Thankyou for your kind words ttcno2 and Melbo. It makes me feel even worse that I can feel this way about my son when I already have a daughter. I know there are so many out there who have not had and may not have a daughter at all and so desparately want one.

Your link worked fine ttcno2. I had actually already found that site (I relentlessly tracked down everything I could on GD over the weekend!). It was of help to me too.

My friend who has a girl already and is having no 2 in March came over today. She doesn't know what gender no 2 is. She was so supportive and not judgmental at all. I even felt comfortable enough to say that I didn't know if I'd deal with it very well to start with if she has another girl. She seemed to understand. She wasn't judgmental at all.

I will have to do some boy shopping when I feel stronger. Right now I'm just not up to it. Every shop you go into is so overrun with the most gorgeous little girl things. And it's not the 'things' that are so devastating but what they represent.

I can't even bear to go onto the parenting site I normally spend alot of time on because I am obsessed with all the member's signatures and get a stab every time I see one with 2 or more girls. I really am messed up at present. We went to the park yesterday and I was watching all the other parents and kids, seeing 'who had what'. When I spotted some families with 2 little girls, it was awful.

Anway, I am back on anti-depressants for now (I have had clinical depression and PND, and this whole situation has just pushed me over the edge). I see my psychologist (who I have been seeing due to my separation) tomorrow.

Thank you all again. Thank heavens for a safe place like this where I can be truly honest about how I feel.