thread: Feeling down....

  1. #1
    Melody Guest

    Feeling down....

    Ok, this is a big 'eye roller' I know but being my first time I really don't know what to think.

    I have started to feel really down in several different ways.

    I am 25 weeks & have already put on 11 kilo's, I have been around 52k for a few years & put 2k on during my IVF cycle so I was at 54k when I fell pregnant. Truthfully I have had eating disorders/problems in the past & as a result I try to be very careful with my feelings regarding this & have never restricted my food intake during this pregnancy.

    I looked at pictures of myself at 20 weeks & i was half this size! I'm getting really scared that I will never feel attractive again. Is this normal?

    I'm reading all these posts in other areas about women who are nearly in thier third trimester & have yet to put on any weight, everyone I see tells me how big I am. I feel like I have done the wrong thing in getting so big but how could I have changed that?

    Please don't think me irrational, I am fully aware that this happens differently for everyone but I am not sure how to process this in a more positive way. I am stricken with feelings of guilt even thinking about this considering how badly I have wanted this & how blessed I am to have a wonderful & healthy baby boy on the way but I am also just a person who hasn't dealt with this particular reality before & am feeling a bit fragile.

    Any advice or personal stories would be of help & reassurance to me. I feel a bit alone with it all.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Mar 2005
    Bunbury, WA

    Hey darl.. just try and stay positive..

    I think women who say they dont put on weight for pregnancy may be exaggerating it down! Some women put on 30 or 40 kgs!

    I can understand how your experience is different with a history of body image problems though.. Is there any way you can talk to a counseller or something that may help?

    My maths says your now 65kgs.. and that is not huge at all! I weigh more than that and im not preg and havent been in the past... although im not happy with my weight.. a non pregnant weight of 65 kgs would be pure heaven.. let alone a preg weight! (Just tryna make you feel positive about it hey!)...

    Maybe when people tell you that you look huge, they dont mean it bad.. or dont even think about it.. maybe you could respond with "well thats what preg women do!" and maybe they wont do it again... (itd be nice, but theyd get the msg hopefully)...

    Maybe one way to a help to support yourself is by saying to yourself things like "look how wonderfully my body is growing this baby, and storing away things for me to support it and nurture it!" know what i mean? Try to focus on nice things.. like.. o0o look at my baby belly! my babys growing in there! and.. maybe how nice your big boobs are at this point (if applies)... if your worried about your bum growing.. think of it as a throw back.. humans had to grow them to carry their babies on their backs (like apes!)...(its true!!!) lol

    Anyway.. I could prob babble for ages, but im sure you know what i mean.. try to work on making yourself feel nice.. (accessories, jewellery, paint your nails or something)... and...

    I happen to think that pregnant women are really beautiful.. and Ive seen a lot around the place (and i always look at pics on the net! lol)... growing a precious baby is extremely beautiful!

    (sorry for this novel! lol... i have probs with self-image too.. so I know how bad you may be feeling.. and wanted to try and help)..


  3. #3
    Registered User

    Mar 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    I too have had eating disorders, and up until I got pregnant, I watched everything that went in my mouth, and would go into depression if I put on an ounce. It was a huge effort to stay thin.
    I am now at 8 weeks, and I can understand how you feel because everyday at some stage I think about how I was (yes I've already put on weight) and wonder how long it will take to get back to normal, and what Im going to eat, exercise etc once I've had bub.
    This is not to say that I still have eating disorders, Im very sensible, and always treat myself when I need to, however, I think once you have had a problem, it is always at the back of your mind.
    What Im doing is enjoying being pregnant, giving myself the opportunity to eat and have fun, and for once not worry how I look (even though my partner will love how I look which is all that matters). When Im in doubt, I think I'll worry about the weight when the time comes (after bub is born).
    I totally understand what you're saying, and that you're over the moon about baby. I know for me, no one would know I feel this way, it's not something I talk about or ever voice (except to DH). Thing is, there is so much pressure on society to look good, that unfortunately a large number of women worry about weight. It's normal and I think you'll find many women do, but maybe alot won't say anything about it. Also there are women that don't worry, and that's good for them.
    But the thing is you're not alone! You'll get your body back, just don't think too much about it, it's the obsessing that will drive you crazy. If you eat well and exercise after baby you will be fine.
    After my first baby, I got a better body than before. I think it was feeding, always getting up to her, eating well and walking lots.
    Anything is possible!!
    All the best xoox

  4. #4
    Custardtart Guest

    Hi Melody,
    I second everything that Shannon just said, with the addition that if you were a little underweight to start with, then it is natural for your body to want to store some extra to support the baby 'just in case'. I'm one of the people who wrote about not having gained much weight, but DO bear in mind that I started this pregnancy 20 kg overweight! It makes a huge difference.

    The most important thing is not to compare yourself to anybody else, as in all things, you end up comparing what you consider to be your weaknesses to their strengths. There's no return in that.

    I can truly relate to how you feel, I was talking to one of my friends with anorexic leanings this week and she triggered me badly. Right now I don't want to hear about the acute stress that gaining a pound has caused her - I look like a HAYSTACK in photos, and although people tell me that I'm radiant and blooming, there's days where I just feel like politely telling them to shove it, cos I sure don't FEEL 'blooming' much of the time.

    Do yourself a favour, do the things that make you feel good, stay away from the things that make you feel bad, and treat yourself like a queen. Be reassured, you will come out of this a more complete person and you WILL be able to feel attractive again, although I won't lie to you, your body will be different after the baby and it will take some getting used to.

    I hope you don't feel alone in this, I reckon just about everyone who has ever had a baby has felt this way at some stage.


  5. #5
    Registered User

    Apr 2003
    Western Australia


    BIG hugs to you!

    Hope you are feeling better today.

    It is totally understandable that you be worried how you will look after your pregnancy. It is a journey that is different for each woman, and truly a blessing!

    I have not put on any weight so far - having said that, I was overweight before I got pregnant. I am also diabetic and on a very strict diet, and on medications that restrict the amount of weight I will gain.

    I my first pregnancy, I gained 20kg and lost all of that and a bit more. With my second pregnancy, I gained 15kg and lost all of that until I fractured my elbow and couldn't exercise, and gained some of that back.

    Even with no weight gain (per scales) I am HUGE and can totally relate to feeling large and unattractive. But, then I think of the beautiful miracle that I will meet in just a few short weeks.

    Best wishes to you, and I hope that you enjoy your pregnancy - it is all over too soon!

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    I have always been about 55-57kgs...
    When I had DD i was down to a very thin & gaunt 48kgs within 6 wks, from lacl of sleep, not looking after myself, but looking after baby...
    Eventually my weight crept back on as I began finding time to sleep, rest & eat again...

    This being my second & being about 60kgs when I fell preg, I already have gained 10kgs+ as well & almost weigh the same as when I went into labour with DD!

    I work with a lady that is taller & preg with first & she is due a month prior to me, noone can tell sjher is preg & she is devastated coz I been in matrernity clothes since 10wks & waddle all the tiome, so everyone notices, I always get told I am big, but I love the afct that i know my baby is growing nicely inside & I am giving it enough goodness & some for myself(?)...

    Then last Saturday we had a friend over preg with first & due exact same day as me, she has always been overweight, but 6 months prior to falling preg became a Gym junkie & was super fit & thin, she is now not even showing at all & is worried that something is wrong after she saw me.

    You are creating another human being wth someone that you love & no matter how hard anyone else tries they cannot EVER make the same little person that you are growing inside you..
    You should be proud that people can see you are preg & recognise the job you are doing is for the healthiness & love of your unborn baby!

    Lap it up, coz remarkably once your baby is born & your thin again, you'll miss the smiles, friendliness & acknowledgement from strangers that you get when your preg! So being bigger is better, my friends are so annoyed you can't tell, yet evevryone can with me...

    Enjoy your preg coz it'll be over all too soon!!!

    Big hugs!

  7. #7
    nicoak Guest

    i hear you loud and clear..I actually work in the weight loss industry so the pressure for me not to put on excess weight is huge.

    When people say things like "your huge" etc we need to remember that they are not saying it to hurt us, they think they are being nice!! (well most of them are) A lot of things people say to you when you are PG are totally un called for, but they do not know how this makes us feel.

    Ladies that are at their healthy weight range tend to put on the higher end of the scale due to the fact the body needs to create stores. For many women that may already be 10-20kg above their healthy weight the weight gain of pregnancy is not evident until later on.

    Good Luck!

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jul 2004
    House of the crazy cat ladies...

    Hi Melody,

    I am another one that started out being underweight when I fell pg. It wasn't because I had an eating disorder as such, but its because I was just living a very unhealthy lifestyle beforehand - smoking, among other things.
    I gave all of that up when I fell pg... and the weight PILED on. By the time I was about 14 weeks pregnant, I had already put on 14 KILOS! And by the time I was 9 months pregnant, I was up at 97KG... and I started out well under 60kg... so that is around a 40kg gain! #-o
    So please, please do not be worried about the weight you are putting on. It sounds perfectly normal and healthy to me. Also it sounds like you are eating really well, which is great.
    My problem was that I more than doubled my food intake, and combined with quitting smoking etc, its no wonder my body ballooned. Also because I had starved my body of nutrients and fat in the past, I guess that is why it held onto absolutely everything that I ate...

    Please try not to stress about it too much sweetie, 11kg is not much at all, and if you weigh 65 kg now... well, I think that is less that what a lot of us here weigh - me included (and I'm not pregnant!).
    But seriously, I do remember how easy it is to feel down about your body image when pg... please remember that you are not alone and we are all here for you if you want to chat.

  9. #9
    Melody Guest

    I just can't thank you all enough for being so supportive, caring & thoughtful.

    As you can understand, it is one thing to talk to DH about this & have him say "But you look so beautiful honey" (which is lovely to hear) but it is another to actually discuss it with women who have experienced this. I truly believe that this is such a distinctly feminine experience that there has to be real credit paid to that.

    I guess to me 65k just represents an overweight, unhappy teenager that had everything in her life going wrong. When I stepped on the scales & saw that little neon number flashing it was just enough to tip all the feelings I have been having into overdrive.... although this is the happiest & worthiest cause imaginable once an 'anorexic' always an anorexic.

    I take my hat of to each an every one of you that has gone through this process before & is currently experiencing it now with a clear head. Your words just make so much sense to me.... the last thing I want is to be jumped on & told not to be silly so it is nice to hear such well rounded advice.

    I guess I even get scared about what will happen when the baby is born, thinking I will turn into a dieting excercising monster (how will I have the strength to say goodbye to crusty bread & potatoes? ), but also understanding that I have only ever known what it is to be the centre of my own world & that notion will dissapear the moment I meet my little man.

    Thanks so much, you have given me valuable & much needed perspective =D>

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Apr 2003
    Western Australia

    You are SOOOOO welcome Melody!

    Bet you can't wait to meet your little baby!!!

    Best wishes

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jan 2005
    Down by the ocean

    Hi Melody!

    When I conceived Mason I was 48kg. I've never had an eating disorder, just always been the "skinny one".
    I put on 18kg through my PG and *checks my OB record* at 27 weeks had put on 12kgs and was 66kg at full term.
    I found it hard to imagine how I was ever going to lose the weight I'd put on. It took 12mths to get back into my old jeans, I wore them at Mason's 1st b'day party.
    I was already PG with Angus and with that PG put on 16kg which has mostly come off again with a bit more work.
    I think eating sensibly and breastfeeding helped it come off. I really noticed my pants get looser after they'd had a growth spurt.

    Don't think of the how big are you comments as talking about being fat, they are commenting on your beautiful blossoming belly. Just rub it and say I know. :bellyrub:

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Mar 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    One more thing, when I had my daugther it was the FIRST time in my life that I didn't care how I was going to look, I was just so excited to have my baby. That was when I lost weight and became thinner than I'd ever been. I put that down to the power of the mind. As soon as I let go, the weight went.
    Anyway, we are so lucky to be meeting our little person at the end and as long as the baby is healthy that is all that matters! xoxo

  13. #13
    Melody Guest

    Anyway, we are so lucky to be meeting our little person at the end and as long as the baby is healthy that is all that matters! xoxo
    That will be my thought for the day

    I was watching a documentry on childbirth today & the narrator said "The final three months of a womans pregnancy push the female body to the very limit of human capability& endurance" & I just thought "Bugger!"