Should I invite her partner?

[Peach*]

DD's first birthday is coming up and Ill be inviting one of my good friends from interstate who Im pretty sure will come along, the problem is I dont want to invite her partner who is a complete douche but I dont want to hurt my friends feelings. Any advice would be appreciated!!
I thought maybe I should put him on the invite as maybe he would stay behind, but if he did come I would be devo...Then I dont want it to be weird between my friend and I if I only invite her...

[Rouge]

Unfortunately unless you want to explain why he's not invited you'll have to invite them both or not at all. Sorry I couldn't offer a better solution.

[*Ash*]

Hi Peach!

Oh, a tough dilemma! I don't have any advice per se, just some questions to help you mull it over!

You said you would be devastated if the partner came. And your relationship with your friend is important and you do not want it to be weird between you. I guess it is a case of balancing those 2 things.

Do they have a long way to travel to your place? Is is likely that he would even be interested? Could you sus it out with your friend first before you do the 'official' invite? Could you tell her that you don't want it to be a huge event (whether that is true or not) and are trying to contain the numbers?

If she assumes that the invite includes her partner, would you want to risk hurting her by saying that he isn't invited? Would she be hurt if he wasn't invited? What is going to affect you more in the long term - his having attended the b'day OR a (possible) strain in the relationship with your friend? Only you can answer that one.

I guess the only definite is the fact that you don't want him there. At this stage, it is only hypothetical that she would be offended if he wasn't invited....

I hope that helps in some small way! Good luck!

[diannescruffy]

I agree with with Rouge. If I was in your friends shoes and was invited to a party but not my DH/DP I know I would be offended and want to know why he wasn't invited also.

Regards,
Dianne

[Turkish Delight]

I'd be so offended too if Dh was invited and not me. I wouldn't go and then probably not speak to them again either.

[smiles4u]

......... i've been in this situation before, sadly it came down to either it's everyone's partner or none at all ... and none at all means you still have to explain yourself as it's unusual for 1st birthday parties for it to be just female friends invited only

So sorry reckon you will have to invite him ... UNLESS he is an alcoholic that will get smashed & ruin the party i think then it would be worth talking to your friend about him but will of course cause more than just friction !!

[Peach*]

Thanks Girls for your replies.

Sigh! I know if roles were reversed I would be offended if DP wasnt invited, but aaargh I dont know how to say what Im thinking...

Smiles4u- Unfortunately(well probably fortunately) he isnt a rampant alco so I cant use that one but I see what your saying with all partners or none, thats a pretty good call.

Aliash- Some good things to ponder, I know for a fact she would be offended if I didnt invite him as when we were in Melbourne last we were meant to have a girly catch up and he wanted to come along(controlling, possesive and emotional abusive hence me calling him a douche) but I said that I wanted it to be just her and I and she got a bit funny so I kind of dont want to have that happen all over again...And they would be coming from vic to qld.

I guess Ill just invite him and hope for the best...

[feeb]

Unfortunately unless you want to explain why he's not invited you'll have to invite them both or not at all. Sorry I couldn't offer a better solution.

:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:

[suse]

It would be a bit of a dead giveaway if you tried the 'controlling the numbers' line and she turned up and there were eighty people, including partners, and it was a casual bbq. That line can work with weddings, where it is often a legitimate excuse, but is probably not as believable with a child's first birthday party.

Although if he does come, you'll probably be so busy that you won't have time to notice his douche-iness anyway. I doubt I managed to have a conversation longer than three sentences at my DS' party, so if he p*sses you off, as the host you have a pretty legitimate excuse to tend to other guests, or to your DD.

[smiles4u]

.... Peach i know it's a hard situation to be in seeing it's your bubba's very 1st birthday, and you as Mummy certainly want it to be a brilliant day to always remember ... if it helps at all i had two pain in the b@tt friends partners come to my DD's 1st b'day party and seeing the party was at 1pm on an arvo they were actually really well behavoured to the point that i was so busy doing things & chatting to most there i actually forgot ' they ' were there

I think if the party is during the day people are usually more toned down, and HE may not show his true colours, espesh if there are unfamiliar people to him at the party IYKWIM ... so i reckon try not too worry so much and maybe just now look forward to your DD's very extra special day

[Peach*]

Great advice! Thank you so much Girls. I dont want to stress and really thinking about it this way it dosnt seem like the biggest issue. Im going to post the invites tmrw and I will invite him. Thanks again!

[Winter]

Ugh, it's awful when friends fall in love with people that make your skin crawl! I have had to give away a friendship because I couldn't stand her husband & I couldn't in fairness inflict him on my husband if they came over. I just couldn't bear to be anywhere around him and his stupid, big mouth & all the crappola that flows out of it. It's tough, but I found myself losing respect for my friend - why oh why does she stay with him - so in the end it came down to couldn't really be bothered maintaining the friendship.

So I understand your dilema, and hope that it all works out for you!

[Lulu]

I think it would be best if you just told her you don't like him - using the word douche is an excellent idea to get the point across. If he is a controlling abuser you need to say it out loud to her. Other than that if he did turn up, are there enough people around that would pull him up for being a douche?

[Cherished]

Hi peach!

I think you do have to invite both of them 'if you are going to actually send an invite'... The only way around it is not to actually send her an invite to her at all and just assume that she will be there because she will be visiting at that time iykwim... It's a bit sneaky but if she brings up why she didnt' get a physical invite in the mail just tell her you didn't think to send an invite to them because you already knew she was staying when she visited you... Unfortunantly she may just bring him along anyway

On a seperate note last night I dreamt that I met you!!!

[Heaven]

ugh, how annoying!
I agree, you have to invite him. But if he is as bad as you say maybe you have to be prepared to ask him to leave if he starts being feral?? Then you can say to your friend 'I'm sorry but we don't put up with that kind of behaviour' and maybe she can get the hint that she should do the same! lol.
Although, that's a lot of drama for a first b'day party and you don't want to have to be dealing with that.

[Peach*]

So after all that worrying my friend has to work(just started a new job too so cant get a day off), Devo!

Heaven- He is more of a closet douche so I dont think he would have done anything to warrant being kicked out.
Cherished- Hi Good idea. Ill have to keep that in mind for next party. Hope I was looking spunky in your dream heheh.
Lulu- Ive told her she deserves better in the past, but she is so gentle and loving I think she would stand by him no matter what anybody said.
Winter- Thats rough!

Thanks again everyone for the advice!