I don't know how to move out

[Zee]

Hey Catherine hun,

When I was walking home from the Blacktown shops I noticed a place behind the mall..its some department of housing office. You can apply for help with bond etc and also apply for a government house if you would like that (the waiting list is a few yrs though id say) but at least you would have some help with bond.

I think Terry should let you have more stuff (and not just the junk he dosnt want)..I know his parents own it but im sure they wont mind you having some/borrowing some as you are the mother of their sons daughter. Ive been to your place and there is plenty of furniture to share!

Anyway we will have a chat tonight... your not alone ok!

[barbie-up]

Cate - I am in a very similar situation. My ex's parents own the house we currently live in so it is the kids and I who have to move and I'm happy with that. His parents' built this house 40+ years ago, Nick grew up here etc ...

I started looking for rentals about a month ago. About two weeks ago, Nick cut off all money for the kids, housekeeping etc. When I rang centrelink they said there is a thing for being separated under the same roof. There are about 6 forms to fill in which are hard when dealing with care for the kid/s. I had a one hour interview last week and they approved and updated me on the spot. They ask for letters from people to state that they believe you are no longer a couple. I got one from my current manager, a former manager and friend of 13 years, another friend and I even did a statutory declaration stating reasons why we were no longer a couple. The centrelink woman suggested a solicitor, accountant, doctor, counsellor as a letter from a professional would carry more weight. Centrelink said that the forms in this situation are usually seen by a panel and a decision is made as to whether they believe you are separated under one roof and entitled to a single parents pension. I also took a print out of places I had looked at.

I also contacted the child support agency and registered. Living under one roof, but separtely, they deem you to have 50/50 child share.

In Victoria you can get an interest free bond loan from a govt agency up to a certain amount and there is another department that helps with rent, but I have not called them yet, so I don't know what they offer.

With my applications for properties, I put in a letter outlining my situation - that I had a child in school in the area, go to uni in the area, have relatives around here, have a stable work and tenancy history and the amount of money I get from centrelink - just to give them some more information about me and that I am a responsible type person. I can email you a copy if you are interested.

I got a call this morning with an offer on a place I had looked at two weeks ago - small 3 bedroom unit, all new carpet and curtains and painting inside, air con, garage, flat fenced back yard and close to Caits school. I had a freak out and a cry, I was on my way to vote, and turned around and went home.

I joined space4 - is that the one for sinlge parents looking for others ? but unjoined quickly. I think there is enough emotional crap going around at this time, that I didn't need someone elses sh*t as well.

realestate.com.au is good for looking for places.

I'm OK for furniture - my EX hasn't slept in the bed I bought for over a year. Everything in Caits room, I bought ... along with the lounge suite, and fridge. I have no dramas with taking what I bought, I worked up until Cait was born, worked part time when she was 10 months old and then 30 hours a week when she was 18 months old. I have contributed the same, if not more than the EX. I went back to work one shift a week when Alex was 4 months old.

I'm scared, but we have no future together and he knows that.

Good luck !! I gotta ring on MOnday and find out about transferring my broadband to the new place so my pooter works !!

[Lulu]

O Barb, I'm sorry. I didn't realise - but well done on finding a place. My sister has been looking around here too, and there was about 25 people at every inspection.
Yeah, a bit scary - but everything is going to be great for you, and just the way YOU like it!

Cate - the other thing I remembered is when you look for places they might say $200 per week for eg, but it is worked out on a calendar month, so instead of being $800 per month, it will be more - maybe $820 for something. There is a way of calculating it out, I can't remember. Barb might be able to help since she is all real restate-fresh!

[Lilly-Pilly]

The public housing place also give out bond loans. You apply for it and they pay the bond for you and at the end when you move out the bond returns to them. I did this in Melb about 4 years ago because I was moving out on my own and I was studying therefore not being able to work.

[mummycate]

With this bond loan, do they look at you bank accounts to see if you really need it? As I could pay for the bond, but then a chunk of my savings is gone.

Yeah, space4 the single parent finder site. I never realised I'd get someone else's emotional cr@p too. Hmm, I've just paid for it, so I'll just have to ignore it if I get it. I'll be a friend not a shrink.

I start work next week, but my wage is very low. $425/week full time but I'll be working 3 days a week. So I'm sure its less. I just wonder if I can even afford my rent.

[mrsmac]

Cate, we are moving in the next month or so to a smaller place and have way too much furniture, if you don't mind second hand stuff we have a couch, bookshelf and quite a few other bits and pieces if you want them and can get them from us, we are about 25 minutes away from you.

[mummycate]

Wow that would be great MrsMac! I have two bookshelves, but I have seen using them to store my clothes in IKEA zip fold boxes. And I have a lot of books and I'll need lots of storage. A couch would be great! PM me what you have and how much you want for them. Thanks heaps!

[mrsr]

Cate, sorry to hear of your predicament...I can't do anything to help but offer support and let you know I hope all goes well and in your favour. Take care of you and Ellie...all will work out and I'm sure you'll land on your feet.

[*Efjay*]

With this bond loan, do they look at you bank accounts to see if you really need it? As I could pay for the bond, but then a chunk of my savings is gone.

I think they do. I know when we applied for one they only covered 3 weeks of it based on what we had, so we still had to cover a week of it.

My sister has applied fo rmany bond loans & I think she usually gets the same where she needs to cover a week of it. Neithe rof us had any savings at all.

[barbie-up]

re Bond loan - I have to take in 13 weeks of pay slips and can get a maximum of $900.

ABout the weekly v. monthly rent - I don't know of the formula, just that the monthly is a bit more than 4 x weekly.

[mrsr]

Take the rent per week eg $200 and divide by 7 (no of days in a week), that will give you your daily rate, then multiply by the number of days in the month. 200/7=$28.57 per day x 30 (no of days in November) = $857.00 for that month.

...or to be uber-technical...the average number of days in a month over a year is 30.41666 days so you could expect to pay $869.00 per month for a non-leap year.

That's how I'd calculate it.

[Lilly-Pilly]

I got the whole bond loan, but like i said I wasn't working.

With the savings you can say to them that this money is for your rent in advance that you have been saving.

Also, even if you are working you will still get some rent assistance which included in family tax A and B and parenting payment. You have to make a fair bit before they cut that off completely. PM me if you want more deatails on the ammount, i'm happy to let you know what i earn and what I still get. Its easily liveable, plus with child support that helps too.

[mummycate]

I feel like I'm starting to hate him. I never get to go out with my friends who aren't mums because I have to look after El. I sometimes wish I never got a job. I only started applying for jobs coz he kept asking me and giving me ads out of the paper. And now he wonders why I'm peed off because I have no social life outside of being a mum. Monday through to Wednesday isn't good for me as I work the next day, and he works Thursday and Friday nights and Sunday mornings. So the only night I can guarantee he's home to look after her is Sunday night. And most of my friends have things to do on Mondays. Why does he have to run my life? He keeps saying, I'll ditch woolies and get a job at a hospital. But he hasn't done it. The reason he likes the way we've arranged the childcare of Elouise this way is so she doesn't have to go to a centre. I really want to put her in one day, so then I can go out one night and not have to go home early to watch her. Why does he have to work anyway? He's a student and gets centrelink. It frustrates me that I'm 20 and can't even be a normal 20 year old and go out and stay over at mates houses. He got to travel and all that and I never can. And he wonders why I'm angry all the time. I never get to be me. My parents can't babysit from interstate and all my mates either are mums or I want to be out with them. Actually, I have like 5 friends who aren't parents. I just feel so angry and lonely.

[Kazbah]

Oh Cate - those feelings are something we all go through, I just went downstairs to hang out the washing and came back to hear Pip screaming his head off, with DF just sitting on the sofa. He said he had to work tomorrow, so it was my turn to look after him!

Think back to when you first had El, and all those people who said "if you ever want help ... " and start calling them. Don't be too proud, or you just end up really really angry. Ask for help from friends & family - often you'll be suprised who's there for you.

And next time she's down asleep, take a nice glass of anything cold outside, put your feet up and listen to the birds in the trees. And breathe, and relax.

When you go through the formalities, you can work out the definate access times for him - and then you'll have time to yourself every week or fortnight, and you'll miss having El around. Just hang out until then!

*hugs* kaz

[Lilly-Pilly]

Cate, its a pretty scary time when you're facing the whole being on your own thing. I was terrified of living on my own when i first moved out. Along with that will come a zillion other emotions. If you need to talk any time i'm on msn dee_and_bozo@hotmail.com

[Lulu]

Cate - put her in for one day a week - he can't tell you not to if he can't do it himself. Once you move out your life will be more your own and independence is a fantastic feeling.
Like the others said - do ask for help, gather your friends around you - this is when we shine the most. I've many good memories of the girls coming to help me move - the ex glowering in the background whilst we all giggle and try our best to manouvre washing machines and shelves, load them into our tiny cars, and screaming whilst trying not to back trailers into fences - generally making sport out of a crappy and uncomfortable situation. Then into the clean, new beginning with a champagne toast out of coffee mugs.

You do need to get out and let your hair down on a regular basis, it can be hard getting babysitters no matter what your situation. It was easier for my (no kid) friends to visit me, so I made Wednesday night drinky-poos a weekly event. I did yummy snacks and friends would drop in on the way from work for a quick or long catch up.
If we were too poor to go out, or one of us couldn't get a babysitter we'd feed the kids (ususally about 4-5 of them), put them to bed with a video, play insane cards games over several drinks and laugh our asses off all night. No taxis, everyone stay over and we'd all cook hungover pancakes the next day and laze around with the kids.
We were all young and learning the ropes financially (read: broke), but it was without a doubt the best time of my life.
You have so much to gain from this, so much to look forward to. Keep that in mind when you are thinking (rightfully) evil thoughts about Terry, 'cos now you have started - I'm sure you will probably find a few more things to be annoyed about unfortunatley....keep yourself focussed on the end result. Happiness, security - whatever you decide.

xoxoxooxx

[barbie-up]

About childcare - Alex goes to an ABC centre once a week - during the year it was for when I was at Uni, but I've kept it up because he seems to like it and I love my 'day off' - I get to help at Cait's school, do uninterupted housework, go shopping, make the zillion phone calls I seem to have to do on a Monday etc ...

Our combined income was approx $52,000 and based on this, I was out of pocket $25. Then you did get 30% of that back at tax time - now 50% under the new federal govt and I don't think you have to wait until tax time. Thanks Kev !

The thing that irked me about Nick and his time with the kids was that it was an effort for him to do anything with them, especially Cait. It took him two years to take her camping, he's taken her bike riding probably twice in her life, he hates it on the weekends when she wants to DO something - like a play date, or the park or the pools. I like to do it because it makes her happy and she's a social kid but it ****es me off that he can't see how happy it makes her and wont do anything with her. Never took her to dancing lessons in 18 months, has been to watch her swim lessons once in 12 months and thats only because we had been shopping and I would not detour to drop him home and he was really ****ed off. What sort of man or father is that ??

He might make more of their time together now there will be a lot less of it.

[mummycate]

I think I'll try and get her into childcare on fridays. Then I can look at real estate and volunteer at wires or the hospital and do my errands and such. I'll have to work it out.