Trying to Conceive after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage/Late Loss

[Inanna]

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

I hope so much that this month is YOUR month.

If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, or provide any constructive feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators:

Fllowerchild
Niliac
MistyFying
Alternately you may contact Kelly (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

Email addresses can be found here.

We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

You will find the previous post HERE

[MrsRobbo]

yay i get to be first poster!!

Lan: what a lovely thing you did painting those pics. My psychic told me that even though I can't draw (which I can't) that Charlie was telling me to draw her and that I would be able to. I still haven't had the courage to try but will let you know when I do!! And be patient with your ttcing! It will happen... this month... and we will be celebrating together... with non-alcoholic punch or something completely boring like that!!

Diana: congrats on the IVF decision and progress. Are you 1 or 2 days PG today?? I can't imagine what it must be like to go through that. Thankfully I have never had a problem falling PG, just keeping the baby

Jo: how is your ttc decision coming along (or did I miss it in the posts). Also, keep us posted on the psychic visit. I love hearing everyone's stories. Sounds like you've got a good one!

Teagz: bloody AF... oh well, another month to get yourself prepped and preened ready to go! Also a word re Jayvan's test results. Well actually I don't have any words but just wanted to acknowlege the results and give you a cyber hug. It must have been tough to hear but I guess goes some way to explaining what happened. I often wonder if its better knowing or not. Never really give myself an answer either.

Cindee: congrats on a good US and making it to 24 weeks. I know you still have a way to go before you are out of the woods (I think that is the 40 week mark for all of us in here!) but every success along the way should be celebrated... even if a little apprehensively.

AFM I was sitting in a food court today after my 2nd exam for the week (these are my admissions exams Helen, I thought I was finished with exams too and then they throw these at me!!) and I had just eaten a spinach and cheese roll and my tummy was so bloated. I just thought to myself... wow I am really popping out early this pregnancy. Showing 2 days after conception!! it felt better than admitting I shouldn't have eaten what I did!!

I have been super tired last 2 days as well. Again of course this is the pregnancy and not the fact I have been up all night studying!!

[hgirs]

Theresa - You have an iron clad will! Please Please can you test for us?? No I'm sorry that was just very selfish on my part! You test when you feel ready, I'm already positive the result is good.

Paula - How many exams do you have to sit? Maybe on a quiet weekend you could try to draw Charlie?

Lan - I would love to see those paintings you did of Hamish, they sound so sweet, and no this baby is not kicking up a storm! Very frustrating I just getting little movements every so often, but it probably has a lot to do with the fact (assuming bub is still facing the same) that bub is kicking inwards.

Hi to all, am feeling very lethargic today and there is a mountain of dishes to do and lunches to cut......

[Tildy]

Teagz -- I'm both sorry that AF arrived and encouraged that it arrived. I know you've been waiting for it and that it's one step on the road to getting back to normal, but I know it's a painful reminder as well. Our losses were similar in time in a lot of ways -- 17 weeks -- and I remember wanting that first AF to come, but then crashing emotionally when it did come, both because of the reminder that I was no longer pregnant and because we'd DTD once or twice and part of me hoped that I would just be pregnant again without having to have any AF in between. But 7 months later, here I am, rubbing a big healthy belly -- I hope that's you in 7 months, too.

Theresa -- 7 days late! It's an understatement to say that that's a good sign. We're doing our BFP chants and dances for you.

Diane -- Congratulations on your overwhelming flood of IVF info. You're one step closer. It's great that we have Sue and Beata here and that they can give you lots of info and advice.

Paula -- of course you're puffing out; you're at least 2 weeks pregnant by my count! BTW, admissions tests for admission to what? I'm slow on the uptake sometimes. 'Cause I thought you were done with your exams, too!

Lan -- Lovely that you could make some paintings for Hamish and use the canvases that you bought for him. Don't worry about missing BD on CD12... maybe you just jump DH twice on CD13 instead

*hugs* to Sue and Helen and my other belly rubbers.

It's a good day for me today -- I've been to the midwife for my week 29 checkup and big glucose test. She told me to bring a lemon so we could squeeze it into the sugar water, and it was super tasty! I don't know why everyone hates it so much! But I'm feeling like super woman again -- officially no preg diabetes, no protein in the urine, blood pressure is still below average, measurements a bit above average, heartbeat still steady at 145... again, think that 7 months ago I was convinced that I was broken and could never make a baby. Seems to me now that I'm making a really good one!

[Zachary's Mom]

After all your requests I might POAS tomorrow morning!

[dd0207]

New thread already! Gee we must be talking up a storm in here lately.

Theresa OMG, 7 days late! That's super positive isn't it? Have you ever been this late before? I want to be selfish too and say please test tomorrow morning... but do it when you're ready.

Tildy how wonderful that all is in check with you and Kebab. It certainly does sound like you're making a great one!

Paula, I'm technically still 22 days pregnant today. I don't start the actual injections for another 2 weeks or so - after a blood test to rule out pregnancy so I'm still in the game!
Yeah, what exams are you doing? I think you should give the drawing a go soon. Would be interesting to see how it turns out, especially if you say you can't draw and she thinks you will be able to do it.

Hello to everyone else. Hope you are all doing well x

[Berry1]

Hello,

Theresa, 7-days late, that is such a great sign, I am on the edge of my seat for you, can't wait for you to test!!

Tildy, great news on your 29-wk check-up, you must be very relieved & pleased

Diana, I'm glad that you are booked into your IVF treatment, it's a big step forward towards your dream. I'm feeling really good about this for you Looks like some of the other girls can give you some great advise and support.

Lan, hang in there honey, don't despair! I can understand that it can get all too much and frustrating at times. It will happen for you.

Teagz, sorry about the arrival of AF, but it does mean that everything is working well and really for a BFP next month.

Cindee, glad to hear that everything is going well for you.

Sue, you are more than welcome in here. Sounds like you have been in here for a long time. It's great to share this exciting time with you. Hope you are well.

I hope everyone is well.

[Joselyn]

Hello Diana,

I was blown away when I noticed that you were still trying, had gone away to get your mind off it etc... I had contemplated assisted reproductive but thought it was a little premature. So I have to ask (for advice only) - what brought you to that decision? I am finding the whole TTC thing very very painful and emotionally draining. Each month I tell myself, (doing about 14 bloody pregnancy tests) that "next month, I'm not trying anymore!" But we all know that when our AF has left the building and its Ovulation time - it's impossible not to try!So I am really interested to ask about this stuff you have to sniff, why you decided to get on it etc... I am sorry if I am prying a little too much - I just felt from the very beginning that you and I were very similar in our experiences... the timing of it all, the same circumstances etc... Now the fact that you too have had a rough trot on the TTC path, makes me feel as though I can really relate. I have tried Chinese medicine, maybe baby, ovulation POS tests, I'm going out of my mind and you know the first thing everyone says is to "stop trying so hard"!!! Also, if my husband and I have to go away to another B&B around melbourne, we'll not have seen it all but we'll have no money left! lol

On top of this, two of my brothers and their wives have announced they're pregnant and I know my bro in law and his wife and going to be next. Its like a ticking time bomb... Rahhhh I hate this feeling!!! So tell me all about this sniffy stuff. I'm keen to hear all about your experiences etc...

Also, BTW - I am hopeless at navigating this site - I have tried to IM you but it says I don't have access.

I hope you bring me good news next time we chat - all the best for your journey. Love Joselyn. xx

New thread already! Gee we must be talking up a storm in here lately.

Theresa OMG, 7 days late! That's super positive isn't it? Have you ever been this late before? I want to be selfish too and say please test tomorrow morning... but do it when you're ready.

Tildy how wonderful that all is in check with you and Kebab. It certainly does sound like you're making a great one!

Paula, I'm technically still 22 days pregnant today. I don't start the actual injections for another 2 weeks or so - after a blood test to rule out pregnancy so I'm still in the game!
Yeah, what exams are you doing? I think you should give the drawing a go soon. Would be interesting to see how it turns out, especially if you say you can't draw and she thinks you will be able to do it.

Hello to everyone else. Hope you are all doing well x

[jo76]

hey guys!
ok, late at night i will join the "please test" rant happening in here for poor teresa! I too will be waiting for some new BFP news, sounds a bit exciting so am keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you!
paula -more exams! i am tired for you! and loving that bloating! glad we are starting to see good in the most unpleasant of things! And as for the pychic -she rang me back tonight and 2pm nex wed i see her! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! will let you know, i'll either come out in a flood of happy or sad/frustrated tears! hopefully she has some good 2009 news for me! Now to decide what photos to take for her to read...less than a week to plan...eek! your post made me smile the whole way through!
tildy - got your message from facebook - was happy to hear back so quickly although it did weird me out considering you are in sweden!! i got worried about you for a moment there! hugs!! And your ticker is working overtime! i am truly happy to see it so far along!
lan - got your number! (very belated answer back sorry!)for some reason have missed what you did re: paintings but from what i can get sounds like a lovely idea and something quite personal too for you to treasure!have tried to get into the previous posts but its blocking me right now but promise i will check it out to see!
hgirs -rest!!!!! dishes can wait!
be back tomoz! gotts go now!
xxjo

[Miss.B]

Theresa, I will say a quiet prayer for you tonite that the test is positive tomorrow morning. I know you should do it when you're ready, but I'm gonna explode from the anticipation if you don't do it soon !!!!! Hun, it just has to be good news, you deserve it so much .

Beata xxx

[Berry1]

Laney, great news on your scan, I am so relieved and happy for you

Diana, sorry to hear about your crazy cycles Have a wonderful time on the GC and don't worry about the whole baby thing while you are away - easy to say I know

Rozzie, glad you felt confident to share your pg news with your family and congrat's on the purchases, wow, your almost on the home run now.

Teagz, AF did that to me as well after my first cycle, did it again after my 2nd cycle, but not as much.

Theresa, good luck with your appointments

Jo, glad the antenatal appointments went well.

Got to run.

[Zachary's Mom]

Rozzie27

I went to have a routine Sizing scan on Tuesday 22 July. Everything seemed to be going fine when all of a sudden the sonographer just stood up and said "I can't find a heartbeat, I am going to get a doctor" and just left the room. I was stunned. I wasn't sure I heard her correctly or what that meant - I was hoping it wasn't bad.

Anyway, the doctor came in and they had another look and he said to the sonographer "Yep that's confirmed - no heartbeat" Then he just left the room.

The sonographer then tuirned to me and said "your baby is dead. Can we call someone for you."

I was in such shock I just started crying and couldn't talk so she left the room and left me alone for 10 minutes!!!! When she came back in I gave her my mom's number as she lives close to the hospital I was at. My mom arrived soon after where she found me alone just sobbing!

She then told us that we could drive to the Gold Coast hospital (they don't have a maternity section at the Robina one) as the ambulance would take 2 or 3 hours as it was not an emergency. By this stage I was ready to kill her and her lack of sensitivity!!!!

My stepdad drove us to the GC Hospital where my DF met us as he had been at woprk nearby. We were then taken to the Labour ward and made to wait in a room for 4 hours before we even saw anyone! We saw the Social Worker who started talking about funerals and stuff and I told her to get out! The OB came in after waiting for 6 hours!!! She then said it was too late to start anything and that she recommends we go home and come back in on Wed morning at 7am.

To be continued - have to finalise some work stuff

[helle]

Oh my god Theresa! That sonographer!! I would have punched her out.. that is absolutely unreal.

We found out about Jayvan at one of my monthly routine check ups. I went to my normal Dr who just really took my blood pressure, weighed me, felt around in my stomach and then got out the dopler machine to listen to the heart beat. I remember the morning of the appointment I was laying in bed and thought I'd ask mum to come "just in case" I was in for bad news.

I went to my appointment and he couldn't find a heart beat, he assured me that everything would be fine but organised for an urgent ultrasound for me as "reassurance".
I went straight in to book my ultrasound, for 5 hours later, at 4 on Wednesday afternoon.

When I got there the tech asked me if I "still felt pregnant" which I thought was bizaar and then proceeded with the ultrasound. She didn't tell me if his heart was beating or not until I asked her, and all she said was no, and then got up to get the Dr. Thank goodness this Dr was lovely, he was very apologetic even though what had happened wasn't his fault, he explained everything he could see from the ultrasound and kept assuring me I hadn't done anything wrong to cause this. The ultrasound showed that he had died 2-3 weeks prior but somehow my body had kept him in and he continued to grow.

I was then sent to ED to meet with an OB who took about 2 hours to come in, they originally thought I'd be able to have a D&C but he told me that I would need to be put into labour as Jayvans body has become quite swallen and a D&C would be to dangerous. He gave both DF and I a sleeping tablet each and sent us home with orders to come straight back in Thursday morning at 7.30-8.00 and head straight up to maternity.

Thursday morning we got there at about 7.45, went straight to maternity and got locked in a little storage room sort of thing for about 1.5 hours while we waited for a room and for the OB to come in and explain what would take place. When we finally got a room I didn't get induced until about 11am, after that I was pretty much left to my own devices, other than the meals lady coming around and the nurses coming in to administer more pills into my cervix!

I was lucky though as I had the most gorgeous nightshift nurse who helped to deliver Jayvan. She had been through the same thing herself and I felt that she didn't try to be reassuring, she aknowledge that I felt like my world was ending and didn't pretend what was happening wasn't happening!! When Jayvan was delivered she wrapped him up in a little blanket and let us both see him, which I'm glad I did, as I orginally wanted to keep the image I had in my mind of the beautifully fully grown baby I had intended to have! I truely regret not holding him though, but at the time I just didn't feel right about touching him, I don't know why.
She gave us photos of him and everything as well, and then after I had had a shower and cleaned myself up they let me go home, that was it.

Over the week at home my bleeding had gotten worse and more painful so I went back in to have a D&C as some of the placenta hadn't come away (2cm of it... who would have thought that small amount would have caused so much trouble!) and had myself a 2 night hospital stay as I needed to be pumped up with antiobiotics through drip. Yucky.
Before my D&C I was packing myself though, after they tell you all the horror stories, some of which can end up leaving you to needing a Hysterectomy, I was convinced that's what I was in for! When I woke up I remember feeling around my stomach for stitches Thankfully there was none!

[Miss.B]

hey Paula, thanks hun for the pear juice advice. They gave me a laxative on sunday night so I eventually went to the toilet on monday, but the poo was still very hard and it hurt a bit. After that, they were softer, but now I'm back to hard ones so I'll go and get some pear juice. Good luck for saturday hun, I so hope you get a BFP with your friend !!
AF stay away, we don't want you to come for 9 months !!!!

Theresa and Teagz, reading your stories just brings tears to my eyes, as all the sad memories just flood in for me. Huge hugs to you both

Will go for a lie down for a while, tummy getting sore from all the walking today - I think I over did it today. I also forgot to take the pain killers, oops.

xx

[Tildy]

Beata -- holy cow, 1 kg! That was no tiny thing, that! Take extra good care of yourself as you're healing. I'm your typical, cynical skeptic that doesn't believe in much of anything, but I *do* believe that meditating on your healing process, picturing your white cells going to work and building you up again, picturing the eggs that are on their way soon and the little baby that will soon take place in your uterus instead of that fibroid... that's something I definitely believe in.

Paula -- glad to see your temp went back up! I saw that post from you last night before I went to bed, because of the time difference. When I got up this morning I checked your chart again, and was all "WTH! Why is there no new temp today!" A little bit of a brain fart on my part, but just so you know, I'm watching you closely!

Helen -- I can't imagine how much DTD there was during a 60-day cycle of concentrated TTC and not knowing when O was coming. Your determination paid off! How's it going with your cervix? (Not a question I ask my friends that often, hehe!)

Jo -- let us know what your psychic has to say, if you're comfortable sharing. As for getting up at 3am to watch Obama get sworn in -- yay! This political geek was plastered to the Swedish news channels yesterday watching the speech and everything. Since we were over at a friend's for dinner at the time, they were VERY patient with me, heh...

Teagz -- I' glad to here the good news about yours acquaintences and their pregnancies! It's always uplifting to hear about all the successes that happen for other members of the "post loss" community, even if we don't know them. In the meantime, I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for Jayvan's results, though I know from Lan's case that it can take a really long, frustrating time to get those kinds of answers. It sounds like you had both the good and the bad with your experience in giving birth to and losing Jayvan. It can't be easy to decide in a moment like that if you want to and would be helped by holding him or not. I was not able to get that kind of closure with Beiron, but shortly after my loss I bought this charm bracelet. Two big heart charms -- a blue one for me, "the teacher," and a yellow one for DH, "the scholar" -- and a little green one for Beiron. I wear it every day and can find myself subconsciously rolling that little green heart around in my fingers. It's not quite the same as having seen and held my baby, but it gives me something to put my fingers on, focus on, sometimes actively and sometimes subconsciously, and sometimes I just "pet" it and say how much I wish I could have known you, my first little baby. The bracelet also has a new little silver heart for Kebab, right next to the little green one.

Theresa -- my experience with losing Beiron also includes a series of "this is exactly how a caregiver should NOT act" experiences, so my heart genuinely breaks for you. The insensitivity, cruelty, mistakes of people who are trained to have our lives in their hands -- they can live on much longer and more vividly than nature's neutral cruelty in taking our babies away. But I definitely hope one thing -- that you won't ever let them treat you like that again! I'm a short, quiet, seemingly unassuming woman (and foreign to boot) so I don't know if that's what leads to be getting kicked around more than others, but believe me, after the letters I wrote and the fuss I made after our miscarriage experience, I believe the entireity of ?sterg?tlands county and Link?ping's university hospital tremble at the thought of me! Rawr!

So I continue to get super excellent treatment this time around -- we had our second appointment with the high risk OB today. I turned out to be a different one than I expected -- I must have met at least 12 of Link?ping's gynecologists by this point -- but she was awesome as well. I got a short scan, not incredibly detailed, but satisfying enough for me. I have, like, a BIG BABY in my belly! Head way down there, butt way up here! And everything looks good. It's a good day.

[hgirs]

Hi everyone, really short as I have visitors this week, just wanted to say I am home safe and sound, despite having several minor panic moments! Baby is finally moving around heaps which is so nice, DH felt it go crazy for the first time on Sat so that was great. I have my scan on Monday which can't come quick enough for me! There has been a bit of general sadness in here lately (except for Paula!), so I am sending everyone a BIG cyber hug (inc Paula!) gotta fly, will catch up later on.

[Miss.B]

Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray to the bub going crazy in there ! It must be loving all the somersaults it can do !!! Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've already told us, I do miss things here and there...Good luck with your scan on monday, I loved my 20 week scan as I could see Joshua very clearly.

Teagz, I'm sorry hun for spelling Jayvan's name wrong....I hve dropped off 3 times from BB this morning and I was really getting frasturated..

Love at all
B xxx

[Miss.B]

Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray for little bubba going off in your belly ! It must be loving all the somersoults it can do in there....! Good luck on monday for your scan hun, I can imagine it's a bit nerve wrecking... Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've told us already, I miss things here and there, it's hard to be on the ball the whole time.....

Teagz, so sorry I spelt Jayvan's name wrong in my previous post, I have no excuse except that I keep dropping off BB all day, it's really frasturating!!

Diana, are you back yet ??????

love to all
Bxxx