My husband is leaving me for another woman. (LONG)

[Calluna]

For your daughter - Make it quick. Rip it off like a bandaid then support her as she adjusts. Keeping the new routine consistant and lots of reassurance from both of you is key. It wont be easy but dragging it out will likely cause her more anxiety.

Having BTDT with a 5 year old who has high anxiety and cant handle disruption to his routine, he is always better when things are consistant and firm boundaries and routines are in place. Its when things change that he gets upset and feels unsafe. He actually handled the separation really well. It has only been when his routine is chopped and changed that he started with his anxious behaviours.

Kids arent stupid (and thats not to say you think they are). She will see the changes in you and him. She will know something is going on and is being hidden from her and not knowing what will cause more anxiety than reassurance. Being open and honest with her will go a long way to maintaining trust between you and showing her she can come to you when she is upset.

Im sorry that he has done this to you. It is wrong on so many levels. He needs to know there are consequences for his actions and he cannot dictate to you the terms of the separation just because he decided thats what he wanted. He is not thinking of anyone but himself (despite making it sound as though it is all about your daughter), its all about what he wants. Tell him to shove his "plan" where his head is and take this to mediation to get some kind of written agreement in place.

Contact legal aid and get the process going for representation before he does.
Also have a look for some counselling for yourself and your DD. The GP can help with a mental health plan for both of you. It will be a rough ride but you will both be better for it long term.

Also have a look at what defines domestic abuse. A lot of people don't realise the true extent of what DV is and if you fall into that category there is loads of help available to you, if you know where to look. Starting with 1800 RESPECT.

Love and gentle hugs.

P.S I hope this doesnt come across as too blunt. Im having a sick of a-holes day today.

[goddessofdawn]

UPDATE:
First thanks to everyone again.

I spoke to him just then and told him that he can't stay here. I looked him in the eye and said "You are leaving me for another woman. It's not respectful that you continue to stay here". He just nodded and said he'd "find a room". Whatever. I said I don't care if you stay there, I just don't want you here. There was no hysterics. I'm done crying.