Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage/Loss April/May 2009

[sallyk61]

Good morning everyone...

So nothing happened last night, DH was too tired and thought, no drama tomorrow morning well bd.......

So before I was going to spin I said to DH lets do it and it just didnt happen....

I lost the plot, still am, sitting here crying and crying.

Im so scared that if I dont get pregnant this month now Im going to hate him and feel like its his fault.

We have been really lucky that with the termination we had no issues with each other, just a higher level of respect.

All i can feel now is if Im not pregnant Im going to blame him for making me live this hell for 6 weeks instead of 2.

I dont know if Im sounding irrational but I feel like Im falling apart. Im not depressed and am seeing someone anyway for post traumatic shock but this feeling is so so different.

He doesnt even seemed fazed, Im sure he is but I just am so so so scared I will hate him for 'making' it 6 weeks not 2.
I know it was a long shot to get pregnant anyway and now I feel like its all over even if the sperm gets to it now I have a break down it probably wont happen anyway so that is making me feel AGAIN that it is his fault because HE made me feel this way.

I dont know what to do, my temps dependning on how far I inserted the themo. differed again 37.0, 36.6 and 37.2

I feel like such a failure, I have no idea when or what Im supposed to do with bd'ing when where what with the temp etc

[LittleOnes]

Hi Angels,
Yeah, I went to the doc and told him I had mc and he just looked sad and said "oh well better luck next time." I told him it was at 5 weeks and he felt no need to do anything tests etc. and went on to tell me that it's not unusual for that to happen so early. I haven't had any physical pains or twinges or anything that felt 'wrong' so haven't bothered to go back for anything further.

This morning I'm starting to feel that good old dull ache in the womb which on some level makes me happy as it means I have a starting point again but on other levels just makes me feel suddenly rather depressed.

And yeah, how come not everyone has to enter that image verification?!

[sparkles-ttc]

Hi

shortcake- wow hun sounds like dajavu (sp?) with me on sat night, i am glad everything is ok now, my bleeding has slowed down alot now!!

Thank you to whom answered my question about headaches after M/C im sorry but so much has gone on here i cant keep up with names etc xoxo

Small fry- With my first M/C- i had a d and c and ovulated 3 weeks after it, and then fell pregnant immediatly but i had a chemical pregnany at 4 weeks and then ovulated three weeks after that again , but i do tend to ovulate a little later so basically my cycles went stright back on track. i guess it depends when your hcg levels drop. i had a natural M/C this cycle and i am only on day 7 today but i am hoping to get my cycle back on track quickly, however i am not charting this cycle as we are not activly ttc for a couple of months to get body right again. i did take one temp thismonrning just to see if my temp has come down hence the hcg levels and it was low again . so fingers crossed both our bodies bounce back again.

Actually i am thinking of going back to accupunctue ( i did it when ttc my daughter) just to help with M/C and hormone levels etc - i will let you guys know how it goes xo

Flower child- I was wondering if you wouldnt mind sharing with me, when your M/C hwere and if you know why as i see you have had a few (im sorry ) but yet also had many healthy pregnancies ? thanks

hope everyone is doing well and i look forward to seeing lots of BFP and joining the lovely ladies on the other side xox

[Tuesday's Child]

sally - I just want to offer you a great big . Don't lose hope. You have BD'd everyday up until yesterday. Sperm can survive for as long as 5 days, so even if you had a break yesterday, there is still a very good chance of conception from the days before. I have for you. If you want to understand more about charting, I can't recommend Toni Weschler's book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility enough. It really helped me to understand my body better.

Could the image verification thing be required for those with less than 25 posts?

[sparkles-ttc]

Sally - Hun i am so sorry your feeling this way. TTC with my DD was sure hard on our relationship too, i know exactly how you feel. My hubby and i got so depressed and doing the deed was just not romantic anymore . We are all here for you, just so you know the last two times i fell pregnant we didnt do the deed on ovulation day, one was the day before and the other was two days before
good luck hun xoxo

[Razzberry]

Sally- My hubby and I went through what you are describing. He said he just felt used! I guess guys grieve in different ways to us and it harder for them to express how they are feeling! big hugs xox

[Inanna]

Not at all Sparkles. I had 4 children without any issue - though my 4th child was significantly smaller than her brother and sisters.

I had 3 miscarriages and 3 second trimester losses. I am a nurse nd I researchd like crazy and I believed my problem souded autoimmune. After each loss my Dr just told me it was bad luck... Finally after my last daughter died inutero I became obsessed with finding the answers. I took all the information I had to a number of doctors - and I also consulted with Dr Sacks at Sydney IVF. He concurred it seemed my problem was immunological. I then went about seeking out a obs who would listen to me. She concurred Ihad antiphospholipid syndrome. This is an autoimmune condition that prevents the placenta developing normally and this causes clots to form and thus the death of the developing baby suddenly and without warning.

I was commenced on prednisone (steroid) and began injecting clexane from ovulation along with baby asprin.

Imogen was conceived on 150mgs of Clomid and I was 39 at her conception... HTH

[boble]

just quickly from me... Sally - I have been where you are month after month pretty much every month since the m/c in July. Except for us the problem is much bigger. DH has issues reaching climax - don't know why as it didn't used to be a problem before the m/c in July.. but since then it is a big big issue for us. Some months we are lucky to get one "successful attempt" in the O window. And I have spent night after night in tears and so angry and worked up... one night I actually had a panic attack I worked myself up so much. I will be honest, some months when AF arrives I have felt so angry with him - but for the most part I am ok... I know he tries really really hard (which I guess may be part of the problem for him - he is putting too much pressure on himself maybe?) so I try not to get upset... and I guess we never really know if this month would have been our month anyway - there are never any guarantees - even when we feel like we have done "everything right" iykwim.

[Baby Angels]

Goodness.... well so much for people not knowing it was me.

Jen Jen..... this is for you hun

Jen Jen has gone nite nite....LOL..... but had a whole guilt attack that she hadnt posted and asked if i could say something.... so i thought... why not suprise her and post in my origional ID (well close)......so... this post is for Jen Jen.

issy02.....One classy lady..... cheers hun (i m going to run out of smilies real quick.... so everyone.... just know they have a hug smilie after then name)


smilanatu..... so glad you are well.... I ve been keepin an ear out.... dont you worry....LOL (insert smilie here...lol)

Flowerchild...hope you have been well.... great pics of the birth (insert smilie here)

erybery..... well hopefully we can get to know each other better...in the spirit of Jen Jen... cant leave ANYONE out.... (insert smilie here)

SallyK61.... HUN.........This rollercoaster we are all on has the lows.... your there now... and we all understand.... we really do. I dont know who can PM on here... but if you can... then PM me....if you cant then just leave a post to let me know you cant... and i will find another way.... but if you can... PM me hun....I ll help you in any way that I can.... been doing this a while... and what I dont know.... Jen Jen... or Molly or PLC or FiFi or Val might... and if we dont... we will damn well find out for you.... ohhhh stuff it.. another hug for you ........your costing me smilies here girlfriend.....

Smallfryplus..... now that verification thing....under this ID... i dont have to enter it... go figure....oh well.... at least someone knows i wasnt imagining it. As for the DR... maybe just keep it in mind then....my concern and why i went was to make sure nothing was remaining in there that could cause issues.... but i m sure I was probably doing my normal thing of being...... ummmm well there is a phrase for it... and the second word is retentive.... and the first word starts with A..... The best advice I can give you.... and those that have been on here a while will know whats coming.......ONE DAY AT A TIME HUN...... and at this stage.....be true to what you are feeling.... dont try and do the strong thing... just scream... yell... cry... whatever.... there is a time to heal... and for you its now.... take that time hun......... I am so running out of smilies

sparkles-ttc..... I swear by accupunture.... we had a brilliant one before we moved... in particular i loved what we just called the head pinning..... 4 pins in my head and above my eyes... OMG... didnt matter what was going on... stress... what stress... ALL gone.... it was brilliant.... (insert smilie here)

HannahD..... Hun..... just ultra huge hugs for you...... just cause

boble....... we meet again......cheers hun ......ohhh and by the way... I ll try harder next time so you have something to close your eyes for (insert smilie here)

sunny09....Well once again..... I havent been able to get to know you yet... but i m sure we will.... cant leave anyone out .... Jen Jen will smack me...LOL... (insert hug smilie here)

Ok....well I ve been trying so hard to do everything in one post... but I m just not going to be able to...... so.... lets just call this part A

[Greenslw]

Sally So much pressure, crying is good though releases all that tension

Smallfryplus Dr's can be so insensative makes me really mad

Flowerchild being a nurse must be hard TTC, knowing all the data and still being at the mercy of the universe.

At the Moment I'm at work and really flustered about one worker being a real drama queen, she's not getting her own way so she's throwing a fit. Hmmmmmmmm But in team there is no "I" so on with the collective I guess.

Lying in be last night I realised that next Friday is FET day! I'm so nervous,I've begun the wind down off caffeen, going 0% this time see if it makes a difference. and have been really enjoying the gym, I think that will also help mentally as well, good to push out all the angst in the morning. Also after last cycle I've put on a couple of confort kgs which need to go now.

One more week.

[Baby Angels]

Goodness me.....I dont know how Jen Jen keeps track of everyone.... I thought at the end of the last post I must be close to the end... Ohhhhhh... no where near

Ok...I said I would do it for you Jen Jen... so here we go ... part B.....LOL

Meh.....I went back to the beginning of this months thread and read your first post.... completely understand.... still waiting to hear more on that zen space though

teme.... welcome to our little home... wish you wernt here..... but then we all wish we wernt... but while we are.... WELCOME (going to have to do that insert smilie thing again otherwise I will run out)

Charm.... well i went back to the start to make sure I didnt miss anyone... so I hope that book was a good one..... what was it called...... (insert smilie here)

Mel1979.......Mel... Mel... Mel....... huge hugs hun... just huge .....damn... there goes another smilie ohhh shoot.... another

Cherished1...... I hope you do find your way back to us soon...... its going to cost me a smiley but what the heck.... just for you

Shortcake.... I hope you are feeling much better today after your little hospital visit ..... take all the rest you can.....(insert smilie here)

mummy of 3 boys..... miss you girl

Mollycat.... yeah I know...... sometimes you just have to do what you just have to do.

Mrzbaby..... fingers toes...everything... crossed for you for your test (insert smilie here)

Megsmum..... soooo soooo sooooo good to see you...... .....ohhh i am sooo running out



Going to have to go to a part C i think

[nicjay]

Angel - I hate to say it, but you didn't fool me either! And I am easily fooled Welcome back hun, you were missed

[RhiChiChi]

Hey all,

Just lurking at the moment.

I just wanted to say to Sally - I've been there too! Feelings of resentment and the likes. I don't truly know how I got through it, but I guess I knew in my heart that eventually I would have a forever baby, it was just timing. This time around I have some of the same feelings swirling around, but am trying to keep my head above water. I keep telling myself on the months that we aren't pg that our future baby didn't want to be born in that month and that we have too many other peoples birthdays in that month. It sometimes doesn't work - although I sit here now with tears streaming down my face. Hugs hun. We're here for you.

Belinda - With DH not being able to ejaculate. Do you think there is a deep seated problem? Apart from feeling the pressure to ejaculate (DH has had this issue too), do you think it is a fear that you falling pg might result in another m/c - please tell me to be quiet if I am overstepping the boundary. The reason I 'say' this is b/c my gf who lost her dd after 5 days born, fell pg with her ds 5 mths later. For quite sometime after he was born (like 8 mths or more), her dh would not want to have sex. She thought he was fearful that she would fall pg really soon and they may be faced with another angel baby.....

Well, better go tend to DD and do somemore housework so I don't have to do any on the weekend!

[LittleOnes]

... when I mc on Easter weekend I consoled myself by telling myself and DH that my Easter egg didn't want to be fertilised. The humor in it helped ease the pain though it wasn't an immediate relief.

[Baby Angels]

Megsmum........... ..... apparently its how I write.... go figure....LOL

CoCo1411.........Lurk for as long as you want hun...... we are here when you want

Milly5...... if you have any other questions hun... ask away.... you have a room full of ladies that know more on this subject than anyone ever should.

Tutmae....... so glad to hear Charlie is going well.... amuzing to me is that both you and FiFi now have a Charlie... one in pink and one in blue

ferrals4...... I ve always wondered about that saying... time heals.... figured... they must know what they are talking about.... but i see it differently now.... I dont think time heals..... .... I think time gives us the skills to be able to deal with it but you will still have good days and bad days.... so I figure... if its a bad day and you need a damn good cry... go for it.... hey... I m well known for the odd "ugly cry".... the one where you make all sorts of noises when your crying... far to many bodily fluids.... ummm if you know what I mean... dont want to be to graphic

PLC1805....... Yes I know... but I ll say the same to you as I did to Mollycat... sometimes you just got to do what you just got to do...... hey... Its May tomorrow.... OMG.... for me that makes it 18 days till the big 40... so what is it for you Birthday Buddy..... I m not going to guess... I ll get in trouble.... hey... did you notice I ve already put 40 down in the sig... . trying to get used to it....LOL

[nicjay]

Megsmum........... ..... apparently its how I write.... go figure....LOL

Funnily enough that's how I worked it out too! That and the way you talked to Jen

Oh and WTH is onto you too LOL

[Baby Angels]

Megsmum....... Yeah I know..... WTH confronted me in an email...... ....but as for how I speak to Jen Jen.... I dont remember once telling her to bite me...... saving that one for later

Muahhhhhh Love You Jen Jen

Mannie2903.....now I m going completely mad... I swear I had already posted to you but cant find it..... ok... lock me up someone......thankss for the welcome hun.... no need for secret squirrel anymore.....

Greenslw..... totally agree with you about having a good cry...... I figure... dont let the odd tear... waterworks.... let it alllllllll out......(in the privacy of your own home ......LOL)..... well for me anyway

By Golly By Gosh.... I think I ve done it


Just a quick double check over my list...... .Yep .... I think I have.....

After this... Jen Jen... my hats of to you hun..... no idea how you do it or how you even find the time to...... this has actually taken me a couple of hours back and forth between posts and lists... OMG....

[sallyk61]

Hi Ladies,
Not so emotional now. I just so cross, in general I do so much for our bedroom antics to be nice, sexy underwear, massages etc and I was furious that he couldnt get over his tiredness and 'do it' already!
He has never done anythign like it EVER before and it was worst timing EVER because that damn fertility friend made me feel like I was 'failing' in my attempts if I didn't...

Im just so confussed.... I still have egg white mucas and I cant work ANY of it out!!!

Thank you all SO MUCH for helping and making me feel normal,
I just feel silly last night I was joking about entering 'double digits' and then THIS happened...

xxoo