thanx for the reply, i'm so sorry to here about your little girl. not many people understand uless you've experienced a loss in similar circumstances. luckily, google directed me to this site and have found some great support.
i think my DH feels the same about my obsessio to get pregnant its become more of a chore which i guess can be upsetting for my DH but he understands which is a good thing.
because of all the complications, during my pregnancy, and later my gyny has advised us to wait 6 months, which is jan 08 it seems like light years away. so, i got a second opinion and we got the go ahead. i did a test this morning and it was so im feeling really depressed today.
im in leicester, east midlands not too far from mk.
i thought i was the only one that had thoughts of losing my DH. beleive me i know how stressing that can be. i worry when he leaves for work and want him around 24/7. i thought i was being stupid and never mentioned it to anyone. it feels so reassuring reading the posts on this thread.
I am so sorry chicken that you got af and i agree its a good idea to go see your gp as you said you have been trying for 12mths now so i think its time at least then you will hopefully get some answers as to why its taking so long to fall again. please let me know how it goes, i will be thinking of you hun
It would be so interesting to find out exactly how many women think about the stuff we are thinking about ( lossing our loved ones, being stabbed) honestly i cant believe that we are thinking about the exact same things, to be really honest i thought there was something really wrong with me, i cant understand why i am always living in fear, i am so god damn tired of the worry and stress of all of it and to make it worse dp went back to work today for another 10 days so its back to being scared tonight and getting no sleep and crying non stop cos i am so scared and worried, and i am so worried about him driving by himself i dont want him to have an accident god i hate this ok i will stop now otherwise i will keep on going.
Sofy
I am so sorry for your loss sweety, you have found the perfect web site bb is the best. i am sorry that you got a bfn could it be cos you tested to early? or has af arrived? hopefully its just cos you tested to early
I know what you mean about obession with trying to fall pregnant again, i havent lost like you or munchy have but have miscarried twice, my first pregnancy came after 2 yrs of trying and they were twins i miscarried them at 8 wks and then fell pregnant a few mnths later and miscarried at 7 wks pregnant. my obsession to fall pregnant is part of the reason why i am divorced now. but i have changed alot in my self and i have an awesome partner who is alot more understanding but because i have had a failed marriage partly cos of this i can recognise when i am going a bit overboard about the whole baby thing and i pull back from the situation and think to myself, that i would rather have dp in my life then nothing at all if you know what i mean? we all have our rough days and sometimes dp or dh just will never understand how we feel, hahhahah men
so are you thinking of taking ovulex? hopefully they will give you a great result, so you and munchy dont live to far from each other? thats pretty cool
I conceived with my son Mustafa, after 5yrs fertility treatment. he passed away cos i went into labour too eary at 23 wks i was stitched up but culdn't hold on . cos my cervix had torn i had to hav an emergency c/section. to add to that the doc nipped my bladder so i've not done too well. at least, now i know i am someone's mommy. some one i thought i would never be!
i had been taking injections to ovulate cos i didnt get AF. i actully did for the first time last month naturally without any medication but i tested day 31 so i dont think it was too early. no AF but not unusual. we will try until JAn and then go back to hospital for fert treatment.
I do feel scared about losing my DH over the obsession, so i have a reality check most days and think about whether i could live without him aswell. just the thought of losing him freaks me out so like you i try and relax.so, yeah i totaly know what you mean.
fasting at the moment so really tired even though i've been sleeping a lot. but, i think fasting has come at the right time it's sprirtiually healing in a strange sort of way. my sons due date is 17th october not looking forward to it. but, maybe i can convince my DH to take me to the cemetry.
sorr, guys i'm going on and on dont mean to bore you. take care
hi girls sorry its took me ages to reply i as off sick for 2 days last week as i have my horrible wisdom tooth peeking through and it has being giving me grief and then to add to it i came in this morning and had an email from my HR department saying that i am at risk of redundancy my whole department is and many more in the company and i will find out within the next 30 days so i am really panicing as if i get made redundant it means if i fall pregnant soon i wont get maternaity pay and there is no way i am holding off trying for a little bub as that will send me crazy i just dont know what to do sorry to go on guys.
mummy2chloe
i would also love to hear if other women experiance these anxiotys i have a feeling it is quite common and normal after all the things we have been through i just wish i didnt have to live in fear all the time as it does wear you down. i still havent made an appointment with gp i think i am scared to go incase there is something realy wrong but i will make one this week and get things moving along also i have been thinking of christmas io no its ages away but i cant help it i have asked my DH to get me a glass plac and have it engraved with my angels name and date she was born and some special words what do you think i thought it was a really good idea also my dh showed some imotions yesterday the song that was played at her funeral came on telly and he started crying i was so shocked he said i thought i was over it and i said you will never be over it and gave him a big cuddle.also sorry to hear your DP has go to work again i would really hate that well i am getting a laptop soon so i can go on hear at home aswell so cant wait to get that.
Sofy
sorry to hear you got a BFN it is so dissapointing as we get all our hopes up to then get it thrown in our faces sending big hugs to you honey. so you live in leicester my DH supports the rugy team we sometimes take a trip up there to watch a game. i really hope you fall pregnant soon honey and its nice that your DH wants the same myh DH wants the same but he is happy not to have another one aswell where i wont be happy untill i have another baby.
How are you feeling sweetie?? hopefully that wisdom tooth isnt giving you a hard time still?
So sorry to hear about whats going on at work, hopefully you wont be affected by it, you will have to let me know how things go? If you do lose your job what are you guy's going to do? have you already started looking for jobs else where? god i hope it all works out for you, this is the last thing you and dp need.
Did you end up making an appointment with the doctor?? if so how did it go?
I think what you asked dh to get you for christmas is a beautiful idea.
Not much to report with me, just got af so i will be starting clomid on day 5 and will be doing around of iui this month, so fingers crossed hopefully something will go our way with it. my dp comes home tonight cant wait to see him, crickey i miss him when he is gone, plus i am looking forward to having a good sleep, as i can never sleep properly while he is gone.
hello honey how you doing well i still havent made appontment with docs i have to ring on the day i want it and i havent had a free day yet but will hopefully go on wed or thur and as to work i have a meeting on the 16th of oct which is 2morrow so i am hoping it is about what is going on fingers crossed it is good news and not bad as i reall dont want to be looking for another job. i havent being looking yet as i need to update my CV so if i like one i can send my cv in and hope for an interview i would love to work in a hospital maybe being a maternity care assistant or something or a teacher assistant or a childminder i will have to see. as to my tooth it has being fine all weekend but today is the worst day i have had with it the shooting pains are so painful i just wish they would rip it out and be done with it.
Guess what i got on wed last week a puppy i no i am mad but my sisters friend had some puppy staffs and i couldnt resist we called him stanley he is such a good dog he is 7 wks old today and he is toilet trained he holds it in all night and then in the morning he goes in the garden and does his buisness how good i think i have it lucky with him but he does keep nipping but he is only young i am gonna take him to puppy classes so i can learn and he can learn how to get him to behaive and he has his injections on friday i just cant wait till i can take him out for walks also i was hoping that this would take my mind of trying for a bub ah.
glad to hear that DP is back i bet you feel so much more relaxed when he is home i would never be able to sleep properly either bless ya honey. well i have my fingers crossed for this month that you get a BFP and i will keep you posted about my work and docs have a nice day take care.
so im feeling really depressed today.
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ok i will stop now otherwise i will keep on going.
. cos my cervix had torn i had to hav an emergency c/section. to add to that the doc nipped my bladder so i've not done too well. at least, now i know i am someone's mommy. some one i thought i would never be!
cant wait to see him, crickey i miss him when he is gone, plus i am looking forward to having a good sleep, as i can never sleep properly while he is gone. 
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