Hi everyone,

Since it was a new thread, I'd thought I'd pop my head in and say hello again! I just had a quick read but a huge congrats satya and lee!!!!!! I'm so glad things are moving along for you both. pash, nice to see you're still here and positive

I hope there's lots more BFP this month for everyone.

Soooo. here's a long update if you haven't forgotten me (I have felt a bit invisibble when I took a break from here).

So. I am wondering if my drive to be a mum is wearing off of me (does that make sense??). Maybe I just can't keep up the intense longing that I've filled my life up to the brim of other things lately - I've got a personal trainer and been doing lots of weights, walking and cardio to build up my strength after all my sagas. I've been mad busy with work, and planning things for our big round the world trip.

Secretly, of course, I still want to get pregnant but I took a break for the first month and didn't temp and obsess about my chart. Didn't do enough BDing I think to give us a good chance this month. I cried when it was October 1. The start of the month when I would have been due to give birth. The due date is this weekend. We'll be out celebrating my brother-in-law's engagement. DH was a bit annoyed I mentioned the date and didn't want me to have a pity party or mention it there I guess. No-one has mentioned the looming date to me. Maybe everyone has forgotten.

Emotionally I'm generally really really good though, just that date (Oct 27) is a bit of a mental battle for me this month. A *little* part of me wonders if there's something wrong with me now and I won't be able to conceive again. I have been making myself too busy to sit and think and stress.

Who knows what the future holds. I felt in a bit of a rut coming on here and obsessing about where I was in my cycle because it didn't change the fact that I didn't get pregnant. But. I realised I have missed your encouragement and support, and that no-one outside of here talks about my m/c or EDD so maybe I might need to vent a little over the next little while. If that's ok.

Hope you are all well