TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 08

[tina_k]

tempus: arvo means afternoon!!!
pash: welcome, hope none of us are here for long..

well, i saw my SIL last night, for the first time since that terrible day 3 months ago when she announced her pregnancy 2 days after my D&C.
i spent all afternoon crying, trying to get all the tears out of the way so i didnt cry when i saw her (silly, i know, but you gotta do what you gotta do!)
well, i saw her and she is looking very pg, and all i could do was stare at her belly and think that should have been me...i know thats not healthy but i cant get those thoughts out of my mind, i feel like she has taken what should have been mine...

[mollycat]

tina - thinking of you

[Jodsan]

Oh Tina, it's an awful feeling when you feel like everyone else is getting what they want and your not. :hugs: I wish I had some real words of wisdom, but all I can do is tell you the way I feel. The way I view my mc is that it just wasn't my time yet, for some reason the universe decided that it wasn't meant to be, but I'm certain my time will come when everything falls into place the way it should. Maybe try to view it not that your SIL has taken what should have been yours, but it was just her time. She deserves her time too doesn't she? It might be that next time she TTC she ends up in the place we are right now, and we really wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am sure that your time will come very soon. All you can do in the meantime is try look after yourself and prepare your body as best you can so that you can have a happy and healthy pg. And remember, try to suck in those vibes whilst you are around her!!

Canary - I always think a project is good way to take your focus off TTC, obsess over something else for a while! Maybe redecorating a room, painting a feature wall, creating a new garden bed?? Anything that you have been wanting to do for a while but just never gotten around to?

[Katiegirl]

Tina - it must have been so hard to see your SIL - the fact that she was so insensitive during your time of grief and coupled with her being so close in weeks to your pregancy makes it doubly tough. It is only natural to feel upset when you see her stomach, but just know that your time with come. I think losing a baby, really allows us the grace of knowing how much we want to be mothers and how thankful we will be when it does finally happen. Your time will definitely come.

Canary - I decided that during the TWW I would not allow myself to think about it too much. I also decided that I would not even consider testing until after my period was late. I basically convinced myself that AF was on its way, so then when it was late I was given a nice surprise. I think I convinced myself of this to avoid the disappointment. It worked for me...and to be honest the TWW went fairly quickly. If you are not as much of a dooms day as me, then a project is a great idea.

Well DH mentioned that our friends who are due 2 weeks after Nathaniel would have been, want to catch up next weekend. I have only seen her once at DH's birthday and besides saying hello and a hug I avoided her. It is not that I am resentful, I am in fact very happy for them, but it has just been to hard for me. So they will be in Melbourne, and I told DH (he was lovely and said he wanted to talk it over with me - as he knows how tough I find seeing her) that we can catch up with them for lunch or something. They don't seem to want to stay with us so that is good - I think I would find that too difficult. I really don't want to put any extra pressure on myself at the moment. Tina - I will use your bravery as my inspiration.

Berecca - how are things with you? Glad to hear that the bleeding has stopped. It is so awful when that happens, because we are already worried to begin with. Take care.

[tina_k]

sorry guys, i seem to be hogging the board with my issues today!
Apart from my SIL issues (thanks to all those with kind words re that!) i have another issue...

according to all indicators, its "o" time soon, and the issue is that im really not in the mood for BD. i desperately want to concieve this month so i can have a december baby (my bday is in Dec), however im feeling too down in the dumps to get into trying with DH.

Any suggestions of how to cheer myself up and "get into the mood"?!?!

[Baby Angels]

Ohhh DH would kill me if he saw me on the computer on our holidays....lucky he s at the doctors and not here

Had to post for Canary

Breath Girl

I m in the second week of the 2ww. Probably about the 5th 2ww i ve done.

My theory is this.

We do everything we can, everything from Temps through to herbs, acupunture.... whatever.... the list goes on. From there, its not in our hands. I know it sound stupid...... but what will be will be! If there is a little soul out there wanting to make the journey to this world, they will come. (i know that steps partially into my personal belief system... but your beliefs dictate how you act and think and feel in this world)

So for me, I look at my little angels..... They sat up there and said.... lets go to her...... they came down, looked around..... this world scared them and they left. Now they are up above waiting on me to go up to see them.

So for me, I joke in the 2ww Thread, saying...."dont mind me i'm just sitting over here on my seat in the corner" but pretty much that is what I m doing. I ve done everything I can. I even managed to not fight with DH allll they way through "o" so now I sit back and just wait until Monday......BUT Monday is not in my mind..... if that makes sense. Every normal day to day thing is on my mind.... work, DH, dinner, work, washing.... NORMAL exciting stuff. Its very delibrate. If on Monday I POAS and its Neg... then fine..... I just go around again. If I POAS and its Pos..... then I fall over in complete disbelief.... jump on here and tell everyone.

I will say it again.... I m sure you must all be getting sick of it.....

ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Katiegirl]

AngelBabies -that is a lovely way to look at how our babies come to us and why sometimes they go away. I am of a similar belief, and believe that one day I will have the very great pleasure of holding Nathaniel. In fact I expect him to be waiting for me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Tina - well I guess it is difficult to make yourself be in the mood. Maybe you just need to decide how much you want to be trying this month, and then go for it. It doesn't have to be all romance and dimmed lights....in fact I am a great believer that when knowingly TTC it is best to keep it casual and fun. Also, I think that men have such issues about 'being made to perform' (even though normally they would have no objections) that you need to ensure that your DH doesn't think you are forcing yourself to do BD. Maybe just focus on what a great relationship you have with your DH and go from there. He sounds like he has been supportive, so maybe think of this as a way of staying close to him, rather than looking at it as a means to conceive. Does that make sense?

Having said that....since O for me, I totally went off BD and have been ever since! Poor DH it looks like it will be a long 9 months for him

[AJC]

Well - I'm out for this month. Temp took a big dip this morn and af starting. Am really fine about it this month because I said if it didn't happen then it was for good reason as I start clomid this cycle so I figure my hormones do really need that helping hand.

Here Here Angel babies: one day at a time. I almost feel like I need to send you money for your words of wisdom; much more helpful and inspiring than that psychologist I paid $130 and hour just to make me feel like I was nuts!?!??!? Keep enjoying your break!

Tempus - good luck catching the egg this month.

Anyone else I have missed will catch up later.

[Emmy-Lou]

Well Hello all..
I'm new to this thread but am now TTC...please say a prayer for me and DH...that we will get the most precious of all christmas gifts - a lil bub..we have now started BDing hoping to conceive..
Your all in my thoughts and prayers and everyday i thank God to have such wonderful places of comfort as this site has been to me and as well as all you wonderful ladies and gents..
Take Care all and will be back soon..
xoxox