Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss October 2007 ~ #2

[MistyFying]

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The previous thread is here.

[littlescottishboy]

Yeehar! First in the new thread!

[STARRYSKY]

hello everyone,
I have just gotten home from work, I am so pathetic!! I caved in when I found an out of date pg test in the cupboard at work, I have brought it home and hidden it in the loo, so I dont use it till tomorrows fmu.
I am feeling really pg, nauseous, sore boobs, funny little tugs in my tummy, gums bleeding and sore etc.
I am excited, was trying not to be, but cant help it. I will be devastated if I get a bfn. no, I wont be, but I wont be happy.
chat later girls.
xxx

[STARRYSKY]

bugger you beat me lsb!!!

[kiwigirl]

Hi everyone,

Since it was a new thread, I'd thought I'd pop my head in and say hello again! I just had a quick read but a huge congrats satya and lee!!!!!! I'm so glad things are moving along for you both. pash, nice to see you're still here and positive

I hope there's lots more BFP this month for everyone.

Soooo. here's a long update if you haven't forgotten me (I have felt a bit invisibble when I took a break from here).

So. I am wondering if my drive to be a mum is wearing off of me (does that make sense??). Maybe I just can't keep up the intense longing that I've filled my life up to the brim of other things lately - I've got a personal trainer and been doing lots of weights, walking and cardio to build up my strength after all my sagas. I've been mad busy with work, and planning things for our big round the world trip.

Secretly, of course, I still want to get pregnant but I took a break for the first month and didn't temp and obsess about my chart. Didn't do enough BDing I think to give us a good chance this month. I cried when it was October 1. The start of the month when I would have been due to give birth. The due date is this weekend. We'll be out celebrating my brother-in-law's engagement. DH was a bit annoyed I mentioned the date and didn't want me to have a pity party or mention it there I guess. No-one has mentioned the looming date to me. Maybe everyone has forgotten.

Emotionally I'm generally really really good though, just that date (Oct 27) is a bit of a mental battle for me this month. A *little* part of me wonders if there's something wrong with me now and I won't be able to conceive again. I have been making myself too busy to sit and think and stress.

Who knows what the future holds. I felt in a bit of a rut coming on here and obsessing about where I was in my cycle because it didn't change the fact that I didn't get pregnant. But. I realised I have missed your encouragement and support, and that no-one outside of here talks about my m/c or EDD so maybe I might need to vent a little over the next little while. If that's ok.

Hope you are all well

[STARRYSKY]

hi kiwigirl,
we didnt forget about you!!!
Venting is fine, thats what we are here for. I think its great that we can come here and talk about those things, like your soon to be edd and your m/c, we can relate and understand eachother.
Its so hard the way that "others" tend to ignore tha fact or just expect you to pick yourself up and get on with it, not realising that sometimes its just not that easy. no one likes to bring it up or acknowledge that there was a baby (the beginnings iykwim) and it was real for us.
I get you about the worrying if everthing is ok with being able to conceive again, I am sure we arent the only ones.
I hope you can enjoy your brother in laws party without too much sadness, maybe take some time during the day to have a little pity party (there is nothing wrong with that occasionally!) for yourself and remember your little angel, but also look forward to all the things you have yet to experience, a healthy pregnancy with your dh, your upcoming trip (sounds so exciting, am very jealous!) and of course a night out.
sorry if I sound preachy its not my intention, sending you lots of big hugs.
xxxx

[kiwigirl]

Thanks heaps for the encouragement and kind thoughts Sometimes its just a relief to know other people get it How's this cycle going for you?

[Beaksie]

Hey Kiwigirl, so good to see you back, and hoping the engagement party is fun. Its Ok to be a little sad, you have every right.
Starrysky- Are you testing tomorrow with 7 days still to go? Isnt that too early, or is your ticker wrong? Id hate for you to be disappointed by testing a little too early. Your symptoms are sounding really promising though. Either way, I have my fingers firmly crossed for you.

[AnnaBelle]

Hi all,

New thread already - we are a busy lot!!

Hi kiwigirl We oh so get it - just one day at a time - the 27th is not just "another day" but just try and get through it as best you can.
It may be a good thing that you will be busy celebrating at an engagement
party - I am sure a happy occassion such as that has got to be a good way
to keep your mind busy.

Beaksie - hang in there - I hope this not knowing stuff ends soon for you

STARRYSKY - with your testing in the morning

hi satya - you will be fine - all sounds good to me

treelo - thanks for your good wishes - Its early days for me and the way I have been going it may be a small miracle if we get a BFP this month - DH has been doing some late shifts and we have not done too much bd this month. Thank goodness for bb it helps keep me awake late at night waiting for DH

thinking of you all
AnnaBelle

[mammal]

Kiwigirl—good on you for focusing on you. I bet you a BFP will come when you least expect it (like love, right?). And even if it doesn’t happen quite so easily, an around the world trip is pretty fabulous! Don’t feel bad about venting about your upcoming EDD. We all know it’s a big deal. I’ve also realized that no one else (not even my DH) is really aware of it, whereas I think about “where I should have been by now” quite often. We’re all here for you. :hugs:

Satya— I had that too. My O pain is usually lower, though. The preggo pain I got in the first few days after my BFP and it was sort of beneath and behind my hip bone. That went away, and then I started getting more AF-like cramps in the center of my uterus. I was so scared that it was an impending miscarriage, but apparently, that’s just the uterus stretching. The hip pain was very strange, and I never figured it out. One thing I wondered about at the time (after I got over the ectopic paranoia) was whether it could have been the corpus luteum. Hope yours goes away soon.

Hello to everyone else!

[pash]

Hiya Annabelle, I've been lurking Good luck with this cycle.
Beaksie, rant away! I would too! If you did O late, when would you hit 14 DPO?
Satya your symptoms sound spot on. Wouldn't it be lovely if this was the sticky bub you've been waiting for.
Lee, have you tested again?! How are you holding back? This is not the lee of the quick-draw-HPT is it?
Miss KBowman, I don't know if you're reading this, but you're definitely not forgotten. How are you doing?
Rachael, you too haven't been forgotten. Its nice to 'see' you again. I'm so glad you've been able to keep yourself occupied. And seem to be in a great place emotionally. Its great that you're coping so well. But it is ok to be down when approaching your EDD. Mine is coming up too, and I keep thinking about what could have been. Its not a pity party to feel that.

I totally KWYM about worrying that there might be a problem with conceiving now. But you have to remind yourself that the m/c & stuff after wasn't because something was wrong with your body. And when the docs last saw you, they didn't give you any reason to worry about any permanant damage. So there is probably nothing to worry about. But I also know how hard it is to be logical about this stuff.

It'll probably happen when you least expect it. Like some fabulous location on your trip. And then you can name your kid after it (warning: no BDing in Paris ).

Me: I just can't seem to let go of this longing for kids. I really need to. Lee/Rachael What is your secret? I've tried the work/gym junkie combo, but I still ache for kids and obsess about the next HCG result.

[satya]

Hi everyone, sorry not much time for personals or I'll be late for work.

Kiwigirl - when TTCing takes a while (remember I'm 41and I've been doing it since I was 28 with only a 3 year break in between partners) you tend to go through cycles. For a while you desperately want to be pregnant, then you aren't so sure, you can even have times where you decide you don't want it at all, then it changes to one of the other options. I totally understand the due date thing. My first due date for this year is November 19 and it is approaching. Due to my age I probably already would have already had that baby had things worked out. It was starting to play on my mind constantly when I got my BFP and now I have switched to wondering if I will still be pregnant when that date comes around. Of course I still have 14th April 2008 to deal with yet and I'm praying I don't have to add another date to that yet. I hope your date passes without too much drama, there of course will be a lot of sadness but you will get through it.

Starrysky - good luck with the test. I'll have to check back in later.

The pain continued throughout yesterday and then I had some on the left side. I also had some fluttery type feeling across my lower abdo last night so I guess that means somethings happening in there. It was very exciting as I haven't had any of this happen with my previous pregnancies. I tested again this morning and a nice dark line came up immediately - never ever had that happen before either - the lines usually take between 3 & 5 minutes to come up. Starting to feel a little more confident. Postponed the doctor appointment til tonight as went out to dinner instead. Probably get BT done on Friday so hoping for much higher numbers than last time.

[pash]

Satya! Go get the BT! How can you wait so long? How did everyone in here become so patient?!

[Beaksie]

Hi Pash. Its so great to see you back in here. Hope your Hcg keeps dropping. I found it took weeks to get to about 60ish, then that dropped fairly quickly, but those last few from about 11 down seemed to take ages too. I totally understand your frustration, and its not nice getting bts every week either. I got especially s****y when I had a different tech who'd say in her sugary little voice "Oh, your pg! Thats great!". In the end Id just grunt at them and ignore! All the ones who knew me were much more understanding.
As for me,assuiming I o'd about day 25 or 26 which is about when I noticed ewcm, then 14 dpo would have been yesterday. I havent tested again since Mon morning, as my doc appt is tomorrow, so I'll let it go. Its the weirdest thing. I dont just "skip" periods. Like ever. But at the same time, I dont feel pregnant, and honestly dont think that I am. I just think Im having one of those exceptionally crazy cycles. I guess all will be revealed soon enough.
Starrysky - did you end up testing this morning? Im hanging to know....
Satya - Relax and enjoy! Glad your bfps have gotten stronger and you're feeling more confident.
Treelo, Acria, Kaib, Kbowman, Annabelle, Rachelle and everyone else, BIG HI!!!

[Lee]

Hi Ladies...!

Pash - ahhh...you fell for it !! I'm just pretending not to be needy and desparate lol...... seriously, I go through different emotions and levels of "longing". At the moment I just feel p...ssed off at all that has happened this year ... and as for the longing - and this is where I am so lucky - I already have two beautiful kids, and I can smother them at any given time. I have a HUGE need for another baby, but at least I can truly appreciate the two I have. I feel for you in this area, must be overpowering a lot of the time. I have a childless friend (who is 52) who takes out all her maternal-ness on her animals, but it's still hard. You WILL get your longing met Pash, I know it.

Satya - hooray on a DARK line - things are truly looking good this time, and you are so calm!! Good girl!!

Beaksie - I reckon I o'd late too - I have no sign of AF, what the??? Can't wait till you get some clarity, and lets hope you're a late bloomer this time!

Kiwigirl - nice to see you again!! And good you are back with us!!

Starry - did you test?? And..............???

Hello to everyone else!!

AS FOR ME:

Nothing much to report - I had O type pain yesterday (same as Satya), c'ept when I re-tested I got a BFN.......... AF is still staying away.......... I didn't O until CD17 last time I was pregnant, so if thats the case, I'm really only about 13dpo today - and I didn't get a BFP till 14dpo last time. Do I sound like I have myself convinced lol ??????????? Have had some twitches down there, but can't tell if its AF or what......... so guess what - I'M WAITNG - how unusual lol - if AF isn't here by Friday am, I shall use my last hpt.

I'm coping by eating junk food (as it just helps sometimes!!).

Lee xo

[zionsmom]

I am a late one!! Congrats Satya, and good job on keeping positive as you have every reason to be all those things you described sound amazingly great!!

Congrats to Lee as well!!!!! I can just imagine the feelings of happiness I hope it happens for more of us SOON.

Kiwigirl glad you dropped in! You took the words right out of my mouth. First off I have been lurking here and there but am trying to avoid these sites more for me being sad right now. I keep switching from really trying and then barely bding at all due to stress, being tired and just not caring anymore. I am tired of "trying" I am starting to think I am unable to get preg. even though I have been twice ONCE was even successful!!!! My impending due date has also been saddening me very much (October 31) I mentioned it to my DH but he doesn't understand why I cry so much over it. I have been starting to wonder if I am "normal" He even is now asking me to talk to a therapist or someone. I have close friends I can't even be around because of their pregnancies I will out right say that I am jealous of them! I literally read your post and cried because I feel very much the same and more. Sorry so long Its nice you have your trip to look forward to though!! lucky girl

[treelo]

Diane - i dont really know what to say except that i know where your coming from and im sending you lots and lots of hugs sweety.

hugs
treelo

[AnnaBelle]

Hi everyone,

Wel DH is off night shift so hopefully tonight we will get to bd
I think I have missed my this cycle - but you never know.
My temps have been going up the last two mornings so looks like I have
ovulated - anyway its always fun to try again!!
Had a bad day today my car got towed cause i didn't read the sign properly
GRRRR!! So that cost us plenty $$$ so I hope the mood is not ruined by that
mishap today

STARRYSKY - anything to tell - did yo u test??

Lee - I hope AF does not come and that you get that 2nd line again
stay positive OK


pash - so how often do you have to get your levels checked?? Gosh you must be sick of blood tests you poor thing - won't be long until you are back to zero

Well a big hello to everyone else and bring on the tww!!

AnnaBelle