Anyone gone off sex?

[Doula Mumma]

Just wondering if anyone else has totally gone off sex & being intimate with DH/DP?
We haven't been intimate since mid december, and even then it was a huge struggle for me. It's really statrting to cause alot of tension and problems between us.
I couldn't care less if we don't have sex or be intimate for another 6months.
Anyone else feeling the same? How do I deal with it?
Thanks,

[krisp]

I'll be interested to see the responses to this one. C'mon ladies please be honest - my marriage is almost falling apart over my lack of interest and I don't know what to do.....

[~clover~]

When I was pregnant with DD1, from about 4 months I had no interest what so ever.
I know its wierd, but I did my best to act into it on occasion.
I didn't enjoy it again til she was 4 months old.

DD2 & DS were completely different. I couldn't get enough with DD2 & DS was around normal. Don't ask me why!

[Mumma2three]

Totally gone off it here and DH is pretty annoyed I think although he doesn't say much. I can just think of nothing I'd like to be doing less!! (well there's a couple of things, including putting kids to be for hours... but i have no choice in that). I try to explain to him that when I FINALLY get a minute to myself I want it to be BY myself!!
At least if we say there are others out there in the same situation, they might not take it personally.
But I hear ya and sometimes I even get annoyed about the whole thing and think stuff it, Im growing a baby here, I deserve to choose no sex!
I just try to explain to DH how Im feeling and why. Let your DH's know that this is normal (for SOME), some go the opposite way, but don't say that!!
Im not sure what else to say because I was wondering only yesterday if it's grounds for an affair if your wife is pregnant and doesn't want sex!?

[krisp]

What about if your wife (me) isn't pregnant and the interest in sex thing has ben MIA for over 12 months? I'm just exhausted all the time, I'm up with DD 2 - 3 times a night and also have to entertain a full on and I mean FULL ON little boy during the day. I work 3 days a week and when the kids are in bed I just want peace and space! What can I do I don't want to lose my marriage - should I just simply fake it??? My DH has run out of patience and we are hardly even speaking now. I know the only reason he's still here is because he knows if he leaves I'll go home to NSW and he wouldn't want to be away from his children. Sorry to hijack this thread but there it's out now, I've been wanting to say "MY MARRIAGE IS PRETTY MUCH OVER" for a while, but it's just so scarey

[Serenitylee]

What a terrible thing to be going through. I can honestly say that I have no interest either. When it comes to bed time I just want to sleep! I work full time and also take care of horses and also am pregnant and at the end of the day it is the one thing I am not always interested in. Most of the time I will give in occasionally and that is just to make my partner happy and then he can leave me alone for another 2 weeks I am very lucky that I have a great and understanding partner so If I say no, he will not get to upset or angry. I am also not very affectionate because I really enjoy my space but occasionally I will like a cuddle and it always helps to show some affection back even though you may not be feeling like it. I try hard even though I tend to be a bit grumpy and naggy all the time.

[krisp]

I would love some affection as I love a snuggle but my DH just won't give me any "free" cuddles. He always tries to sneak a hand down my pants or under my shirt, I feel like I'm 16 all over again, I mean really, we're not teenagers! We can't go to counselling as we have no support here in Melbourne so there is know one to look after the children so I feel pretty trapped and resigned to the fact that eventually he will leave and I'll go home and my children will grow up without a full time father. I know I'm rambling and I know I'm off track and I know I've totally hijacked this thread but I'm in a very very lonely place right now.

[Toomanytoomany]

Just wondering if anyone else has totally gone off sex & being intimate with DH/DP?
We haven't been intimate since mid december, and even then it was a huge struggle for me. It's really statrting to cause alot of tension and problems between us.
I couldn't care less if we don't have sex or be intimate for another 6months.
Anyone else feeling the same? How do I deal with it?
Thanks,

I'm sorry it's causing so much tension I'll preface this by saying that I'm pretty opinionated about this

The problem isn't, imo, that you don't wish to be intimate... it's that your dh can't accept it. It's okay to go through phases of not wanting sex, whether it's the man or the woman who goes off it. And pregnancy, when your body is acting weird and you're tired and your hormones are all different, it's a perfectly natural thing to go off it. It's just a few months of frustration and there are other ways of expressing intimacy and physical closeness ... and he's presumably got two good hands

You can help your dh come to terms with it, perhaps by finding other ways of showing that you love him and find him attractive, and then using alternate methods of giving him some satisfaction. But he's a big boy, he's not going to die from lack of sex. If he can't come to terms with this, I strongly, strongly recommend some couples counselling. The issue of libido doesn't generally go away with the birth, babies have a way of getting in the way for quite some time.

No-one should ever be made to feel bad because they don't wish to have sex. And really, would he *really* want you to do it just to please him? Could he really enjoy it knowing that you didn't really want to and it was just about pleasing him? That'd be the question I'd ask him.

[BeautifulMadness]

lately yes and ive started to get bigger and its more uncomfy. My DH can be a typical male and thinks with the wrong brain on the odd occasion but usually he is very understanding and thoughtful.

Sometimes i dont wanna cuddle cause i know he will be thinking and trying to get it to lead to something more which puts me off even more. im up @ 7.30am i have to try and entertain a 2 yr old stubborn boy with too much energy., i cook,clean and also in the process of packing up to move. my Dh knows by now not to even argue with me about it
sometimes males just dont get it.

[angelaartsstudent]

I havent gone off sex as such...I want sex but my entire body has lost all sense of feeling anything except pain and discomfort when hubby touches me in any way...so that has been a total and utter turn off.

[Kailani]

Doula Mumma I am also feeling the same. I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and DP and I have dtd 3 times during the pregnancy. I just couldn't think of anything worse to do at the moment! To make it worse, the times we have dtd, it hurt so now even when I'm feeling guilty and that maybe we'll do it just as a treat for him, I get anxious of the pain so I don't go there! Even prior to being pregnant, I was very uninterested and it was more for him than anything. I'm very much like you when you mention that you couldn't care less if you didn't have sex for another 6 months! DP has cottoned on to my feelings and he is very understanding and does not pressure me at all - in fact he doesn't even bring it up. We still hug and kiss and he knows I love him and it's nothing personal (although I've even gone off kissing!) Maybe try to talk to your DH and like somebody else mentioned, get him to read these posts and hopefully he'll realise it's very common for relationships to have sex-less periods

[Chow]

Thank god! I had no idea how normal No sexy time is. I was starting to feel really bad!
I have totally no desire what so ever and i did promise DH that I would not close the "cookie jar". The last time we did it was before I knew we where pg and it really hurt, i have no idea why but it did. So since then i have just not felt like it. I know its not dangerous to have sex while pg but I have read that air going in can cause issues. In the whole process of sexy time there is usally a moment when air comes out kind of like a fluffy (sorry i know to much in) so that worries me but how do you stop that happening? DH read about the air thing too so he is a bit freaked out and is too scared even when i suggest it.

[Miss E]

I also have some pain/discomfort when having sex, not too bad, but still very uncomfortable... Is this normal when you're preg? I never had any problems beforehand....

[Melbournemumma]

Hi ladies,

I have to say that I have no interest in sex at the moment either. But fortunately for me Hubby is overseas and so it's not an issue.

Going off sex has been strange for me as I'm the more sexual one in our relationship . I love sex and I love making love to my hubby so it feels kinda weird for me that I don't want that. However, in saying that, going off sex has probably been a blessing for me bacause of hubby's absence.

When he comes back we'll see what happens. I know that at least the first day I'll want to make love to him and he'll want it too, but knowing his libido he'll probably be happy after the one time .

I guess this doesn't really help any of you who are struggling, but knowing that you aren't alone is always a reassurance.

Krisp - along with everyone else I would definately suggest counselling. Even if it's just for you at the moment. And if you can't get into a counsellor maybe you could contact a counselling hotline like Salvo Care Line or something. Just having someone to talk to may be the first big step.

Praying things work out for you

[fionas]

I've kind of experienced this from both sides. I was very up for it when I was pregnant but DP wasn't because he was scared of hurting the baby and/or the idea just freaked him out. I DID understand and didn't push him, I just said I wish he'd warned me so that it hadn't come as so much of a change (he knew he'd be like this because he was the same with his XW when she was pregnant). Even though I understood, I did feel a tad rejected so I can empathise with blokes who feel this.

When DD was born, his libido came back and mine disappeared - mostly because physically I was in a lot of pain from lingering pelvic instability which means even rolling over in bed was excruciating for the first six months and even now, still a bit uncomfortable 17 months later.

We are slowly getting there but I think these issues are very, very common judging by some of the chats we have in our Mothers Group.

I think the key is that sex is a physical expression of the love we feel for someone so when the sex disappears that person can feel unloved. So you need to keep reassuring them that they are still loved. For blokes, especially, sex can be the main way they express their love.

Krisp - DP and I go to a counselling service in Melbourne that has a creche that could look after your kids. I'm not sure if the creche is open after hours but it's definitely open in the arvos. PM me if you'd like the details.

[blayne]

OMG yes, i have lost all interest in sex!!! i feel so sorry for my partner but it soo hard to get in the mood when u have a little one kicking and squirming in there!!

[tellytubby]

Wow this thread is making me sad

I know exactly what everyone means about the lack of libido! I go to a mothers group twice a week and every mum there is in the same boat. Kinda scary really - because in the end it really does some damage to relationships.

I don't mean to give TMI, but i don't want sex. I'm not 'randy' ever. But my DH is. I try and satisify him (oh god this is embarrasing ) about once a week through a 'hand shandy', haha. It keeps him happy and it means i don't really have to do the deed.

A couple of mums and I have been wondering about the 'up the nose and away it goes' for women. Has anyone tried it??

i really want to know how it is, if it does actually make women horny??