Hi Batty
I am so sorry for your loss.I lost our precious baby girl Madison at 19+2 weeks and I totally understand the feelings of helplessness,hopelessness and guilt.Madison died in utero after my water broke and basically the DRs waited for her to pass away before I was induced.That was 3 years ago.There is NEVER a day that I dont look at her tiny footprints and imagine what if? I still have her ashes as Im not ready to let her go.Honestly I dont think I ever will be ready.The first year was very hard even though I got pregnant 7 months later .I still mourned for my lost little girl.The birth of our DD2 was very therapeutic and I found some of the faith I had lost . You need to do what ever makes you feel better.If that means crying,screaming,having a memorial then do it and NEVER EVER let anyone tell you that you should be "over it".It may not seem like it now but It will get easier as time goes by and there will always be the beautiful memories of the moments that only you and Max shared when he was with you.And there will be days when you will think what if? those days are when you will need a strong support system around you and people who understand without questioning.Finding out what you need to help you with your grief is a personal journey and I pray that you will find peace soon.