Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss June 2010

[angelfish]

ashie: good luck with everything. I could not say everything better myself right now i feel like i am hiding under a rock until i am able to hold my baby in my arms. I know that i should be happy but i cant let myself get to happy or plan for the future. I feel like if i let myself get happy or plan for the future there will be no future with this baby in it.

[dory]

Reading all your posts reminded me of just how tough this journey is.... and the fear is so palpable and literally jumps off of the page.... I remember those feelings well.... the deep sense of foreboing, the misery. It does get less intense as the pregnancy progresses, or at least it did for me. It's still hard, but less intense. Having been there, relatively recently, I offer you my support, my love, and my strategy. My strategy, was to be thankful for each day I was pregnant. I couldn't always actually feel that way, but I would try, by rubbing my belly, telling bubs I believed, even if only for that moment. And I spent a lot of time here on BB sharing my feelings and also trying to avoid them by sleeping when I could. Keep as strong as you can girls. You will make it through these dark scary times.

Hoping - good luck today sweetie. Thinking of you....

Possum - just keep treading water, every moment that you can keep your head above the water is a good day. Oh, and if you can, go and hide under the covers and escape for a while....it might help.

Teagm - welcome... and congratulations on your pregnancy! As you know from both the way you feel and what other people are posting, pregnancy after loss is exceptionally challenging. Try to find any way you can to get through..... you'll find the ladies here very understanding and supportive. And we don't mind if the crazy lady comes out... here is one of the safer places for her to come out. Look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Murray - have your feet touched the ground yet or are you still walking on air? Has Samcougar popped in here yet to say hi ( She is about 4/5 weeks now.....)?

Ashie - you'll get there.....

Elise - I know it sounds like I am gushing, but I am just so excited for you.... I just love that you're over 30! it's not often in this journey that we are happy to hear that huh? I can't beleive I've made it to "3rd base" - the 3rd tri.

Audax - it is so much easier to direct when you have a "hose"......you'd think with all that POAS practice we'd be better but I have no sense of direction. Anyway, just glad you could hang on and there were no accidents.

Hiya to everyone else - Angel, SammyP, Crumpet, MillyD, Ric, Mo4, Kit.

AFM - I am excited - just about to head out to the hairdresser. Hoping that it will help me overcome my slump. I mean one way to feel good about yourself is to think you look good.... Am nervous about being out, but decided on balance I needed to do it. Fingers Crossed. Thanks for all your kind words of support.... I appreciate them.

[Hoping]

Well i had my scan and no heart beat yet, they said i am too early as the egg sack only measure around 5 1/2 weeks. So again i play the waiting game. I am a little concerned as according to my dates i should be around 6 1/2 weeks. I lost my last little bub at 5 1/2 weeks and i am really scared this little one isn't going to grow anymore too.

So they are sending me back for another scan in a couple of weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed.

[India's Mum]

Hi Hoping - I had a similar thing where I was supposed to be 7 weeks and the sac only measured 5.3 weeks. When I went back two weeks later they found an embryo with a good strong heartbeat though they said it only measured 6 weeks. I think some of these early scans are a bit confusing and can be misleading. My doctor said they can be a week out even at this stage. Hope things go smoothly in the next two weeks and you get to see your bub and a good heartbeat.

[milly5]

Hello ladies!!

Hi ashie and welcome!!

Murray cod - fab news!!!

Audax - so funny about your DH and walking into a wall!

possum magic - huge hugs. I'm hoping all is well, good news about the heartbeat, sad that you may have lossed a twin

angelfish - I'm keeping evrything crossed for you

Dory - glad to see you back, and sorry that you have been feeling low. How does your hair look? Did you get a new do?

Hi Tegam!!

to all of the ladies in the early stages - it is so hard in the beginning, I know I felt miserable the whole time, and it is unfair, because we should all be feeling happy, but instead all we feel is fear. But it does get better ladies.

Hi to all the other ladies - there's now so many of us, too many to name!!

AFM - had another ob appt today, all going well, spud's head is down and bum up so that's good. And I talked to my ob about some aspects of my birthplan, which he is really supportive of, so I am feeling quite pleased now

[Tegam]

Hi Tegam: Welcome to the thread. Great to hear your good news. I can understand why hearing about others' losses is difficult. But you have had a rough time already this year so hopefully now it is your turn for a smooth ride. How far along are you?

AFM: Saw my OB today. He had the scan report and did his own scan today. Baby looks fine but i've had quite a lot of bleeding today both before and after i saw the OB so i'm feeling miserable. I just can't believe that this much blood can have a happy ending I really want this baby but feel like i'm not destined to have it. I hate this sense of doom too. I know it doesn't help. I wish i could hide under the covers and come out in about 5 wks (with good news of course!) Sorry for 'me' rant.

Thanks for your kind words Possium, even more special seeing you yourself said that you are having a bad day. I am sorry to hear that you are bleeding! That must be very stressful, but i cant believe how common it is in early pregnancy, there are so many ladies that think the worse and then hear that heartbeat at the next visit! You are in my thoughts!

Well done for coming over Tegam! It's a good place to be... I find it pretty hard to discuss this pg with anyone who hasn't "been there" which includes MIL and SIL. It's hard.

Thanks Audax and Hi!

Reading all your posts reminded me of just how tough this journey is.... and the fear is so palpable g, the misery. It does get less intense as the pregnancy progresses, or at least it did for me. It's still hard, but less intense.

Teagm - welcome... and congratulations on your pregnancy! As you know from both the way you feel and what other people are posting, pregnancy after loss is exceptionally challenging. Try to find any way you can to get through..... you'll find the ladies here very understanding and supportive. And we don't mind if the crazy lady comes out... here is one of the safer places for her to come out. Look forward to sharing this journey with you.

AFM - I am excited - just about to head out to the hairdresser. Hoping that it will help me overcome my slump. I mean one way to feel good about yourself is to think you look good.... Am nervous about being out, but decided on balance I needed to do it. Fingers Crossed. Thanks for all your kind words of support.... I appreciate them.

Hi Dory: thanks for the welcome. Im sure you will all meet my crazy lady soon! Its nice to know there is somewhere you can just be you no matter how pretty its going to be LOL

Hope the hair dresser was as good as you hoped! Did you change styles?

Well i had my scan and no heart beat yet, they said i am too early as the egg sack only measure around 5 1/2 weeks. So again i play the waiting game. I am a little concerned as according to my dates i should be around 6 1/2 weeks. I lost my last little bub at 5 1/2 weeks and i am really scared this little one isn't going to grow anymore too.

So they are sending me back for another scan in a couple of weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Hoping: i has a scan at 5weeks 4days with this bubs to check it wasnt another ectopic. They couldnt see a heartbeat and it looked smaller for dates and i knew my days were perfect! Lets just say it was a long wait til the 8week scan that showed a perfect size baby and heartbeat! I know you are worried but hang in there!

Hi Tegam!!

to all of the ladies in the early stages - it is so hard in the beginning, I know I felt miserable the whole time, and it is unfair, because we should all be feeling happy, but instead all we feel is fear. But it does get better ladies.

AFM - had another ob appt today, all going well, spud's head is down and bum up so that's good. And I talked to my ob about some aspects of my birthplan, which he is really supportive of, so I am feeling quite pleased now

Glad that the OB is supportive of your birthplan. It must be exciting for you to be at that stage of the pregnancy!


AFM: In just one day i have become an emotional wreak! I feel weak and ashamed that i have lost all faith so easily in this little bubba. I think ill be better after my scan next week. Will be almost 13weeks and just need to see bubs happy! Lucky poor DH is away until monday night, i dont think the poor man needs to be around me when i am so emotional! LOL... Hope you are all well and thank you for the welcome.

Hey quick question, when did or will you all start to tell people you are having a baby? I have so many people close to me that were so supportive of my Ectopic at the start of the year that i feel like i am letting them down not telling them that i have fallen again. I mean people know we are trying but i just cant face talking about it just. Like if i keep it to myself it can just be my little dream... But i know there is a point that is too late to tell people, what do you all think?

[angelfish]

Dory: I hope all went well with getting your hair done.

Hoping: i am keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything goes well .

Milly5: I am happy to hear that your dr appt went well its good to hear some good news gives some hope that things can go right.

Teagam:Its hard when you get bad news or something dispaointing news not to lossing faith. Good luck with your scan next week i will be thinking of you and your little bubba and keeping my fingers crossed.

AFM: Yes i am coming out of my hiding spot under my rock. No more spotting but it only seems to happen at night the cramping comes and goes. Apart of me can't for monday when i get my u/s but apart of me does not want to go to hear bad news.
And i just want to say thankyou for making me so welcome here its been an emotioal rollercoaster and i am sure that it will be either way until its all over with then another rollercoaster. To be honest i dont have any family to turn to and my b/f is not really supportive at all he is always saying that i am going to get myself so upset that i am going to cause a misscarriage, not really what i want to hear.

[Hoping]

Thanks ladies,

its nice to know some of you have been in the same position and everything turned out well. I just hate waiting but theres not much else i can do but wait. Wouldn't it be great if ywe could do an at home ultrasound to see how little bubs are developing, it sure would take some of that stress away!

[possum magic]

Angelfish: WIll be thinking of you on Monday. Hoping for the best news. It's a shame your b/f is having trouble understanding your worry. I guess he's taken on board the popular 'myth' that you can stress yourself into a miscarriage. I don't think there is any evidence that stress causes m/c. Plenty of stresshead women go on to have healthy babies!

Tegam: It's easy for state of mind to change quickly i find- from hope to fear and back- but you are approaching a nice milestone, 2nd trimester, and the chances are in your favour that scan will go well. I think when to tell others you are pregnant is very individual. I had planned to wait until 12wks this time for most people but in the end i have told a few close friends and family because i wanted the support now that it's looking like it's going to be a bumpy ride. (It's a practical necessity too: a friend and my parents have already each taken a turn at looking after my 2 yo DD while i went to Dr's appointments). But do what feels right for you. Your friends will be delighted whenever you tell them (and the later you tell them the more they've missed the 'worrying' stage so can get even more excited for you).

Hoping: Hard not to get an answer straight away but it sounds like it was just a bit early. I hope you get some reassurance soon.

Milly5: the image of 'spud' head down bum up made me smile.

Dory: thank you so much for your support. You know as well as anyone about the fears we are going through and you express it so well. I am doing my best to take each day as it comes.

Ashie: Glad things seem to be going well. I can well understand you being on the lookout for 'twinges' though! Hope blood tests give you some reassurance.

AFM: My Dr has put me on progesterone just in case the bleeding i've had is due to low progesterone levels. (It's not something they can really test for. It's a theory and so is the treatment...no real proof it will help but he thinks it can't hurt). I had very little bleeding overnight but it started again this morning. So either the progesterone helped for a few hours... or else the pessary just served as a giant plug iykwim! Sorry if TMI but i have to try and laugh at this or i'll cry! On the positive side, little acorn is 7wks today (hope s/he get lots more anniversaries). Maybe i'll get me a ticker to cheer myself up. Hmmmm! BBL!

[angelfish]

possum magic: i am also on progesterone i don't know if the frist time that you took it you got light headed and really tired if you take it at night you can usally sleep though all the bad side effects if you eat an hour before it will actually make the light headedness worse. Or you might not have any of the side effect just hoping that i might help.

[~MummaBear~]

AFM: Yes i am coming out of my hiding spot under my rock. No more spotting but it only seems to happen at night the cramping comes and goes. Apart of me can't for monday when i get my u/s but apart of me does not want to go to hear bad news.
And i just want to say thankyou for making me so welcome here its been an emotioal rollercoaster and i am sure that it will be either way until its all over with then another rollercoaster. To be honest i dont have any family to turn to and my b/f is not really supportive at all he is always saying that i am going to get myself so upset that i am going to cause a misscarriage, not really what i want to hear.

I dont have much time to reply right now lol but i really wanted to let you know that i had 3 weeks of bleeding in this pregnancy starting at 8 weeks. the thing i thought you should know is that i was fine during the day and at 8pm ish the bleeding would start every night.
i went to Drs i went to the hospital i did everything and no one believed me. Anyway i just thought you would like to know that! and now im almost 17 weeks and havent had any bleeding since!
hang int here chick... this PAML gig is a hard road!

[angelfish]

thank you mummyof4 i felt like i am was going crazy. I dont cramp or anythng until night time. And yes my dr thinks that i am over reacting becosue of my m/c.

[dory]

Angel - sweetie - that people tell you stress will cause a miscarriage is just cruel. Maybe people who don't understand tell you things like this so that your behaviour will be more what they think it should be... whatever that is.... When people say things like that, it's about them and not you.

There are lots of different "old wives tales" out there. I don't for one minute believe that being anxious about a pregnancy is even a possible cause for miscarriage. Extreme sudden emotional duress? Maybe... I was talking to my Ob about it. He said that women who are pregnant after rape have a high rate of healthy births and that that pregnancy has one of the highest stress levels imaginable. We were talking about it after I read on a web site of a allied health professional specalising in infertility and pregnancy that "stress causes pregnancy and women who didn't listen to the practitioners advice were causing their own miscarriages". To be honest, I have never seen my obstetrician angry and he was really angry and upset by the comment. He's not just worked in white middle class Australia or in affluent countries, so he does have some experience about the impact of different stressors on pregnancy. There are lots of women who haven't experienced a miscarriage or loss who are extremely anxious in pregnancy.

Hmm.... did your Dr say that or is it an assumption you've made? I think at times people think I am over anxious too, but ultimately I am the one that has to be satisifed with the steps I take and answers I get, not anyone else. They don't walk in my shoes.... Now is a time that you need reassurance and support not for someone to be condescending. If your Dr can't provide you with the support you need think about changing.... it's a long journey and you need all the reassurance you can get, including from your Dr.

So anyway, the short of it is, don't worry that worry will cause a miscarriage and blow your boy a raspberry next time he says so.

Mo4 - it seem like yesterday that you were going through the horror of nightly bleeding and that its been almost 7 weeks since you last had to see it! It is sooooo good that you are 16 weeks now and have been so well....

Possum - you are welcome. Now you have me waiting to see your ticker...... can't wait. Is that a sneaky way of getting me to check BB over the weekend which I don't normally do? of course it's all about me .... LOL.

Hoping - hang in there chicky. Sorry that the u/s today didn't give you all the answers you'd hoped for but you did get some good news! All is looking good. Try to make the most of that wonderful news .... and then ride the rollercoaster til your next scan.

Teagm - DH & I told our parents first, as soon as we knew between 3-4 weeks. We then told family and friends who had been supportive. I hadn't planned on telling more than that, but my circumstances changed quickly with a scare at 6 weeks 6 days and time off work and then I finished work at 7/8 weeks, so it was taken out of my hands in a way, as I told people why I had time off work and why I wouldn't be coming back and then why I suddenly dropped off the social radar. Just do what you think is right for you. You have no obligation to tell anyone. If there are people you want to know but don't really want to tell yourself, enlist the help of a family member or friend to do that for you.

It's natural to want to shut people out, it's a way of protecting yourself, but people will want to share this journey with you and help you through, they do love you, you just have to give them the chance. I am trying to give more people the chance at the moment, by sharing just how hard this journey is and not letting them marginalise me, just because I am not around as much as I used to be.

Don't feel guilty about "not having faith" in this pregnancy either - that's pretty much normal. Different people find different ways to cope. If that's yours so be it. My friends daughter didn't acknoweldge her most recent pregnancy at all - she wouldn't look at the scans, wouldn't engage with the Ob, her DH had to do it, she just had a deep belief the pregnancy would not last and she would be grieving again. She just couldn't cope any other way. She's now got a beautiful little baby, whom she loves dearly. She might feel guilty at times, but that was the only way she could get through. In the end I hope for you that's not the way you find to cope, because it makes me sad for you, but this is a time to focus on what you need, not what others need or want for you. You'll get there.

Anyway, sorry I seem to have been on the soapbox today! Hope you all have a good weekend and sending you my love.

[Tegam]

Thanks Ladies you are all so wonderful! Had a busy day here and have enjoyed not having time to think! 4 Sleeps til the scan!

Thinking of you all!

[Hope.Positive.Love]

been in hiding for a while ladies...

Just wanted to comment on Teagm : when we first found out we were pg again we were terrified of losing her we didn't end up telling our parents until we were 8wks, then our brothers and sisters at 10weeks. We periodically told close friends from 14 - 16weeks... But it really depends on how you and your parents feel and when you want to tell people. Our friends and family were really supportive and weren't offended that we held off telling them until much later, our first pg we told everyone and anyone who would listen that we were expecting, so this time round we wanted to savour the moment for ourselves just in case anything did happen...

Reading the posts my heart goes out to you ladies who have been given not so great news of late.......
A huge congrats to all the new mummies....

AFM: Starting to feel the pressures of full time work and part time study as I get bigger and further along, was really hoping I could stick it out until Aug with full-time work, fingers crossed I can.. Physically bubs and I are good, but I know I need to slow down, I'm just not the type of person who knows how to, that's my biggest problem.... Seems that bubs is measuring anywhere between 27 - 29wks these days - wish they could give me a better idea of when she's due, I've had so many different dates I can't keep up, so we're just saying she'll be born in Sept sometime.... its frustrating coz i think if I finish work on the 6th Sept, she could be born that weekend which doesnt leave me much time to relax before the birth, but if i do stop then and bubs doesnt come until the 25th or something I just know I will go insane waiting for her to be born.... GGGRRRRR frustrating.....


I'll try and post more often time just seems to get away from me, I read posts all the time and then half reply but have to go off and cook dinner or shower then forget and by then my DH has usually closed the computer down lol...

BIG BELLY RUBS TO ALL!!!

[Tegam]

Thanks Hope. Positive.love! I think ill keep it to myself for a bit longer! Just feels easier that way!

[millyd]

oh my goodness my beauties for some reason I have not been receieving the emails to prompt me here I have 2.5 pages to catch up on...persies to come love and happiness and stacks of sticky vibes and snuggly bubbys all round xxxxxxx

[Alice]

Just a quick visit from me to the lovely ladies here - sending you lots of

KitFaerie - I know you are lurking...have you booked your scan yet?? Thinking of you x

Tegam!! Lovely to see your name in here after all that you went through at the beginning of the year - hugs to you!

MurryCod - are you enjoying things a little more since the scan or are those cramps still giving you grief?

Dory, Audax, Possum and all the other familiar names here - hello!!