Need opinions/backup

[Marlene]

I TOTALLY empathise with your situation. My daughter is EXACTLY the same!! The only difference is she has gone the step further and moved out! All over a ridiculous argument over money...this story will show you just how selfish my DD is:

We were down at the mall to get groceries for dinner that night, I had $30 on me at the time, pay day was the next day. My DD was going to babysitting for my cousin that night and getting paid $20. DD decided that she needed some foundation, she wanted me to lend her $20 for the foundation until the next day when she would give me her $20 babysitting money. Now, she didnt need the foundation that night as she was only going babysitting and nobody was going to see her. I told her I could not lend her the money as that would only leave me with $10 to buy groceries to make dinner for 5 people!! She tells me "All you think about is yourself, you are so selfish", storms out of the supermarket and walks home!!
Once I get home she starts picking and picking and picking, we end up arguing and then my cousin picked her up for babysitting. After my cousin got home DD got in a taxi and went her boyfriends house (he lives with his parents and little brother and sister). That was 4 weeks ago and I havent seen her since!

She wont reply to my messages or answer her phone, but i talk to her BF's mother regulary so I still know what is going on with her. Centerlink has called about her trying to claim payments, but I told them that I didnt kick her out, she left on her own to be with her BF, so she wont have much luck getting much money out of them!!

She has been pushing me for almost a year (since she started seeing this boy) to kick her out, but I refused. I did the same as you Lulu, said i cant stop her leaving btu I wouldnt kick her out. She finally realised I wasnt going to, so she just left.

What I dont understand is she had it so good here...probably too good! But it is hard with the oldest, you dont really know where the boundaries should be. When she turned 16 she had an 8:30 curfew on schoolnights and an 11pm curfew on weekends. She was only ever at her BF's house so I wasnt too worried about her wandering the streets or anything,. He is a real homebody and not really into partying or anything.

She has totally ruined her life now. She's not going back to year 11 and 12, i dont know if she will even pass year 10 as she hardly went once she left here. She is not even going to her year 10 formal as non-school kids arent allowed to go which means she cant take her BF (he is 18) and neither of them are allowed to do anything without each other (both as controlling and posessive as eachother, great recipe for a relationship). She also has no money for the dress, shoes, hair etc now.

She is working casual at a video shop and last night the BF's mother rang me and said a couple of girls went to the shop when she was closing up last night and punched her in the face!! (ex-friends..probably caused by her toxic personality and BIG MOUTH!) She tried to put DD on the phone as I was worried about her but she refused. I really think she is just too embarressed and ashamed to talk to me now. She has told verybody in town that I kicked her out of home, which couldn't be further from the truth.

Lulu, I'm so sorry I hijacked your thread, but once I started typing i just couldnt stop, LOL, I havent talked about this much at all in the last 4 weeks.
Anyway, my DD was the same as yours, would not lift a finger to help AT ALL, her room was always disgusting! She would be constantly suffering from hayfever because her room was so dirty! And heaven help me if I asked her to unload the dishwasher!! On the other hand my 13 year old DD is an absolute blessing, has a heart of gold and doesnt hesitate to help me with anything....doesnt even need to be asked. They were both raised in the same house by the same people, so go figure!!

Lulu, if you need to talk at all please feel free to PM or email me...I think we are both in the exact same boat...and I dont mind lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Sorry for the ramble, I dont even know if this post makes sense, LOL.