:hugs: today must be a hard day for you, wish i could be there for you, i completely understand what you are saying about your gorgeous little girl and not wanting her to be forgotten, but with everything you have told me about, with the tattoo and the christmas present you wanted dh to get you that would remind you of her, with all that there is no way your little girl will ever be forgotten, maybe the people that are close to you might not want to mention it incase it makes it harder on you, as it is they would already know that your having a hard time with ttc and your work plus your trying to lose weight, they might not want to make things harder on you by bringing it up, so they might be waiting to see if you bring it up and if your up for talking about it and stuff do you know what i mean??
as for feeling sad about not having a bro/sis for harvey i truely understand what your saying, chloe is always saying to me, "when we have a baby i am going to bath it and feed it and push the pram" and it just breaks my heart cos she is nearly 6 by the time i have a baby "if" i ever have a baby chloe will be grown up, i always wanted to have my kids close in age but that was taken out of my hands many years ago.
its good that your hormones are fine, thats something you can cross off your list, like you said lets see how or if your ovulating, you know how to tell when your ovulating and stuff?? you know with your cervical mucus? are you into charting your cycle?? do you have any ovulation kits?? if you dont maybe you should buy some so you can keep an eye on when your going to O.
best of luck please keep in touch i am always thinking about you sweetie
Thanks for your reply you have said all of the right things my family are probably waiting for me to say something the thing is i hate crying infront of people as i dont want to make people around me feel sad i think its my problem and i dont want to burden them with it i am the sort of person who puts on a front and acts all happy when deep down i am falling apart. i think i am just having a bad day and will probably feel alot better 2morrow. what you said about chloe i would cry so much i feel like you that harvey will be all grown up by the time i have another baby i always wanted 3 yr between my kids which would have been if brooklyn was healthy but hopefully i will fall pregers soon i had a couple of O tests that my friend gave me and i done them for the first 2 months and they came up that i was O so i think i still do but i might go and buy some and start doing it again. well tonight i am going to help my sister decorate but i want to avoid it cos i think i will just be feeling upset and will drag her down with me but i no she really needs help decorating her bedroom so i think i will go.
i know what you mean about putting on a front, i am doing it now ( not with you of course) i just had a failed cycle AGAIN and none of my family or friends understand why i am STILL upset, they must think that you just get over it in a matter of a day or two, i mean oh my god i still have af so every time i go to the toilet its a bloody reminder that it didnt work, it just seems easier to put on a happy face and pretend that your fine rather then let them see that your heart is breaking to the point that it hurts to breath, and not just that the replies that you get from people when they find out that your not pregnant just p*sses me off, i hate people say "oh well just relax it will happen eventually" my god i could just slap these people for saying that, but anyway i wont keep going on, i think you understand what i am saying ha ha ha
as for getting more O kits, thats a great idea it will help and you wont have to do the guessing game when your close to ovulating, i think you can buy like a 20 or 30 pack on ebay for cheap
and as for going to your sisters to help decorate her bathroom, it might be a good idea to go over there, at least it gets you out of the house and you never know it might be your sisters way of trying to help you get through this very tough day, plus it might give you an opportunity to have a heart to heart with your sister about everything thats going on in your life and about brooklyn, you never know you go over to your sisters feeling very sad and down and you might end up leaving feeling alot better and maybe a little closer to your sister, but darling if you feel that your not up for going out and you would rather be at home, then i understand that aswell, maybe you ,dh and harvey could do something tonight, to show brooklyn that she is still very much appart of your lives and that the love and bond that you feel for her is still VERY much there.
sweet heart if you want to pm me please feel free to, i will always be here for you ok no matter what.
let me know how you go, i will be thinking of you mate
stay stong darlin
hello chicken i am feeling alot better today it sounds like you are totally on my wave lengh of thinking its nice when someone understands. what you were saying about not being pregers it is so annoying when people say just relax it will happen or dont think about it so much how can you not when its the one thing you want more than anything and as to the AF reminding you everytime you go to the toilet that is hard as when i had to go into the hospital to give birth to brooklyn they put these tablets up me and she said when you start bleeding it means things are starting to happen so i went to the toilet and on my way there was a bunch of healthy pregnant people having a hospital tour to see where they will be going when they give birth anyway i went to the toilet and they smiled at me and i thought i am not hear for a good reason so i went to toilet and saw the blood and all i wanted to do was curl in a ball and cry but no i could see a the bottom of the door shadows and hear the people who were on there tour so i held it in and now when i have my af all i think about is that and the fact i havent falen again. god it is hard when i think in detail of what i had to go though it was a long few months of scans appointments and the birth and then the funeral and that i just wish it was somehting i never had to do. i went to my sisters last night and i told her a few things she forgot it was brooklyns due date so did dh but she helped alot also felling so down about my weight my sister said i sound like i am full of guilt and blaming myself for absoultly everything and sound loney which i am not but at the same time i feel like i try to deal with things on my own if that makes sense but she is gonna diet with me which will help and i will go and buy some O tests today as i will be O soon so hopefully i will fall this month. sorry to rave on again anyway i am also hear for you if you are feeling crapy about your cycle not working it is so dissapointing and like you say people really dont help with there insensitive comments they proably mean well but they just dont understand. i had better go as i am finnishing work now so have to take puppy for walk and then get harvey from school speak soon lovey.
i am so happy that your feeling better that is so sweet that your sister is going to diet with you, it always makes it easier when someone is doing it with you, and you will be suprised at how your life will change when you start losing weight, you will get your confidence back, you will start to love your body again which is a great thing cos i am sure you feel that it is letting you down, you will feel more sexy and people will pick up on that, it will beam from you and hey if your feeling a whole lot sexier then thats gotta be good for ttc cos you will always be dtd
just think this is the start of a new life for you, i am so excited for you darl.
i am going away tomorrow for 4 days so if i dont answer back you know why, but as soon as i get home i will jump back on here and see how your going. sorry that this post isnt very long just short on time, trying to clean the house and pack cloths. just know that i will be thinking of you ( i always am)
going away ah hope you are having a good time a nice break away i feel like i could do with another holiday ha ha. i went to buy some O tests but they are so expensive so i am gonna go on ebay and see if i can get some cheap ones on there fingers crossed they have some as to dieting i will be starting that 2morrow i went and got the slim fast stuff last night so i am hoping i like it as i am a really fussy eater i just cant wait to feel good about myself and have the confidence i would love to feel attractive again as i think when you feel attractive everything else follows like the confidence and being able to wear nice clothes and feeling good in the bedroom as thats one thing i wont go on top as its like my whole body is on display and he can see evrything and he is not a;oud to touch my tummy that is a no go area but hopefully i will start to feel good about myself soon, i had better get myself some scales so i can start weighing myself. i just think the my weight is my biggest problem and if i get that sorted then things will fall in place if that makes sence i want to loose 8 stone altogether i no it sounds alot but i would love to loose that much but would be happy with 6 stone but i will do 1 at a time anyway i am gonna go i have a bad headache i think i am worrying about my dentist appointment later i am having a filling and they are injecting my gum so it dont hurt but i hate needles expecially in the mouth i am so scared anyway speak when you are back take care honey.
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that is so sweet that your sister is going to diet with you, it always makes it easier when someone is doing it with you, and you will be suprised at how your life will change when you start losing weight, you will get your confidence back, you will start to love your body again which is a great thing cos i am sure you feel that it is letting you down, you will feel more sexy and people will pick up on that, it will beam from you and hey if your feeling a whole lot sexier then thats gotta be good for ttc cos you will always be dtd 
anyway speak when you are back take care honey.
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