thread: To find out or not find out ????

  1. #19
    Registered User

    Jun 2007

    Congratulations Meadsie on your pregnancy - it is just a wonderful and exciting time awaiting the arrival of your baby

    My vote is not to find out - I had my first baby a few months ago and it was the most wonderful thing to hold him in my arms and see him for the first time just after being told "its a boy" by my husband (DH was absolutely beaming)

    The decision is yours and your DH but I think it is just the most wonderful thing not to know - oh the guessing and theories from family and friends on what you are having is so much fun. The anticipation is just so much fun.

    If you are unsure by the time your scan is due - you could always have the scan technician write the sex down and put it in an envelope and you and your DH can leave it unopened or choose to open the envelope somewhere special alone together.

    But truly my advice is to wait - it is just the best moment ever in your life IMO.

    Best of Luck
    Last edited by Nelle; May 2nd, 2009 at 10:01 PM.

  2. #20
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld

    We found out with DS because I wanted to know if I got a girl first up (I wanted a girl - got a boy) so I think knowing that helped and prepared me for reality.

    We tried to find out with DD but we couldn't until my 36 week scan and my OB told us that she was a girl.

    We're not finding out this time incase I don't get the birth that I want, I can still have a surprise at the end of it to make it just a little bit sweeter.

  3. #21
    Registered User

    Sep 2008
    South West Sydney, NSW

    DP and I both wanted a surprise... for me it was a matter of not having the opportunity for many surprises in my life - I love surprises but am such a typical virgo that I have to be in control of so many things that I probably don't give people an opportunity to surprise me but this is one time that I can have that surprise and better yet I get to plan to have a surprise (yes the sick and twisted controlling part of me still gets its fix!)

    We had our scan yesterday and I was so anxious that bubs would flash us and the surprise would be over but bubs cooperated and we have no idea what it is other than a human... both DP and I walked out of the scan and admitted that we had been trying to look for hints just so we could know but we didn't get any and we are both really happy with that - though we would love to know I think it will be great when bubs is born and DP can tell me - we have had a xxx.

  4. #22
    Registered User

    Sep 2008
    Croydon, Victoria

    We found out with our first 2 babies, only becasue we could! This will be our last baby and I really dont want to find out becasue I just want that "push! push! It's a ........!!". Hubby wants to find out cause he wants to be organized and thinks he can keep it a secret from me and everyone I told him either we both find out or neither of us do, so I will get my way!

    Good Luck with your decision!

  5. #23
    Registered User

    Nov 2008

    Oh this is such a personal decision - and it can be quite a tough one at that! One thing I did hear recently which I thought was a really good point is regardless of when you find out (ie at the scan or after you deliver), you really do get a suprise either way but you just find out a bit earlier with one of the options!

    We easily decided on a suprise at the end of the labour though. My sister found out with both her boys and it took the fun out of it in a way - that is just my personal opinion though.

    I'm a super organised person but I don't believe that I need to know to be organised for our baby's arrival. The nursery is neutral (but that is what we wanted anyway) and we're buying neutral clothing to get us by in the beginning as I know we'll get heaps of little clothes when bubs arrives and my mum will be most happy to hit the shops and buy up big once her grandchild is here.

    Another thing that made my decision easy is if I knew the sex, I'd go OVERBOARD on buying clothes so it was the safest option for our credit cards if I didn't know.

    We also love all the guessing that is going on (and all the old wives tales I hear about my skin, my hair growth, the size of my belly, my eating habbits, etc) and most of all, I will love to hear those precious words, hopefully from my husbands mouth, when our baby finally arrives: 'it's a......'

    Have fun making the decision!

  6. #24
    Registered User

    Nov 2007
    Off with the fairies.

    With our first, I didn't mind if we found out or not but DP was so keen to find out so we did. We only told a couple of close people so it was still a surprise for the rest. I'm actually glad we found out though. Then with DS2 we were both dying to find out.

    Congrats on your pregnancy. Good luck with whatever you decide.

  7. #25
    Registered User

    Sep 2008
    City of the swinging pig WA

    For our 4th we swayed for a boy so we just had to find out if all the tricks worked. Swaying didnt work for us .We were ecstatic to find out we were having another healthy princess though.
    congrats and Good luck with you pregnancy

  8. #26
    Registered User

    Nov 2006

    One thing I did hear recently which I thought was a really good point is regardless of when you find out (ie at the scan or after you deliver), you really do get a suprise either way but you just find out a bit earlier with one of the options!

    I agree with that totally - of course it will be a surprise just at diff times! My reason for not finding out with either is more beacuse of others. I want people to be surprised too and not expect a particular baby. Now I know of course that you don't have to tell people but once I know I would find it hard not to let it slip.

    I actually dislike knowing when other sare having a particular sex and then what they are going to name it. And then if they are having planned C/S then NOTHIGN is a surprise!

    I also like the anticipation of the whole pregnancy and not knowing. Good luck with your decision!

  9. #27
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Northern Beaches Sydney

    Thanks ladies - loved all the replies and the reasons - haven't made up our minds yet maybe we'll decide on the morning of the next ultra sound ...... will let you know in two weeks what happens ................. ohhhhh decisions decisions

  10. #28
    Registered User

    Sep 2008

    I just thought I'd but in my two cents. I am due in three days with our first and we did not find out. I am 34 and DH is 41 so it may be our only too. I could have been swayed to find out but DH was so strict with not finding out. Becoming pregnant was such a lovely suprise and the whole experience has been wonderful so I'm very happy that we didn't - I can't wait to meet either my son or my daughter very soon. I feel that we are so lucky anyway that it simply doesn't matter - health is what matters the most.
    I am also a highly organised person but really every nursery is beautiful whether it is gender specific or not. And forget about buying clothes - you get so so so so many things as gifts and some of our cutest gifts are jumpsuits with stars on them or one even has guitars - easily for a boy or a girl! Also - a girlfriend told me that for her not knowing really helped with that final push! LOL! Either way - your decision but nine months on - I'm glad we didn't!

  11. #29
    Registered User

    Jul 2006

    For my 1st i never found out and i loved having a surprise bub!

  12. #30
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Indiana, USA

    Have fun making your decision...and either way...you'll have lots of surprises once your bundle arrives...babies have a tendency for delivering many surprises as they grow up...heck my kiddos STILL surprise me almost daily...you never know what they might say or do and I love it!

    That being said I did not find out with my 1st BUT was dying to know with the 2nd...really could have went either way with this one but DH just HAD to know...

  13. #31
    Registered User

    Dec 2008

    We weren't going to find out - right up until the night before the ultrasound and then we both caved in and found out. At first I thought I was just doing it because hubby all of a sudden, last minute decided he wanted to know and was worried it may ruin things a little for me. However I'm so glad we found out - it has really helped with bonding , this may sound weird but it seemed to make the pregnancy more real for both of us, like the baby all of a sudden had a personality. Good luck with your decision, either way i don't think you could be disappointed.

  14. #32
    Registered User

    Oct 2008

    There was never any question that I would find out. My DH wasn't sure he wanted to know but basically if I knew, he'd know as I'm terrible at keeping secrets!!
    It's not really a case of having more reasons to find out vs not find out. I always knew I'd find out when the time came, I think it's a very personal choice.
    That being said I can tell you the reasons I'm happy with my decision
    First obviously is the fact that I can call the baby 'him' instead of 'it'.
    I hate not knowing whats going on. I like knowing I'm having a son & am able to prepare myself for that.
    Like Penkee said DH & I are bonding with our son. NOT that you can't bond if the sex is a surprise. Just in our case we talk about what kind of things we'll do with him, what we want for him in life & what kind of boy/man he might become etc. Again I know everyone does this but we really like the fact that it's 'boy focused' for us.
    I'm enjoying shopping for him while we have 2 incomes & I have the time. I love picking out little boy outfits for him & I don't want to have to rely on gifts.
    My family is crafty & want to make things for the baby, easier if they also know the sex.
    I think that's basically it. I do have to say that I HATE justifying myself to other people when they ask if I know what I'm having. Because they always say "Oh you're ruining the surprise". I always tell them that I'm still having a baby & everything everyday will be a surprise to us.

  15. #33
    Registered User
    Add NaeNae on Facebook

    Sep 2007
    South Gippsland

    We tried to find out at the 20 week scan with Nikita but the sonographer couldn't give us a straight answer because the cord was in the way. We both felt from early on that it would be a girl.

    This one - because I will be through so many scans I am sure sooner or later we will see something or nothing. I liked knowing the sex so Icould prepare but now seeing that I don't care what we have so long as it bakes for 40 weeks I am not sure I will find out if we get a choice.

    Still - I do like to micro manage everything so I think that part may take over eventually and I will find out

  16. #34
    Registered User
    Add ElleJay on Facebook Follow ElleJay On Twitter

    Jun 2007
    Western Australia

    This is EXACTLY the same as us... Though we've already decided we're finding out, when I tell people at work we are, they're always saying 'Why find out?! It'll just spoil everything and you won't be too "into it" on the day!' We're happy to find out, for sure, but I would be fine with the fact that if bub was too stubborn or shy and we had to wait, I'd be ok with it too.
    We've just built a house and will be moving into it sometime in the near future (when we get our darn keys!) and DH and I wanna start organising the house for bub - we'd decided on painting everything creamy white, but when we say organise things, we're talking bout colors for the cot, the toys, a few clothes, just all around stuff like that and all the safeguarding of stuff

    In the end, it's yours (and DHs) choice and yours only and whatever you say goes
    Last edited by ElleJay; April 30th, 2009 at 06:55 AM.

  17. #35
    Registered User
    Add Stevie on Facebook

    Apr 2009
    Sunshine Coast

    we're finding out. i really wouldnt have minded waiting i was easy either way, but DH wants to know very badly. mostly because he really REALLy wants a boy first and i think if we find out and its a girl, he has plenty of time to accept it, i know that sound really bad, and he told me he would be happy either way like me, but he just said that a son is something he is really looking forward to having first.
    and i agree with all the ladies that mentioned the bonding part, at the moment i am calling him/her "my bean" it will be good to be able to say "my little man" or " my little missy" we have picked out one name so far that we like but i dont want to go calling him that (if its a boy, as we cant think of any girls names that we BOTH like lol) coz what if after we've had the baby we look at them and go "you dont look like a.." so i wont be doign any name calling until they're in my arms
    but each to their own, i can see both sides as to why or why not to find out. but im impatient and when DH said he's like to find out i was like "sweeet"

  18. #36
    Registered User
    Add krysalyss on Facebook

    Feb 2007
    on the move.....

    We found out. Firstly I don't think it makes it any less of a surprise. Its just that we were surprised at 19 weeks instead of 40 weeks. There is a lot ot still be surprised at when they actually arrive (eg. whose nose do they have? How long are they?). Plus knowing the sex made the journey nicer for us. Knowing who it was inside of me. There isn't a right or wrong answer for this one. Just what you want.