TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February 08 #2

**Baby Angels** · February 22nd, 2008, 12:46 PM

Flowerchild..... Thank You so much for that...... I went hunting for it and found it, was thrilled that it was there

Ohhh PS Nickster and StarrySky.,.... still thrilled for you and still sitting here with a huge smile on my face.

**Simba** · February 22nd, 2008, 04:56 PM

hi all,

i am new to all this so you will have to bear with me. i have found myself here 3 months after the loss of my full term baby girl. a trouble free pregnancy, however a knot in her umbilical cord caused oxygen deprivision and after 2 1/2 weeks she passed away. we are now on the journey of ttc again - at day 23 and almost scared to hope.

sim

**Baby Angels** · February 22nd, 2008, 05:07 PM

Simba.... Firstly let me welcome you to our group of lovely and wonderful ladies. You have unfortunatly come to the right place, what I mean by that is I wish none of us had to be here in the first place. You are however now surrounded by people who truley do understand. You can be completely open to whatever degree you want in here, you are not judged or expected to be anything than who you are and what you are feeling at the time.

I understand, as would everyone in here, how scared you are when you do TTC again. We all hope and prey for a positive test but also all know that when we get it another set of fears will begin.

I m going to copy a poem in here, the other ladies have already seen it but I have a feeling it may help you to feel comfort and feel that you can open up to us and know you are being understood.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don?t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Simba.... you are not alone.

**plc1805** · February 22nd, 2008, 05:31 PM

Welcome Simba hun - so so sorry for your awful loss.
Angel Babies - birthday buddy - you always know the right thing to say.

**Simba** · February 22nd, 2008, 05:33 PM

thank you angel babies.. the poem is so true, the tears were streaming down my face as i read it. i remember as i sat by her NICU bed all i used to say was "its not fair" stuff like this doesn't happen to people like us. but unfortunately it has and it does to many other wonderful couples.

i look forward to meeting all the other wonderful people here soon - i'm off to drink honey and lemon to get rid of my dreadful cold - cant risk taking anything in case i might be pg.

**berecca623** · February 22nd, 2008, 06:02 PM

First of all let me say

to both starrysky and nickster, am soooo happy for you both. I leave for a couple of days and look at all the joy I come back to!

Angel Babiesthat was the most beautiful and true poem that I have EVER read and thank you so much for posting it!

Sorry but no time for more personals as spent all my "allocated computer time" reading latest posts. Only allowed on for 20 minutes at a time!

So GOOD LUCK to everyone and thought I would add some

**STARRYSKY** · February 22nd, 2008, 06:28 PM

NICKSTER

fantastic!!!! congratulations hun, hopefully we will be having our babies together!!!

Thankyou again all you kind, lovely people, There is no way I could have got to where I am without the support I have found here in "our" thread!!

FOR ALL!!!

**ll80** · February 22nd, 2008, 07:21 PM

WOW!!!
Big CONGRATS to you Nickster and Big Hugs!!!!
So happy for you, must have been the cake

Nice to hear some great news at the end of a long week. Sending you lots and lots of

AngelBabies every time you post that wonderful poem, it just resonates so poignantly with me.

Simba welcome, Hugs to you, I hope you find the support you need here and that your TTC journey is as pleasurable as can be.

Good luck to everyone on the TWW!!
I still haven't gotten myself down for that blood test, will have to on Monday as I am off to Tassie for a week to take my daughter to see her father.
Then when I get back I will be able to go to the doctor, I hope by the time I come back that DP will have got us a car.
*fingers crossed*
I've been feeling much better lately which is good, still get tired but not so badly since the m/c.
All these BFP's make me want to start TTC right now and not wait for the blood tests, but then when I really think about it I almost want to wet my pants with the "what if it happens again". But.... we all find that strength from somewhere don't we...
My daughter still asks me a couple times a week if the baby is still in my tummy or is it in the sky...it now apparently flies around in a space ship watching us, which is cute.
Sometimes though I really wish she would forget, she catches me off guard and makes me remember again....IYKWIM.

..Laura

**smilanatu** · February 23rd, 2008, 03:22 AM

Nickster and Starrysky...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Be blessed ladies!

**nicksterUK** · February 23rd, 2008, 05:36 AM

Simba, so very sorry to hear your sad news. What an absolutely devastating time you have had, and right before Christmas. Special hugs :hugs:I hope you find solace and the support you need here. It will be bitter sweet, but the ladies here are truly inspiring. xx

Angel- LOL with the spelling scenario! I so wanted to blurt my news out, but resisted

Thanks for the numerous lovely messages of congrats and support, am really touched. Thank you xx

ALSO 'thank you SOooooo much' ladies for your good wishes...it means so much more to me having shared this part of my journey with you. Thank you all

I've been smiling to myself all day at work, bursting to tell someone, but DH and I don't want to let anyone at work know yet. We rang our parents this evening, who are thrilled and emotional, and we have asked them to keep it quiet too. I can't get a doctor's appt until next Thursday, so just keeping everything crossed that all is well so far. I've come down with a stinking snotty (TMI) cold, just in time for the weekend (yay!) but I ain't complaining!!! I feel so blessed!
I'm sorry ladies, I'm here babbling on....I don't mean to be insensitive. I'm definitely going to be lurking and throwing

over you all CONSTANTLY okay? I'm terrified that I may end up having a reason to return here, but at the same time I feel ok, quite calm (for now) because I know I could do it if I had to...because of you! I wish we could empty this thread and all transfer over to the 'pg after mc' thread in the next few weeks. Can't wait for the next BFP here!! Yay!

Starrsky

Wow, so happy to share this with someone, am so scared, but excited iykwim? x sharing tonnes of

with you :-)

Anyway, I know I'm burbling on so I'll pack up for now. I promise I will keep EVERYTHING crossed for you all and will send SUPER vibes sprinkled all over the cakes that I'm going to bake for you, with Barbara and AngelB's special 'fertile' ingedient!

Love and hugs
Nicki

**Simba** · February 23rd, 2008, 08:05 AM

thank you ladies for all your welcome wishes,

Congratulations to Nickster and Starrysky i will have my fingers crossed for you.

i am wondering though if maybe i am in the wrong thread ?? i guess what i mean is that my worries are not so much if i can get pg or if i will mc but more emotionally and physically how i will cope with another pg. i had a c/s with lani and more than likely if i get pg soon i will have to have another c/s as there is a slightly greater risk that the scar may rupture. the chance of knot happening again is no greater for me than it is for anyone else (and its really low - i didnt mean to scare anybody!) but i guess the thought is still there that it could happen.

i hope this doesnt sound like i am being disrespectful - i truely believe that a loss is a loss and it doesnt matter when it happens we have all lost the future and the hopes and dreams for that child.

anyway i am going on a bit now, my love to you all and thank you all again.

**tempus moriendi** · February 23rd, 2008, 10:40 AM

STARRYSKY and nicksterUK: I'm so, so happy for you both! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and lots of prayers.

Renstar and Simba: I'm so sorry for your losses and welcome to the thread

plc1805: glad your lap went wel

Angel Babies: typo away! We'll figure out what you're trying to say

mollycat: sending encouragement vibes--you had such a carpy day

**Baby Angels** · February 23rd, 2008, 02:31 PM

Well last night I was pretty much on another planet. I went out for diner and movie, had indian.

In my half dazed state, I was clutching at my stomach, swore I was pregnant. Was even going to get up and do a pregnancy test. I tossed and turned for hours.

When I woke up, obviously seeing things more rationally awake, I went to the toilet and POAS. It obviously came back negtative, its only something like 9 days post "o". My reason behind it was to sort my head out. I would go mad if I walked around thinking about it all day and then tossed and turned all night thinking about it. So now as far as my head is concerned.... I m not. so now I can get on with my day.

Having said that, all day yesterday my stomach was twitchin and groanin (only way I know how to explain it) So i ve told myself it must have been a combination of the indian food and the accupuncture...... not bad considering that Indian wasnt until last night.

Now I know there are probaby physcologist drooling off that sort of comment..... but hey, the logical side of me tells my mind what to think all of the time...,. its just a case of whether my mind wants to listen or not

**jo76** · February 23rd, 2008, 03:48 PM

ok everyone,
i have 4 days until my AF is due so we will see if any vibes have come my way!

... in the meantime, good luck to the rest of you and a huge congrats to those who have started their lucky 9 month journey!

**plc1805** · February 23rd, 2008, 04:33 PM

Simba - I had a c/s as well and I do remember that someone somewhere said to wait a year before having another one so that scar was well and truly healed. Now I wasn't in the situation you're in but we started trying to conceive #2 only 2 months after DS was born. So can only lead by example cos I didn't wait but then again haven't had f/t pg since. Don't know of another thread at all that may apply better to you but you are certainly most welcome to stay in this thread also, hun

Me - Does anyone know of particular treatments that have helped to prevent endo reoccurring (apparently lap is not a guarantee of endo not coming back)?
Am not so good today - physically, mentally, emotionally under the weather.... tomorrow will be better.

**Baby Angels** · February 23rd, 2008, 05:25 PM

Ok Birthday Buddy...... Cheer up time...... :nana:

Dont let the Endo get to you girl. I had so much endo and nearly didnt make it through the Lap. I suppose I just look at it in a way that it doesnt get to me. While I was in rediculous amounts of pain after the op, I was glad that it had been found and taken out. I am not aware of any treatment as such, I do know that is likely to return but thats alright. Your probably thinkin.... how can that be alright.... well I look at it the same way I look at another health issuer I have. I have operations each year to remove polyps as there is a history of bowel cancer throughout my whole family, so once a year I have them removed rather than risk my whole bowel being removed...... i ve dealt with that one for over 15 years. You just cant let it get you down..... I am greatful that I know about it and greatful that I m in a country and a position to be able to do something about it.

Now I know that probably hasnt cheered you up but sometimes our moods can be changed by us changing how we view things...... You found out you had endo, you had it removed.... your conception chances have now increased... and you know you can have a lap.... (standard ones being a pretty straight forward proceedure).. to have it removed..... My MIL had endo 40 years ago, she was unable to have children and ended up adopting DH..... So we are in a good position...

If that doesnt help by changing how you look at it then I ll resort back to :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana: to try and put a smile back on your face.

**Anthonysmom** · February 24th, 2008, 12:00 AM

Well ladies I am out for this cycle. My temp took a big drop this morning. AF should be here tomorrow. Really wanted this to be the month. plus doctor told me I have MTHFR gene, which can be a problem with keeping babies. good luck to the rest of you.

Barbara

**Canary** · February 24th, 2008, 12:18 AM

I have been away for a bit because of computer and time issues. Just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS to Starrysky and Nickster!!!! That is 4 BFPs since the new year (and counting...) Well done guys, pass on your fertility vibes to the rest of us!

Simba, :hugs: Oh, hun, I have no idea what you must have been through. I am so, so sorry that little Lani has gone to be with the angels. I am sure that I can speak for all of us here when I say that you are very, very welcome to join in. I think that I have seen a thread for TTC after late miscarriage or late loss. It takes so much courage to TTC again, I wish you lots and lots of luck.

Ren,

Nice to meet you. I hope that some of the infectious fertility vibes of this thread do their trick for you soon.

Angel B, Yeah, Curry does that for me, too!

Thank you to all who have put advice about CM on here. I have not been checking internally, but was REALLY excited to find some EWCM on Tues. It was weird, stretchy stuff, but there was only a little bit. FF is not sure whether I have O'd or not yet, but I think I should have on about 21st. DH and I have been BDing so much that I am getting sick of it now!!!! I think that some of the romance is removed when you have 'got to do it'!

I guess I am now in a 2ww along with Magda and Angel B and probably lots of others, but I cant remember everyone because I have just read about a million threads! My hopes are not too high this month, I think that my timing may have been a little out and I also had a cold earlier this month, which I presumed would affect fertility (although I have no idea really).

Laura, I hope that your trip to Tassie is OK and not as tough as you are expecting.
plc- sorry, I have no thoughts on how to prevent endo. Glad that your lap went OK.

I thought I should leave some of these before signing off:

Have a great weekend all!

PS: I had to chop out a couple of baby dusts because I had too many piccies in my message-ooops!