Helen - you can lean on us. It must have been awful to feel yourself lose control like that but also a very natural reaction to seeing a new born baby. It is something that we all struggle with and unfortunately there does not seem to be any way to controlling when and how our grief will rear its head. I am also not good at opening up to friends and usually reserve my tears for when I am alone or with DH - and then they flow. I had a big cry last week sitting at the dining table and then once it was over I kept on going. Cooper will always be with you and it is normal to miss him terribly. Have you been to the GP for a blood test yet? Just remember that you have this new little soul growing inside you, and they will bring you enormous amounts of love and comfort.