teenager girl chat

[helle]

Uh, duh... because I had to pay for MINE. Money isnt free honey!

Its been a while since I said it, but the last time Ang gave me hell about "the FTB being for her" I did reply with "They pay me to feed, house and clothe you, not spoil you".

Ang got her own pre-paid mobile with her bithday money. Another thing she hits us up for money for! But so far she has broken the cover - so we had to replace it - and then left it on the side of the road. Thankfully this was in Stanthorpe and people return things they find in stanthorpe, in tact.

I think it depresses me some that I am at the start of all this. But that justs means people further along have been tolerating it for years, LOL. I am not yet sure how we are going to get through this, but it seems to me you just cope.

At the moment now she is in hs, we have two agreements. We will pay for her so long as she stays in school. She drops out, she has to go get a job.
The other is she is allowed to have a "boyfriend" when she has a HSC. She understands the reasoning behind this is so she will concentrate on her school work, not drop out and have to get a job, thus meaning she wouldnt see him anyway. Its just easier to do it right the first time.

Pretty sure that will come under fire when she is about 16... Hence why we made the deal now.. with luck it will help make it easier to swallow at 16 when some guy at school asks her out and she is already 4 years into a 6 year deal - so breaking it now would be insane!

if she sticks to it though, she gets a self contained trailer unit (no council approval needed as it is technically a caravan) out the back which she wont have to pay rent on. At 18 it makes a great launching pad, and good for a landing pad when things go pear shaped. For all of them really.

Fingers crossed!

How are you coping with the idea of 16. I dont know why, but that number seems to fighten me most of all.

12 with her own "place" & considering leaving school! Is she in highschool yet? That's crazy.
I think you're doing aa great job, chick. 16 was the worst time for me (although I was quite placid now I think back, Mostly just a mopey depressed teenager that cried alot) but the girls are right, 17 is usually smooth sailing from then on.
Good luck! xx

[Lulu]

Miss nearly 17 has just gone back to being a horror again (must have been that weekend convo with Bath that triggered it off ).

She decided to go to a party I told her she couldn't go to unless I spoke to the parents of the girl she was supposedly staying overnight with. She went anyway, I told her she was risking going to the Yr 11 formal (I haven't paid for her ticket yet). The next day she wanted to call a 'truce'. What bloody truce? I said - there is no war, you chose to go, you have to accept the consequences. I'm not paying for shoes or hair, she should have got a job months ago anyway.

So Miss RANCID is back on the scene. I realised I will have to pay for her ticket (not much $$ though), because her partner isn't from the school, had paid and cannot get a refund - it wouldn't be fair to him. BUT she isn't to come back inside the house, her name calling and filthy language isn't acceptable. So it's back to 2 min noodles for her.....I've had enough and in fact feel like she was 'pretending' to be a good girl all this time. She still carried on like a pork chop when asked to do anything (but at least did it), and had about 10 dirty glasses, mugs and bowls piled up all over her room because she is too fricken fragile to bring them in to wash them. Gross.

This time is the last time I let her get away with ANYTHING. I'm going to give her an allowance from the YA and she will have to make it stretch because she is on her own out there now. I've had enough and have 2 little ones to take care of and study and launch a business.....

[Inertia]

Sadly you are right to be frightened Inertia!! I found 16 really hard because they want a lot more freedom and usually have older friends who can drive etc I have survived it and 17 is a lot better but still very emotionally and self centred at times.
DD is very stressed as she has the HSC later this year and apparently if I really cared I would be forking out for tutoring for all subjects ($70 an hour) I have pointed out that teachers are there to help but it seems I know nothing and thats not possible.
Mostly I am an ignorant dag sadly to DD although sometimes I am "mummy" and I get hugs and support so it feels like having 2 teenagers in the one body!

Tutoring for all subjects? Isnt there at least one she is understanding herself? LOL. Just tell her that she got this far without it. Which kind of is how I feel about it anyway. You don't suddenly get to the very end and lose all ability to learn. But yes - I am terrified of what awaits me after that 16th birthday. I was such a good kid really. Only ever had one fight/disagreement with my mum, and thats when I was like 22. Why can't she be more like me?

oh, the FTB is for her... yeah we get that wrt to child support (DH has been around since DD was 11mths, and we have only started receiving CS in the last 18mths) - I know some parents have a different viewpoint but my take on that & as we have explained to her is exactly the same really - the money is there to help with the cost of raising her - and considering what we DO pay for it's peanuts really as I'm sure you know...

16? I can't imagine anything being scarier really than 14 which is where we are right now... I was PG at 16 & started to settle a bit then (not that you hope for that kwim?) but at 14 I could have been in a lot of trouble & it was just kind of good luck that I wasn't.

I think 16 is the age when most people expect that their kids are (if they aren't already) engaging in all that risky behaviour... but as I recall I was doing it all at 14, and you know a lot less at 14, it's so young, so that's why I find that scarier, kwim?
(not sure if I have explained all that well enough!)

I know what you mean about being at the start of it, it was at about 11 for us too.. and I was ssaying, surely this means it will finish earlier? Here's hoping lol.

Good for you for setting the rules now, I wish we had had that kind of foresight. I don't think it matters so much if she gives you grief about it down the track (sorry to say, she probably will!) but at least you have a strong starting point to work from and she knows where you stand to begin with, that can only help.

Well, while I was hoping for my daughter to be like me, I had to plan for her to be more like one of my sisters or something. I also needed to make sure that I had enough time to get it through her skull that I am doing it only out of concern for her welfare and future. I guess I am hoping that doing my own HSC will help reenforce that. I have been there are done that, and have learnt a lesson. *shrugs* Who knows with teenagers though. Its really the unpredictability that scares me. I have no idea what thought is going to pop into her head next - and god help us if its a doozy!

My XH only pays $25 a month in child support for the two of them. She knows asking for that would get her $12, and we pay that on her sport every month!

12 with her own "place" & considering leaving school! Is she in highschool yet? That's crazy.
I think you're doing aa great job, chick. 16 was the worst time for me (although I was quite placid now I think back, Mostly just a mopey depressed teenager that cried alot) but the girls are right, 17 is usually smooth sailing from then on.
Good luck! xx

She gets her place if she gets her HSC. Thats the deal. Dunno how well it will survive the test of time but, fingers crossed. Thanks!

Miss nearly 17 has just gone back to being a horror again (must have been that weekend convo with Bath that triggered it off ).

She decided to go to a party I told her she couldn't go to unless I spoke to the parents of the girl she was supposedly staying overnight with. She went anyway, I told her she was risking going to the Yr 11 formal (I haven't paid for her ticket yet). The next day she wanted to call a 'truce'. What bloody truce? I said - there is no war, you chose to go, you have to accept the consequences. I'm not paying for shoes or hair, she should have got a job months ago anyway.

So Miss RANCID is back on the scene. I realised I will have to pay for her ticket (not much $$ though), because her partner isn't from the school, had paid and cannot get a refund - it wouldn't be fair to him. BUT she isn't to come back inside the house, her name calling and filthy language isn't acceptable. So it's back to 2 min noodles for her.....I've had enough and in fact feel like she was 'pretending' to be a good girl all this time. She still carried on like a pork chop when asked to do anything (but at least did it), and had about 10 dirty glasses, mugs and bowls piled up all over her room because she is too fricken fragile to bring them in to wash them. Gross.

This time is the last time I let her get away with ANYTHING. I'm going to give her an allowance from the YA and she will have to make it stretch because she is on her own out there now. I've had enough and have 2 little ones to take care of and study and launch a business.....

Oh, Lu. I feel for you. Ang usually confines her names and filthy language to the people without authority - but she called me a B*tch yesterday .... because I wouldnt let her use a giant cup for a drink of Milo. She'd have put half the tin and half a bottle of milk into it if I had let her! Problem was, she meant it - first time ever. Oh boy.

But I have to agree with your point. What truce? Teens brains work in funny ways. But I can see where it would have you worried. Basically you got a phone call holding you to ransom. "Hi mum, I completely ignored you and did whatever I wanted. So now accept my "truce" and let me do what I want and I'll be civil - or else"...

Sounds like the perfect time to "pull out" the emotional investment to me. Might not hurt for her to get a little taste of what "or else" can really be like. Good luck!

[Bathsheba]

Oooohhh Lulu! geeze it's always the way: say one thing about kids and they will prove the opposite to be true! Like I will tell someone how shy my 5yo is and then he will start jumping up and down yelling "penis!!!" at the top of his lungs! There's nothing for it other then to somehow just get through each day until one day you wake up and realise it's not an issue anymore I guess.

I don't have any words of wisdom regarding your DD... you have 3 years on me and my 14.5 yo. One thing though is that you could try enforcing your boundaries quietly and consistently (if you don't already)... I found that when i calmed down my DD calmed down... she was still sneaky but at least I didn't have to deal with yelling and accusations etc. But if I say she doesn't scream at me anymore no doubt she will come home from school today and do just that!!! Another thing that works is "being a bit random"... if you can keep 'em guessing then they won't be able to focus on being awful LOL so I do things like put on strange music that she has never heard (I don't often play music when she is due home from school) or even wearing something that she has never seen me wear makes her stop in her tracks and gets her asking me stuff instead of telling me what she wants to do etc. She hasn't reached that stage where she can ignore things on principle... she blatantly wants to know why something is different, can't help herself. It doesn't take much to distract her from her own awfulness LOL Somedays I wish I could just organise tickets to somewhere just to get her out of her comfort zone and dependant on me again. They are much nicer when they remember how much they need us (you can never tell them that though).

[Lulu]

Oh don't worry, I remained calm during the tirade. She said things designed to hurt and it sorta worked, mainly cos her intention was to hurt me and I certainly don't deserve to be hurt like that.

I'm still calm, but I have decided to withdraw further. She will be given a fortnightly allowance for basic needs. This includes feeding herself. I'm not having her getting the best of both worlds. If she can't contribute to helping with the meals (packing dishwasher) or sweeping the floor or tidying the lounge room here and there, she cannot enjoy the benefits of living here. She can remain outside in her unit.

Even if she apologises and looks contrite I don't care, this is going to stay in place for a month, and will continue until I feel strong enough to face another barrage of abuse (which may be never). I have SO much on my plate, full time study that's nearly over so I'm going crazy with assesments and the little ones have been going a bit nutty since mummy isn't around so much now. She can bloody well fend for herself long term.

[tiggerandpooh]

must be the moon...

since dd started highschool its been fun fun fun. attitude ahoy! life has not been fun in this house at all, and she is acting out big time... which just makes my life that more interesting. sigh.

bloody frontal lobes!

[mrsmac]

I agree V!!! DD can't help around the house at all anymore cause of schoolwork which apparently doesn't stop her social life at all! The DS is a feral monster which is all my fault according to her too. Now she is hysterical that I am abandoning them all to go to Melbourne for a baptism in July (from Friday arvo until sunday lunch)

[tiggerandpooh]

mrs mac,
laura used to be incredibly patient with aston... seems the novelty of having a baby brother has finally worn off. She gets very cranky with him at times now, much to my dismay. the funny thing is that Aston knows it, and now just gravitates towards nathan. he adores his big brother.

[mrsmac]

She still loves him though V, he gets on with her much better than with Erin its just Jess doesn't like going out with him when he is having a tanty!

[Inertia]

I hate full moons with Ang... Not only do we have the tidal affect of the moon, but our least favourite Aunt comes visiting her.

Probably why I got my first ever put down recently. *sigh*

[Fleur]

I hate full moons with Ang... Not only do we have the tidal affect of the moon, but our least favourite Aunt comes visiting her.

same here...although when Sav got hers the other day it signalled a change...from the rabid monster of last week she is now resembling a human again.

As DH says though, 2 weeks a month is not enough (or too much...either way).

[mrsmac]

I got nice DD tonight and its a full moon!!

[Inertia]

Swap? LOL. Yeah, I know - not likely.

Mine had a school disco today so she is all chipper and stuff. All quiet on the eastern front at least. But - she has to get up to go to school in the morning so I should enjoy it while it lasts.

[hobbes5]

Hi everyone!

It's great to hear i'm not the only one with horror stories of DD (or not great to hear...).
My DD is turning 15 in 6 days and she's been a real horried ever since she went to high school. She and her step-dad has a bit or none in communication, defiance, bossy (I guess she just wants to help me out) prefers to be with mates than have family quality time at home and thinks I have nothing to do but drives her around whenever she needs a ride to somewhere.

I know this isn't news to anyone with girls, but I think there are mothers out there that have angle daughters...wish mine was like that, but comparing to some of her friends that drinks and already doing the dirty deed plus taking illigel substance, she seems ok, I guess I can deal with the tantrums (because it'll past), the debates and accusations of not able to understand how she feels...usually we chat afters to make it more understanding...and it kinda works till something comes up!

I think it most troubles me more when I see stepdad and DD not gettiing on so well.

She has 2 more years of high school and with her aiming to go into Uni it won't be long before she heads to the city to do that and that means no contact with family and no bonding time for stepdad and DD...no closeness. I think it bugs me to see that they can't get along..saddens me more i think.

Anyways, my DS who's 13 is beginning to be awful..I let him know it's wrong and DD pipes in to my defence...so a bonus there. DS who's 8 argues alot with DS 13. DD 2 is a right horror...quite like DD 15. The only little angel is DS 1.

[Inertia]

I hear you on younger DD being horrific. Lyta is only 7 but has all the attitude and disobdience of Angie.

Maybe its the pre-labour speaking, but right now I am so sick of postive parenting, rewards systems and all that jazz. We've been doing it for years and now all I have to show for it is 5 unruly brats with an overinflated sense of entitlement. I am about ready to sell everything they are "rewarded" with and just smack em for blatent disobedience.

Naturally I shall be revisiting this way of thinking when I am no longer feeling like utter s***. Just today, I am not in the mood for the crap, and the tweenage girl is pushing her luck!

[hobbes5]

Hear, hear! Sometimes I just tell them (the 3 oldest ones) all their lovely privilages eg. computer, hanging out with friends...etc. will ceased for a month...they may groan and complain and doors and voices raised, they tend to settle down real quick till the next rebelious out burst resurface again...it's so fun...not! To think I have 2 littles ones at the age of 2 & 1 and twins on the way! What was I thinking? Mad...

[mrsmac]

OMG I need to vent this morning!
I am so sick of the attitude I get from DD! Its that damn tone in her voice and that way they speak that makes my blood boil.
This morning I told her that we didn't want her to work until 10pm on a weeknight anymore (we never did but somehow it happened once and i didn't kick up a stink so suddenly its fait accompli)
here's the convo we had on the phone after she had left to wlak to school (well athletics carnival)
DD-why not???
Me- because its your HSC year and its too late on a weeknight when you need to study
DD well they have already done the roster for next week (remember to add a lot of attitude to your thoughts when you read this LOL)
Me- well after that no more
DD- well you'll need to give me money then cause they won't give me enough shifts
Me- you need to cut down on going out anyway
DD- I barely ever go out now
Me- you are always out
DD- thats just hanging out with M or H, you'll have to give me money if you don't let me work.
Me- you will still get shifts, who is in charge of rosters I ill call them and explain.
DD- oh what your'e going to ring them at 7 o clock in the morning??
Me- no I will ring them later
DD- they don't care, you just don't get it.
Me- we are trying to do the best for you, its an important year
DD- Oh as if dad cares
Me- he does which is why he doesn't want you working late
Me- oh ha ha,
She then announced she was crossing a road and had to go.
I then woke up DD2 who proceeded to whinge about everything.
I HATE MY LIFE!!!

[kirsty_lee]

I just wanted to pop in and say... YOU GIRLS ARE SCARING ME S***LESS!!!! Ava already has the attitude of a teenager and EVEN rolls her eyes at me!!!! Oh dear.. im not looking forward to this *sigh*