Need to Vent-

[Delicate_Dove]

Sorry ladies, I had planned to gracefully enter the 3rd trimester messageboard but instead I am appearing with a whine...

I am confused, tonight ended in a big argument with my husband over a mars bar of all things.

I was repeating to my husband what I ate today.... and in that was a mars bar.

he snapped back " you ate a mars bar" and I said yes, you have a problem with that?
to which he did.

Firstly he said He doesnt know who can eat a WHOLE mars bar on there own.... (isnt that what they r intended for?)

anyways.. it of course was the day after my Gluclose test (bad timing I know)

He says he doesnt know how I can complain about my weight , stress about glucose and yet eat a "whole" mars bar.

I am confused at his reaction as he is happy to order pizza when it's his turn to cook, or eat ice cream and other crap stuff.

is the only difference he wasn't there for me to take permission from ?? cause that is how it feels.

it's not as if I just picked it up and didnt think of the consequences, I thought about it, re thought it and then picked up a lite mars bar (not that I even had chance to explain that)

I might be worried about gestational diabetes (due to weight gain) and upset about my pregnant appearance but does that make me in human ? I am allowed to give into cravings too right? I am an adult after all making adult decisions.

Am I missing something here? why is it ok to eat icecream , pizza and chocolate with him but not a "whole" mars bar on my own ?

surely I am not the only person who buys a chocolate bar and eats the whollllleee thing on their own.

it has ended in a really serious argument which I think is totally unjustified for the so called SIN I committed.

[paradise lost]

Aw hon! You poor thing, a stressy fight on top of the GD worries!

The problem with men is that they see a vent as a problem you want solving. SO when you're worrying about your weightgain/GD etc. and mention it to him, he thinks you're asking him to SOLVE your worries, and then when you appear to behave in a way which is counteractive to the worres being solved (i.e. by going with a sugar craving etc.) he is mad and feels his advice is for nothing.

This is very annoying for us girls because 90% of the time we just wanted to tell someone how we were feeling, right? I actually SAY to DP before i begin moaning "I'm not looking for you to fix this, can i just have a vent?" and he says, "sure" and, i swear, only half-listens to what i'm saying and listens more to my tone of voice and once he can hear that i'm calming down he cuts in and changes the subject - it works for us but we had a few pretty big misunderstandings before we got to it!

So you end up feeling like he wants you to ask permission for whatever you want to eat/do, and he feels like he's made loads of really brilliant suggestions to "solve" your vent and are ignoring him.

As for "giving in", if you have GD the sugar cravings are VERY VERY real and even if you don't, anyone who's had a PG craving knows how insistent they can be (when i was PG i once ate 8 oranges one after another, and another time THREE boxes of sushi, sitting on an airport floor LOL) so forgive yourself and explain to DH that when you share your worries he needn't feel you're looking for advice, just a shoulder to cry on - tell him what a good listener he is, a little flattery helped my DP realise i really did value his listening skills even when a solution wasn't what i needed.

HTH and big

Bec

[Delicate_Dove]

I am pretty sure I dont have GD, as I dont overly crave sugar, well no more than before I dont think..

I crave icecream lot's but mainly cause of the texture.

GD only became an issue when my OB brought it up at end of 1st trimester due to my weight gain.

[paradise lost]

Ah, but is it really a big weightgain or is it just in his opinion....? For the majority of women the amount of weight we gain when pregnant is genetically set, within parameters (so if you only ate 400 calories a day obviously you wouldn't gain as you should, and if you ate 4000 you'd gain more than you should, but with a normal 2000ish calories a day diet your weightgain will be what your body feels it needs for growing bubs, giving birth, and BFing bubs) and some do just gain more than others.

Were you skinny before? Or already overweight? THe under and over weight do tend to gain more when PG.

I was 95kg at the start of my PG and only 101kg on her birthday, but when i booked in (11wks PG, 95.7kg) they FREAKED OUT at how heavy i was and tried to sign me up for all kinds of exercise classes etc. I just ignored them and lived and ate normally and saw what happened and if i'g gained another 20kg i would have figured that was what my body needed to grow a baby.

My GF gained 20kg with #1 and nearly 40kg with #2 and it all came off after, even with being unable to BF #2. Her body just likes to have plenty of extra when she's PG.

More to you.

Bec

[Delicate_Dove]

hi,

I was already overweight 76-78kg when falling pregnant, thanks to a miscarriage a year of trying and months of clomid. I lost weight in the 1st trimester thanks to severe morning sickness but then as it began to settle down the only way I can keep it at bay is with eating and never letting myself get hungry. So I have literally had to eat or vomit.

by the time I got midway through my 2nd trimester I had gained 10kg's. I think the last time i looked i was tipping 90Kgs and have decided to stop looking.

it doesnt help when the 2 people around me who r pregnant are both very thin, like size 10-12.

I don't want to make exscuses but I had huge intentions going into this pregnancy but I have been so sick and so tired some days getting to the couch from the bedroom is an achievement. I have literally been just surviving and if that means grabbing something from the fridge rather than cooking myself something healthy then thats what I have had to do.

I have also had an over consumption of fruit which I know is not good but I can't help myself when it comes to fruit and I figure better to grab an apple than a cake or something right?

he is still not talking to me and I not to him, debating wether to take it further and sleep in the spare room or just let it be. so angry and hurt....

[paradise lost]

OMG - you should NOT be worried about over-comsuming FRUIT! Fruit is GOOD for you! I only mentioned my 8 oranges because i think it's hilarious that i managed it - i doubt i could eat 3 just now!

I thought 12kg-18kg was a normal pregnancy weightgain?! You've not gained too much at all! You might have gained it when they didn't expect but doctors are all obsessed with numbers and books and majorities. You're not the majority, you're you!

I don't know what your intentions were, but as far as i can see you have gotten this one to stick and despite feeling rotten much of the time you're still getting up and getting on with stuff everyday. You're doing wonderfully! You're growing a healthy baby - there is no greater success hun!

I agree it's unhelpful looking at the skinny people with little bumps aound you - i suffered from that too, even though i spent time with them and knew it was just their genes, they weren't doing anything different to me, they were just built different. But it annoyed me when i was 16 weeks and just looked like the same old fat me and they were little svelte princesses with their teeny baby bumps. I guess that's their bonus. In fact the 2 really thin girls i knew ended up having really hard births (mine was easy peasy) so maybe it all evens out in the end.

You sound like you need a really big hug! One thing the internet just isn't great for! :hugs:

As for what to do about DH, well, i hate to go to bed on an argument so i guess i'd try and sort it, but that depends on if he's ready to hear how hurt his words made you feel.

More Dove, i hope you to work it out soon.

Bec

[Delicate_Dove]

Hoobley,

Thanks for the post, I burst into tears.. but thanks for your kind words I just wish someone here would say that to me..

[BhoysGirl]

Hi DD,

I haven't read everything in detail, cos it's really late & I'm really trying to get myself off to bed, but I did just want to say that I don't think you are not even in the slightest bit weird for eating a "whole" mars bar... I don't do it very often, but sometimes you just need this amount of a sugar hit, and if it makes you feel better, when I have a really bad phase of cravings I can quite easily scoff 2 chocolate bars down in a row!. It's not something I do regularly, but obviously something in my system thinks that it needs it.

And I agree with Hoobley - fruit is great - nutritious & good for fibre, which given that pg has a tendency to encourage constipation, eating fruit is a good thing...

Anyway, big hugs to you, hope you get it sorted out with your DH quickly.

[Nadine216]

I am sorry to hear you are fighting about chocolates!!! Its a man thing. My husband can't understand why I need to finish the whole thing the same day (even in 10 minutes) and why ice-cream can't go a week in the freezer! I don't think you should worry about that. We also fight about food constantly. I was 70kg when I became pregnant and after getting on the scale and it read 85kg, I just stopped. My problem was it really was all fat (I had no fluid and my baby was very tiny) I went on an eating binge when I found out I was pg - no more diets!! My dd is 5 months now and I weigh 76kg. So what I mean to say is - don't worry, hug you husband and give him a big kiss, blame your hormones for eating the "stupid whole" mars bar and let it be. You are pg and that is what you and hubby need to focus on, not stressing and begin unhappy about a chocolate-fight :hugs:
Good luck sorting things out

[sportychick]

I agree with all the others. Everything they have said. I put on over 20kg, ended up at 100kg and felt terrible with my first pg! I lost 28kg after the birth (boy was that hard!) and this time I have only put on 10kg, which I am happier with. Having said that I have given in to some very bad binge eating eating habits - the other night I ate a whole 230g packet of Doritos in bed (after dinner)!!!!!!! I hardly think "a whole mars bar" classifies as some sort of evil binge eating event and wouldn't even worry about it. Did your DH have a bad day at work or something? Have you guys sorted it out? I sure hope so. Don't let it damage your self esteem - you are YOU, not your weight, or your eating habits or anything else! Pregnancy is a stressful enough time without worrying about it. You can lose any weight you put on after the birth anyway - so go with the flow! :hugs:

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

For pity's sake ONE mars bar? He sounds a bit OTT with that. I often have a WHOLE choc bar as a snack with lunch.

You sound like you're eating really healthily and well - I do wish men had pregnancies sometimes just to understand that cravings mean CRAVINGS and not "ooh, I fancy a choc bar, let's blame the baby." My DH was the other way around though; I went off chocolate and didn't gain much weight and he was telling me off for that when I was 3-4m gone, then complaining that the bump was really big a few months later. Ruddy men!

Hugs to you and hope he apologises soon.

[E's mum]

Dear Delicate Dove...

I am 34 weeks pregnant, and have eaten "bad" foods throughout this whole pregnancy- you only ate 1 mars bar??? I think I once polished off two in a two hour sitting once.

I'm using your thread here to just remind us all not to be too hard on ourselves... I am really dissapointed in the number of women (especially!) who feel the need to comment on pregnant women's size, how big/small/fat you are... the majority of people that do this have children themselves.

You have a very important job right now and that is to take care of yourself and grow your beautiful baby...my first pregnany saw me gain 20kg and I was scrupulous with the foods that I ate- yet I still put on a lot of weight (Yet this pregnancy I have LOST WEIGHT!). Maybe your husband is a little stressed about the GD- but is just not good at expressing it... and he can't help by fixing anything about the situation (as reinforced by Hoobley!) so instead he has just over reacted a little.

Enjoy your mars bars... take care of you and remember that you have a very important job right now. Make an effort that the majority of what you eat is good (which I am sure it is) but we are soo bombarded by what weight you are supposed to gain, pictures of very thin women with big bumps and that any food other than vegetables are bad- that we forget to enjoy the "Cravings"...you need to be able to tell your little person stories when they get bigger about what they loved to eat in your tummy- and unfortunately vegetables just won't tell a good story!

Good luck and talk to him

E's Mum

Try talking to him and explaining what you have said to us,

[kungfubecca]

you poor thing,

a mars bar is not the end of the world. I bought 2 family sized blocks of chocolate the other day, broke them up into a big bowl, ran myself a bath and sat back relaxed and ate chocolate. Byt the next night all the chocolate was gone, so at the very least I ate a full block to myself probably more, as I was the only one home all day. I do sometimes If I feel the need for chocolate that I buy him one too. Quite often though I eat that one as well.

Last week I bought a pack of tim tams and a pack of cheap choc cream biscuits. The cheap biscuits where for DH and the tim tams they were for me!!

So you're mars bar has nothing on me.

If you are really worried, and you said you are craving icecream as well? do you crave other dairy foods?? I crave chocolate and dairy foods, so If I feel like being good, I generally settle for a glass of milk or a hot choc, and that sorts out my craving, 'cause all I really wanted was dairy

[TeganRheana]

you poor thing,

a mars bar is not the end of the world. I bought 2 family sized blocks of chocolate the other day, broke them up into a big bowl, ran myself a bath and sat back relaxed and ate chocolate. Byt the next night all the chocolate was gone, so at the very least I ate a full block to myself probably more, as I was the only one home all day. I do sometimes If I feel the need for chocolate that I buy him one too. Quite often though I eat that one as well.

Last week I bought a pack of tim tams and a pack of cheap choc cream biscuits. The cheap biscuits where for DH and the tim tams they were for me!!

THATS ME!!! hahahaha....I am sooo the same!!! Don't worry hun, he was probably just upset cause he didn't get to eat one aswell!! Men! Pfft! Go have a another one to cheer yourself up!!!

[Delicate_Dove]

Thanks for all the posts, actually I considered buying a family size and eating it the next day just to peev him off more, but didnt fancy eating it so didn't bother..LOL

He didnt apologize just came home from work the next day as if nothing had happened.

typical.

thank u all for the kind words though !!!

greatly appreciated in my hour's of need.

[Willow]

I was already overweight 76-78kg when falling pregnant, thanks to a miscarriage a year of trying and months of clomid.

by the time I got midway through my 2nd trimester I had gained 10kg's.

Um, I think we are twins separated at birth!! I was about 5kg lighter than you when I fell prg (70kg is the perfect weight for me for my height, puts me at a size 12 which is fairly slim for my build) but was slightly overweight thanks to clomid and ivf and probably a fair dose of emotional eating!!

I weighed myself yesterday morning and much to my horror I have put on 10kg!! I only put on 13kg total with DD so now I am a bit stressed.

I am also really worried that I have GD due to the extra weight gain and sugar cravings - I don't usually have a sweet tooth but my god your DH would be horrified at the number of 'whole' mars bars I've eaten this pregnancy!

I have decided to make some changes to my diet though - am cutting out all chocolate, reducing the sugar in my tea etc and limiting take away foods. Not that I eat heaps of it but probably more this pregnancy than last.

Fingers crossed neither of us have GD and lose the weight quickly once our babies arrive, I did last time so hopefully this time will be the same.

[Adnil]

Oh DD - I just want to give you a hug I think it's really sad that your DH is not being supportive & understanding. I know it is SO hurtful when your partner questions things like that. As for your weight gain & food consumption - I think you sound like you are VERY sensible & quite healthy! Having some 'bad' foods in your diet is still healthy! All in moderation! (mind you the chocolate I've been eating in the last few days has been far from moderate )

Hang in there, you are doing great. I hope you & your DH have patched things up now & that he apologised

[Belle with the bump]

Hi there Delicate dove, I completly understand
I have REAL bad sugar cravings, chocolate bullets are my thing at the moment... I just eat dinner and then cravings start straight away, and then I cant stop. Then i always have a winge about my weight and how I should of not eaten that. Its a little different cause my DH just says, EAT UP. enjoy your pregnancy....
Maybe you need to explain to you partner that he should be supportive at this time and that your body must need the sugar if you crave it...
You keep eating your mars bars girl!!!!

Big hugs, we are all here for ya