TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February 08

**bettyboop** · February 11th, 2008, 02:33 AM

wow i go away for a day or so and now i have so much to read,sending a big hug to you all.will come back later.

**Canary** · February 11th, 2008, 04:19 AM

:nana: Hi, yes that did help, it made me laugh. I don't have a fever today and am just left with a runny nose, so feel much, much better. I hope that everything goes well when you bring your babies home. I am sure that you will be pleased with your special choice of urn and that it will be worth the wait and the distance that it travelled.
I think that a lot of us will be busy on valentines day

. For me, it will be about 3 days before the first day that I might O. DH says that we should BD every day, despite what I tell him about the every other day theory.

Tempus, I am thinking of you, I hope that you are doing OK.
Antheia, I am sorry about AF, I hope that she doesn't stay too long.
Katie, good luck for your meeting. I hope that you find many kind and supportive people there. Have a happy birthday the day afterwards.

I had better go as am supposed to be making dinner. I'll catch up with you all later.

**plc1805** · February 11th, 2008, 05:50 AM

I have heard of those necklaces - they look great!!!

Well girls - sorry for TMI but when I saw a brown smudge on my pants last night before bed, I still had hope cos I was feeling pretty good compared to previous cycles. But this morning, there is no doubting AF and my good feeling I can only attribute to the herbs I'm taking. So I guess I'm out for this month. I'm ok, wasn't upset but disappointed. The thing is that the naturopath (who I saw for first time 2 weeks ago when I could have been pg already) did say to be careful so as not to get pg til she sees me in one month's time as I could potentially m/c again due to deficiencies. So I guess I'm out for next cycle too ......

Sending you

and lots of good vibes!!! I'll be around...

**Katiegirl** · February 11th, 2008, 06:40 AM

Angelbabies - I just thought I would send a quick message about not wanting to leave your angels. We took Nathaniel with us at Christmas to MIL house - when I say we took him - we took his box which contains his ashes, and other items like U/S photos, outfit etc. I knew she would be thrilled that we were showing it to her, as it is very private and we have only shown a couple of people. We then went and stayed at FIL house, and I didn't want to take the box as I wasn't sure they would understand how important it is, so I asked MIL to look after it. She loved it and even wrote a note thanking us for allowing her to look after Nathaniel, which was sweet. Even still I would have felt terrible leaving him somewhere where he wasn't looked after, so I understand how you feel. I say take it if you think it will put my mind at rest, or get them babysat by someone who cares.

PLC - sorry that AF has arrived, but good luck for this cycle. My naturopath said the same thing to me 2 weeks ago. I am sure you will be feeling great next cycle and ready to go.

I am going to hopefully O over the next few days like the rest of you (insync how strange), so fingers crossed a couple of us have good news in 2-3 weeks.

**ll80** · February 11th, 2008, 08:28 AM

Wow, stay away for a few days and so much to catch up on.

Angel, If you and hubby are comfortable with taking them with you then I would, or as Katie said have them babysat so you know they are well looked after.

Well i got through Friday and yesterday AF arrived so I think I was just a bit all over the place as I usually am a day or two before af arrives. Just typical "good" timing isn't it.
I had the worst pains last night, I don't think it was anything to do with af, more really bad gas. Now this may be tmi but the iron pills have been backing me up a bit and with af was a bit too much for my poor old tum to handle. Once I dropped what could only be described as an old forest log I felt much better. Oh dear lol... I need some serious help, sorry ladies

Today I am feeling more positive about everything. I have gone from not wanting to TTC to wanting to go full steam ahead. I really need to try and be patient as I want to be moved into new house first and get checked out by doctor. I really hate not having a car so I can get the ball rolling on this.
Hopefully by next weekend we will be buying one YIPEEE!

Hi to all the newbie, wishing you the best of luck.

got to run, catching the bus to the shops soon, I feel like I am 16 again heh.

...Laura

Magda · February 11th, 2008, 09:31 AM

Hi ladies,

I am sorry I have not been on since I was going through my miscarriage in early January. I had another issue at home which has been very hard for me and has kept me away. Then I forgot my password and had to reset it.

I see that there are alot of new ladies on here, welcome everyone this is a great place to be in our situation.

Since there are alot of new ladies here, I will just give you my info. I had a missed mc, found out on 12/24 at 8 wks that there was no heart beat. Had the actual mc on 1/5 two wks later. Got my 1st af on 2/5 and will be ready to start again next week. I am excited and scarred.

I do have a question I went on FF and put in my temps and it counted 2/5 and 2/6 as cd1 on both days I am alittle confused about that, does anyone know why that is?

Canary I am in the same boat as you I will be BDing on valentine's day as well I should be 4 to 5 days before Ovulating. So I will be doing it every other day from Valentine's on.

Angel Babies, I love your avatar, how do I get one. Also, I know I am a little late but I just got my 1st af after my m/c on Feb 5 and it was extremely heavy, wow. That was really cleaning. So I guess from it being the same way with you and also there was someone else, I am sorry I can't remember your name, that it was a normal 1st af after m/c.

TM I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. Hey TM where do live in PA, I am in PA too.

berecca623 don't beat yourself up about not having a baby sooner. You know I have been thinking about having a baby for going on 2 years now. I really wanted to have a baby, but I thought I was too old. then finally in Oct 07 I decided I am going for it, I got pregnant in Nov and found out on Dec 24th that the baby had no heart beat at 8 wks. I thought the same thing, I should have had a baby back two years ago and I was beating myself up over it. But we can't change what has happened we just have to put our energies in going forward.

Well that's all right now. Have a great evening.

**Anthonysmom** · February 11th, 2008, 10:13 AM

Hi ladies - Just thought I would drop in and say hi. DH is away tonight at a sleep study and I am bored. funny thing is I have tons to do. I should be Oing on Tuesday so DH and I have been BDing the past 2 days. i told him he has 2 more days to go. i am hoping to hve a BFP by March 1. sorry for the lack of personals but i just remembered I need to do laundry before I go to bed.

barbara

**nicksterUK** · February 11th, 2008, 04:25 PM

Hi everyone

and a special

for the new ladies, wishing you all a comforting recovery and some lovely BFPs soon xx

Well, I've been stewing on the fact that af is due tomorrow and no sign or symptoms of pg- only 'yucky tummy' aches, so I'm guessing i'll be out for another month. I did buy a tester kit (probably jinxed myself!

) but suspect it will sit in the drawer a while longer now. If af does come tomorrow it means 28 day cycle has resumed, so I suppose that's something.

Far too many personals to do, but HUGE hugs and tonnes of

for you all-
I've got strawberry cheesecake on the go- and there's plenty of cyber slices for you lot too xxxxxxxx

**hopingsoon** · February 11th, 2008, 07:36 PM

Just thought I would write because I am on day 28 tomorrow and considering as how I normally have a 25 day cycle it is getting really hard. I was at work today and couldn't concentrate on anything because all I kept thinking is am I or aren't I. I know it probably isn't likely seeing how I haven't even had a cycle since the miscarriage but it is all I can think about. I went out at lunch to go to the bank and it was really hard to not go and buy a test. I decided if nothing has happened by wednesday then I will buy a test then. I need to know but dont want to know.

**hopingsoon** · February 12th, 2008, 01:20 PM

Well it day 28 past o today. I do have a sore back but I don't know if that is because of af coming or just a sore back that I do get sometimes. I still haven't had any spotting except for that really small amount back when I would normally have been due. My temps are still a lot higher then they normally are. They normally average in the luteal phase about 36.45 and are around 36.5 and higher. I was going to buy a test tomorrow but am thinking of waiting a bit longer. Just a bit chicken I guess. Thanks for all the positive vibes. I'm hoping they're not wasted.

**Luna** · February 12th, 2008, 06:47 AM

Hello ladies,

I usually just lurk around here and read your posts and keep my fingers crossed for those BFPs, but today was such a bad day that I need to just talk to somebody and I you are the only ones that will understand.
I went to see my doctor today to have some tests run for a possible luteal phase defect. I waited an hour, which did not even annoy me, I had to reschedule at the last minute so I was just grateful that my doctor could take me at the last moment. But as I was sitting there, there were all those pregnant women around me, all talking about their due dates and how their pregnancies are progressing. And all they have to read in the waiting room are those magazines about pregnancy. And then I had something called endomentrial biopsy done I think, and this was just so painful, nobody prepared me for this.
To make it worse, my husband is away on business, so I am here alone, he will not be back until Friday. Somebody on this forum, sorry, I do not remember who, said that they are grateful for the child they already have, because it would be so hard to go through this if this was #1. Well, it is #1 for me, and I am 40, and right now I just want to give up, because I feel like TTC is taking over my life. I am becoming obsessive, I constanly count days to O, days to AF, I am sure you can relate to this, and then I have this feeling like this all may be in vain, it will never happen to me and that 40-year old women have no business having babies and then I feel guilty for not trying it before.
Sorry for rambling, but I actualy feel worse today than right after my mc, and I have nobody to talk to, and even if my husband was here, I do not think he would quite understand.

**bettyboop** · February 12th, 2008, 03:30 AM

fingers crossed for you hopingsoon.
i am felling better today dont know what my body is doing , my temp went up today, who knows?

**plc1805** · February 12th, 2008, 06:08 AM

Tempus - how are you doing hun?
Smilanatu - how u feelin? haven't heard from you for a while...
Katiegirl - thinking of you tonight and wishing you loads of the right comfort and support that you need
Hopingsoon - I know that feeling as I'm sure we all do of wanting to know but not wanting to know. I prob would have taken 3 tests by now only cos I'm so impatient. We're here for you hun - take your time.
Canary, Magda, Angel Babies, Anthony's mum & the rest who are o-ing - happy BDing

and lots of

!!!!
Nickster -

for you and thanks so much for the cheesecake - it was YUMMY!!

Hi to the rest of you lovely ladies and wishing you a happy day!!

**Katiegirl** · February 12th, 2008, 06:57 AM

Hi Luna,

I just wanted to quickly say that I hope you are doing okay today. It sounds like you have had a very difficult and emotional day. I agree that it is cruel to sit surrounded by reminders of pregnancy knowing full well that you are no longer part of that circle. I think it is very easy to become obsessed with TTCing, and it is hard because the more you think about it and stress the more they tell you that you need to relax! I also lost my first, and I think it feels all the more cruel because we fell the first time we tried. I realised at 5weeks that I was 4 days past AF. It was such a lovely surprise. Now this time around, I am eyes wide open about my cycle and when to test. Sometimes I think that I won't fall pregnant for that very reason - because I am wanting it too much.

I think you need to try be kinder to yourself (and I know this is hard) and not focus on what you didn't do. Maybe look into a relaxation CD or yoga, just to give you an opportunity to not think about ttcing.

I hope you will be okay this week, and that you find comfort and support here. Take care and a big hug

**Baby Angels** · February 12th, 2008, 07:32 AM

First I m going to smack your hand and then second give you a big hug.......

What this garbage about 40 year old women having no right............. what, you turned 40 and became a less worthy person on this planet. I know toooooooo well that the age factor puts additional pressure on, sometimes that clock ticks so loud you cant hear your own thoughts, but please dont every think you arent worthy of having a baby.

I am incrediably lucky and I do have my 2 sons. I also count what day of my cycle it is knowing that I am limited in the amount of times I can get the BFN. Its hard but you just make a decision. Is this what I want.... If its a big fat yes then you just do. You do wake up and take your temp or go to the accupuncture or anything else or any hoop you have to jump. And while your jumping through those hoops you put a smile on your face and keep a positive frame of mind so as to give you baby to be a fighting chance. Its not easy.....Ohhh God I know its not easy, but we are who we are, we are the age we are, and we made the decision to do whatever we can. Try not to feel down about it try to find a positive. Even when you are at your worst.....LOOK for that positive, you will find it somewhere.

As for me ladies, its off to pick up my babies and the urn today, and my positive in that........ at least they will be back with me an I can look at something when I talk to them instead of staring off into space. (wouldnt want a big white jacket being put on me as i chat away to the up aboves)

Sorry Luna.... dont mean to be to direct.... I do understand...it does hurt... but you can do it... have faith in yourself ... you deserve it just as anyone else does... HUGE HUGS

**AJC** · February 12th, 2008, 07:41 AM

Hi everyone

Luna: :hugs: It's hard not to be consumed by TTC. I feel like it controls my life at times.

Hopingsoon:

Sending lots of positive vibes, I think we're overdue for a BFP in here and it might be your turn! You must have so much strength to resist buying a test. Do you temp? If so what is your temp tellng you?

Bettyboop: not long till your appointment now - woohoo.

ll80: glad you are feeling positive. Hope you get your new wheels soon.

Anthonysmom: Hope the bd'ing is a success this month.

Tempus: hope everything is ok for you. Have been thinking about you & still sending the positive vibes to you and your family.

No news from me yet, 10dpo today so will know one way or the other on the weekend. Have a friend coming to visit who is pg so will try not to get too depressed if it's a BFN for me (happy for her but you all know how it is). Am feeling positive at the moment as have tender boobs and have had that metallic taste on and off since 7dpo, temp also has same pattern as last time I fell pg. Trying not to read into it too much because my mind can play tricks on me sometimes. Still going to wait until af is due (or overdue if I can be really strong) to test.

**plc1805** · February 12th, 2008, 09:28 AM

Hi Luna - I'm not sure if it was actually me that was the person you mentioned who said what they did but I do know of several women who were well and truly into their 40's who conceived their first child naturally. I certainly know about obsessing about TTC - it takes over all other thought or relates to all other thought. The time I think I could distract myself with a hobby while my son sleeps or watches TV, I am actually on this computer logged in to see where you are all at and seeing how much more I can learn to get pg faster. I don't even find comfort anymore that I have already a child and that means I can have another. Instead I think that I am older now or something might have happened to me cos of the m/cs and now I may have a problem. My DH is wonderful and attentive but it doesn't stop me from feeling completely alone. I thank my lucky stars and my angels above that I have stumbled on this website and it gives me what I need when I need it. My hope is that it helps you too so that you can build your strength and have clearer conviction to achieve your goals and hold your little one one day. As Katiegirl said, I too think you need to be kinder to yourself and have faith that someone out there or up there has a wonderful plan for you that will unfold in time. I humbly say these words as they do help me.

Magda · February 12th, 2008, 11:38 AM

Hopingsoon: I am wishing you a BIG FAT BFP!!!

Luna: I am so sorry to hear about your day. I hope that your day took a turn for the better. But Luna, 40 is the new 20s. This is what I keep telling myself because I am 41 and trying to have a baby. And of course after my mc I have thought that I should have gotten pregnant sooner, but like I said before we can't lament on the past. We just need to keep looking ahead. I am trying to cheer you up here so I hope that I am succeeding. Don't give up, talk to the dr make sure everything is ok and keep trying. Try to relax. I know that is easier said then done, trust me I know, but you have to try.

We are here for you.

I hope everyone else is doing well this evening.