DH and I had this talk about a year before we got married.

He honestly didn't see it coming - the depression, the problems, the lack of communication... he had no idea.

When he did, we agreed that some things HAD to change. We decided that we'd live just the two of us for a year, and that helped a lot. We saw each other's flaws and learn how to deal with them just the two of us, without me hanging out with the other lads or him running to Mother.

Sure, his "need" for a lie-in when I'm ill still annoys me. My habit of leaving the washing up overnight annoys us both. I'm more talkative, he doesn't read, I do read, I've not told him yet all the coffee in the house is de-caff (that's the next problem LOL)... but thanks to that earlier talk we do realise how much we mean to each other and how to work through it.

We've had it again recently. DH just can't cope with the stress we're under at the moment - mostly financially. But that's affecting everyone. And I know it's work stress he's taking out on me, which helps. But I only know this because we make VERY sure we have a half-hour chat about work and worries over dinner (very hard habit to introduce; his parents watch TV at dinnertime and you aren't allowed to speak, even when visitors are there). It's not good behaviour for DS to see, but he is asleep when DH gets really ratty usually. And I can tell DH when I've had enough; he's mad at work and not me. Yes, OK, so I could earn more money BUT I'M GOING TO! Just wait for January! Having that in place helps a bit.

We still argue. We still wonder if we're best together. But we agree to find where our problems really are and sort that out before doing anything we may regret.

OK, just helps us and maybe no-one else.

How to tell DS? TBH, he wouldn't notice; he doesn't see DH at all some days because of work/fishing. After a few days he'd be bringing me photos and asking for his dad, but I'd hope that DH would be round for dinner every night after the inital no-contact zone so DS wasn't too phased by it.

Of course, if we sold the house and moved away from DH that would be another problem, but I suppose you start preparing for that as early as possible.