To find out or not find out ????

[tk1999]

DP and I both wanted a surprise... for me it was a matter of not having the opportunity for many surprises in my life - I love surprises but am such a typical virgo that I have to be in control of so many things that I probably don't give people an opportunity to surprise me but this is one time that I can have that surprise and better yet I get to plan to have a surprise (yes the sick and twisted controlling part of me still gets its fix!)

We had our scan yesterday and I was so anxious that bubs would flash us and the surprise would be over but bubs cooperated and we have no idea what it is other than a human... both DP and I walked out of the scan and admitted that we had been trying to look for hints just so we could know but we didn't get any and we are both really happy with that - though we would love to know I think it will be great when bubs is born and DP can tell me - we have had a xxx.

[Now we're 3]

Thanks ladies - loved all the replies and the reasons - haven't made up our minds yet maybe we'll decide on the morning of the next ultra sound ...... will let you know in two weeks what happens ................. ohhhhh decisions decisions

[roses]

I just thought I'd but in my two cents. I am due in three days with our first and we did not find out. I am 34 and DH is 41 so it may be our only too. I could have been swayed to find out but DH was so strict with not finding out. Becoming pregnant was such a lovely suprise and the whole experience has been wonderful so I'm very happy that we didn't - I can't wait to meet either my son or my daughter very soon. I feel that we are so lucky anyway that it simply doesn't matter - health is what matters the most.
I am also a highly organised person but really every nursery is beautiful whether it is gender specific or not. And forget about buying clothes - you get so so so so many things as gifts and some of our cutest gifts are jumpsuits with stars on them or one even has guitars - easily for a boy or a girl! Also - a girlfriend told me that for her not knowing really helped with that final push! LOL! Either way - your decision but nine months on - I'm glad we didn't!

[NaeNae]

We tried to find out at the 20 week scan with Nikita but the sonographer couldn't give us a straight answer because the cord was in the way. We both felt from early on that it would be a girl.

This one - because I will be through so many scans I am sure sooner or later we will see something or nothing. I liked knowing the sex so Icould prepare but now seeing that I don't care what we have so long as it bakes for 40 weeks I am not sure I will find out if we get a choice.

Still - I do like to micro manage everything so I think that part may take over eventually and I will find out

[Stevie]

we're finding out. i really wouldnt have minded waiting i was easy either way, but DH wants to know very badly. mostly because he really REALLy wants a boy first and i think if we find out and its a girl, he has plenty of time to accept it, i know that sound really bad, and he told me he would be happy either way like me, but he just said that a son is something he is really looking forward to having first.
and i agree with all the ladies that mentioned the bonding part, at the moment i am calling him/her "my bean" it will be good to be able to say "my little man" or " my little missy" we have picked out one name so far that we like but i dont want to go calling him that (if its a boy, as we cant think of any girls names that we BOTH like lol) coz what if after we've had the baby we look at them and go "you dont look like a.." so i wont be doign any name calling until they're in my arms
but each to their own, i can see both sides as to why or why not to find out. but im impatient and when DH said he's like to find out i was like "sweeet"

[krysalyss]

We found out. Firstly I don't think it makes it any less of a surprise. Its just that we were surprised at 19 weeks instead of 40 weeks. There is a lot ot still be surprised at when they actually arrive (eg. whose nose do they have? How long are they?). Plus knowing the sex made the journey nicer for us. Knowing who it was inside of me. There isn't a right or wrong answer for this one. Just what you want.

[Von]

Firstly congrats on your pregnancy....

I am the most impatient person there is so part of me wanted to find out what I was having but DH wanted the surprise so we waited and wow what a surprise it was just waiting for the middy or OB to say "it's a ?????" is so exciting...sure you can find out so oy know what colour to buy but it is just so easy to buy neatrul coloured bonds suits which is what my kids lived in for the first few months anyway and then add colour after you find out so much more fun buying stuff with a little person in mind who is sleeping quitly in the pram along side yo at the shops....

With my 2nd samething my impatients tried to sway me but i stayed strong and again the biggest surprise on the day when you find out what you have been feeling you kick for the past 9 months....

[Inertia]

I found out with the first 2 - didn't with the second two, and then did with the last two.

Having gone both sides of the fence - knowing what I know now and feeling how I do now, if you dont mind buying a couple of white bonds baby suits, putting the rest of the money away until baby is born and just getting neutral big things... then I'd go for the surprise. It felt more natural. I didnt notice with Angie, but with Harry I felt like I had been ripped off part of the birth experience - and no doubt will now too but I needed to be better prepared as money is tight all over and I have two other siblings expecting around the same time. One is having a boy and so we can now send Harrys baby clothes to them as we need girls stuff. Its a village thing.

But if I could have gone the surprise without pondering costs and the like....

[Fleur]

I found out with all 4 of them...
I'm surprised this time at the number of people who have said 'but why?' or who have said 'oh I guess if it was your first you would leave it be a surprise'...uh, no.
Glad to know there are more like me out there! Like the others I just had to know! to plan etc, (and I'm totally with BloominRoses on the yellow, white & green thing).
I can't imagine not knowing... it's just not me... my sister is due 10 days before me with her 1st & she isn't finding out..
I really think it's up to you, I don't think it will matter once bub is here (and I always keep in mind that the scan might just be wrong!)

Good luck, whatever you decide

[Nai]

(and I always keep in mind that the scan might just be wrong!)

Yes this is very important! I have a friend who has been told the wrong gender TWICE - with her last 2 babies! She was told they were girls and she had boys both times. Only an amnio or cvs will give you 100% accuracy. So it is good to keep in mind.

[Liviam]

We haven't found out with either one and wouldn't have it any other way. I will never forget the look on DH's face after our DD was born and on my chest he looked at me with tears running down his cheeks and told me we had a little girl. Our gorgeous little Olivia was here. It meant the absolute world to me that he got to tell me when he did and not a stranger who just happened to be doing my 20 week ultrasound.
I understand people who need to be organised though. I'm usually like that but I was still organised and I have a full wardrobe of pink and blue. All my DH had to do was wash it. DD was only in white for the first day. We returned all the blue stuff.
I know some people think will I be disappointed if I know the sex or don't know the sex. Best of luck making the decision.

[samantha-jane]

My hubby wants to know but will respect my decision either way. Next ultrasound we can find out but I have a feeling it will spoil my pregnancy .....make it longer and not as exciting...I don't know why I feel this as the whole thing is exciting but something is telling me to just wait...

Did anyone wish they didn't find out the sex ???

[Snowy Love]

I loved having a pronoun - referring to him not it. We didn't share the name, but between DH & I we referred to him by name. So no regrets about finding out.

[AnnaBelle]

Congratulations Meadsie on your pregnancy - it is just a wonderful and exciting time awaiting the arrival of your baby

My vote is not to find out - I had my first baby a few months ago and it was the most wonderful thing to hold him in my arms and see him for the first time just after being told "its a boy" by my husband (DH was absolutely beaming)

The decision is yours and your DH but I think it is just the most wonderful thing not to know - oh the guessing and theories from family and friends on what you are having is so much fun. The anticipation is just so much fun.

If you are unsure by the time your scan is due - you could always have the scan technician write the sex down and put it in an envelope and you and your DH can leave it unopened or choose to open the envelope somewhere special alone together.

But truly my advice is to wait - it is just the best moment ever in your life IMO.

Best of Luck
Anna

[penknee]

We weren't going to find out - right up until the night before the ultrasound and then we both caved in and found out. At first I thought I was just doing it because hubby all of a sudden, last minute decided he wanted to know and was worried it may ruin things a little for me. However I'm so glad we found out - it has really helped with bonding , this may sound weird but it seemed to make the pregnancy more real for both of us, like the baby all of a sudden had a personality. Good luck with your decision, either way i don't think you could be disappointed.

[~Hestia~]

There was never any question that I would find out. My DH wasn't sure he wanted to know but basically if I knew, he'd know as I'm terrible at keeping secrets!!
It's not really a case of having more reasons to find out vs not find out. I always knew I'd find out when the time came, I think it's a very personal choice.
That being said I can tell you the reasons I'm happy with my decision
First obviously is the fact that I can call the baby 'him' instead of 'it'.
I hate not knowing whats going on. I like knowing I'm having a son & am able to prepare myself for that.
Like Penkee said DH & I are bonding with our son. NOT that you can't bond if the sex is a surprise. Just in our case we talk about what kind of things we'll do with him, what we want for him in life & what kind of boy/man he might become etc. Again I know everyone does this but we really like the fact that it's 'boy focused' for us.
I'm enjoying shopping for him while we have 2 incomes & I have the time. I love picking out little boy outfits for him & I don't want to have to rely on gifts.
My family is crafty & want to make things for the baby, easier if they also know the sex.
I think that's basically it. I do have to say that I HATE justifying myself to other people when they ask if I know what I'm having. Because they always say "Oh you're ruining the surprise". I always tell them that I'm still having a baby & everything everyday will be a surprise to us.

[ElleJay]

This is EXACTLY the same as us... Though we've already decided we're finding out, when I tell people at work we are, they're always saying 'Why find out?! It'll just spoil everything and you won't be too "into it" on the day!' We're happy to find out, for sure, but I would be fine with the fact that if bub was too stubborn or shy and we had to wait, I'd be ok with it too.
We've just built a house and will be moving into it sometime in the near future (when we get our darn keys!) and DH and I wanna start organising the house for bub - we'd decided on painting everything creamy white, but when we say organise things, we're talking bout colors for the cot, the toys, a few clothes, just all around stuff like that and all the safeguarding of stuff

In the end, it's yours (and DHs) choice and yours only and whatever you say goes

[briggsy's girl]

This is EXACTLY the same as us... Though we've already decided we're finding out, when I tell people at work we are, they're always saying 'Why find out?! It'll just spoil everything and you won't be too "into it" on the day!' We're happy to find out, for sure, but I would be fine with the fact that if bub was too stubborn or shy and we had to wait, I'd be ok with it too.


In the end, it's yours (and DHs) choice and yours only and whatever you say goes

i can't believe people think you won't be as "into it" on the day your baby arrives!! what the hell do they think you're there for - just to see if it's pink or blue?? we're going to become parents to our princess later this month and THAT is why i'm giving birth. for me, it's going to be so much easier knowing that SHE is coming. we already refer to her by name, daddy talks to her every night and we've bonded with her so much. my family know, and even my bro's kids refer to her by name - they have, for so long, been the only grandkids on my side of their family so it's good for them to know that their daddy will have his first bio niece and that they have to share my parents with a new little girl.

so yes, we found out - i'd guessed at first scan based on dates and things (assisted conception so i know when i ovulated and whn we conceived and the science behind swimmer survival) - DH had kinda wanted a boy (he's the only Mr B left in his line) and it has been great for him to bond with his princess and not have to go through gender disappointment when she arrives...