I found out with both my girls but DH didn't want to know either time. The first time he didn't know I knew, but the second time he did. Most people respected my choice not to tell them - I certainly wasn't going to tell anyone before my DH found out except for my Mum, and that was with his blessing. DH's family the second time were very painful - constantly hassling me to just tell them and that they wouldn't tell DH. Got pretty uncomfortable cos it got beyond a joke - they seriously didn't understand why I wouldn't tell them. Our girls both had a male pregnancy name - obviously given before we knew what gender - that had special meaning to us so I found it easy to refer to either by that name and always as he or him.

I think these days that so many people find out that its a pretty standard question to ask. People should respect your decision though if you say yep, we found out but you've got until the birth announcement to find out.