Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss June 2007

[pash]

Congratulations Bun! That's fantastic news and great BT results too. Maybe the weekly BTs will be more reassuring & helpful now than before. I hope you will be able to worry less after a few more bits of positive news & enoy your pg. I really hope this one sticks for you.

Satya - Hope you have a lovely weekend with your step-DS. I hope she really cheers you up, and I've still got my fingers crossed for you.

Hi everyone else & have a lovely weekend.

[cheekyfrog]

I've been away for a couple of days and read this thread and then had to go back and read the previous thread to catch up because... omg... CONGRATULATIONS Claireabel, Pash and Bun!!!! I'm so thrilled for the three of you. I know how scary it must be but I also remember that feeling of excitement when I saw my second this-is-really-happening BFP, I couldn't stop smiling to myself in private moments. And, now, when I read your posts I feel hope for me and all of us and I remember that excitement of the BFP. Big *hugs* and wishing you lots and lots of

[Sequoia]

Sandielreese - You sound about the same time as me. I MC'd on 22 May and O'd a couple of days ago. We've been told not TTC this cycle and it's driving me crazy, that lovely little eggie gone to waste.

[claireabel]

Hi ladies

Bun - congrats sweetheart! This is such wonderful news! i completely understand the nerves and how hard it can be to be positive, but there's every chance you'll be holding that little bubba in your arms in 8 months. in the meantime, be kind to yourself.

Lee and Satya, i've just read your stories and i don't really know what to say, except you both sound like amazing women and i really hope things work out for you.

Not much news from me, got a call from my drs office to get the blood test results yesterday and hcg was 660 at 16dpo. i thought that was a bit wonky (high) but dr google says it's okay. i rang my obs office and they want to see me on 19 june, at six weeks. i am in a bit of shock. i know how incredibly lucky i am, but i think it will take a while to sink in. i don't want to get too excited as like the rest of you, i know only too well that things can go wrong. on the other hand, i feel this baby deserves just as much excitement and anticipation as the last one. guess it really is just one day at a time.

Pash - how are you going?

Hey i read last week's horroscope this morning and it said that 'with fertility running high, baby talk might be on the agenda'. unbelievable!

i'm thinking lots about the rest of you and wish you luck this cycle.

[sandielreese]

Shoegal, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I haven't been here long enough to know your story, so if you would like to share, i'd like to hear it. Did they give you a reason for not trying this month? I've had so many miscarriages, I didn't even go in for this one. I talked to my ob, and he said given all my experience with infertility and miscarriages he'd leave it up to me. We dtd (did the dance, not sure if you gals use that abbreviation here or not) last night, and since I had ewcm with a bit of spotting today I am going to go for it again tonight as well. Like I said before, I doubt anything will come of it, with our fertility issues, but it's worth a shot!
Many many prayers to you, and I hope and pray that you will be blessed again soon!

[Sequoia]

Oh sandie, I'm so sorry to hear of you bad luck.

My story is nowhere as sad as yours but in a nutshell the very first month of TTC I fell pregnant, felt very smug for about a week thinking how clever I was for that to happen, then miscarried at 5 weeks and 5 days. Now just waiting for AF to return so we can start again. My GP and FS told us to hold off for a month and I'm not a very patient person!

Not feeling so smug anymore!

Welcome to this thread, there's lots of support and the girls here are wonderful.


shoegal

[Zennie]

Evening people.

i give my congrats to all you BFPERS. hope you all stay positive and pg

just wanted to ask you ladies how you have coped with M/C and TTC . im in a bad mental emotional spot and looking for ways to deal with it. ATM im not really functioning. i quit my job after a very traumatic M/C and D&C and dont know how to deal with what i feel. MY friends pg due in 4 weeks and i cried when i saw her lastnight, cos i should be there doing that.

How did you cope? what did you do?

[claireabel]

Hi Zennie

it's so hard to know what to say to you. i don't know what the others think, but i certainly don't feel like i have coped well, although having said that as time passes it does get easier. i still cry about what happened, and i imagine always will, although lately i haven't been as teary compared to that first month, where i spent hours each day in tears with the sadness and disbelief.

the most helpful thing to me has been talking to other people in the same situation. i am very fortunate to have friends who have been through the same thing, and they let me cry and assure me it's normal to be sad/depressed/resentful/jealous etc. it's also normal to have moments of happiness in amongst all this though, it's all part of the grieving process. in that regard the internet has been a lifesaver, as i have 'met' so many other women and the support and understanding is just amazing. you have that support here, you really do. have you got anyone to talk to IRL? have you thought about speaking to a counsellor?

i also found it comforting to remind myself that there's always someone worse off than me, and to i guess count my blessings in a way, even though at times it was hard to see them. i spent last friday with my MIL while she had chemo. in the waiting room was another girl around my age, quietly crying her eyes out. i assumed her mum must have been in for chemo too, and then saw the person she was actually visiting, a girl around 30. i just thought to myself that my life really wasn't that bad, when she was dealing with cancer, looking at death and compromising her fertility with treatment.

what you're going through is extremely traumatic, and will take time to work through, so be easy on yourself. just do whatever you need to do to help you get through the day.

i hope you're okay, everyone's here if you need to talk.

[kiwigirl]

Hi Zennie,

My heart feels for you. I'm not quite sure how I coped through the first month after the m/c and d&c... I don't know your story but my D&C almost cost me my life and that added a lot to the emotional and physical recovery for me.

My DH, my family and friends being around me so I wasn't alone ever helped so much, also for me talking about it a lot (I probably told people who didn't want to know - or didn't know how to respond in hindsight but talking helped me).

Going to the doctors when I just had questions or needed reassurance helped. Finding out information online helped (e.g. I googled a lot of things like how long after a D&C before getting A/F, how long hCG stays in your blood afterwards, probability of repeat miscarriage being low etc etc).

BellyBelly has been a life saver. I think I could have gone crazy mentally not having the support in here of others who were going through the same thing, or had gone through it. It amazed me that people who had had a miscarriage were able to give out so much to others going through the same pain, even when their own pain was so raw. Having others who understood how obsessive you can get about the whole TTC process, who understood the fears and feelings.

I felt different signposts for me helped. Such as getting my first AF (feeling like my body was OK again,), getting a negative hpt (finally the hcg is out of my system), temping (feeling like I was "doing" something each day), seeing my first O on my chart (feeling like I'm still fertile), getting the drs call 6 weeks after the D&C that I didn't have a partial molar pregnancy... all of these helped me feel like the grieving process had stages.

If someone asked me how long until you got over it? I'd say, I'll never fully be over it but I feel like I'm looking forward to the future now, that the M/C feels like it's in the past now - not something I'm still going through.. I'd say 4 weeks of feeling utterly miserable, feeling like dying (but not suicidal), feeling sad first thing when I woke up, crying all the time, not being able to see baby stuff etc. 4 weeks of life being terribly hard and needing a tonne of support. After the 4 week mark, *for me*, things started seeming more normal. I think I was hit really really hard and went really really low so maybe I got out of it quicker than other people I don't know. If I hadn't, I would have taken up the doctor's offer of getting counselling. Anything to help you get through is worth trying.. but I think for me, time was the main thing.. and hanging in there during the days you just want to give up.

It's been almost 8 weeks now since the D&C and for once I had to look up the calendar to be able to tell you that. But I can tell you in an instant I'm 7DPO. It's nice to be looking forward. I'm also tentatively thinking about a trip overseas later this year... it's nice to dream about something, having a plan helps me a lot.

I've gone on a lot and I didn't really want this to be about me but that's all I know and I hope it helps in some tiny way??

Keep reaching out, the internet has helped me a lot get through this.

[Zennie]

my Storey,

I actuall M/C at the end of march and on the hospitals advice decided not to have the D&C. the hospital i was at was very conservative and needed more "proof" basically that PG was not viable.
So got my doc to monitor Bhcg levels and they dropped normally was bleeding normally.So wasn't aproblem. any way 8 weeks after M/C started still had some spotting. so went back to my doc.


he sent me for blood work and U/S . Internal scan showed baby sac still there and completely in tact. (that was wed) was in hospital on fri but they couldnt do me so had to go home and wait till monday. went into day surgery at 3.30 after being there from 10 oclock. got to go home that night and i just slept. anyways the next night tues night got really bad cramping but hospital said it was normal so i suffered through them for about 5 hours before falling asleep from exhaustion.
went to work wed morning only to be treated like i had inconvienced my upline to the max. that really didnt help. more cramping wed night and no pain killers. decided to go get pain killers from local hospital , only to be sent to hosp where had the d and c. they decided they wanted to do internal obs on me cos doc was worried about pain level i was dealing with.

so im in ER and the doc dose her obs and says to me " im going to need you to stay for a bit. there appears to be something stuck in cervix, i want a gynae doc to assess."

thats fine just thought it was a bit of tissue that got itself caught up.

Gynae doc comes down takes a look , after some poking and proding , they agree that it is the gest sac stuck in my cervix. i was having contractions trying to pass it but had no hormone to dialate my cervix cos it was atrifically done for D&C. hence the pain i was in.

so at 3 in the morning in the ER behind a pink curtain they popped the sac which was still intact, full of fluid, stuck what was left of my baby in a jar for processing and sent me home.

They werent able to tell me what they had catually done during the d&C and why they missed the sac.

I went to work that day cos it was end of month and needed to be there for it. anyway i went from ok with everything to taking leave from work and decideing not to go back in under a week.

I am so confused and hurt and tired that im not function, i loved my job and my life untill 6 days ago, now i struggle to get out bed and get motivated.

I like the idea of the milestones. i know that it was a relief whn the Bleed stopped after D&C .I am interested in any methods of regining stabililty that you girls have used.

[kiwigirl]

Soooo.........I caved and tested today at 8DPO and of course got a BFN. Has anyone else tested this early because the temptation got too much?? The test in the bathroom (I got a twin pack when I was testing my hCG was down after the D&C) was just too tempting. I'm doing crazy waiting. Hoping this week will fly by.

PS Zennie: milestones are great eh? Are you getting out during the day at all? Whenever I felt like moping and was really miserable, I made myself get out of the house and go visit my mum or a friend.

[Lee]

Kiwigirl - the temptation is just too much - I understand!!

I'm 12 dpo today - I tested at 10dpo (negative) and thismorning (negative). My AF is due any time now.

I tested with one of the ultra sensitive tests this morning, so I'm kind of thinking, I probably missed out this cycle?? Will have to wait and see if AF shows up in the next few days. I don't feel any real sign of her this cycle, which doesn't help explain a BFN today. Ah well, I'm so tired of thinking about it, I almost don't care, and am almost relieved to know and to get on with other things in my life!!! Then I can obsess again in a few weeks time!!

Good luck for your next test - from what I've read - most people don't usually get a BFP until about 14 dpo, and many that tested earlier than that got BFN.

Lee xo

[satya]

Hi everyone,

As you will tell from my ticker I'm back to a fresh cycle. My AF arrived today, it's been pretty light but I'm no longer going to the loo heaps and have no other symptoms other than tender BBs every now and then (and let's face it that's an AF symptom as well) so I'm sure it's AF and not an implant bleed. Back to the drawing board for me. I have my gyno appointment this Wednesday so I hope to have a plan put in place then.

Bun - Those results are great. Go ahead and book the OB, you will not jinx yourself.

Welcome Sandielreese I hope your time in this thread is a short one. How many m/c have you had?

Claire - your HCG results are very good. I'm sure all will be well.

Zennie - Welcome. Just take one day at a time. When I had my first m/c 10 years ago I took it in my stride. It really didn't hit me until many months later and I had not conceived again. This time it hit me much harder. It was only my second pregnancy in 9.5 years of ttc (with two different partners) so it was far more devastating even though the event itself was not at all traumatic. I had the recent one in March so I've now had 3 unsuccessful cycles. I go very low each time I get my AF and that's where I'm at now. Just take each day as it comes and come in here and say how you feel. We all understand here.

Lee & Kiwigirl. I hope you both have better luck when you do your next tests.

[Trying to be Postive]

I have not been aound very much but just spent half an hour reading all your posts since I was last here...

Congrats to Claireabel, Pash and Bun! Your BFP's give me hope. I am so excited for you.I can only imagine the mixed emotions you are feeling, but I am keeping everything crossed and sending you lots of sticky vibes!

Well... I am on CD41... I am waiting for my second AF since my MC in March. My First AF came on 1 May... and now... 41 days later I am still waiting!! BUT. I have been temping, and I think, it looks like to me, that I o'd on CD35... so if this is true, AF should come next Sunday!

The funny thing is, I was totally convinced I was not going to O this cycle and was just waiting for AF,... now I am sure I did... and DH and I just happened to BD the day before... so we are in with a tiny chance.... I thought we were totally out this month and weren't even trying... but now... we have the slimest of chances, and its making it hard to wait for AF!!

I am thinking about trying VITEX next cycle... as this cycle was way too long... for my liking. Has anyone tried this??

I have only really met one girl who has had long cycles like me after MC, so that is getting me down a bit...

Anyways.... I just wanted to say hi... and hopefully I will be around a bit more and get to know you all a bit better

[Sharon19270]

claireabel your BT results sound great, sending lots of sticky vibes your way, although I am sure all will be fine.
sandielreese sorry to hear about you loss, I love the ladies in here and don't know where I would be without them, I hope your stay in here is a short one, and i mean that in the nicest possible way.
Zennie sorry to hear about your loss, and your "bungled" D&C. I think it was very cruel of your workplace to treat you the way they did especially to the point where you felt you had to leave. I basically took 1 day at a time, and shed plenty of tears, but also got heaps of hugs from some VERY good friends. I hope that you can start to heal soon. :hugs:
kiwigirl me, me, me I have tested that early many times and only got bfn's so don't feel bad, I am now 9 dpo and haven't tested once, but that is probably because I really don't think that I will have been lucky enough to catch the egg.
satya sorry to hear that AF has arrived, but good luck with your appt on Wednesday.
TTBP I hope that you did manage to catch that egg after all. As for the vitex, I have started taking it again this cycle, but only since O, and I was actually taking it when I fell pg in Nov. I take the liquid form but only because I hate tablets/capsules and I just think it would get absorbed into my system quicker, it tastes disgusting though.
Salt how are you going hun?

As said above, I really don't feel like we have caught the egg this month so I am just not obsessing as much. Also the neighbour I was talking about the other week who told me she was pg and had only been trying for a short time lost the baby on Friday, I feel really bad because when she told me I "pretended" to be happy for her and had some very "bad" thoughts and that is just not like me at all.

[pash]

Sandie - I'm sorry to hear about your loss. This is a difficult time, but I do hope that TTC is positive for you.
Zennie - I'm sorry for your loss. What an incredibly long & painful journey you've had! I can't believe you still had the intact sac in your cervix after your D&C! I don't know what the Ob was doing? I can't imagine what it must feel to spend 8 weeks going through a M/c and trying to keep a job down. It seems like a good idea to take some time off work and just try to work through the pain. If it helps, I felt like I wasn't functioning after my D&C either. I wondered whether my life would ever get on track, was anything worth the effort and would I ever be able to cope? I did cope, and most of us have. For me, I cried continuously, sometimes without any thoughts in my head, I cried at home, I cried at work, I cried at weddings, I cried in toilets at pubs and I cried at night. Then I found BB, and found that I wasn't the only one going through this pain, my life wasn't falling apart, it was just temporarily difficult. And for me, it did get easier after about 3-4 weeks. TTC in the 2nd cycle distracted me and I think that helped too. I hope it gets easier for you. Feel free to put down all your thoughts on BB and you might find it helpful.
Shoegal - Waiting that first cycle is frustrating isn't it? Hope it passes in a flash for you.
Rachael - Isn't that too early to get a reliable result? Are you going to test again later? that you get a better result then.
Positive - Great timing! Good luck when you test.
Sharon - This is going to sound weird, but I feel guilty about your neighbour too. I was annoyed with my friend's gf for ttc or being pg and not telling me at the time that you first posted about your neighbour. I would never wish a loss on anyone, but I wasn't exactly thinking kind thoughts at the time, so I feel a bit guilty about your neighbour too. I hope she is doing ok.
Claire - Great BT results! I'm very happy for you. You seem to write down my thoughts exactly. I'm too scared to get too excited about this pg, but then feel guilty, as though I'm not loving this baby as much as the last. DH is the same. He doesn't want to tell anyone cos he doesn't feel ready to get excited & probably won't be until we pass the hurdle of the first scan. And he'll feel like a bad father-to-be if he is less excited about it than our friends.

So I promised DH that I wouldn't tell anyone until our first scan. But then I had lunch with a friend on Sat, and it was so hard to not tell her what was going on, especially as she asked me directly when my cycle ended & when I was going to test. I'm so bad at lying that I think she knows I'm pg, and she knows I can't tell her yet, but she doesn't know why. I don't know if I'm explaining my thoughts very well.

I'll go to a medical centre on Friday, and I'll probably have to wait until 10wks for the first scan. Not sure how the NHS works. In the meanwhile, to keep ourselves busy and away from friends, we booked a train to Paris for next weekend. And I'm worried that my BBs aren't sore at all. Only symptom is needing to pee. Clairabel, have you had any symptoms?

Sorry for hanging about in here for a while. I'm trying to build the courage to head to the PAML thread. Just doesn't feel real yet and am afraid to jinx myself.

[nikilove]

Bun I am I hope I will get an this month and everyone else I'm sending lots of .

[Sharon19270]

pash feel free to hang out here as long as you need, I think it is a BIG step to head over to the PAML thread. I really hope that you don't have to wait that long for your 1st scan, maybe they will do one a little earlier since you had m/c last time. I was talking to my neighbour yesterday afternoon and she is ok, just extremely disappointed, her Dr seems to think that she had a chemical pg which is what I told her I thought it was too.
nikilove I hope that your DH's find their way to your