WWYD? DH wants to go on an oversea's trip (alone) when I'm 35wks?
That pretty much sums it up...
He had a really good year at work last year and came in #2 in the country. His company has an international awards celebration which is in Singapore this year. The thing is, it is when I'm going to be 35 weeks pregnant and he will be away for 5 days.
Now, I really don't want to say 'no'. He deserves to go and I don't want to be the reason he doesn't. So, I have said it will have to depend on how I'm doing physically. We really don't have any family support to help out and 5 days on my own with DS is daunting now, let alone when I'm that far along. I'm also scared that something could happen, he'll be a 10 hour flight away and I'll be by myself scrambling to find someone to look after DS so I can go to the hospital.
i would be inclined (as long as there was no medical reason such as PE or a glaring reason why i might go into labour early) to say go.
will you have finished work by then so you'll be at least more relaxed at home rather than rushing around? is there anyone at the childcare centre who you would trust & be happy to approach with helping out to look after your gorgeous DS if there was a reason you needed to go to hospital? (i would love to offer but i'm worried i may not be the most reliable at that stage!!). do you have a friend that would maybe stay for a night or two to give you a hand or at least keep you company?
ultimately though, i think you need to be really comfortable with your decision - balancing out your concerns & also how your DH will feel if he doesn't go (and how he will feel if he did miss something back here).
My DH went to China for two weeks when I was 32 weeks pregnant - I was alone with a nearly 4 and nearly 2 year old and like you we have no family or support around. He was out in the sticks and we went days without any sort of contact. I ended up with some horrible bug and was the sickest I have been pretty much ever (coughing until vomiting every time I moved).
But we made it through. He didn't come home to a very happy wife, but I managed to drag us through. You will be surprised at what you can do. It is only 5 days, which isn't that long. 35 weeks isn't that likely for labour, do you have a friend that would be available to call JIC?
My parents are going overseas for 2 weeks and when they get back I'll be 37 weeks. I had a few preterm scares with DD (delivered at 34 weeks) so I'm worried.
They are the only ones who can look after DD.
If you haven't have a premmie or pre-term labour before then I'd say let him go.
My DH was away (deployment) when I was at the same stage as you. Luckily enough he came home a week and a half before my due date to spend a month at home. Bubs was born on his due date (induced so DH would be there) and DH was off again 10 days later. If it was an option he wouldn't have gone anywhere. As it was, I was greatful to have him at home for the amount of time I did. My parents were on one side of the country and I was on the other.
While he was away I stressed and fretted over every little twinge, kick, unintended bladder leak etc... To make matters worse my OB went on holidays (to Singapore of all places!!) and returned the day before bubs was due.
Tell him how you really feel and give him a chance. If how you really feel is, "honey I would rather you be at home" then tell him and let him make up his mind.
It sucks being on your own as your due date gets closer.
At 35 weeks I would definitely be letting him go. It is only for 5 days and what an honour for him! At that gestation I was close to two months away from labour with my first. If you really thought you were going to go that early or had significant health problems then I say just let him go. It isn't often that people really get recognised like that from their employers.
DH has been away with work up until I was 38 weeks pregnant with both DS1 and DS2, I did stress a little bit, mainly before I would go to bed each night - you know - what if it happens tonight, blah blah - I have lovely lovely neighbours, who said I could call them day or night, which made me feel better. Can you put in place some kind of support network - does DS go to childcare and if so do they do emergency care - where he could go for the day if you go into labour. Do you have friends you could rely on in the event of anything happening. If you feel you could put an emergency plan into place in the event of anything occuring I would say yes, if not then talk it through with DH and point out the what-if's, etc, etc. You will be amazed at people who will be happy to help you out and put their hands up to help in these situations. x
i'd be inclined to let him decide. Tell him about your concerns etc and then let him make the call because if you put your foot down he might resent you for it in the long run.
And let's face it, being a bloke he'll probably opt to go... then I would be giving myself my employer award... hiring a cleaner for the week; having takeaway whenever we wanted; even hiring a babysitter/nanny for a day or two to give you a break. If the support isn't there with family and friends; then pay for it!
My dh was away from 30 to 39 weeks preg with my 1st child... no support, i wasn't working for the most part and it was horrible. but that was 9 weeks and by 39 weeks preg I was extremely useless to even care for myself and stressed... For 5 days at 35 weeks, should be much more managable... but then i only had me and not little ones to care for too. For DD I didn't let him budge, ever! lol.
Whatever decision you make, just make sure you are comfortable with it and won't regret it.
it does sound like a fantastic opportunity for him, but he might need to modify his plans, like someone else said... we women don't always have to make all the sacrifices you know!
personally i would be ok with him going.. in fact my DH did go towards the end of both pregnancies.
that said it will be reallyhard - but better that then when the baby is just born.
but ifyou feel strongly the other way be upfront with him. i have had trouble free pregnancies and both boys born at 39 wks. maybe some faily could come stay for a few days to help - i did ask my mum to do that.
You need to be honest with him about how you feel. I wonder if there is some compromise you can come to that may help you feel more at ease? Do you have anyone who could come and stay for 'holiday' with you whilst he is away? Or like pp has mentioned book in some extra care and help for the time he is away?
I would worry that missing such an acknowledgement would be seen as a negative from his work's POV as well as being something he should celebrate ITMS.
DH went to Hawaii with mates for a friends wedding when I was 33 weeks preg with DS2, He was away for 10 days, DS1 was not walking and was 16 months old but I let him go as it was important to him. I also have no family near by to help.
I had no issue with him going at all I was just upset I couldnt go as well as I was not comfortable with idea of flying and my OB said no as well!
Unless there is some medical reason, I would be saying it would ok as well. Hard as it is, but I would also be trying to set something up so that if worse case scenario comes up you have some help hun. A bit different for me but DH went OS for 2 weeks when DS was only 3 mths old, and DD was 20 mths old. He went to see our nephew in Canada and it was really tricky juggling both kids (with help admittedly) but it was really important for us to send him over. I think it is a great honour for him and a great chance too. Good luck hun! xoxo
Apart from my jealousy of not been able to go with him I wouldnt see a problem with it. Its five days so you know you can do it, and yes it is really ****ty timing but what are the chances of this happening again??
Besides think of the duty free he can bring back for once bubs is here, and the power of having the "I cant believe you left me here all by myself to go on a trip to Singapore when I was 35wks pregnant" card over him is HUGE
Im thinking foot rubs on demand for a month is the bare minimum!
I second the point to tell your DH your reservations, but let him decide. Yes you may not like his decision, but its his to make.
Yes it will be a long 5 days, but its only 5 days. Yes see if you can get a friend to stay with you for a couple of days, and plan the days with things to do with your DS.
You'll only be 35wks, chances of labour are slim, just make sure you dont over do it.
Last pg, I wouldn't have had an issue. I was still working, getting myself to and from appointments, not a sign of prelabour on the horizon, no noticeable BH and I was feeling quite good by then!
This pg, totally different story. I would *not* be cool with him going, and TBH I would resent feeling like I even needed to spell that out to him ... I would much rather he tell me about this wonderful honour he has received, and what a shame it is he won't be able to go to the ceremony because it's in another hemisphere and goes for five days, when I'm at the end of my pregnancy ...
If it was something for work which he had to go on, and our livelihood depended on it, etc, or if he had a job which required travel etc and that was part of the package I'd bought into with him, I would understand and suck it up - but for something which is a perk, I wouldn't want him gone for that long at that stage, leaving me alone with an almost 3 and not quite newborn, with all the trimmings of a 35 week preggo lady.
I would be sad for him missing it, but he has already won the glory and recognition, maybe they can Skype him in to accept the award (like the Oscars ) and while it would be sad to miss out on the trip itself, work perks need to come second to you.
In a years time, which will he be more proud of - being there to accept the accolades, or being a good husband and father?
I understand that it's likely a once in a lifetime opportunity, but so is what will be going on back at home ...
If however he does opt to go, and you choose to support him, I'd definitely be making plans to have hired assistance if there isn't family around. Pre-planned meals, delivered shopping, daycare or some babysitting, a cleaner, etc. I know it's only 5 days but whatever you can plan in advance so that you don't have to stress and run around while he's gone, the better. Bustling around at the shops with 35 weeks of belly and a 3yo trying to get the bits and pieces needed for dinner or nappies or whatever without assistance is not going to make you any happier or calmer when he gets home.
If there are no complications then I would be ok with him going provided he helps do enough shopping to see you through the time he will be away, helps cook some meals for that time, doesn't expect any housework to be done (or organises a cleaner) and makes sure you have someone available if you do need anything while he is gone.
WWYD? DH wants to go on an oversea's trip (alone) when I'm 35wks?
Reply With Quote
) and while it would be sad to miss out on the trip itself, work perks need to come second to you.
Bookmarks