my DD is too much of a handful. .. is it my parenting or her ???

[*charmalea*]

i have a DD , G . she is trouble .... massive amounts of my energy go into stopping her from being destructive. Now i know 2 year old are messy , loud , energetic , i know , ive had one ( DS who is 4.5) but this is different ... i gave DD a custard , ... she didnt want it so she painted my new canvas picture with it ...... DH gave her breakfast .... the milk was too hot so she threw it in the mop bucket ..... dinner HAS to be COLD .... not HOT and she will chuck a tanty over anything .... esp if i cant find her undies with the doggies on them .... .. she tips flour everywhere . draws on walls . ASKS if she can break things ... and when i say no and explain why , by the time im done saying no , she has broken it !!

she had no fear of water and spends hours jumping head first into the pool , runs and runs .... if shes not got my FULL attention she is being naughty somewhere , like squeezing out the toothpaste and rubbing it in to the floor or tipping her milk into the cup holders of our lounge ..... she climbs the shelves in my pantry until she finds what she wants ( mostly lollies ) and screams and scratches when i say no .... she simply refuses to have a blanket on even in winter and has an almighty tanty through out the night if i have snuck in and put a blanket over her ...

and most days will not wear any clothes at all .... even at kindy her teacher finds her doing a nudie run .

she is soooo advanced for her age in many things and sometimes is just too much for me . i feel guilty that i admit that . she is just too much , the other night after picking up ALL my tupperware she spread around the house , i said to her " i cant wait till you are in kindy tomorrow"
she didnt hear me or seem to notice id said that but i felt so mean ...

i love her to bits but shes too full on . .... is it me being a lazy parent ... or is it her ...sometimes her behavior is embarrssing when we are visiting , as people tend to think shes a spoiled brat . but shes not ... shes just ..... well i dont know what she is ... do u think her behaoiver is normal ? or am i over worrying about nothing ....

arrrgh some days i cant cope with her full on ness .... and i dont know what to do

[*Efjay*]

Wow thats a full on little girl you have there! Hats off to you having to put up with that day in day out.

You know what I think if I was you I would go & discuss with your pead about her behaviour. She may have some sort of sensory issue or a spectrum disorder that would explain a lot of her behaviours.

I don't think her behaviour is "normal" well it is but not to that extent. After all kids are kids but she does sound really full on & I think you should go speak with your pead & see what they think.

My DD is what you could call a brat. Spoiled not so much but Brat YES. She has a princess diva complex when drives me nuts!

[Butterfly Dawn]

Wow!
Your DD sounds really full on. Big hugs. Its very tiring to have such full on children.
What good things does your daughter like to do?
I find DS1 can get out of control when hes not semi directed in his activities. If her starts to play up I start to do things he loves to do (lucky he likes to vacuum and mop the floors) or we get everybody out of the house and go for a walk in a park with a ball where both kids can run round.
If Im working I will get him to draw or practice writing his numbers etc. helping with baking or cooking helps.

We also have "the naughty chair". When this 1st came in I had to almost hold them on it for 2 mins and ignore the screams and hits, now- a few months later, they both will just go and sit on it.

If we are out and they play up we go back to the car and go home. then no dvds/ cds or favourite toy for the rest of the day.

We found we have to eliminate the times they can play up, give instant punishment but relax at the same time. When my kids see they are pushing my buttons they get worse.

I have cried infront of my kids before, and when they asked what was wrong, I said today you are too naughty. (might have to pay for therapy when they are older for that) but it made them think alittle. gave them a shock.

Its hard work hun. Chin up and hang in there

[Yeddi]

Wow thats a full on little girl you have there! Hats off to you having to put up with that day in day out.

You know what I think if I was you I would go & discuss with your pead about her behaviour. She may have some sort of sensory issue or a spectrum disorder that would explain a lot of her behaviours.

^Yeah, that^

Sounds as though she is sensory seeking and could have a PPD.

Custard on picture = tactile sensory seeking
dinner HAS to be COLD .... not HOT = sensory avoidance
she tips flour everywhere = tactile sensory seeking
break things = tactile and auditory sensory seeking
squeezing out the toothpaste and rubbing it in to the floor = tactile sensory seeking
tipping her milk into the cup holders of our lounge = tactile sensory seeking
refuses to have a blanket on = sensory avoidance
most days will not wear any clothes at all = sensory avoidance...

Doing one or two of these things is fairly normal, but not all of them, there's a bit of a pattern going on there!

Time outs, smacking, removing toys etc. will not work, because this isn't about a lack of discipline. This is about a sensory drug addict looking for their next fix and not being able to handle certain stimuli. Trust me, I know, my DD is sensory seeking too. The only way to deal with this behaviour is to manage it by steering it towards more appropriate avenues, because asking them not to seek or avoid certain textures is akin to asking them not to breathe - they can't not do it. It might be worth seeing an OT and getting a sensory profile done, so you know where you need to provide a sensory fix and what textures you need to be light handed with.

[Shanti]

Do you have a big yard where she can run around?? Burn energy that way? Some toddlers just have ALOT of energy and need to burn it off. Does she go to playgroup?

[sconeonamission]

we visited our grandmother (mum's mum) the other day and she screamed and carried on coz she wanted to play with the water running in the patients bathroom basin... Just to add another thing she does... Oh! And she must take her shoes off when using the toilet...

I have no idea how you do it at all! She's too much for me!

[*charmalea*]

id forgotten about the water thing ren ...... she does just stand at the sink all day and let the water run over her hands .... and she must take her shoes , undies and pants and if we are at home, her top off to pee too !!

Yeddi ... WOW you really opened my eyes .... reading your post reminded me about the other day when i was talking to my neighbour gabbi had pulled something from her laundry and was running around rubbing it all over her ... we were making a joke of it and i said , " shes such a tactile kid , likes different textures "

i was beginning to think she may have ADHD , but this really opened my mind yeddi . she has alot of food issues , and after a endoscopy has been given the all clear to eat all foods , she has IBS ( toddlers diarreah, or in other words " no idea whats wrong with your DD , so we'll call it IBS ) and suffers fuctose intolerance etc , so when she was little her Pead , warned me she may be irratable and agitated , as babies with her kids of problems tend to be . she has a history of reflux , also has sleep apnea and will be getting tonsils and adenoids out in april ....

i dont know if these are related to the sensory issues . but it might be

i called my pead the other day to get an appt . but they said hes too busy and just to email him :0 i will so some reasearch on this ... as its just dawned on me that DD may have a problem ........ and its just a bit much right now ...

[nothing2lose]

You poor thing!

I don't know much about sensory disorders but DD has ADHD and I know there is a link between IBS and ADHD (and other disorders on the spectrum).

Definitely take her to a paediatric specialist.

Good luck!!

n2l

[*Efjay*]

Now the light bulb has come on, do lots of reading & ask lots of questions & things will get easier

[Yeddi]

Charmelea I know it's a lot to take in, but now you can empower yourself to find tools. Tools help... a LOT, both practically and emotionally because they give you hope.

One of the biggest things we found was the GAPS diet. Honestly, it's a big undertaking and at first it was just too much hassle, but then I got desperate and gave it a go. I didn't follow it exactly, I allowed seeds like millet etc. (I just soaked them overnight to remove the bulk of the starch) because otherwise it can lack in B-vitamins and had A2 milk but it made a HUGE difference to our child and the whole family. There is a lot of antidotal evidence to suggest that spectrum disorders are a microscopic yeast infection of the brain. Yeast overgrowth is also connected with reflux and IBS. Gluten and casein can make these kids even more nutso because the peptides have a similar make up to morphine and heroin. These peptides are meant to be excreted out but because the yeast rips tiny holes in the stomach lining they get through into the blood stream. And don't even get me started on how most vaccines are made on mutated yeast. My daughter's original diagnosis was Autism, now it's PPD-NOS and they are considering removing her off the spectrum altogether at the next review. I don't think she's quite there yet, maybe the 2012 review would be more accurate time to remove her, as we had some regression when DS came along as he is very unpredictable (i.e. he cries sometimes and because she can't see a trigger it freaks her out). Anyway, I'm a convert to the diet and have seen amazing things from it. I didn't start her until 5 but the earlier you start the better. I followed the GAPS diet throughout my pregnancy with DS and now live by its general rules while breastfeeding and the health difference between my two children is phenomenal. DS has never been sick despite the rest of the family catching whooping cough when he was 2 months old and he's not vaccinated (he did get a slightly runny nose but I shot boob juice up there and it went away), never had colic, no reflux, no cradle cap, no milk spots, never had a rash on his bottom, he wouldn't cry more than 40 minutes in total in a 24 hour period and it's actually more complaining (sounds like baby swearing) than crying. By the time DD was three months old, she'd had oral thrush 3 times, 2 temperatures, reflux, she had crusty cradle cap on her head most of the time, and we were dealing with either constipated and poosunamis - no in betweens! The difference between them is insane. So its definitely worth a look at when you're up to it.

A visual schedule can help your DD too. Talking often goes in one ear and out the other, but the visual schedule gives them optical sensory stimulation and can cut through. You can find pictures on google images for most things and just print them off and laminate. The kids can also pull the picture off afterwards if you put velcro on the back which again is tactile. Singing instructions also makes a big difference as it uses a different part of the brain. You'll need rewards for good behaviour that are tactile, one of DD's favs is playing with homemade cornflour goo in a bucket out in the backyard. She would get this if she could do some quiet time for 15 minutes.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Your ped is too busy! WT hell? This is important, get a new 1 who takes you seriously. If he wont make time for a child like this, you will be fighting the whole way to get tests etc. I would also recommend a homeopath for food intollerance testing and the rest.

Its great you have started to get you both help, (cause when shes better, you will feel better)
Your a good loving mum

[aussienic]

Do you have my DD at your house?????

this is exactly the type of things she does.. It is simply exhausting. Tantrums over every little thing. She broke her curtain rod in her room the other night.. Why I don't know, I imagine she was using it as a bridge as that is what she did to the last one :/

I supervise as much as you can when you have 4 kids and also need to cook dinner ect. Today started off terribly but since lunch she has actually been really quiet so its been nice.

but we had major tantrums all morning. first one was because we wouldn't let her wear a long sleeved top today

I don't think it is your parenting I just think some children are like this. my 3 sons are nothing and were nothing like this. Of course they had their days and still do but nothing like DD. my DD is also quite clever and is very independant. I worry we have let her grow up to fast kwim?

I was so mad yesterday when I realized that for the 3rd time she has drawn on the back of yet another couch with permanent marker. I don't even know where she got it from. The 2 i have in the house are in a drawer she can't reach and the rest are in Dh's work bag which is always in the car.

If you find a solution to your problem please please share.

[Party-of-five]

Just an idea but you might notice a bit of a change once she has her tonsils/adnoids done. My DS had sleep apnea and his was like a new kid after his first ever good night sleep after surgery. Not suggesting its her only problem but it might help a little

[*charmalea*]

wow Yeddi ... all that info makes sooooo much sense to me ..ESP the part about casein and gluten , since getting the "all clear " from the gastroenteroligist , i have been giving her " normal foods " and she has gotten soooo hypo and destructive i almost feel weary just thinking about the past few days .

Double trouble , her pead is the best out here , normally i get throug to him straight away , but im thinking of calling again this arvo , but i dont know what to say if they say hes too busy , she been caring for gabbi since 7 mths , so finding another would be hard and too much trouble , iykwim . having to repeat what weve been through to someone else would just annoy me and i hate that " you mums look into things too much and you think you know more than me " look that ive had from a few GPs that ive take her to ... her GP and Pead are both so awesome ... but i know the fight mums have gone through to get their kids DX with autisim. ASPY, etc that im not sure if i will be laughed at ....

Nic ... OMGEE she sounds like my DD ... just in her own little world , doing things other kids their age dont normally do ... i really feel for you and i totally know what your days can be like ..... DD is in daycare 3 days a week , as i just cant deal with the constant battles that we face ... shes 2.5 and everyone says , " theres just something different about her " .
i get where they come from .... ive felt it too .... and i get the part about letting them grow up too soon . as DD can have a proper conversation , and is so independant its frustrating ... when my DS was 2.5 he still only had a few words and played and acted like a baby ( well not a "baby" but ykwim ) he wasnt anywhere neat the 2 going on 22 , that my DD is ...

i asked her kindy teacher if gabbi was a hassle and she said she wasnt .... so it was good to hear she behaves for atleast some one !

mum and i were going to the shops and we had to pass her daycare on the way there , she suggested that we may as well pick up DD and then we wont have to go out to get her after .... i did warn her that she a beast and cant be tamed at a shopping centre ....... half way in to the shopping trip .... she told me that we will next time pick her up after we go shopping LOL ....

[aussienic]

Nic ... OMGEE she sounds like my DD ... just in her own little world , doing things other kids their age dont normally do ... i really feel for you and i totally know what your days can be like ..... DD is in daycare 3 days a week , as i just cant deal with the constant battles that we face ... shes 2.5 and everyone says , " theres just something different about her " .
i get where they come from .... ive felt it too .... and i get the part about letting them grow up too soon . as DD can have a proper conversation , and is so independant its frustrating ... when my DS was 2.5 he still only had a few words and played and acted like a baby ( well not a "baby" but ykwim ) he wasnt anywhere neat the 2 going on 22 , that my DD is ...

.

Olivia can have full conversations to.. I try and avoid the shops with her too.. Even when the boys are at school she can be horrendous. Not always though..

she was so good today except we noticed she has drawn all over the hall way walls thankfully with chalk. I have no idea when she did it. I was in the lounge the whole time and the hall is off the lounge. I did go to the toilet twice so maybe then.. Who knows..

What is your DD like at bed time? olivia is terrible still.. We have to sit in there with her and most times consist of a screaming tantrum or kicking and carrying on.. I play lullabies off youtube After about 3 songs she is out like a light.. and it all starts again at 5am..

[mrsmac]

I would try to get her to an OT, they can diagnose sensory issues and also help you with them. They'd be better than a paed if it is sensory. Your DD sounds a lot like my DS, he reacts to some food additives and has a sensory procesing disorder. He craves some sensory feeling but hates really loud noises.

The book "The Out of synch child" is a great read, its about sensory kids.

[*charmalea*]

thanks all , i cant wait till her OP and she has her tonsils and adenoids out , im hoping it will make a difference .

a PP mentioned how is her bedtime? wel its not too bad , not many tanties ( unless she extremly over tired ) BUT when shes in be i lay with her and for 45 mins or so all she does is talk to her self and roll around the bed , its like at bedtime she has ants in her pants , then she finally drifts off .... but when she wakes up , u need to tread on egg shells incase you do the wrong thing ( like sereve the wrong breakky ) she is super cranky in the morning ...

i have talked to DH about this and we aerr going to keep a list of what/when / where and then take them to our pead .

[aussienic]

I don't know if this will work in your case but we just started a new thing yesterday..

I made traffic lights for the fridge. and all of our names are in the green, yelling and bad behaviour gets your nme moved to yellow and if that behaviour doesn't stop you get moved to red which gets you a time out according to age. so Olivia gets 3 mins (if you watch supernanny? I ask for an apology and a reason for why I want the apology and if I don't get it then she gets another 3 mins yesterday she ended up in time out for 9 mins) Hitting gets you an instant red dot and a time out there is no warning.

This morning Olivia started yelling at me. I asked her to stop and said if you don't start bening nice I will move you to the yellow dot. The behaviour didn't stop so she went on yellow and apparently she didn't like that so she threw her water bottle so ended up with a 3 min time out. after 3 mins I got an apology

I don't think it is going to work miracles but i am finding myself calmer so the situation calms down a lot faster. My name and Dh's name are also on the lights so if we yell or smack or whatever we have to move our names to (dh said he might just smack the kids (jks) to get a 35 min timeout ) ps he rarely smacks the kids so was joking

i am not sure if your DD would be old enough but it can't hurt to try?