Don't even think about work right now. If you can handle things financially for a while, let it go. It's been 8 months since DS died and I work casually at my old job. Some days I can cope, others I can't. I work when I can (I work for family, so have that option). I think I started back on and off about 4-5 months after, but it was too early. Some people are good at throwing themselves into it but I couldn't and also wanted to take time to heal. At 4 weeks I could leave the house by myself, but felt so fragile, I'd often run back and hide. I feel guilty about not contributing more when DH has also been through hell and is in a stressful job, but you can only do what you're capable of.

We've adjusted our budget accordingly to take into account the drop in income. If you haven't looked at it yet, you can apply for the baby bonus or paid parenting thingy. That may help.

A friend of mine who went through the same as me went back full-time at 9 months. That was right for her. Another went back part-time at 9 months. From my experience, I actually don't think it's realistic to go back to work before 6-9 months. There comes a time when it feels better to be out of the house doing something, but that comes slowly.

It's not just work you have to be flexible with - it's everything. For me, a lot of it depend on if I sleep (and at 4 weeks, my insomnia was chronic) or if I've been with small kids or whatever else triggers me off (trips to hospital, for example). The rest of your friends and family need to quickly come to terms with the fact that you will make plans and change them depending on what you can cope with. They're just going to have to adjust.

I know it's hard being at home grievng. Please be gentle with your self and take it easy. Grief is not predicatble or linear. I recommend seeing a qualified grief counsellor for both you and your DH. It helps enormously.