TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

[Tanya]

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

I hope so much that this month is YOUR month.

If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, or provide any constructive feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators:

Fllowerchild
Niliac
MistyFying
Alternately you may contact Kelly (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

Their email addresses can be found here.

We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

You will find the previous thread HERE

[CharlieB]

Glad to see there's been enough chit chat to warrent a new thread!

Dory - Saying I bled for an hour was probably a wierd way to descirbe it! , but I noticed light fresh bleeding when I went to the toilet (sorry, TMI), and an hour later nothing! And nothing since.

Anybody know an AF dance?

SusieQ
- I am so so sorry about your daughter, It sounds like you have done it tough, having to have transfusions on top of dealing with your loss. I lost my little boy 4 weeks ago. To be honest my OB didn't say exactly how long to wait, just suggested we wait until all the post mortem and testing came back before we decided, by then we should have had at least one AF. And I bled for around 20 days after the birth, about 2 weeks of bleeding then another 5-6 days of spotting. I then had a week or so of no bleeding at all, now have had a small bleed again. I am hoping it's AF on her way.
Take care xx

cmeglles - I did do a HPT when I had the bit of bleeding again, is negative which is a good thing I hope.

blessed - wow, lots going on with you. I wish you luck with the study and the exams. Moving house is always painful but hopefully its worth it when you settle in.

Take care everyone
xxxxx

[crumpet]

Anybody know an AF dance?

lol nah i dont wish i did though!!!

[dory]

Crumpet, Charli B - I think you girls can just wing it with the AF dance. Maybe you could create a different dance for O too? How about kind of like a Hokey Pokey? I could construct some words, but they are likely to be a bit risque! OR at least the first ones I thought of were. I have made a decision - more on that below. Oh Crumpet, thanks for your kind words. That is a really nice thing to say, and today, I needed to hear it.

Blessed - good to hear that things are on track enough not to be actively trying to prevent a BFP! Hey, do you want someone to review your essay? I am only too happy to have a squiz, give me something contstructive to do. If you wnat you could PM me and I will give you my email. No worries if not, I won't be offended. Hope AF and your luteal phase sort themselves out How can you sort your luteal phase out?

Gigi and Cmeglles - welcome to the new thread. I ended up being able to get a copy of that book by Darci Klient called To Full Term. Started reading it today. Makes me more satisfied with the care I have received. I ended up getting a copy on Amazon really cheap, new. I also managed to find on ebay of all places a copy of the other book that I have been hunting for that it out of print - When the Dream is Shattered; by Judith Murray. It is second hand. Will be interesting to see if it actually turns up. I have been searching for it for ages. Something came up, possibly on Amazon USA, where it could be imported from AUS ( go figure) for $170!!!! I have had it on order from a few stores that said they could access it, but then they replied saying it was out of stock. Anyway, I hope it comes through. My first ebay purchase! Thinking of you.

AFM - well, I have decided to have the cerclage and go in Thurs 25th March. It was a really tough decision to make, as you all know from my tortured posts, but I am really comfortable with the decision I have made. It doesn't mean I am not just a wee bit anxious about the risks involved, but if things don't go to plan, I am am reasonably confident that I won't tie myself up in knots with self recriminations and guilt. I might for a little while, but not long term. I just really feel it is the right decision for me. Filled out the hospital admissions forms and spoke to the ob today.

It's odd though, despite feeling really comfortable with the decision, today I am feeling really sad and lonely.... I suppose just feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. I am teary and flat and just want to shut myself away from the world. Probably precipitated by some different feelings in my lower abdoment this morning which turned out to be wind but had me on the verge of calling the doctor after only the first different feeling which was fleeting. The feelings were distinctly different from the feelings I have had associated with pre term labour, but still enough to put me on edge and burst that lttle bubble of invincibility I somehow manage to build. Oh well its to be expected, just have to get through it. Interesting though is I found myself not really wanted to come to BB today and not share my feelings and just turn in on myself. Not like me at all. At least the cats are keeping me company!

If I ever didn't know it before, I do today, I am an emotional eater. I just feel like getting all the naughties I can and just eating them. Pure decadence and indulgence. I haven't though

[crumpet]

AFM - well, I have decided to have the cerclage and go in Thurs 25th March. It was a really tough decision to make, as you all know from my tortured posts, but I am really comfortable with the decision I have made. It doesn't mean I am not just a wee bit anxious about the risks involved, but if things don't go to plan, I am am reasonably confident that I won't tie myself up in knots with self recriminations and guilt. I might for a little while, but not long term. I just really feel it is the right decision for me. Filled out the hospital admissions forms and spoke to the ob today.

It's odd though, despite feeling really comfortable with the decision, today I am feeling really sad and lonely....

oh hun good luck, im sure it will all go well!!! and you know what... you are doing everything you can to give u and ur gorgeous bub the best possible chance!
its very natural to be anxious but the risks, god i know when i go in for mine ill be exactly the same!!!

hun just take some time for urself, and do what u need to do today....

AFM:
well heres a bit of TMI for u all!!!!
PMSL!!! bet u were hoping to get a day off from all that!!!

so shan and i go for sexy time last night and well it was a bit uncomfy....
dont get me wrong it has been a bit uncomfy since i had gus, like me muscles are weak uncomf...y..... but last night was different, it was like he couldnt get it in coz my insides were soooo tight!!!! **** it was strange as!!! consdidering i have felt like the grand canyon for the last 8 weeks!!! LMAO!!!

so then i said to shan after man that was weird and he pulls out " well what do u expect ur knocked up" i got "WTF?!?! where did u get that from?" and he rekons im grumpy like i was last time, im tired more often now and i like chocloate now like i did with Gus, and he rekons my insides were like this when i was preg with Gus.....so now im a nit like. hmmmmm maybe he is right!!! i guess time will tell!!!

any ideas girls?

[dory]

Crumpet - Blimey! Go take a test? Finger crossed.

[CharlieB]

AFM:
well heres a bit of TMI for u all!!!!
PMSL!!! bet u were hoping to get a day off from all that!!!

so shan and i go for sexy time last night and well it was a bit uncomfy....
dont get me wrong it has been a bit uncomfy since i had gus, like me muscles are weak uncomf...y..... but last night was different, it was like he couldnt get it in coz my insides were soooo tight!!!! **** it was strange as!!! consdidering i have felt like the grand canyon for the last 8 weeks!!! LMAO!!!

so then i said to shan after man that was weird and he pulls out " well what do u expect ur knocked up" i got "WTF?!?! where did u get that from?" and he rekons im grumpy like i was last time, im tired more often now and i like chocloate now like i did with Gus, and he rekons my insides were like this when i was preg with Gus.....so now im a nit like. hmmmmm maybe he is right!!! i guess time will tell!!!

any ideas girls?

How Exciting!!!!! I have no ideas I'm sorry but I really hope he is right!!

Dory I'm glad you have made a decision, and I'm glad you are feeling comfortable with it. Hope your cats take extra special care of you today

[crumpet]

Crumpet - Blimey! Go take a test? Finger crossed.

well i did a test this morning and it was a BFN BUT i know it was to early coz i think i only o-ed somewhere from saturday to yesterday, so it was just to i dunno really i just did it to see what would happen!! im going to wait til this time next week (if i can!!) to see if anything shows up!

How Exciting!!!!! I have no ideas I'm sorry but I really hope he is right!!

thanks hun i hope he is too!! he was last time!!

[my2boys]

Hi All,

Not sure if I'm posting in the right place as I only joined up today. If I'm in the wrong place can someone point me in the right direction as I need an outlet after being told yesterday that my current pregnancy (only 5 weeks) is not viable and I should expect AF in the next couple of days. (still a no show ATM though). I hate waiting for AF, it doesn't seem right that I want it to come but at least it is another step closer to TTC again.

This is MC #5 (4th consecutive since my last child) and I hate that once again I am on this emotional roller coaster ride. I have 2 beautiful boys (5 & 3) that keep me going but I am once again questioning how many times I can put my head and heart through this. My boys continually ask for another brother or sister as we had just told them our pregnancy news (last year at 11 weeks pregnant) only to lose the baby 1 week later. How do I explain to them that we are trying everything we can.

I was referred to a FS last month after my 3rd consecutive MC and after a truck load of tests and scans (all came back clear) I was told to go home and TTC straight away. I conceived again the same month (I am extremely fortunate that so far I have always conceived easily) only to have my follow up BT show my HCG levels dropping not climbing. AAAGGGHHHH!!! I sometimes wish the HPT would show a BFN rather than continually getting my hopes up.

The other bad thing is that each MC now seems to be happening 2 weeks earlier than the previous MC. I am only at 5 weeks now and although still no sign of AF I have been told no chance for this pregnancy either.

Does anyone have any advice or positive stories to keep me going. How can I have 2 successful pregnancies and now soo many MC? I don't understand and 'bad luck' just doesn't seem to be an answer I'm comfortable accepting. Please send me some positive stories. Sorry for a long winded story I think I needed an outlet as I don't know anyone that could possible understand my heartache. Best of luck for all TTC.

[Gigi1]

CRumpet, you crack me up! I hope iwth all my heart he is right. Go take a test hun....hurry and tell us.

Dory, It is great to feel empowered by a decision hey! Good on you for deciding which way to go. I can imagine it must have been hard. I am an emotional eater too. I eat for company too. God we are funny. I am thinking of you hun and hope this down moment is fleeting and you are up on coud nine again before you know it.
I hope that book turns up. What was that other book you recommneded a while back? I should right it down before it is lost forever. xoxo

SuzieQ, I am sorry you have come to need this thread. Welcome and I hope we can all be of help to you. I am quite fond of this little group. I am sorry you have lost your child hun, your baby girl. It is funny, your username makes me stop in my tracks. That is my mum's nickname from her youth. Hope that days get easier. Take your time. It feels like you need to rush, i understand that, but as time goes, you understand the need to heal on every level. Do what is right for you hun. As i said to one of the other girls, it really depends on what your cycle was like before bubs. I was regular as clock work and pg improved my cycles at first, lighter and shorter and no or less pain. I stopped bleeding in the first 10 -14 days after DD's birth. Then 28 days later...af. I was not ready to make love though for some time after that, emotionally. It also depends on the birth you had, and any procedures. I had a natural birth and no retained placenta. My body worked up to that so it was ready to let go. DD died and I gave birth to her 5.5 weeks later. That is my theory for me though, we are all different.

Love to all !Sorry not to mention names.
This girl is tired and a lot to get done so I will chat later.
Briefly, Looked after gorgeous nephew today. Lovely day. Helping my friend out with her kids in Byron again next week. That will be a long week. Mum and Dad bought me a nice camera which was incredible of them. I am very excited to have it.
Oh dear...tired, Off i go to watch some tv.
Love to all again. xoxo

[Gigi1]

My2Boys, Sorry hun i didn#t see your post.
As far as I am concerned. Those who find this thread are here for a reason so lets see how we can support you. I am so sorry you have had so many losses, so many babies not make it. That must be devastating everyday. I am sure there are lots of positive stories hun but i am not so good for that right now. You are focusing on the right things, you can get pregnant and easily, you have two healthy beautifully living children. So sustaining the pregnancy...you must have worked through so much. Have you been ablet o work out yourself what you think might be the problem? ie, age of eggs, health of eggs, uterus lining building up enough, hormones at the right time and right balance. (Not levels, cause we are all a little different and I don't believe we should all have the same hormone levels...just doesn't make sense to me.) I know mine look normal but my body shows definate signs of estrogen dominance. My thyroid levels look normal but i know i need iodine. Do you get me. I am not sure how deep you have gone, so please excuse my silly questions.
Thinking of you
oxox

[Gigi1]

Cheryl,
I forgot to say in my last post that I have been thinking about you and your special little Ryan on Wednesday, and surrounding days. I know this week must be so hard. You are in my thoughts and I hope you were able to remember back, with a little smile inbetween the sorrow. HOpe oue angels are playing together. xoxo

[my2boys]

Thanks Gigi1,

I appreciate your kind words. It is hard to know where to turn for support as MC is still a subject that makes most people uncomfortable.

I appreciate your questions and they make sense but I am so confused I really don't know what I think the problem is. I just know there has to be a reason for repeated MC. I seem to have spent the past 6 months glued to my computer researching any possible causes.

I agree that hormones in my case might be a problem but I'm not sure how to find out what part they are playing in my MC's and what to do about them. I know my diet isn't great and that I seem fatigued ALL the time (although probably due to my being totally emotionally drained).

My latest theory is NK cells so I am going to ask my FS about that on my next visit (wednesday week). My FS has also referred me for a Factor V Leiden test to be done next week. Otherwise I am at a loss as is everyone else that has looked at my history.

I just know it is heartbreaking at the moment. I am driving myself crazy with irrational thoughts such as - that as I am still awaiting AF my second HCG tests were wrong and that the levels have really climbed. I know it is not possible but this rollercoaster really messes with my head and I want to hold onto any little bit of hope as crazy as that hope is!!!

Gigi1, once again thanks for your kind words.

[crumpet]

Hi All,

Not sure if I'm posting in the right place as I only joined up today. If I'm in the wrong place can someone point me in the right direction as I need an outlet after being told yesterday that my current pregnancy (only 5 weeks) is not viable and I should expect AF in the next couple of days. (still a no show ATM though). I hate waiting for AF, it doesn't seem right that I want it to come but at least it is another step closer to TTC again.

This is MC #5 (4th consecutive since my last child) and I hate that once again I am on this emotional roller coaster ride. I have 2 beautiful boys (5 & 3) that keep me going but I am once again questioning how many times I can put my head and heart through this. My boys continually ask for another brother or sister as we had just told them our pregnancy news (last year at 11 weeks pregnant) only to lose the baby 1 week later. How do I explain to them that we are trying everything we can.

I was referred to a FS last month after my 3rd consecutive MC and after a truck load of tests and scans (all came back clear) I was told to go home and TTC straight away. I conceived again the same month (I am extremely fortunate that so far I have always conceived easily) only to have my follow up BT show my HCG levels dropping not climbing. AAAGGGHHHH!!! I sometimes wish the HPT would show a BFN rather than continually getting my hopes up.

The other bad thing is that each MC now seems to be happening 2 weeks earlier than the previous MC. I am only at 5 weeks now and although still no sign of AF I have been told no chance for this pregnancy either.

Does anyone have any advice or positive stories to keep me going. How can I have 2 successful pregnancies and now soo many MC? I don't understand and 'bad luck' just doesn't seem to be an answer I'm comfortable accepting. Please send me some positive stories. Sorry for a long winded story I think I needed an outlet as I don't know anyone that could possible understand my heartache. Best of luck for all TTC.

oh hun, big massive hugs for you.....
what a tough journey u have been on, i really hope the FS can find some answers for you soon!!!!

CRumpet, you crack me up! I hope iwth all my heart he is right. Go take a test hun....hurry and tell us.

lol ur a crack up hun!!!!
ill be testing prob wednesday i think..... i rekon i o-ed sometime from saturday-thursday( couldnt possibly get any more days in there hey!?!?!?) so i rekon wednesday will be the start day for my POAS addiction!!!!

next weekend is out 1st wedding anniversary so im really hoping we get one super special prezzie!!!

[Gigi1]

Crumpet,
you are a woman of will power!

My2boys,
Yes my aunt had issues with nk cells and never had a full term pg. I have not heard of testing for FVL, it sounds like you have a thorough dr though. Is there reason to suspect you have this condition...does anyone have it in your family? I hope they bring some answers for you hun. It is horrible to have no reason and therefore less power in this. If you had issues with either of these things, how would you have had the boys you have? Does it worsen over time?
Hmmmm, what a puzzle. It will be interesting to hear what they say next week.
Have you read and are you inclined to read a book called spirit babies. I know it helped me come to terms with 'timing' a bit better. As in, when a baby will come etc. If you do have some small belief in spirituality it is a great little book. I loved it.
chat soon
oxoxo

[crumpet]

PMSL!!! its taking a LOT of will power let me tell you, but im sure it would be to early anyway so thats keeping me slightly sane!! im really hoping to wait till wednesday so will see how i go.... come back in here in the morning and 10 bucks says ive given in!!! PMSL!!

[sryan]

Hi all,

I used to be in this group a long long time ago because of recurrent miscarriage and I wanted to respond to my2boys, as I couldnt go past her post.

I also had 3 miscarriages in a row and had all the testing done as well and all came back clear and I thought I would let you know what got me through my pregnancy.

I took asprin before and through my pregnancy until 36 weeks. They couldnt find a blood clotting disorder, but it wasnt going to harm me or the baby and that it helps blood flow. Also when I got pregnant, my sugar levels went up straight away (which they found out in my last pregnancy), but I was already taking Metformin to help me get pregnant and this controlled my sugar levels, just had to increase it!

I am hoping that you get answers soon and wishing you the best of luck.

Actually all of you girls, I wish you all the best and that all your dreams come true.

xxx Sue xxx

[CharlieB]

Hi everyone,

my2boys - im really sorry you have found yourself in this thread. I don't have any experience in recurrent miscarriage but I hope some of the lovely ladies in this thread can give you some advice. I hope you're going ok, whether or not AF has shown up

crumpet - have you given in yet? or still being a woman of will power? An anniversary present would be perfecgt -

how are you gigi? hope you're enjoying the new camera..

AFM - I feel like my body has gone into shut down mode, day 32 since delivery, no signs of AF coming yet. I'm sure it's a good thing and I need to let my body recover etc etc etc but I can't stop thinking about trying to start our family again.....
Anyways, the amount of work piling up on me is getting a bit scary, so I should focus on getting a solid weeks work done this week. Which will be tricky, I still feel like I am away with the fairies most of the time!!

Hope you are all well,

X