Batty.. Im very sorry for your loss- I am sure that your little Angel Max knows how very much he was and is still loved and missed xoxo

I lost a little boy to kidney abnormalities too - we discovered at our morphology scan that he only had one kidney and it was a build up of cysts and would never function properly- we had tests done and were told the same as you- just bad luck. I was induced a few days later- and My son Darren was born still in his sac- but had passed away between the scan and his delivery- his due date is actually coming up next week- he would have been 4 years old- and i still think about him every day.

It is very understandable that right now you feel lost and incredibly empty and robbed of your precious baby. To loose a baby at any stage is horrible- but half way through a pregnancy really messes with your head your body and your heart. Take as much time as you need to recover emotionally and physically. I was a mess for the remainder of what would have been the rest of the pregnancy- right up till his due date- i just couldnt move forward and kept thinking "I should still be pregnant- i should be feeling this now etc" and then when his due date came and went was when the reality of loosing him really sunk in- he was really gone

The suggestions of how to remember your angel are all helpful- releasing balloons, planting a special plant in your garden to care for- lighting candles having a special place for his ashes and keeping all mementoes are very important, Max is a very special part of your life and always will be- and even though right now remembering him only brings tears to your eyes, one day you will be able to think of him without crying and remember the special happy times of your pregnancy and you will always hold that precious hour of cuddles you shared with him in your heart forever.
Every year on Darren and Zahras birth/death dates and due dates i light candles- and i ask all of my friends and family where ever they are to light one as well as a show of rememberance to my angels- if you are part of a church or group- perhaps that is something you can do for Max- or hold a Ceromony of Goodbye on his EDD.

My coucilor made it very clear to my hubby and I that mums and dads greive very differently- and i am sure that your DH is not sick of your tears- if anything it just makes him all the sadder to see you sad- but thats no reason to hurry your grief- let him know that you need to feel sad and get it all out- and the best thing he can do is hold you while you cry and cry with you when you need him to. Also i found my DH was a little more detatched from our loss of Darren- as being only 18 weeks- i felt his precense in our lives much more than DH did- when i lost our daughter Zahra at 35 weeks(more "bad luck" a placental abrubtion)- DH was much more emotionally attatched as he had actually felt her kicking and moving- which he hadnt felt with Darren. If that makes sense??!!

As for seeing other people and their babies- DO NOT rush yourself to do this- you will know if and when you can handle it- and trust me- the torture of trying to see them when your not ready is not worth it- take care of YOU right now- Let your DH go and see these people if he is ready for it- but tell him to go on his own. I had a horrible experience with my sister when i tried to ignore the fact that seeing her baby broke my heart- and it ended really badly (me crying in the middle of a dinner party and making a quick exit only to be called rude for missing her birthday cake) when i should have just given my apologies and not attended in the first place- still might have been called rude- but at least i didnt have a baby thrust in my face as well- just my personal experience)

BB is fantastic place to have support during the coming months and years for you- with the help of BB i found myself confident enough to try for another baby (after two late lossed and a few early m/c) and i am now the very proud mummy to a marvelous little boy Shane- who is 9 weeks old today. Bad luck does eventually run out!

Take care of yourself and be true to your feelings xoxox

SB