to have 2 beautiful girls, although both pregnancies were plagued with problems early on. I bled very heavily and almost continually with both. Talk about a roller coaster. Weekly ultrasounds which I found so stressful I now even struggle to watch fake ultrasound scenes on TV shows! I find preg to be the most stressful thing.
Now I am 6 weeks along and so far, no bleeding. But am I am happy? No. I try to take comfort from the never-ending sickness, but I just cannot wait for my first scan in 2 weeks.
I send out much love to all of you and hope that things go exactly as planned. No nasty surprises.
Last edited by Maggie355; February 23rd, 2010 at 12:17 PM.
: spelling
and
to all!
I'll have it on March 3 so am really looking forward to it. My belly cast kit has arrived and it is taking ALL my willpower not to do it already. Am waiting till 34wks then I will do it.
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