Gender Disappointment?

[Tobily]

Before I became pregnant the first time I had always pictured myself with boys. As soon as I got a positive pregnancy test though I KNEW I was having a girl. It was the strangest thing, I just knew. I was fine with it though - after a previous miscarriage our overriding concern was just getting a healthy baby. We could only ever agree on girls names - we had a whole list - but no boys names. When it was confirmed at 19 wks that she was a girl I felt quite self-satisifed actually that I already knew
I am pregnant again and this time I don't have the same "knowing" - either way - that I had with Emily. I have no gut feeling as to what this baby is and still have a few more weeks before we find out.
A boy would be nice - and I guess I could say we would like a boy if I had the choice. But after having our daughter, I certainly couldn't say that another girl would be a "disappointment" either.
This will most likely be our last, whether boy or girl.

[Mumintaz]

I already have three boys. One aged 14 from my first marriage and the other two aged 8 and almost 7 from my second marriage.

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with #4 and I am hoping with ALL of my being that it is a girl. I do of course, above all else pray that it is healthy, but my dearest wish is for the little girl I wanted two babies ago. As I am almost 40, this is my last chance for my wish to come true.

I'm telling myself over and over that it is a boy so that if that is what is revealed at my Level II scan on the 10th May, I won't be absolutely crushed. But deep down I know that I WILL grieve and mourn for what will never be.
I do know that it will pass, and once the initial grieving is done, I'll be fine and ready and raring to welcome my new bundle into the world, with no regrets other than the little twinges which I know will happen when unthinking people make comments like "oh you would have wanted a girl" or other such gems.

I know that many people don't understand how I feel, or are shocked that I can be so open and honest about my feelings but hey, if I can live with myself, that is all that matters isn't it?

Lisa

[ChrissyT]

Honestly, I have spoken to hubby about this...as we both would have preferred a boy...we were open and honest all along about how we really would love a boy.

You then feel guilty for having a preference, as so many couples have difficulty conceiving.

We are greatful and ever so thankful we could conceive, and are so excited to be having a girl...but are a little dissapointed we are not having a boy.

We admitted after the ultrasound to being dissapointed...althought we love our little girl growing inside me.

[Visitor7]

Growing up I just imagined that when I had children I'd have all boys. I never pictured myself with girls. I was always a bit tom boy'ish growing up, and my husband enjoys fiddling around with his motorbike and just being outside. So when we had our ultrasound at 18 weeks and found out we're having a girl I was completely shocked. It took me about 2 weeks to get used to the fact that it was a girl inside me and not the boy I always thought it was. (I was totally convinced we were having a boy)
But now we're over the moon and couldn't be happier, and my husband told me not long after finding out that he was hoping for a girl all along, so as long as she's healthy, that's all matters!

[ShootingStar]

Congratulations on your lil princess Emma!
Its funny when you find out what sex your baby is. We wanted a boy all along and i am so happy we are going to have a little man in our family but after finding out you always think, what if it was a girl? But then i think, well next time hopefully we'll be able to have a little girl. Are you planning on having any more children?
I think i would have been more disappointed if we found out this one was a girl.. but hey everything happens for a reason, perhaps we're having aboy to look after his little sister and in your case your having a big sister to pull her little brother into line

[~Kim~]

Kelly we need to add a couple of choices - I had/am having a xxxxand am very happy with that but would have loved either.

[smylie]

i think it is going to be a boy..... pretty sure DH would love a boy..... KNOW DH will love whichever it is....

i would love a girl i think but in my family the stigma is you have to be "lucky" to get a girl..... my aunty has two boys and her and my nana always talk behind eachothers backs about how aunty wants a girl and how nana is jealous of other oldies that have lots of granddaughters.... it is so silly
i think aunty is going to try for baby 3 - hopefully for baby 3 NOT for a girl

when i really think about it though there are heaps of boys and heaps of girls in both families so it really could go either way.

i may be a LITTLE disappointed if it is not a girl but i am not really giving myself the option of it even being a girl - that is how to avoid disappointment in my world! if it is a boy i am expecting it and that will be fab.... if it is a girl i will have to be told a dozen times and see for myself before i believe it.

i see pros and cons for both boys and girls in my life and will be delighted with whateva i have - i cant wait for either my little Jemima or my little Hunter to hold DH's little finger with his/her little hand...

[jbie]

it's not that i didn't want a son; it's that i kinda wanted a daughter..

i too was nervous and sleepless the night before the u/s.. we'd said from the start that we suspected it was a boy, i was sure it was, it "felt" like it was a boy, and i'd even dreamed of "him" one night..
(even when the sonographer hazarded at 12 weeks that it might be a girl..)
and it WAS a boy!

but then i went through what i consider to be a necessary but brief period of reconciliation with the fact that i was not having a girl.. both DH and i wanted a girl.. i had had all these images of motherhood in my mind, many of which were very gender-specific, such as tiny smocked sundresses, me passing my designer shoes to her when she grew up, sitting on the couch knitting together with my daughter (her with big chunky kid-suitable knitting needles) - this last image caused me to burst into tears 20 mins after we'd left the sonographer's, as i was driving with DH to breakfast.. silly, i know.

but DH found that he was "over the moon" to be having a son.. and i am aware that what i want more than anything is a baby, a healthy live one..

and i'm more than reconciled to having a baby boy now, a son.. i've reconfigured my imaginings to all the things i can do with a boy; considering the kind of relationship only a mother and son can have; realising that shopping is still very possible and fun with a boy (i made a list of things one can shop for, for a boy)

and perhaps now i'll consider more seriously having 2 or even 3 children in all, to have a daughter in the mix, instead of a single child. maybe..

the grandparents couldn't be more delighted.. DH was a big event when he arrived, being the first grandchild and only son of an only son (his dad, my FIL), so DS will be the 3rd only-son in a row.. it's a very big deal in their family.

[stretch]

My husband was quite set on a girl, and now we know he's a boy I think he feels disappointed, although he's trying not to. I think he feels he will have to behave differently with the baby, and not be as snuggly/sooky as he wanted to be and thought he would be with a girl. I'm not sure what I can do to help him come to terms with it and to know that baby boys need snuggling just as much as girls.

[Chantelle]

we just found were having a boy - again, Due end of Jan/ Early feb we were really disappointed all my cravings, morning sickness old wives tales everything tells us it's a girl like so many people these days I hope my sonographer is wrong. The hard thing is even though they say its a boy it doesnt feel right. Some people say mothers instinct overcomes it all but Im not feeling boy. I even get a boot in the ribs everytime I say to someone its a boy. I suppose Ill know for sure in a few months.

[jemima]

this is my first post so i hope i am doing it correctly. I feel very guilty doing this, but as the mother of two adorable boys i just cant get rid of the yearning for a girl. I wouldnt change my two babies for anything, but the pain of not havinga girl is doing my head in. My husband and I had always said only two children and I had always thought those who tried for a specific sex were playing a dangerous game where the disappointment of not getting the sex they want would be huge, but now I can understand why people do try. (although my husband and I are still saying two is our limit - although I think I am harbouring a desire to try again, but my husband wont - especially after our youngest was a rather unsettled baby.) My husband doesnt understand (although he does listen to me talk about my feelings) and I dont feel I can talk to anyone else about it as it makes me seem horrible. Before I got pregnant I had always pictured myself with a daughter - ballet, pink clothes etc. Now I have lots of trucks, fire engines and cars, which I love and as I said earlier wouldnt change, but I still cant get my feelings of wanting a girl out of my head. I often have people ask "so are you going to try again for a girl" which I hate, and I put on a huge smile and say no way I am very very happy with two boys. Which I am, but I still want a girl. I know i am rambling, but it helps talking about these things. I feel such an ache when I hear that a friend has had a girl baby - I am so happy for them but feel a sense of loss for the girl I dont have. I just want to get rid of these feelings. is there anyone out there who has experienced the same feelings and if so how did you deal with them?

[Trish]

Jemima, I know very clearly the feeling you are talking of. And unless you have or are in that situation I think no one can truely understand how you are feeling.

I had my first son nearly 15 years ago, my second 12 and my third 4 years ago. Each time I desperately wanted a littel girl. Only each time did I desire a little girl more that the pregnancy before it. I did not find out gender with my first 2 son's - not through not wanting to, they just couldn't see. With my 3rd I was determined. I "needed" to know, I needed to prepare myself. My heart dropped briefly when the lady told me I was having another boy. But, this was MY baby and I loved him with all of my heart, regardless of his sex. I would have died for this baby in a split second. I had lots of people ask me "that" questions too. I just told them this was my try for a girl !!!

Noah was going to be my last baby. I just could not shake that yearning, that desire, an almost need to have my daughter. I wanted the pink clothes, the pretty little girl, the adoring looks peole give little girls. I wanted to be best friends with her, hold her hand when she gives birth to her babies, help her get into her wedding dress. It wasn't just about the cuteness of it all, it was of a whole future that would be different with a daughter.

I made sure that I timed our bding to those favourable for a little girl and held my breath until my 19 week scan, I had another one a week later. As I lay on that table I was so scared and nervous to ask, but when she spoke those word's to me, I will never forget them. I burst into tears and was crying uncontrolably. I was going to be a mum to a baby girl.... I have tears in my eyes now as I write this. Yes she is all that and more.

What ever you decide to do, know that you are not alone. I know your feelings only too well. I decided that I could not go through life without having one more try. If Tehya had've been a girl, would I go again ????? I'd like to say no, but I don't believe myself.

[EllyBoo72]

I couldnt care less what gender I had, as long as the baby was healthy! I love that I have a little boy, and will be more than happy to have another litlle boy! It's funny, I certainly dont have any preferences at all, but I cant see myself with a little girl? So wierd.....maybe it means I prefer boys?

[Lil_Aussie]

Well, as some of you might know, I have already got 3 boys. I have only had one daughter, whom was 2nd born, but was lost at 30weeks gestation.
We have tried all the diets and timing, but ended up with another 2 boys after losing her.
This time, We timed it perfect, ate only dairy based things, even the silly ring over the belly, and the chinese gender prediction said we were having a little girl.
We both convinced ourselves we were having a girl finally. DH has 4 sisters, so though we might just get lucky this time. So when I had the US (DH was looking after the other boys so didnt come in), and the sonographer asked "do you really want to know the sex?" I said yes,,,,he then let me know that he cant very often at all guarentee a sex of a baby,,,but ours he could. Another boy. He then zoomed in on his little bits,,,and there is no mistaking it!!!!
I am not as dissapointed as I thought I would be, and can really see how this makes things alot easier as to buying things etc, and in the future sorting out who gets what bedrooms etc,,,,,but still have that desire to have what was taken from me IYKWIM??
DH is quite down some days, and has actually told me that he is soo sorry,,,I asked why, and his reply was that he had let me down again. I have had talks with him that there is nothing in the world to be sorry for, but I know deep down, he too deeply misses out little girl.
This baby is very much loved, so please dont think that we arent happy to be having a boy, nothing will ever change the love we already have for this baby, but I think if you have lost a baby of one gender, and have only been able to conceive the opposite gender after several tries there is bound to be some sadness deep down. This is also our last pregnancy as i am having a tubal ligation at the caesarean, so it kind of makes it "final", and a bit harder than if we were goig on to have even more. But I just cant rationalize having yet another baby in hopes of it being a girl.

[jemima]

it does help to hear from others who have experienced similar feelings. I worry that these feelings will never go away and I hate feeling like this. I think the fact that my husband and I have always said we were only going to have two children has made it harder to deal with this issue. I guess when we made that decision I always thought that one of our two children would be a girl. I think I silly things like I wont be able to give my engagement ring and jewellery to a daughter, my husband tells me I will probably have two daughter in laws and although he is right, it wont be the same, and the wedding day thing gets to me as does not having a daughter to experience her pregnancy and childbirth with. How crazy!! But I do want to make it really really clear that I would never ever change my two boys and would do absolutely anything for them and I love them dearly. Well done Trish it makes me really happy that you have your little girl.

[Trish]

Thank you Jemima. I think alot of people over see just how hard it can be when you have these feelings. Yes, we should be and are grateful to have happy and healthy children, but is it so wrong for wanting atlest one of the other gender ?? I too love all of my boys with all of my heart, there is nothing that I would not do for any of them.

Hopefully they pick out lovely DIL'S for me to enjoy also. I hope to have a fantastic relationship with these girl's too. But a mother daughter relationship is different to that with your DIL I would imagine.

BTW, IKWYM about the engagement ring too. How do you pick whn it come to handing it out to your sons.

[Phteven]

I'm so lame when it comes to the jewellry thing. I've decided that rather than hand it over to a DIL I'll give it to any grand-daughters I might have. It sounds so dumb but I'd be shattered if I gave my jewellry to a DIL and she ended up divorcing my son.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I really don't get why everyone wants girls. They're hormonal, moody, b*tchy, have stupid fights with their girlfriends so spend hours sobbing about it, run up your phone bill, wear next to nothing when going out from the age of 11, are taught they're worthless aside from their looks, which are never good enough, their dads think it's OK to have nothing to do with them when they're small (or full-grown in some cases) are beaten up, raped, told they do everything wrong, are "too young" for babies under 30 and "too old" over... being a girl sucks big time.

At least boys are straightforward. I'll happily have all the boys! If I have a DiL as wonderful as me I'll be very happy and these girls will be my daughters: they are my son's family, so they're my family. And I hope to have lots of grandchildren and great-grandchildren to whom I can give any heirlooms I may wish to give away - same for any daughters I have, I'd rather pass things down 2-3 generations rather than just the one!

Having said that, I wouldn't be unhappy if I had a girl, I just think that being a girl is a really cr@ppy thing to wish on anyone.