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Thread: teenager girl chat

  1. #127

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerandpooh View Post
    dont envy this one Kim... so not looking forward to that scenerio. at the moment my DD still shudders at the thought of a penis coming anywhere near her!.

    PMSL V!! I know the feeling sometimes LOL


  2. #128

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    The problem is Vicky that I haven't met him. He hasn't been around to our place and I don't think he will. She does have other friends who are in year 11 this year and I have met them and they seem to be nice kids so I guess I will have to trust her judgement. I did find a condom in her top bedside drawer though (looking for something else) and freaked out a little lol not at her but just to myself. At this point they seem to have contact only at school and via txting and email. Hope it stays this way. She does have a level head on her and being the eldest of 5 kids she knows how hard it is to raise children so I'll back off for now and see where it goes.

  3. #129

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    hi kim
    my dd wanted to go out with a seveteen year old last yr and we said no and that time she actually listend i was just worried cause he drives a car and all i could think of what he wanted and all i could think of was what did a seveteen year old want with a 13 yr old and i know i should brand all guys at that age im sure there are guys that are nice and wait till there gf are ready but at thirteen i was not leeting my daughter get pressured or even started to think about that yet .at the moment she has been with her bf for a while now and that scares me i think when there been together for a while they might get serious and the other day she had a love bite on her neck and i realized maybe they are going further then what i thought
    at the moment im pregnant i really dont want to be pregnant with my daugther
    she says she not going to have sex for a long time but really how do i know
    i know kids dont tell there mum everything i am plucky she does tell me alot but im sure she hides alot too.
    kim dont want to panic you but i would be worried
    some of dd girls in her year have had sex already she said some of them had sex last year which is so scary

  4. #130

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    Hi shazza

    that is scarey but as I said they don't socialise outside of school so I'm hoping that he gets a girlfriend his own age soon or my DD decides she wants someone to actually go out with. I'm almost 100% positive that she hasn't had sex (and I have asked her) and we have talked to her about protection and what would happen if she fell pregnant and was underage. The more I think about it the more I realise that I shouldn't worry so much. She doesn't see him outside of school and he works most days after school so there is next to no chance of them meeting up somewhere behind my back. It is hard though because I can still remember quite plainly what it was like for me being in high school but I was 14 in year 8 and she is 14 in year 9.

  5. #131

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    I'm 19 (20 in March) and i can honestly say, chicks don't seem to get out of the whole teenager thing until they hit 17.
    I didn't till then, and my little sister Lulu had only just gotten out of it, and she turns 17 tomorrow. Haha
    Oh, and my 10 year old little sister Pipi is just getting into it.

    Lulu and I made our mum's life hell while we were in that stage. Fights over everything, yelling "i hate you!!! you don't understand me!!!" Lol.

    But don't worry ladies, one day, your daughters will grow up, realise how b**chy they were, and apologise. And realise, that even after everything, you did know what you were talking about, and you did understand, simply because you went through the exact same thing.
    My mum and i are closer than ever, especially now i've moved out and i'm pregnant.
    Mum's my best friend. And i always say to her how amazed i am that she didn't take a shovel to our heads. Honestly, we were bad, gotta love the fiery european blood huh?

    Don't worry, it's hard, but it'll end eventually. And then you'll have a daughter who will one day say, "i am SO sorry for my teenage years mum. I should have listened to you, because you were right"

  6. #132

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    I did say that to my mum repeatedly Sophie!!
    I agree with the 17 yr old thing too, my DD is 17 and sooooo much nicer.

  7. #133

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    i hope so sophie
    i just always think the worst kim that way i wont be shocked and im hoping that theory will work for me .
    kim that dosent sound too bad especially if there not seeing too much of each other
    i talk to dd about sex and it gross her out so im hoping she thinks like that for ages
    i beleive my dd too about sex ive asked her on many occasions and she says mum no way she used to say when she got married but she stopped saying that

  8. #134

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    Hi Ladies, Just stopping in to see how everyone is going. My DD isn't too bad at the moment, apart from the "your ruining my social life" bit! LOL MY DD is nearly 15 and luckily isn't at all interested in sex and still finds it gross.(Whew ! says Mum!!)Some of her friends are getting close though and we have discussed that and I just say that you really should wait until it is with someone special that is also prepared to wait until you are ready. I emphasise that you will always remember that 1st time and it would be a shame if that memory was a negative 1. She has an older friend who went with the wrong guy too soon so understands what I mean about that. I also know though that all I can do is talk to her and hope she is strong enough when or if she is pressured by a boy at any time.
    don't think any of this is much help but just thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in. I think it is just go with the flow and hope we do and say the right things at the right time with teenage girls even if they pretend we don't understand/ or know anything hopefully some of it sinks in!

  9. #135

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    Hello ladies,

    Now this is a thread I can get into!! I have 3 DD's nearly 15, 17 and 19 and a step DD who is also 19. I am going to go back and read the whole thread so I am up with things but just wanted to say hi and that I will enjoy being a aprt of this thread!!

    Cheers

  10. #136

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    Guess I am joining this one a touch early. She may only be 12 - but she may as well be a teenager. The only new thing she can get from turning 13 is the title "Teenager". We have raging hormones, AF, bad tempers, contempt for ALL her younger siblings.

    I am lucky in someways because I am not "ruining her life" .... yet. But we cramp her style (She walks several steps behind us) and we "expect her to do everything". Although I tend to think her chores are pretty darned reasonable. She alternates dishes with CJ, cooks once a week (simple meals with us assisting - which is more teacher her to cook - but she loves that one), feed the dog (she wanted it), keep her room clean - oh, and put her washing IN the basket, not on the floor wherever she is when she takes it off. CJ has almost the same chores, with exception of the cooking but he will start that next year, and he takes out the rubbish instead of feeding the dog.

    The biggest problem I have right now though is how she treats her siblings, and its driving me to despair. She hasn't spoken to any one of them nicely in months. They just need to be stood in the wrong place at the wrong time to suffer her wrath. CJ and Lyta cop it much worse as she has no qualms with starting out physically - if she thinks DH or I aren't watching. I saw her grab CJ by the hair the other day and yank his head back because he was leaning over the seat and she wanted his attention - and because I saw it, I went off and was naturally unsurprised when she completely denied it. I FREAKING SAW IT! So yeah, there is the blatant lying too - but the 'violence' really has to stop. I mean she is going on about how wonderful it is she is going to have a little sister - but she treats the one she already has like a lump of s**t.

    I honestly don't know where she is getting it from. I have only used physical punishment in cases where their actions put themselves or someone else at risk of harm. Then it was just usually a smack on the hand or whatever. Just tying "pain" to "dangerous item/action", basically. It usually doesn't last past 5yo anyway because by then they have pushed every dangerous boundry. She did suffer some horrific bullying at primary - but so did I, and I always figured she would end up the same way I did. I lived it, I am unlikely to want to inflict it. And every time it happens or she just picks on the others I remind her of that. I will admit I have snapped once and said that since she thinks its OK to hit people that are doing something you dont like, then I can start thumping her when she does - which is quite often. I've never acted on it obviously - I am the adult here - but its not fair on the little ones. She gets worse when AF is here, but I would like to find a solution before the new baby crying "annoys her" in the middle of AF!

    DH isn't the problem. In her opinion DH is her father/dad - he has earned the title. The other guy is "bio donor". He has been there since she was 4 and sometimes I tend to think that she thinks he is a better Dad than I am a Mum. I cop it far worse when she is having a turn, so near as I can figure - I've done something horribly wrong. *sigh*

    I swear, I would prefer anything to this. I would prefer "you are ruining my life" and "I want to live somewhere else". I'd rather be unpacking her bag every week or arguing about whether or not I am a complete ***** for not buying her a mobile phone with a camera. It has to be better than consoling the other kids while she sits there denying being responsible for their new graze or bruise while they are coping with that and wondering who I am going to believe.

    Any ideas?

  11. #137

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    Hi Mags,

    I can completely understand where you are coming from. My eldest daughter is 19 and then I have 17yo (girl) 16yo(boy) and 15yo(girl).

    I have never hit them, usually a stern word and a look is all that is needed to pull them into line. But...oldest DD has been a nightmare and even if I look back at home video of when she was a tot the evidence was there. It has been so hard to deal with.

    All I have done is keep up the talk time with her without arguing which is very hard to do. We have had our explosions but I make sure that I always apologise for speaking badly to her and explain how frustrated she makes me feel. A couple of years ago it got really bad and after a big long chat with her I told her that i thought she needed to get some professional help in the way of counselling because her mood swings and violence towards the kids was just unacceptable. I told her that if there were no change in her behaviour then we would have to work out somewhere else for her to live (suggested grandparents) because I was genuinely worried she was eventually really hurt someone. Over night the physical violence stopped because I think she was worried we were going to send her off and the counselling never happened. To this day she is much better but still plays with thier heads and causes lots of fights and then gets mad if I say the house is more peaceful without her here. There is nothing else I can do. The kids have adjusted and have had to learn to deal with this difficult personality which I figure is good training for life. There is no reason for her behaviour except i think for attention seeking from time to time. I find if we have some girl time regularly she is much better. Don't feel like this is your fault.. you can pick your friends and not your family and some kids are more challenging than others. Despite the difficulties we are close and she shares everything with me (too much sometimes lol). It's just life and unfortunately there are difficult people in the world and they have to belong to a family somewhere. Keep talking and engaged and hopefully it will settle.

    Big hug for you cos I know how hard this is

  12. #138

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    Not sure if anyone is still checking out this thread but it's nice to see that maybe things here are 'normal'.

    DD is 14 and generally pretty good I guess which makes it harder to understand why she is such a monster sometimes...and selfish & self centered OMG!

    And I ask myself where have I failed to teach her a bit of decency & respect for others?

    Themn she does something so cool and I think it's not so bad after all...

    Wondering how things are goign for you Inertia? We had appt with school counsellor the other week wondering how things were there (seem s fine at school) - this prompted by an early mornign drama between DD & DS1 which got quite physical & scared DS2 into going next door for help (I was at work at the time) and from what I can work out most of the physical aggro was initiated by DD.
    It seems at this stage to be a one-off but if it happens again there will be counselling for her I think to see what might be going on, also maybe to try & give her another viewpoint? Cause of course, we know nothing....

  13. #139

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    Believe it or not, I am still around. It hasnt gotten much better wrt Angie and handling things with her fists. But I will say she showed great restraint today when I sent her to her room.. I did see her sitting there with her fists clenched and working through it. I left her to deal with that without pushing any further and she eventually got up and went to her room.

    What is most impressive is that she and CJ were sent to their room for fighting, so what really astounds me was that she was already in trouble for it, wasnt going to get into any more, but she controlled it. Stormed to her room like the world was coming to an end - oh I love the tweenage drama queens, but she did it.

    I let them both out when they had cooled down.

    It has been my only cure for now. Separate them to cool down. Its not stopping the instigation, but its stopping the resulting bruises and such.

    Sadly, I think I just need to ride it out. I tend to remember being an absolute COW to my younger siblings when I was a tween in high school.

    I do totally get the Selfish and Self centred.. OMG, she drives me completely insane with that at times. I am over saying "not everything is about you, Angie". Just the other day we were having a conversation about selling the commuter to achive a bit of financial freedom, and she is going on about how thats great because we havent spent anything on her in ages....

    W.T.F. We PAY for her sport EVERY WEEK when she has free options. When I went out shopping for my new clothes - because my entire wardrobe was a minimum of 8 years old - she got new singstar mics and two games, as well as a new outfit. The others didnt get near as much and didn't make any fuss about it. Yet to her if we havent spent money on her in the past 24 hours, then thats "forever" and obviously "we dont care about her as much as we do Harry". We dont even spend money on HIM every day!!!

    Sigh, this is getting into a bit of a long rant now I think. I love my kids but she is pushing my buttons lately. So back chatty and ... selfish.

    It will pass. I am sure it will pass..... please god tell me this will pass!

  14. #140

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    lmao.. in symapthy with you...

    We pay for DDs phone on a $29 cap (it's discounted to $19/month so good deal) - we started doing this on the basis that she was taking a lot of responsibility for DS2 during school holidays whilst we were both working.
    Not so much these days, she has dropped the ball a bit.. but that's another story...

    ANYWAY DH & I upgraded or plans the other day and she signed up to buy a new phone for $18/month cause she had trashed hers. She got the same phone as DH. They had no phone covers in store but the girl said she would order them in & we could come back & grab one for like $5, DH says yes please.

    wait for it.. DD says can she have one? and Dh says, you have to pay for it... her response was "OMG you guys are SOOO selfish why do I have to pay for MINE?"

    umm, excuse me?

    anyway.. it's moments like these that make me wonder, where did I go wrong?

    I wonder if your trouble with Angie & CJ is due to the closeness in age? At least you seem to be able to stop it form escalating. maybe it's one of thos ethings that will sort itself out, not much help to you atm I know. And cheers to her for being able to control it even after she has lost her temper... you must be doing something right

  15. #141

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    Uh, duh... because I had to pay for MINE. Money isnt free honey!

    Its been a while since I said it, but the last time Ang gave me hell about "the FTB being for her" I did reply with "They pay me to feed, house and clothe you, not spoil you".

    Ang got her own pre-paid mobile with her bithday money. Another thing she hits us up for money for! But so far she has broken the cover - so we had to replace it - and then left it on the side of the road. Thankfully this was in Stanthorpe and people return things they find in stanthorpe, in tact.

    I think it depresses me some that I am at the start of all this. But that justs means people further along have been tolerating it for years, LOL. I am not yet sure how we are going to get through this, but it seems to me you just cope.

    At the moment now she is in hs, we have two agreements. We will pay for her so long as she stays in school. She drops out, she has to go get a job.
    The other is she is allowed to have a "boyfriend" when she has a HSC. She understands the reasoning behind this is so she will concentrate on her school work, not drop out and have to get a job, thus meaning she wouldnt see him anyway. Its just easier to do it right the first time.

    Pretty sure that will come under fire when she is about 16... Hence why we made the deal now.. with luck it will help make it easier to swallow at 16 when some guy at school asks her out and she is already 4 years into a 6 year deal - so breaking it now would be insane!

    if she sticks to it though, she gets a self contained trailer unit (no council approval needed as it is technically a caravan) out the back which she wont have to pay rent on. At 18 it makes a great launching pad, and good for a landing pad when things go pear shaped. For all of them really.

    Fingers crossed!

    How are you coping with the idea of 16. I dont know why, but that number seems to fighten me most of all.

  16. #142

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    Sadly you are right to be frightened Inertia!! I found 16 really hard because they want a lot more freedom and usually have older friends who can drive etc I have survived it and 17 is a lot better but still very emotionally and self centred at times.
    DD is very stressed as she has the HSC later this year and apparently if I really cared I would be forking out for tutoring for all subjects ($70 an hour) I have pointed out that teachers are there to help but it seems I know nothing and thats not possible.
    Mostly I am an ignorant dag sadly to DD although sometimes I am "mummy" and I get hugs and support so it feels like having 2 teenagers in the one body!

  17. #143

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    oh, the FTB is for her... yeah we get that wrt to child support (DH has been around since DD was 11mths, and we have only started receiving CS in the last 18mths) - I know some parents have a different viewpoint but my take on that & as we have explained to her is exactly the same really - the money is there to help with the cost of raising her - and considering what we DO pay for it's peanuts really as I'm sure you know...

    16? I can't imagine anything being scarier really than 14 which is where we are right now... I was PG at 16 & started to settle a bit then (not that you hope for that kwim?) but at 14 I could have been in a lot of trouble & it was just kind of good luck that I wasn't.

    I think 16 is the age when most people expect that their kids are (if they aren't already) engaging in all that risky behaviour... but as I recall I was doing it all at 14, and you know a lot less at 14, it's so young, so that's why I find that scarier, kwim?
    (not sure if I have explained all that well enough!)

    I know what you mean about being at the start of it, it was at about 11 for us too.. and I was ssaying, surely this means it will finish earlier? Here's hoping lol.

    Good for you for setting the rules now, I wish we had had that kind of foresight. I don't think it matters so much if she gives you grief about it down the track (sorry to say, she probably will!) but at least you have a strong starting point to work from and she knows where you stand to begin with, that can only help.

  18. #144

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsmac View Post
    ..although sometimes I am "mummy" and I get hugs and support so it feels like having 2 teenagers in the one body!
    Yes!

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