It sounds like you've been through a really rough time.

I would definitely go. It's your daughter's engagement. In years to come you won't regret going, but you might regret *not* going after your wounds heal. Not going will contribute further to the rift, and cause more pain, resentment, and anger to sort through before the rift can be healed.

I agree with Inanna - we choose how we want to feel about things. Perhaps you would find it helpful to choose another response to the hurtful events that have occured between yourself and your child(ren). I would hold my head up high and go. You have had pain in your relationship with her, but that is a separate issue that can be dealt with. It doesn't need to cloud an important and exciting time in your daughter's life by having her mother missing from her engagement celebration.

You said "she hasnt learnt to communicate, and find ways to get on" - so dig down deep and model it for her in this situation.