I beg your pardon Lu, but I was under the impression the OP asked "what do you think?", not "make me feel good about the decision I have clearly already made but only answer if you agree with me".

I do not believe in this case (IE - has NOTHING whatsoever to do with you or your situation, as that is not what I was asked about, nor do I know much of, whereas I have read I think nearly ALL of Fionas previous posts about DSD and the situation) that letting her run away is an appropriate solution for ANYONE involved, least of all DSD herself.
Nor do I believe it should come down to anyone else to parent this child when clearly her father has ASKED for this responsibility and allowed her to come over from the States. All parties were aware of her behaviour and problems before she arrived, and from what I can gather, these were a very huge part of the reason she was brought to live with her father and Fiona in the first place. This is not a new evolvement, it is the standard.
If Fionas and her husband are in a situation now that means her behaviour has made their family unliveable, then I simply asked why they were bowing to this little twerps wishes and allowing her to get what she wants - which is to move out and not be beholden to any parents or rules (clearly think we have all stated this is the case) - and why she is not simply put back on the plane to go and live with her mother - the other PARENT.
For me personally, if this was me in the position of this other friends mother, I would feel obligated to take this girl in, given Fionas health and situation, and knowing there really wasn't any other option for DSD and the family. And I do not believe it should be any one else responsibility to deal with DSD's behaviour.
For example, what if something should happen to her whilst in the care of this woman (and she is still only 17)? What is she gets pregnant? Gets involved with drugs? Goes missing? Gets raped? Whose responsibility is that? Who is going to be worst off then? No doubt everyone will feel bad, but is this other mother going to wear the burden of responsibility? What will happen if DSD goes further off the rails? How will this other woman discipline her? What is her ultimate punnishment - move to Woodend? What if by then Fiona and her husband have a newborn and Fiona will take time perhaps months even to recover fully from the debilitating SPD she is suffering, or the baby is challenging and the DSD is still not up there in the priority stake? Where dos she go then if being home is still not an option?

There are so many issues involved here, it is not s imple "she needs to learn her lesson" - she is still a child, and giving in to her tanturms and allowing her to get exactly what she wants may very well not teach her anything at all, except what she may very well think she already knows that is she is unwanted and too difficult to bother with, by either of her parents.

I feel very deeply for Fionas and what she is going through... I cannot imagine how difficult her life has become through this pregnancy and how she is coping day to day should be commended and I have no idea how she is doing it. But this is not a "rally for Fiona thread", it was a serious question (I thought) posed by a woman who is clearly in distress and need over a particualry trying circumstance, asking for help and opinions and perhaps experiences in something similar, which was all I was offering - my experience.
For me though the fact that DSD is being destructive is unfortunate and even revolting given Fionas situation (quite honestly my initial reaction to her behaviours in a previous thread was she needs a good smack on the arse, even at 17 years old) doesn't negate the responsibility Fiona has, and more to the point, her husband has, of dealing with the problems (and finding out the cause of her behaviour in the first place - there is a reason, she doesn't behave like this for fun) and handling it as a family, and as parents. That is what was signed up for when she came over and like I said earlier, if they cannot do that because of the immense pressure they are both under even without DSD's 'input', then IMO she should be put back on a plane and go home to her mother.



If I was a little harsh in my earlier post, I apologise. I did not mean to imply I had no sympathy nor empathy for Fionas very very difficult position, nor did I mean to offend anyone.