I don't have children so can't comment on what I would do in your situation, but I can remember my brother being bullied (and beaten up) by a kid that was in my year level (3 years above my brother). My Dad lost the plot and called the school demanding the child's parents address phone number so he could discuss the situation with the other child's parents (it was all happened on the walk too/from school so never on school property therefore out of school's control).
The school gave the phone number and my Dad called them and they provided their address so Dad could go over and discuss further. He took my brother with him (black eye and all from the most recent attack) and Dad, and the other kids parents ripped through him about it.
My brother was never bothered by this kid again.
Obviously times have changed a bit since this happened (this was in the 80s), and the chance of the school giving out the other parents phone number or address are slim....but you never know, they might be listed in the white pages or something and you could contact them and discuss their child's behaviour directly with them and let them be the ones who assist handle the matter if the school won't help.
I was lucky there was a cancellation with the psychologist this morning, so I got to have a good chat about it.
She feels the bruising is significant (it isn't huge or anything, but it was only a few hours later), and agreed on our plan of approach. She is staying back late at work to make sure she gets an email to the school psychologist (who is the one she normally deals with in relation to DS), to ask
1) did she know about the incident
2) what is their policy about physical incidents - i.e. incident report, informing parents, checking child for injury and was the policy followed in this case.
3) what is their policy on bullying - i.e. how is it escalated
4) how was it dealt with last time
5) do the boys parents know what is going on?
6) how are they going to proceed.
She tells me technialy she doesn't have mandatory reporting, teachers & doctors do, but not psychologists (which is stupid IMO, as kids could tell their psychologist this), but she will allude to it anyway as she can report it if she wants to, she just doesn't have to.
If the school psychologist doesn't deal with it properly, she will escalate it to the principle (which I hope that somehow it gets back to him, as he is friends of my BIL, and I've been really impressed at how he has dealt with things in the past - he has only been there for under a year), but hopefully the school psychologist will inform everyone at the school.
I emailed them today and asked for a "copy of their comprehensive bullying policy" that it says we can ask for in the parent handbook... They don't have any printed copies around so hopefully they will email it so I can forward it to the psychologist before she writes the letter. I always find having their information & policy to use against them works best!
I just hope we can get this resolved.
Mel - I know they parents, know where they live & their phone number.. It's really awkward when I run into the mother & make small talk because I have no idea if she knows, or maybe she knows about her son but doesn't know who he is doing it to? I would prefer at this stage to let the school deal with it, and if they are not doing so then I will consider going to them directly.
It's all about playing my cards right at the moment I think
Will let you know how the next few days go.
I have a meeting at 9am at the school with his classroom teacher (who was the one on yard duty that day) & the school psychologist to see how DS is settling in.. And then off to the hospital at lunchtime for my op. Let's see how high my blood pressure is!
Our psychologist sent an email to the school psychologist. Then I had a meeting (prep planed before all this) on the morning of my operation. The psychologist & teacher kept trying to talk to me about the bullying, but I stayed firm in saying I only wanted to discuss the original topic (DS settling in etc) as I felt it would get sidetracked and the bullying issue wouldn't be dealt with properly. They kept trying to go back to it but I stood firm. A few days later DS got this reply (ironically not cc'd to me!)
Hi [psychologist],
Thank you for your email.
The teachers and support staff at [school name] make every effort to develop direct and open communication with all the parents in the school community. We are committed to creating a learning environment for [DS name] in order to help him reach his academic and social potential.
Kind regards
[school psychologist]
Total cr@pola if you ask me.. my psychologist was shocked at the response. Then I get an infection post operation (tonsils out etc) so I just couldn't deal with it until I was better (basically now, still very tired!)
We finally got a copy of their full bullying policy (which I hear they need to have if they want certain funding from the government). It very clearly states what the consequences is for each incident/stage. We have a meeting to escalate it to the principle at 8.30am tomorrow (so nervous!). We only have 45 mins so we have to make sure we know what we plan to say. My plan so far is to go down this path
1. do they believe DS is being bullied?
If no, justify how they came to that decision. Request independent (or my psychologist) to examine the case and to talk to my son and./or other boy
If yes, what have they done, according to their policy up until now? What do they plan to do from this latest incident
2. What else I want - for the school to run a comprehensive anti-bullying program in the school (they did one on keeping safe from abuse etc last year which was very good), and also for a staff in-service to be dedicated to the issue about identifying and responding to children's reports (as this was one thing I was upset with).
I have some direct quote from DS that came out during therapy (which broke my heart) - "I tried to tell the teachers but they think I'm annoying so now I don't tell them any more... this has to be my problem" and a few others... I feel this will help our case rather than just my psychologist perception of DS opinions onit all. We both feel his anxiety is up also because of this so now I've had to increase his medication.
So now for your guys help.. I mean to call the education department today to speak to them about it, but I wasn't well and was in bed all day..,. Does anyone know externally a group that can come into the school and do this anti-bullying workshops or give guidance to the school & oversea it to make sure it isn't just a whitewash?
I can't remember where you are located. In NSW we have a program through the police here. A school liaison police officer comes out to do some anti bullying programs (Different to a Youth Liaison officer). There is the Better Buddies program through the Allanah and Madaline Foundation. Not too sure what is involved in their program but might be worth looking into.
Project Rockit is another one that seems to be ok.
Solving the Jigsaw looks like a good one too.
I know that Headspace work with 12 - 25 yr olds, but maybe if you talk to them they might also run something? Beyond Blue?
I hope the school respond in the proper way...bullying seems to be brushed under the carpet....in the UK and in Aus it seems...your doing the best thing...I hope your feeling better huni xxx
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