TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth #2 2010

[dory]

Teni - Happy birthday. Go and give that Scotty Duck a huge hug. Hope you can salvage some happiness... I know its hard. Hey, about your cousin? I don't think she's worth you worrying about.... focus on you and forget about her. I know it sounds mean, but seems to me like she isn't a helpful person to have around right now.

Powelly - oh sweetie - I know exactly how you feel about TCC and dtd. It's pretty damn scary, even though you want the result it brings. Gigi says it right a lot of the time {hah probably should read all of the time}. Don't feel guilty for your ease at getting UTD. TCC after loss and pregnancy after loss are exceptionally hard and demanding times. As Gi said, just be thankful that it doesn't apply to you!

Gi when you said " a little sad at the prospective change from not being a parent to being a parent, I was petrified, even though its what DH and I both wanted. I am like you with my "beauty regime". I have a few sneaky greys poking through but am not going to dye my hair... I told DH if my vanity about the grey got the better of me I would be cutting my hair short again.... He doesn't notice them, but I sure do. I have had some grey hair since I was about 25, you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but no!

Crumpet - Mine was day procedure under general anaesthetic at 14 weeks. From the time the wardie took me in to surgery to the time I woke up in recovery was no more than 2 hours, and that also included a fire alarms testing ( when nothing could be done). I might have been overnight if I didn't recover well or the Ob wanted to have me observed but in the end I didn't need to be and to be honest, I felt great after the procedure. Euphoric ( wonder if that was the anaesthetic?). I might have had a catheter in during the procedure, but I didn't have one before or after, that's for sure. I might ask when I see my Ob. I have never had a problem with a catheter, so they don't worry me but if I were to be bed bound I would prefer one! I so wholeheartedly agree with you about the unpleasantness of using a bed pan! Maybe with practice it gets easier and less weird. Hey, I also know what you mean about time going quickly but at the same time dragging! Contradictions are so pervasive on this journey.

Has anyone heard from Charli? I might have to PM her. I haven't seen her for a while around here and want to know she's doing.

Anyway, my lovies, you are always close to my heart. I am going to roast some chicken so better put it in the oven sometime soon. Not a whole chook, just some thigh fillets. Yep I am cheating.

[Gigi1]

Dory, Hmmm greys... yes, got a few and they seem to pop up and stick out like they have something big to say. The last 12 months have seen them really populate! I am still pretending they are not there. Not much into colour,did a rinse once and felt like it just wasn't me. I and trying to embrace it but hey...human we are!
Haven't heard from Charlie but I am sure no news is good news.
Love Hm xoxo

[crumpet]

AFM: Sigh... CD35 and pretty much no sign of AF, ovulation, or pregnancy. Oh, except for really snippy moods, nausea, and being a little gassy, which could be a symptom of any of them I've done yet another few tests, all negative. Still going to test on Thursday, but now I don't hold too much hope. I'll get Scott to buy me a First Response for my birthday

Also, I had a tiny little breakdown on Saturday while looking at my cousin's baby I wrote more on my blog, but it was just so terrible not being able to cuddle him. I really dislike my cousin for never letting me near him - what am I going to do, steal him? (She doesn't seem to like me much now she's realised I was never one of our nan's favourites - she bloody idolises the woman, especially now she's dead... But that's a whole new thread right there lol)

good luck testing hun.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO!!!!!!

WTF?? ur cousin wont let u cuddle her baby??? its not like ur a psycho!!!! maybe she thinks its easier on u by not cuddling him after what u have been through??? ppl are weird when u go through what we all have.

[COLOR=olive]
Crumpet. Loving the short hair. it is weird but i really needed a makeover and I feel like i have had it like this for years, very comfortable. Glad i did it and feel very proud for being brave!
AFM- CD10 today and preparing my head and body to fall pregnant. Trying to keep a level head.
My thoughts had returned to the adjustment i made when i fell pregnant with DD. I remember being a little sad for leaving the single(married), childless world behind as anyone would. The end of one stage in your life and the begining of another which i longed for, being a mother. I felt guilt for struggling with this adjustment, having tried for so long and wanting a child for so long. I though i had no right to feel thsi way and should have been grateful. I remember thinking wow, i give up so much for this, to be a mother. I got my head around it and grieved a little over that. At that stage i never knew how much my life was going to change. But i think it is really important to aknowledge that this is normal...isn't it. It is ok to feel the whoel array of emotions even if you feel you should be grateful.
Right now like Powelly, i still really want a baby...but i am so very scared. My anger and sadness for losing that innocence will no doubt fade a little over time and affect me less but for now, sometimes it consumes me. Everthing i ever looked forward to is gone. It is taking me a great deal to get through this part. That is ok, hey.

good on u hun!!!!

good luck this cycle have everything crossed for u!!

Crumpet - Mine was day procedure under general anaesthetic at 14 weeks. From the time the wardie took me in to surgery to the time I woke up in recovery was no more than 2 hours, and that also included a fire alarms testing ( when nothing could be done). I might have been overnight if I didn't recover well or the Ob wanted to have me observed but in the end I didn't need to be and to be honest, I felt great after the procedure. Euphoric ( wonder if that was the anaesthetic?). I might have had a catheter in during the procedure, but I didn't have one before or after, that's for sure. I might ask when I see my Ob. I have never had a problem with a catheter, so they don't worry me but if I were to be bed bound I would prefer one! I so wholeheartedly agree with you about the unpleasantness of using a bed pan! Maybe with practice it gets easier and less weird. Hey, I also know what you mean about time going quickly but at the same time dragging! Contradictions are so pervasive on this journey.

i asked to have it under general but my OB wont do it, so its spinal tap and sedation for me.....

the only reason i dont like the thought of a catheter was the memory of having one when in labour with Gus and remembering how much it hurt!! lordy that wasnt pleasant!

hello to everyone, hope ur all travelling along ok.....

seems we have hit another hurdle.......
DH is struggling a little bit atm.....
i know he feels neglected coz im so anti being touched atm, just dont want to be poked and prodded and what not so there goes cuddles on the couch at night, plus no sexy time, plus im a bit of a loose cannon too.....
but he is sad.
he says he is sad, but wont say anymore coz he doesnt want to upset me.....
i keep telling him i dont care and i know he doesnt meant it but he wont say anything else..
last night i got out of him that he just wishes he could come home to me and Gus, not to the dramas of pregnancy again which i understand coz i know its not easy on him.....
its breaking my heart and i wish i knew how to help him...

we are both at the point now where we both fully expect the disappointmet of last time, and both dont expect to have our baby after all of this.....

just another hurdle to jump i suppose *sigh*

[dory]

Gi - you had me ROTFL with your description of they greys.... that is so true. What is it with them? Why won't they just lie low and be unobtrusive? It's like you describe. Sticking up everywhere drawing attention to themselves - and are yours thicker? Maybe I should think about mine as a badge of honour and a reminder of my journey? Not sure if I can let go of my vanity about grey hair yet... I had a rinse once and it was awful. Scared me so much I didn't have one for another 10 years. The colour was wrong and I didn't feel comfortable at all, so I know where you are coming from there.

Crumpet - oh sweetie - poor DH. It is tough, so tough, tough on you and DH. I think you can help him best just by being there and being honest. Now isn't the time to hide away those feelings, and same for him. The way through is by supporting each other. Maybe as hard as it is, you can do something to make this pregnancy special? I am having trouble with ideas for you - maybe a special dinner, or setting aside a quiet time every week to just talk and allow yourselves to dream and hope a little or if you can't do that yet, just to have some peace in the moment. My poor DH is in a "drought" too, but we try and still show our affections. Holding hands, an email, a txt, a silly note left somewhere unexpected, a card in the mail, doing something special for each other - cooking a fav meal or making a hot drink for the other. Or in my case, sometimes it's trying not to talk his ear off about things he really isn't interested in and just let him have some quiet time. That is sooooo much harder than it sounds. LOL. Sometimes DH will bring home a treatie for me - a freddo or other lolly. I must be sad if I find that exciting. But I do. What it means is he took the time to think of me and then did something about it. How cool is that? Your relationship with your DH is important and worth celebrating. It's easy to let our much desired goal take all the attention ..... try not to forget yourselves and how much you care for each other in the process of trying to achieve your dreams. Oh I just realised why my catheter experience wasn't painful.... perhaps the epidural had something to do with it? God I feel so dumb..... only taken me 18 months to work that one out.

AFM- well Fur baby 2 is having his tooth extracted today. I am not as anxious or upset as I was 2 weeks ago for fur baby #1, but still am a little anxious especially when he appears to have lost 400g in 3 weeks. Will hopefully get some answers on that either later today after he is weighed with different scales or tomorrow when his blood work comes back. As for now I am just counting down til 4.30pm - his discharge time, then I can fuss over him. He is truly my fur baby. I spent a lot of time cuddling him last night and this morning and just listening to his intoxicating purr. It is truly one of the best sounds in my world.

A big hello to Susie Q, Angelic, Chez, ChrisW, Tenibear.

[crumpet]

Crumpet - oh sweetie - poor DH. It is tough, so tough, tough on you and DH. I think you can help him best just by being there and being honest. Now isn't the time to hide away those feelings, and same for him. The way through is by supporting each other. Maybe as hard as it is, you can do something to make this pregnancy special? I am having trouble with ideas for you - maybe a special dinner, or setting aside a quiet time every week to just talk and allow yourselves to dream and hope a little or if you can't do that yet, just to have some peace in the moment. My poor DH is in a "drought" too, but we try and still show our affections. Holding hands, an email, a txt, a silly note left somewhere unexpected, a card in the mail, doing something special for each other - cooking a fav meal or making a hot drink for the other. Or in my case, sometimes it's trying not to talk his ear off about things he really isn't interested in and just let him have some quiet time. That is sooooo much harder than it sounds. LOL. Sometimes DH will bring home a treatie for me - a freddo or other lolly. I must be sad if I find that exciting. But I do. What it means is he took the time to think of me and then did something about it. How cool is that? Your relationship with your DH is important and worth celebrating. It's easy to let our much desired goal take all the attention ..... try not to forget yourselves and how much you care for each other in the process of trying to achieve your dreams. Oh I just realised why my catheter experience wasn't painful.... perhaps the epidural had something to do with it? God I feel so dumb..... only taken me 18 months to work that one out.

AFM- well Fur baby 2 is having his tooth extracted today. I am not as anxious or upset as I was 2 weeks ago for fur baby #1, but still am a little anxious especially when he appears to have lost 400g in 3 weeks. Will hopefully get some answers on that either later today after he is weighed with different scales or tomorrow when his blood work comes back. As for now I am just counting down til 4.30pm - his discharge time, then I can fuss over him. He is truly my fur baby. I spent a lot of time cuddling him last night and this morning and just listening to his intoxicating purr. It is truly one of the best sounds in my world.

A big hello to Susie Q, Angelic, Chez, ChrisW, Tenibear.

i have been thinking about booking a 3D scan for DH as a suprise, i know he doesnt see the need for them but i think he might enjoy just seeing bub 3D before it arrives.....
ive been trying to do things to make life easier for him to, like bake a cake or some biscuts for work, i cook every night and do all the house stuff, coz i know he feels the pressure with being the sole earner in the house atm......

might have to get more creative and do something else a bit more special...... thanks for the ideas hun anything helps atm.....

awww hope ur furbaby does ok with his op today!

[SusieQ]

Teni - happy belated birthday. Hope your cycle has sorted it self out and that you do get you BFP on your birthday. I will always remember when I got my BFP with DS cause it was Xmas day!!! Best present ever. I'm so sorry that you are having problems with your cousin. I don't think people really understand until they go through this themselves (which if i had one genie wish it would be that nobody did have to go through it).

Dory - your poor furbaby. I hope he/she is OK and that he/she is loving all the extra cuddles and attention. Also good to hear that things are moving along for you with your bubs (stalking you on the preg forum)

Gigi - well done girl for striking out with the new hair do! Me - hmmm tried the bob once but didn't work. Have had the same long (Rachel from friends type) hair do for the past 10 years but would love to have the guts to do something different!!

Crumpet - Oh sweetie, I am so sorry your DH is having such a tough time. Men grieve just as hard don't they but show it in different ways and also dealing with the anxiety about this pregnancy must be hard on both of you. Take care of each other. Good luck with the stitch also. Doesn't sound pleasant but then I was surprised how quickly I recovered from D&C's so I hope you will recover from your surgery quickly also.

Now, I know this may seem absolutely unbelievable but my year of hell is continuing. I have the chickenpox at the ripe old age of 35!!! With everything else I have been through it is almost so ridiculous you have to laugh. Somehow DS managed to avoid it (though I imagine I picked it up at some kids class we go to) but he is bound to get it in a couple of weeks. So just as I will get better, he will get it and we will probably be house bound for a month (a fate worse than death with a toddler!!) DH has been awesome and is taking time of work to look after him as it isn't fair to keep him locked up all day with me and also I have been feeling like the hell the past couple of days. I am feeling a bit better now that the worst headache of my life has gone along with the fever but now I am starting to itch. My DH has a list of products an arm long to take to the pharmacy, Calamine lotion, anti-hist, calendula cream. Hopefully the anti-hist will make me so drowsy I won't remember the next week or so!!

The only up-side to this was that when I was pregnant with DD I was always paranoid that I or DS would pick up chicken pox somewhere. At least next pregnancy I won't have to worry. Also, this last D&C seems to have been successful as I haven't had any bleeding. Just have to wait for next period now as there definitely will be no sexy time with me being pox riddled!!!! I really do look like a plague victim from the middle ages.....

[TeniBear]

Not belated at all, Susie, you're right on time Bummer about having chickenpox