please don't ask me the number of times that I asked OH if I could take DS back to the hospital in those first weeks and I wasn't going through what you are.

She is too young to know any different, she knows she is loved cause you are changing her bum, you are feeding her, you are meeting her needs. She doesn't really know what play is at the moment so she can't miss something she doesn't know about.

You are going through a really stressful time, it is ok to cry for days on end... at some point the tears will stop and by working through it you are rebuilding your strength. Take this time to process.

I would suggest that you plan an outing in the next couple of days... even it if it's to the shops for some window shopping, that way you have to have a shower, you have to put on clean clothes and you will get some fresh air be gentle on yourself