Are you telling people the gender?

[MummaSue]

This is something I am struggling with right now. I'm not sure if I want to find out the sex of the baby, but DH definitely does.

The thing is, I know that when they ask me if I want to know the sex, I'm not going to be able to say no.

Because this was an IVF pregnancy, it wasn't exactly a surprise so I think that we are going to keep the gender to ourselves and just tell people that we didn't find out. I have no issues with telling a white lie about that.

The good thing is, my family is all back home in Scotland so I won't have any awkward conversations with anyone about that and won't have to lie to anyone's faces. My mum keeps asking if I'm going to "find out what it is" and I keep telling her I know what it is - A BABY!!

Sue x

[rhyb]

I have found out both pregnancies and have told people both times. Everyones annoyed with me this time cz Ive kept my name choices secret this time when I told them with DS as soon as I had made my mind up

[Curly]

Yes, we find out every time but only tell people if they ask. Some people don't want to know so we double check...and because these things aren't 100% we try to avoid talking in gender specific terms all the time.

I always find it a bit annoying when people say "we know the sex but we aren't telling" - for me, it always seems to come across as a bit "I've a got a secret and I'm not telling you", I would much rather be told a white lie and have them say they don't know.

The one thing that is non-negotiable for us is talking about names. We don't announce the names after the baby is born because then everyone says "oh that's nice" no matter what. Beforehand, people always seem to think they can say "oh I don't like that" so we don't even discuss shortlisted names, because we like to get a look at the baby and be sure of the name before we make it public.

If you do decided to tell, don't worry about your friend, you can just explain that you hadn't decided yet if you were going to tell people...that's easily explained and very understandable.

[Crumbdad]

We decided to find out but not tell anyone. Not for any reason but that it's a bit of fun. I love people asking "do you know what it is?" nodding in the affirmative, and then not saying anything. The "it's not fair" and "you can't do that" comments are priceless!

Now to see if we can actually keep it to ourselves

[FabFiona]

We know what we are having and knew we would be hopeless on keeping it a secret so decided not to bother trying. When we were first pregnant I was uber paranoid about telling people before 12 weeks, but husband was so excited he couldn't help himself. During the 11th week I got a 'congratulations' email from a mutual friend. When I asked him how he knew, he said he had overheard husband in the (only) coffee place at work talking about it! Hopeless! Therefore I knew that once we found out gender keeping it a secret would not be an option.

However we are definitely keeping the name secret. That was our deal to ourselves and both are still going strong.

[berrme]

We had fake names that we told people if they asked. It was Balthazhar for a boy and Bathsheba for a girl. They gave up asking after that.

[*EJ*]

With DS1 we didn't know what we were having.

With DS2 we initially thought we wouldn't find out again. So prior to 20 week scan this was what we told people if they asked. Then on our way to the scan we both decided we'd find out but we'd keep it to ourselves. Most people didn't ask because they thought we weren't finding out anyway and if they did i would say we didn't find out. I didn't think of it as lying to them, we just made the choice to not tell people. In the end i told a few close friends anyway but they all kept it very quiet. Even after the birth we never let on that we knew what we were having.

We also kept our names to ourselves both times.

Knowing how i felt during pregnancy with knowing/not knowing gender & names i actually don't ask people these questions (maybe close friends or family yes). It's not because i'm rude and don't care it's because i feel it's their business. I'm happy to find out when the baby is born.

As for strangers i often told people we knew but no one else did.

I don't think i thought about pro's and con's as such, the decision to find out what we were having was for us and no one else. I suppose a con is knowing that you'll never slip up and accidently say he or she somewhere along the line

We decided to find out but not tell as it was nice just us knowing the gender of our baby.

Don't think of it as lying to people, if you make a decision with your husband to not tell the gender of your baby that's ok. Everyone will know soon enough

Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy

[Bathsheba]

We had fake names that we told people if they asked. It was Balthazhar for a boy and Bathsheba for a girl. They gave up asking after that.

ROFL well I'm quite flattered

[harleysgirl]

We have found out all 3 times, DS we didnt tell anyone at all , DD we told everyone she was a girl but held back her name and This time we havent been asked that much lol everyone knows were having another boy but hasnt asked about names so they dont ask i dont tell lol

[Majella]

With DD we knew the sex but wanted it to be a surprise for everyone, so we said "yes, we know but we want to keep it a secret". By the 9th month all anyone was asking us was "is it a boy or a girl?". My MIL, who is a midwife was poring over the US dvd for evidence, and my mum kept ringing up saying "i'm looking at blankets/I'm painting a toybox/there are sheets on special - what colour do you want??"" actually thinking that I'd say pink or blue!!!

Also, DH's Nana was dying of leukemia during the PG so DH told her a few days before she died that we were having a girl. In the last few hours of her life her whole family were around her bed and she kept saying "look after my beautiful great grand daughter when she comes". But she was so sick and on so much morphine that no one knew if she was delirious or speaking the truth, so everyone was really confused. People were asking me at the funeral if she had known the gender!!

So, because our families clearly can't stand having secrets and the suspense was too much for them to stand (and me to deal with), this time round we are doing the little white lie and saying we haven't found out, even though we know the gender 100% (CVS test). Still doesn't stop them asking everytime they call us though!

[Linzy]

Some people when they ask me if I know what I'm having give me the poops, I don't know why I guess its the ones who don't have children. One of my managers said (after I told her I was expecting a girl) 'Oh gawd I reckon I'd have a nervous breakdown if I had a girl' I just looked at her thinking 'what? what is wrong with you!?'. She has no children and isn't really interested in having them either. And can be a bit rude if I'm not feeling well at work.

But when the 'mothers' at work ask me I get a big hug, or a huge beaming smile or they get all excited. Like I do when I hear a friend has found out the sex and is expecting either.

I also have this issue with the belly rubbing. I don't mind some people doing it, but others I snap at 'My boobs have grown too, do you wanna rub them?' 'Are you going to ask me first next time or just grope whenever you see my stomach?' I don't know I just get different feelings for certain people.

Some people when they ask me what I'm having I'll say 'Yes, found out last week, it's a kitten'

But yes this time I am expecting a little pink bundle

[miamunchkin]

Haha Linzy - a kitten - good answer!

I am with you on the rubbing belly thing - it hasnlt happened to me yet, but I envisage it to be not too far away. There is one guy at work who has 4 kids and so far, her has been all over every mummy-to-be like a rash. Not only does he go in for the rub, he really gropes the belly, then starts asking about colostrum and vaginal secretions. So far, he doesn't know I'm preggers - I'm dreading him finding out!

[FunHols]

I'm too much of a planner, so we found out, and we are telling people if they are interested. I figure it's either a surprise now, or a surpise in another 20 odd weeks when TBA is born.
As for names, we're waiting to see what suits when TBA pops out!
If people are offended by you choosing not to tell them, that is their problem only!

[StephV]

Before I was pregnant I always said I didn't want to find out, when my sister was pregnant and she said "boy" it was so much more exciting buying things.

So when I was pregnant super excited to find out what it was and told everyone it was a girl. Now with this one on the way - same - its way more fun buying things.

But I agree with most - keeping the names to ourselves.

[mumintraining]

For what its worth we wanted to know with DS but we had a number of scans that said he was a boy and then a girl and so on.

I finally worked out a reply that made people laugh and move on: "Well we're fairly certain its human and probably ours, but a puppy would be great also"

This time around we found out and wanted to tell as it is clearly a girl but now everyone is all "well we will wait till its born just in case" - which is kinda upsetting too in its own way.

[surprised]

Mumintraining thanks for making me smile!

[Visitor7]

For us, it's not big deal whether other people want to know or not. DH & I always find out, if people want to know we'll tell them. If they don't want to know, we won't tell them. It's our baby, not theirs, so it's not really a big thing for them whether it's a girl or boy whereas it is for dh & I.
Well that's my opinion anyway.