Are you telling people the gender?

[FabFiona]

We know what we are having and knew we would be hopeless on keeping it a secret so decided not to bother trying. When we were first pregnant I was uber paranoid about telling people before 12 weeks, but husband was so excited he couldn't help himself. During the 11th week I got a 'congratulations' email from a mutual friend. When I asked him how he knew, he said he had overheard husband in the (only) coffee place at work talking about it! Hopeless! Therefore I knew that once we found out gender keeping it a secret would not be an option.

However we are definitely keeping the name secret. That was our deal to ourselves and both are still going strong.

[berrme]

We had fake names that we told people if they asked. It was Balthazhar for a boy and Bathsheba for a girl. They gave up asking after that.

[Jennifer13]

We found out, told everyone and then once we decided on the name, told them that too. It ended my stoopid MIL's constant comments about us having a boy and then shut her up from wanting us to use her name as our DD's name. Those weren't the only benefits - but were good! Also put a stop to all and sundry who constantly told me I must be having a boy because I carried small and all out in front.

On the plus side, when we found we were having a girl, some beautiful friends (the husband of whom we asked to be DD's godfather) sent us a dozen red roses to congratulate us on expecting a girl. It was also a huge bonus for DP, who really wanted a girl. It was like we got to celebrate both her impending arrival and then her birth.

Getting ready for her and knowing we only had to choose a girl's name (we had no end of trouble deciding!) were also pluses.

She was the first grandchild (both sides) and our first child. I don't think we could have spoiled the surprise at finally meeting her whatever we chose to do. Each to their own though!

[*EJ*]

With DS1 we didn't know what we were having.

With DS2 we initially thought we wouldn't find out again. So prior to 20 week scan this was what we told people if they asked. Then on our way to the scan we both decided we'd find out but we'd keep it to ourselves. Most people didn't ask because they thought we weren't finding out anyway and if they did i would say we didn't find out. I didn't think of it as lying to them, we just made the choice to not tell people. In the end i told a few close friends anyway but they all kept it very quiet. Even after the birth we never let on that we knew what we were having.

We also kept our names to ourselves both times.

Knowing how i felt during pregnancy with knowing/not knowing gender & names i actually don't ask people these questions (maybe close friends or family yes). It's not because i'm rude and don't care it's because i feel it's their business. I'm happy to find out when the baby is born.

As for strangers i often told people we knew but no one else did.

I don't think i thought about pro's and con's as such, the decision to find out what we were having was for us and no one else. I suppose a con is knowing that you'll never slip up and accidently say he or she somewhere along the line

We decided to find out but not tell as it was nice just us knowing the gender of our baby.

Don't think of it as lying to people, if you make a decision with your husband to not tell the gender of your baby that's ok. Everyone will know soon enough

Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy

[HollyC]

I'm in an awkward situation. We didn't find out last time and weren't going to this time. We accidentally found out due to all the genetic testing we had done. I know what XX and XY mean and it was written on some forms and a doctor mentioned it as well.

So now we know.

I was telling people that we asked not to know, which is true. But then DH told people that we know, but hasn't said what it is. I'm really not comfortable with the situation that we are now in.

It is kind of nice knowing, but it is hard to keep it a secret.

[harleysgirl]

We have found out all 3 times, DS we didnt tell anyone at all , DD we told everyone she was a girl but held back her name and This time we havent been asked that much lol everyone knows were having another boy but hasnt asked about names so they dont ask i dont tell lol

[Majella]

With DD we knew the sex but wanted it to be a surprise for everyone, so we said "yes, we know but we want to keep it a secret". By the 9th month all anyone was asking us was "is it a boy or a girl?". My MIL, who is a midwife was poring over the US dvd for evidence, and my mum kept ringing up saying "i'm looking at blankets/I'm painting a toybox/there are sheets on special - what colour do you want??"" actually thinking that I'd say pink or blue!!!

Also, DH's Nana was dying of leukemia during the PG so DH told her a few days before she died that we were having a girl. In the last few hours of her life her whole family were around her bed and she kept saying "look after my beautiful great grand daughter when she comes". But she was so sick and on so much morphine that no one knew if she was delirious or speaking the truth, so everyone was really confused. People were asking me at the funeral if she had known the gender!!

So, because our families clearly can't stand having secrets and the suspense was too much for them to stand (and me to deal with), this time round we are doing the little white lie and saying we haven't found out, even though we know the gender 100% (CVS test). Still doesn't stop them asking everytime they call us though!

[Linzy]

Some people when they ask me if I know what I'm having give me the poops, I don't know why I guess its the ones who don't have children. One of my managers said (after I told her I was expecting a girl) 'Oh gawd I reckon I'd have a nervous breakdown if I had a girl' I just looked at her thinking 'what? what is wrong with you!?'. She has no children and isn't really interested in having them either. And can be a bit rude if I'm not feeling well at work.

But when the 'mothers' at work ask me I get a big hug, or a huge beaming smile or they get all excited. Like I do when I hear a friend has found out the sex and is expecting either.

I also have this issue with the belly rubbing. I don't mind some people doing it, but others I snap at 'My boobs have grown too, do you wanna rub them?' 'Are you going to ask me first next time or just grope whenever you see my stomach?' I don't know I just get different feelings for certain people.

Some people when they ask me what I'm having I'll say 'Yes, found out last week, it's a kitten'

But yes this time I am expecting a little pink bundle

[miamunchkin]

Haha Linzy - a kitten - good answer!

I am with you on the rubbing belly thing - it hasnlt happened to me yet, but I envisage it to be not too far away. There is one guy at work who has 4 kids and so far, her has been all over every mummy-to-be like a rash. Not only does he go in for the rub, he really gropes the belly, then starts asking about colostrum and vaginal secretions. So far, he doesn't know I'm preggers - I'm dreading him finding out!

[Linzy]

Oh gawd! Really? That's a little uncomfortable! I just found out on Sunday a girl I work with is also pregnant...3 days behind me and she never told anyone! Now it makes sense why she was asking me how I cope with being tired and unpaid maternity leave.

I only have one bloke at work that rubs or pokes my belly button and a young trainee who is only 15 I don't mind these two as I work close with them and know them well.

I have to tell hubby off sometimes because he will rip my tshirt up at any god given moment to show his friends and I have to glance at my bikini line in that split second to check nothing is hanging out the top. I told him I can't trim as much or as well anymore and it's embarressing, he's got the picture now....almost lol

[De Stijl]

Yes! I told everybody who would listen when I first found out that I was having a girl even the bus driver who drove me home that day!
I think it's good because then I can plan names, furniture and clothes that way. I know some families don't want to know until the child is born but I'm not a real traditionalist myself.

[Linzy]

hehehe I have been telling everyone as well...sometimes I've told them more than once and boy do I feel stupid I say 'Oh did I? Ooops baby brain'

[greedy fly]

With DD1 and DD2 we found out and let it be known they were girls. We stayed quiet on the names though. People got cluey about what was shortlisted and had no qualms in telling us they were not the greatest names. Then with #3, DS, everyone was all, "oh, finally a boy!" 1. What? 2. Finally? He's only the 3rd! It's not like he's the first among 213 girls! and 3. So what if he was a girl instead??? I don't know anyone with 3 daughters who regrets what they ended up with! I don't know anyone in general who regrets the gender of their children, full stop. We're now having #4 who is another DS, so we have DD, DD, DS and DS. EVERYONE says, "That's nice and symmetrical. You're lucky". Sigh. We're lucky, generally, not at all because of gender. Lucky that we're blessed with a 4th so far healthy baby.

What really gets my goat is people's inflicted opinions on names. I have never once told someone the name they choose is awful, even if I do think it is. I don't have a bloody right to! Yet, so many people tell me my names are awful/bland/common/out of date, etc. I've never once asked someone what they think of the names we choose because I don't really give two hoots, yet everyone has an opinion that simply MUST be given to me.

... And don't start me on people touching my stomach! I could seriously end up in court on assault charges with the next person who touches me!

[Linzy]

Oh Gawd the name thing. I have purposely kept the name of our daughter from my father and mother in law. Everybody else knows but them. Because I couldn't put up with the smirks and eye rolls from the mother in law when we suggested boy names. Now that it's a girl she has no idea whatsoever and I'm glad cos it's killing her not knowing

[Krikkit]

we are going to tell our family, three reasons - cause my sis is preggers too, so we want to pick names and "have dibbs first" even though I am due after her and so family can buy things and cause we just want to know! lol!

[surprised]

I've given up - I just lie now!!!

We started telling ppl when they asked if we knew "yes, but we're keeping it a secret" - but then I discovered that some people don't take the hint and their next questions is "so what is it"? What part of secret do they not get? Grrr! Although I have to admit that I don't think they're trying to be rude - they're just excited. But it gets really awkward then when I dig my heels in and won't tell them. So I've decided it's much better just to tell people "it's a surprise". Technically I'm not lying, because it IS a surprise - just not to us!

And if ppl ask about names, I just laugh and say we've got some in mind, but we'll probably change our minds later (although not likely as we both really like what we've chosen).

[Cass72]

well as we already have 4 boys it is only natural that people were going to ask us and to be honest I am so pleased that I dont mind screaming it fromt he roof tops.

However number 4 was a different story. I think people almost went into mourning for us and the looks of sympathy and sadness were pretty hard to deal with.
I had a few days of it myself coming to terms with another boy but soon realised that he was healthy and that was all that mattered at the end of the day and besides we couldnt change it!
But looks comments and expressions made it alot harder so I stopped telling people in the end. I had complete strangers telling me oh its ok you can try again and I hated it.
Its up to you, If you want it to be a secret so be it. They can like it or lump it!

How can people assume you are disappointed? My FIL asked outright last night (he stayed at our place last night and couldn't help but notice that the nursery is definately made up for a boy) if we were disappointed about having a boy [DH has a son and a daughter and I have a son]. I said so what's so special about girls? How can we possibly be disappointed - he's perfect! The funniest comment was from my SIL when she said, oh you should have a girl. Um, okay, so I can just choose what gender my baby will be or can we change it at this late stage????? Go figure - people are weird!

I'm glad we aren't telling people - presuming my FIL can keep his trap shut.

UPDATE: Okay, so FIL obviously can't keep his trap shut!! DH was speaking with SIL last night who said, "oh dad said you're having a boy" (and some "are you disappointed questions"). She will by now have told the rest of DH's family. I rang my mum to have a whinge who told me that it doesn't matter and try not to let it worry me, but she did agree that he had no right to tell our secret.

[FunHols]

I'm too much of a planner, so we found out, and we are telling people if they are interested. I figure it's either a surprise now, or a surpise in another 20 odd weeks when TBA is born.
As for names, we're waiting to see what suits when TBA pops out!
If people are offended by you choosing not to tell them, that is their problem only!