it's so hard to know what to say to you. i don't know what the others think, but i certainly don't feel like i have coped well, although having said that as time passes it does get easier. i still cry about what happened, and i imagine always will, although lately i haven't been as teary compared to that first month, where i spent hours each day in tears with the sadness and disbelief.
the most helpful thing to me has been talking to other people in the same situation. i am very fortunate to have friends who have been through the same thing, and they let me cry and assure me it's normal to be sad/depressed/resentful/jealous etc. it's also normal to have moments of happiness in amongst all this though, it's all part of the grieving process. in that regard the internet has been a lifesaver, as i have 'met' so many other women and the support and understanding is just amazing. you have that support here, you really do. have you got anyone to talk to IRL? have you thought about speaking to a counsellor?
i also found it comforting to remind myself that there's always someone worse off than me, and to i guess count my blessings in a way, even though at times it was hard to see them. i spent last friday with my MIL while she had chemo. in the waiting room was another girl around my age, quietly crying her eyes out. i assumed her mum must have been in for chemo too, and then saw the person she was actually visiting, a girl around 30. i just thought to myself that my life really wasn't that bad, when she was dealing with cancer, looking at death and compromising her fertility with treatment.
what you're going through is extremely traumatic, and will take time to work through, so be easy on yourself. just do whatever you need to do to help you get through the day.
i hope you're okay, everyone's here if you need to talk.
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