Hi I am new to this thread. I'm in a situation I didn't want to happen and need some advice. My husband has some very serious depression and alcohol issues and I am at the end of my rope and just can't tolerate it anymore. My little girl is 5 1/2 months old and I know she is picking up on the tension in the house. There have been a few incidents he's caused over the last year and this has just tipped me over the edge. I have made the decision to leave with her but doing it is the scary part. I have no family here and the only option is a refuge. I work part time 5 days a week and have to put my daughter in daycare 3 of them, while husband looks after her the other 2. So far he has been fine with this and enjoys spending time with her. The issue is the lying about the drinking.
Anyhow, I am waffling, what I want to know is, if I find a place of my own after seperating, will I be entitled to single parent payment, and is it worth giving up my job in order to take care of my daughter full time? I have to weigh up what is more cost effective. It's all very overwhelming at the moment and I don't know the first place to start with arrangements.
Any advice or wisdom is welcomed via forum or PM. Thanks.
Melby, print off and keep that email. It screams of him trying to make himself look good and taking no responsibility of his own. It may prove useful.
Why don't you keep up the emailing, unless you find it draining. Its just not appropriate to bring up issues in front of the kids, which is what he does because he knows you are the better person and WILL back off because they are there.
You might even be able to sort things, or get somewhere via email because at least you can step back and consider what he says, or go kick a wall when you don't, compose yourself and reply in your own time.
Send him an email saying again, you will only communicate issues with a mediator or via email. Just a suggestion if you think if might work.
Lovin - get on the Centrelink website, its pretty easy to navigate and you can run the payment calculator to see what you may be eligible to receive. Its a good place to start.
Hi Lulu, thanks for your suggestions. Unfortunately email has been a terrible way to sort things out, as invariably he will turn to insults and put-downs. I have had 4 nasty emails from him in the last half an hour. It got to the point where I had to get my IT department to ban his home email addresses from sending anything to anyone in my organisation (a large government department) because he was bombarding me with nasty emails and threatening to send his point of view to everyone I know to "defend" himself. Really, mediation is the only viable option but that won't happen overnight, and in the meantime, he seems to take any opportunity to reneg on an agreement - it used to be about things like money or me getting stuff from the house but he can't do that any more and so now it is just the girls. He is the master manipulator, and it seems everyone he knows just believes what he says. Heck, sometimes reading his emails I almost believe what he says. It's very bad for the self esteem. Really I should probably just stop reading his emails.
Yep, do that. Forward them on to someone you trust to print them off. Seems like very good evidence of an abusive relationship. If you could bear to do it xoxoxoxoxo
Hey Lovin' Oven, I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. It is very daunting when you first make the decision to leave, there are so many things to consider. Lulu is right, the Centrelink website will get you started. I can't see why you wouldn't be eligible for a single parents payment? Contact them very early on in the piece - some of the payments can be backdated to the date of separation, but the earlier you get the ball rolling, the earlier you will have access to the money. When I first started REALLY thinking of leaving XH (really I had been thinking about it for a long time) I called the Family Relationship Centre and they were a great help with giving support and steering me in the right direction.
Is there any way you could kick HIM out of the house? My XH is such a jerk and a manipulator that leaving was the best option, although I had places to stay. I don't know anything about refuges but you will get help getting into a rental place through centrelink.
My XH also has alcohol issues, and after the way he has been carrying on since we split, I am sure he has mental health issues as well (although if you ask him it's ME that has the issues). Being the supportive wife sounds all rose-gardens-and-picket-fences but it's not just you that you have to think about anymore, it's your daughter too. It sounds like you already understand that.
So best of luck in actually making this happen. And like I was told in the early days... it DOES get better.
Also - you have posted on the end of my thread, maybe you will get some more responses if you post as a new thread?
Thx Melby. My first priority is my darling girl. She shouldn't be punished for being here and I don't intend letting her grow up in this uncertain, tense, cold environment. My husband has mental health issues too and it just magnifies the importance of my decision. I know he loves her but sometimes it just isn't enough to keep a family together.
Hi - from my experience, I don't ask for changes in the arrangement I have with my EX.
A new bed might sound exciting to you all at the moment, but if it's going to cause crap, then it's not worth it. It won't be the first or last time you won't be able to share something special with them straight away on your terms.
Don't make too big a deal about them not being there, as much as you want to, they pick up things so quickly. They might feel bad that they were not with you and the beds because they were with their dad and that has nothing to do with them. It's hard sometimes, but someone has to be the adult.
Anxious
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Heart breaking.
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