Due to unfortunate events surrounding DS's birth, I cannot give birth again naturally. If you are curious about why, feel free to read through my birth story and subsequent threads.
So I'm blessed to be pregnant again - and I am thrilled.
But getting my head around the fact that I can't give birth to my new son or daughter is proving difficult.
I know that a natural birth is not the be all and end off of all things, and that I should stil be able to breastfeed, and that I should be able to be awake during the c-section, and get given my new son or daughter straight away, and have those first cuddles and the breastcrawl and all those other lovely things - but there seems to be a great big chasm between that knowledge and how I am feeling.
Has anyone else been in a similar place?
I have about 7 months to get used to the idea ... but I'm not sure where to start.
Oh, and can I just say how much I despise the word "elective" in there? It's not elective. It's mandatory, because I don't want my insides ripping open, and causing me and the baby to die. Yeah, elective my foot. Boo.
Last edited by peanutter; July 20th, 2011 at 02:01 PM.
: just adding ...
Huge Peanutter. I haven't been through anything like what you did in having DS (so this is coming more from what I *think* might work, rather than direct experience) but I think "knowing" all of those things about c-sections (b'feeding, first cuddles etc) and "knowing" that you can't have a vaginal birth intellectually or factually is totally different to knowing those things emotionally, or accepting them emotionally ITMS.
In my case I "knew" all the factual stuff about my c-section and the reasons for it but I had to work through my emotional knowing of it before I could start to be ok with what happened. And that meant ignoring all the facts (healthy baby, eventually healthy me etc) and sitting with my feelings about it all. I think you need to work through the emotional stuff, grieve the loss of choice that you are now faced with. It is a loss and I'm not sure how you process it, it's different for everybody and there's no right way except the way that feels right to you but finding a way to sit with how you feel about what is going to happen and then coming to a place of being able to farewell that other scenario, accept this scenario and even embrace it perhaps. It's not your ideal choice, but it's the best choice for you, to look after you.
I hope that chasm between your knowledge of things and your feelings about them closes over the next 7 months
We didn't know it would be a scheduled (I use that term, rather than elective, because I certainly didn't 'elect' for it either!) c/s until 37 weeks, but we were aware of the possibility from 20 weeks on (low lying placenta). I found what helped me deal with it was to come to peace with the fact it was being done for the right reasons and I was well aware of them and then planning as much as I could, with info about what would happen and in our case, particularly bfing afterwards became my focus.
While I didn't have all the things in a c/s that I'd ask for now (wait until 40 weeks or start of labour, immediate contact, her to come with me into recovery for starters), I enjoyed the experience and found afterwards I felt great. I got some info on recovering from the spinal (moving legs, etc) from the physio dept and I think that helped.
Find out all you can about the c/s from the hospital and your ob - what their procedures are, how you might be able to ensure you can do some of the things you think are important, etc. If you take control in this way, you can probably feel a bit more empowered about the birth.
And my final word of advice would be to make sure you can opt for first thing in the morning procedure - that way you should be fine to have bubs in with you by the night and you won't get bumped until last thing at night (when the theatre in our case was freezing and I couldn't have skin-to-skin or a cuddle ). You can still get bumped obviously, but not as much.
GL!
Last edited by Jennifer13; July 20th, 2011 at 02:29 PM.
peanutter, good on you for asking early. I had only an hour to wrap my head around the fact that my Jake had to be born by csection, but my prior research I believe made the experience a lot more calming and gave me a feeling of 'control.'
I chose to have a spinal so I could be awake, and my DH to be with us in theatre. I had the curtain up while they were cutting, but put down when they pulled him out. DH walked around to the apgar testing table and cut Jakes cord. I could see the whole thing even though I was still lying down, because they had a monitor and camera set up in the room. So I watched everything that was going on through the monitor. See if this monitor and camera is available to you, as it was really nice to be able to watch everything. They let us take pictures in theatre, the nurses were all too happy to help take photos, we didn't have a good camera with us because our csection wasn't so planned, but we could take them on our smartphones without any hassle, our hospital's policy was still photos were fine in theatre but not video. I would suggest checking your hospitals policy regarding photos and video in theatre.
Also, have a chat with your partner and discuss whether you'd like him to stay with you, or go with the baby to SCN, if the baby has to go. Its good to have that decision made in advance so he knows what to do, especially if you end up having to have a general.
And I am exclusively breastfeeding Jake, it took a little longer for my milk to come in, so he lost more than 10% in 3 days. It was suggested to me on day 3 that they top up with formula, but I put my foot down and said NO! (as this wouldn't help my supply much!), so instead they hired to me an electric breastpump so I could pump after each feed. I recommend this approach over formula top ups, I only had to do it for a few days, then my supply built up and my milk came in.
Also, ask about the lactation services provided by the hospital, ours had day clinics you could book yourself into, I went to one and it helped a lot with my understanding and confidence. Jake was so small by day 3 (2.4kg) and my boobs so big, that it was hard to get him to latch on, my boobs were like twice the size of his head! but we managed
Ummm, what else.. oh yeah referred pain can be a real b*tch! On day 2nd night post op I had this excruciating shoulder pain, I remember thinking WTF?! ... turns out this can happen after a csection. So even though pain in your shoulder seems bizarre, don't keep quiet about it, get some pain relief! The first nurse I told gave me codeine, but next nurse suggested I try heat packs instead. The heatpacks worked just as well, and are a lot safer! Codeine can turn into morphine and transfer to baby through breastmilk, which I only found out later. So stick to just panadol 6hrly and heat packs if you can.
Getting a motorised bed helps a lot, its very difficult to rise from lying to sitting to standing in the first week. Try and practise sleeping at an incline, so you can in hospital. The less you have to get from lying flat to sitting up, the better!
This is probably the longest post ever, sorry for the ramble! Feel free to Skype me or PM me if you have any questions xoxo
ETA: on the emotional side, I had a good talk to my aunty who had all 4 kids by csection. Her pelvis was shaped too narrow, like a squished oval shape (I can't remember the medical term) so she couldn't give birth vaginally. She didn't find this out till her 2nd pregnancy, after her first one ended in a critical emergency csection. My aunty told me not to listen to rubbish about 'missing out' or 'cheated.' She says 'the end result is the same' and anytime I feel any disappointment, I should just look at my beautiful son and remind myself how lucky I am to have such a miracle in my arms and be grateful.
I went through a similar birth to your sons's with my first DD, however ended in emergency c/s (she was posterier) and got stuck in my pelvis due to bone in the way during pushing stage.
I too was told any future births needed to be elective c/s due to medical condition. I saw a psychologist who helped me prepare for the birth. She told me every birth for anothe baby is different and to focus on that. Also knowledge is power.
I also had the fear of dying while being cut open. I was told this is normal. Hugs, I know its hard to face having surgery.
What I recommend being through 2 elective c/s is:
a) positive thoughts or seeing a counsellor and relaxation techniques to prepare for the birth:
- this birth is different, different baby will not be the same birth as DS
- dont think about c/section, think about meeting your baby
- hypnotherapy works well too if you want to try it to send you postive thoughts for the c/section.
b) ask the hospital if you can have baby in recovery to breastfeed. I could this time 3 weeks ago for the birth of DD3 and it was awesome and we breastfeed in recovery it certainly has helped my supply and bonding this time round.
c) speak to the anethetist before the procedure of the elective c/s to alleviate any anxiety and go through the steps with him of administering the drugs in your spine. I found out the spinal was better for me (much less drug quantity administered), as I have high anxiety and had the shakes so bad from the epidural which I had for 24 hours then a top up of it when getting emergency c/s with my first.
The spinal block only took 10-20mins to take affect and about 10mins before DD3 was born, it will be less for you as you havent had a c/section before, they had to be more careful due to my previous scaring from the operations.
d) ask if you can have music or relaxation of some sort playing in the background during the c/section.
e) they should give you the baby as soon as he/she is born. I got to hold Annabel 1 min after she was born. She was weighed a bit later after stitching me up.
f) Try to walk ASAP when you dont have the catheter in anymore just little steps at a time. The more you walk around the faster your recovery will be.
g) Depending on the hospital they will give you different types of painkillers after the c/section for recovery. I had PDA of fentenyl (not morphine) after for 24 hours, it did wonders, after that I only had panadine forte every 6 hours. I cant take Voltaren or Endone which my hospital also offered.
Hope this helps, your welcome to read the birth stories of Tara (July 08) and Annabel (June 2011) which were both elective c/sections which I go through the whole procedure hopefully will help ease your mind a bit. Im here if you need to talk too, just pm me.
Not sure how much help I am, probably none, but I feel your pain. I have had to come to terms with that too this pregnancy. My focus wasn't particularly on the C section itself, but the possibility of separation and not having immediate skin to skin etc.. I have just been asking questions each time I go to the hospital and trying to focus on the positives. It is scary to think about the birth if your last birth was traumatic. I think *Belle* has given some really good advice.
But I know what your saying. DD was classified as 'elective'. Elective to me means that I CHOSE to have her delivered by c/s.
I had no choice in the matter. I still have major issues over her delivery.
I'm thinking of you, honey. And I'm here if you want to have a rant.
I know that some people "in the real world" will think that I'm being ridiculous and I should simply focus on the fact that I (hopefully, God willing!!) will have a beautiful healthy little baby, and whether they arrive by the door or the sunroof is neither here nor there ... but it's a really, *really* big deal for me, and a lot to deal with, personally.
Thank you for your support and thoughts and experiences and (dare I say it?) love.
Huge hugs hun. I sort of know how you feel, having been told that I would have to have an elective c/s with my second DS. I had a natural birth with my first DS (but unfortunately he came way too early) and wanted a natural one the second time around. After my first pg they had to cut out a huge fibroid and that really weakened my uterus. So they gave me little choice but to have the elective c/s. I did struggle with it for a long time (I didn't have the immediate skin to skin contact until I was in recovery when they put DS on my chest naked) but all along I kept thinking I just want a baby that is healthy and well earthside.
GL hun, I hope you can come to peace with the c/s.
What worked for me was focusing on making it a positive and respectful experience for me and my baby. I didn't get my much wanted vaginal birth, but none the less my cs was a beautiful positive experience. I had a caesarean birth plan that I went through with my OB at great length to make sure we were on the same page. So think about what things are really important to you. Write up a birth plan and make sure you discuss this with your care providers. Things that were important to me were seeing my baby being born and having him given to me in his naked gooey state for skin to skin straight away. I didn't want him taken to the resus table to be suctioned unless absolutely necessary (and in most cases it's not). I wanted skin to skin and Bfeed in recovery and I wanted him weighed and measured in my prescence. Basically the only time he was taken from me was when they had to move me off the operating table.
It's completely natural to grieve for not having a vaginal birth, you need to go through that process. Peanutter, I hope that you can embrace your CS birth and that it will be a positive experience for you
My CS was because DS decided to be transverse and not move, and I have a very wonky pelvis. I was rather cross, since I have had a lot of surgery, and know that surgery for me = nerve damage and scarring problems.
I ended up reconciling it somewhat by considering it a non-trivial part of the price of having a baby - like the IVF fees and other prices that we paid.
The actual CS was really well done, with a straightforward recovery. I think that is one advantage of the scheduled CS - everything is calm, and people have time to explain to you what will happen next. My ob was terrific during the CS and time afterwards, though he wasn't very understanding of my annoyance at having to have it. So if you need a recommendation PM me.
But DS is 3 and the scar is still sore - as expected...
it's nice to have honest feedback, without just people saying I should be grateful that I can get pregnant, and that the "exit route" is irrelevant, etc.
I'm trying to work through it one story at a time ...
dealing with an upcoming "elective" c-section
Reply With QuotePeanutter. I haven't been through anything like what you did in having DS (so this is coming more from what I *think* might work, rather than direct experience) but I think "knowing" all of those things about c-sections (b'feeding, first cuddles etc) and "knowing" that you can't have a vaginal birth intellectually or factually is totally different to knowing those things emotionally, or accepting them emotionally ITMS.
). You can still get bumped obviously, but not as much.
but we managed 
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