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Thread: Big drama with my mum any suggestions?

  1. #19

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
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    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
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    I had massive dramas with my mum too, to the point that we barely spoke for weeks before the birth and rarely saw her after too - she was so hurt that I didn't want extra people there. I asked that she not even wait outside, as I was worried she'd try to get in, she made jokes with her friend and they pretended in front of me what they would do when I was in labour. Mum even told me her friend thought I was a ***** for not allowing her to be there. I also wanted to spend time after the birth bonding as a new family, just the three of us as I knew they'd all be excited and all want to jump in and hold the baby. I also didn't want people waiting outside with all this anticipation and expectation for it all to be over soon, I knew I would get anxious with people waiting especially if it took a while. And we all know anxiety slows progress...

    I think sometimes their behaviour and reactions to your wishes puts you off - the way she reacted to me was very childish in the things she did and said, so I definitely didn't want to deal with that in labour.

    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  2. #20

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    Gee I love my Mum - she said there's no way she could handle seeing me in pain but will be awaiting right outside the door if I need her! How sweet is that

  3. #21

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    perth,Australia
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    2,302

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    hello, im jumping over from trying to concieve forum but i just had to say i had the opposite! I wanted my mother there and she turned me down.She said she didnt want to see her daughter in pain! I only had my hubby in there at the end.Thankgoodness as i personally didnt have a very nice labour.I wouldnt have wanted them to see me at my worst.Whilst i was in theatre and just been stiched my mum and dad came and gave us a kiss.They then went with hubby and had there own private bonding session for an hour whilst the stupid hospital was trying to make me better.Most of the day they stayed at home which was good as it would have been in the back of my mind that everyone was waiting for me to pop it out!

  4. #22
    DoubleK Guest

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    Personally, i think i would want my mum to support me if for whatever reason, my partner wasn't there at the time. but i am looking forward to him and i being the first to meet our little girl together!

  5. #23

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    melbourne, victoria
    Posts
    279

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    hey becky

    i had the same problem i just want my now husband and me ion the room when i gave birth and i said it right out to them but in the end i had with out asking them top come in cos i was in my own world at the time when your in labour you kinda just think of your self and no one around you any way i ended up having my man my mum my mother in law my dad my siblings and grand prenents in the room only up to the point of about to push then it was my man and my daddy holding me while i pushed but i had all of them in the room with me and i didnt care so really you dont know how ya going to feel til the time comes i hope iv been any help and good luck

  6. #24

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    whoop whoop or not, not sure yet!!!
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    Just a quick comment but the hospital I had DS at didn't have a "waiting room" unless they were going to hang around in the foyer of the main building miles away from the maternity ward. And there was no way the midwives would allow family jsut wandering around the delivery area/maternity area just waiting for some birth - they also warned us to tell our family there was no point ringing to find out what was going on cause they wouldn't be telling - they wouldn't even say if you were at the hospital or not.

    Midwives also said that they are more than happy to be the bad guys so if you ever don't want visitors/hangers on etc just let them know and they'll enforce your wishes.

    If nothing else works - and please I'm only suggesting this as a last resort - maybe use the old "sorry but your not allowed to be there only x and x in the room with me and that's it - they just don't have the facilities". May not be plausible in all cases - if they know the hospital rules etc but in my case it was certainly the truth.

  7. #25

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Gold Coast, Qld
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    This is a personal thing and each to their own but.... I had my mum come in for my first two babies. The first time she kept trying to dress me cause the hospital coat thing kept coming undone I ended up throwing it on the floor and telling her I don't give a #@%$. I really didn't care at that point, all inhibitions went out the window. The next time she just hung back a little. She was really touched that I wanted her there. She told me that it was one of her greatest gifts in life to see her grand babies born. It was lovely having her there for my first two. She gave birth to me and she saw me give birth, full circle. Now that she is gone I have that forever, I only hope that my girls will feel close enough and comfortable enough to want me there when they give birth. I would really love to have that experience as a mother and Grand mother (one day).

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