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Thread: WDYT of this invitation??

  1. #19

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    It's realistic that they're going to drink but isn't it very unrealistic to think that they're not going to share?


  2. #20
    kirsty_lee Guest

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    Im actually a bit confused as to what the big deal is over them sharing?

  3. #21

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    Well, presuming we're talking about alcohol some parents will 'allow' their kids to drink booze and others won't. The host parents seem to be saying kids can bring alcohol but they're not allowed to share it with other kids whose parents don't want them to drink.

    So how is this going to work practically? Are the host parents going to monitor who came in with alcohol and who didn't? What if they see a kid sharing whose not meant to have alcohol? Who is held responsible if a kid gets drunk who promised their parents they wouldn't drink? Is it the hosts' 'fault', is it the kid who shared their alochol's fault or is it the kid who took the alcohol for breaking their promise?

    I just don't think it's very practical.

  4. #22
    kirsty_lee Guest

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    This is a good point.. but will parents really be that nieve to send their children to a party thinking there wont be drinking?

  5. #23

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    Well not since the invitation makes it clear that they will. So that leaves parents with a choice - either my kid can drink and I facilitate that by sending them with booze OR I send them and tell them that even if a friend rocks up with booze they're still to say no because the hosts have said no sharing.

    Bloody minefield I reckon.

  6. #24
    kirsty_lee Guest

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    Indeed it is.. although i dont see a problem if you trust your child etc.. BUT i think it's stupid if your going to send your child and say no alcohol.. cause once again it will be done whether they like it or not.. if your not comfortable with sending your teenager cause of the alcohol, then dont just send them saying not to drink.. dont send them full stop.

  7. #25

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    Absolutely kirsty lee - I think there's a difference between trust and putting your kid in a situation where there is so much temptation that it's actually unfair on them. But it does depend on the kid too and how they feel - I'm sure SOME kids could be trusted to say no and I'm sure others would be honest enough to say "look mum, I don't want to let you down but I'd actually rather I could just say to my friends that you're the big bad mamma whose put her foot down and WON'T LET me go so I don't have to make those decisions."

  8. #26

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    DH does security (occasionally) for a company that specialises in parties, the kids have their ID checked that the door, the get funky fluro wrist bands to indicate that they are on the guest list, there are strict rules for the consumption of alcohol. This company recommends that all parties are registered with the police.

  9. #27

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    Now, I have no issues with under-18s drinking, but I do have issues with under-18s being drunk (anyone being drunk tbh), and this would appear to be an "it's OK to be drunk" type of invite.

    If there are 5 kids going then the "no sharing" thing may be OK, but to put it on an invite like that... hmm. I don't know, it just seems to be an alcohol party with no other activity. What happened to a weak punch and a sleepover, or a murder mystery game? Or a few songs on the CD player and people dancing and playing swingball in the garden? Can't you tell I went to wild birthday parties at 16 LOL.

  10. #28
    kirsty_lee Guest

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    LOL rosehip fairy.. you make my teenage days seem like i was a total deviant!! hahaha

  11. #29

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    IMO it is our jobs to be a pain in the a** to our teenagers. We need to set the boundaries because hindsight is 20:20. We've all been there and done that and seen that not everyone gets through the teenage years unscathed.

    I know one girl who isn't having a 16th because her mum doesn't allow her to drink and knows that no one will want to come because there is no alcohol. Her mum always rings the parents before she goes to the party and does the drop off and pick up. Lucky they have good communication and the daughter has seen what her friends look like when they've had too much.

    We've made it clear to our teenagers what we expect but no matter what state they find themselves in, no matter what time of night they can ring and we will come and get them. My dad's rule was you can drink but don't get drunk which, of course I did and then didn't feel I could ring him to get me coz I would get in trouble (teenage brain remember)

    Have you spoken to the parents yet?

  12. #30

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    I was talking to friends that had only 3 people turn up to there daughters 16th because there was no drinking. They were totally happy with that, and I would be too. Which is why dd can go out to a resturant (top idea fionas!) with a few friends for her 16th. I would rather they do something more age appropriate than fall about watching friends throw up all night. Like learing to function in an adult evironment, by learning manners and social skills.

    Why does drinking seem to be the only "rite of passage" into adulthoood??????

    P.S - haven't rung yet, will soon.

  13. #31

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    BYO and if you don't bring you don't drink (no sharing).

    Not that i agree with a 16th and drinking thing but atleast if you send your child to the party then you know that they will not be drinking as there is not sharing. (well hopefully). Not that i would let my daughter or son go. It does sound a little responsible of parents. I just can't believe how young children drink these days i was 18 and i am not that old to think that times change sooooo quickly these days.
    This is my opinion and it was not put here to offend anyone else's opinion.
    Thanks Nikki

  14. #32

    Default Pretty Sad and Senseless.....

    I concur wholeheartedly with Lulu2.

    I have a problem with parents condoning underage drinking, combined with condoning the fact that one needs to drink (translate "get ****ed" - because a 16 yr girl lacks awareness of impact, sorry) to be able to "have a good time".

    YES - these things go on. YES - that is what a lot of the kids are doing now. But what message are we sending out to kids to merely be throwing up our hands and saying weakly, "oh well, it is going to happen anyway".

    My husband is an ER doctor and has seen SEVERAL DRUNKEN teens coming in to his department - often accompanied by moronic parents who say, "We don't understand. It was only ONE bottle of rum we supplied!" He has seen teenage girls, inebriated, and found NAKED in parks - again, with bewildered and naive parents who have been shocked at the prospect of perhaps being treated for possible STDs due to sexual interference in such a state.

    Where does one draw the line? Do we, as parents, allow drug taking in our homes next? The old "Better under MY roof" excuse??

    Tracy

  15. #33

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    Right ON Lady Penelope (and welcome to BB newbie!).

    This is precisely why I feel this way. I went to a Drug and Alcohol info evening at DD's school, and learnt a hell of a lot about what is going on now, the price many teens are paying and how little these effects are being publicsised as they should.

    The evening was run by an ER nurse who felt the need to contribute this way and even she admitted she thought that "allowing the kids to drink at home" and/or supplying under 18s' was Ok until she saw the effect for herself every weekend.

    SO I really don't want to debate about the rights and wrongs of it all, I know how I feel. It gets a little harder when you need to actually enforce these beliefs....

  16. #34

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    is it possible that the parents are not aware what went out on the invites?? i certainly wouldn't have shown my parents my invitation to my party, but at the same time, we wouldn't have been allowed to drink at 16 anyway (although we did)...

    i was never really officially allowed to drink when i was under age (but you would shudder to hear the other things i got up to in my room, much worse than alcohol)... anyways, while my parents wouldn't allow it, other parents would, the difference being, the parents who allowed it to happen, although not necessarily thrilled about it, had a lot more control over their kids and insight as to what was going on, whereas my parents had no clue (well they did, but had no way to broach the subject as i denied it)... while allowing kids to drink underage is obviously not ideal, there are significant benefits to being open to it, as it is in a controlled environment with an adult around who can monitor and make sure things stay safe... the alternative alot of the time is kids drinking in dodgy places like parks with who knows what lurking, and also approaching complete strangers to buy them alcohol..... i know what i would rather.

  17. #35

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    Interestingly, both myself and my sister were allowed to drink underage (me from 10 months, which I VERY MUCH disagree with).

    I think that a glass or two of wine with a meal is nice (that has been cut back a LOT over the last couple of years!).

    My sister thinks that there's no point doing that, what's the point of drinking and not getting drunk. She was getting trashed in pubs from age 14 and that was OK.

    I hope to bring my son up to drink the odd drink for the taste and not get drunk. If he cannot respect that, I will say (and mean) no alcohol - even grounding him to stop him going out and getting drunk. It's not always if you're allowed to or not, but how the parents deal with it.

    You can't say one stance is better than another, it all depends on the child AND the parent. While I don't mind the odd drink, Lulu does and that's the point of the thread, not whether she should relax her stance on alcohol.

  18. #36

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    At least by putting it on the invite, they have made parents aware that there will be alcohol there - I would feel misled if there was always going to be alcohol there but I had not been informed about it.

    I dont agree with it (underage drinking) by the way, and I come from a family where we were allowed to drink (a little) at family occasions, and and family friends' houses/parties since mid high school, so I guess 15 or so for me.

    I neber got really hammered but I can remember som of the things I did and comtemplated doing well enought to not want my kids drinking underage IYKWIM.

    In fact I think the legal drinking age in Australia should be raised..

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