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Thread: TTC after Late Loss/ Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth after 1st trimester ~ Dec 2006

  1. #37

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    Just a quick one... I got my progesterone level back and it has come in over 50 - which is what we needed so YIPPPPPEEEEE!!!!! I did ovulate so let's hope that this increases my luteal phase OR BETTER still leads to a ...
    Have a great day everyone!


  2. #38

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    Flowerchild that is fantastic news about your progesterone levels and the fact that you ovulated. I really wish a for you with all my might.

    Clare, fingers crossed for a Christmas I am with you girl, just keep testing. Faint lines at 9DPO is very promising. I have everything crossed for you honey.

    Well the house hunt in Sydney continues today. Not having somewhere to go to is really rattling me but I am glad that it is a little more afordable in Sydney as compared to Canberra. DH is feel a little more upbeat today so heres to an uneventful few days. Just can't wait until all the holiday celebrations are over. I know I sound like a bar-humbug but I am just not in the mood for it this year.

  3. #39

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    Clare: What have you got to tell us today - anything??? I am thinking of you and wishing you the biggest fattest ever...

    Spring - thankyou for your progesterone congrats - isn't it amazing what we all get excited about! I hope you have had some luck with a house. I can imagine how distressed you would be feeling. It will happen... Thinking of you...

    Things are good here. We wrapped up some last pressies today and tonight we are off to Caloundra to do the Christmas lights drive by!!!! Very exciting!!!!

  4. #40
    clare076 Guest

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    Yeah deb on the progesterone numbers, that's fabulous, hopefully they keep going up and produce that lovely BFP we all want.

    As for me, still nauseous, crampy, sore BB's and still BFN! Well I did another crystal clear this morning and again saw a shadow of a line. I can tell you now, if it turns out that they are all evaps I will be writting to each company. That's 7 tests now (3 different types) that have shown a faint line within the time limit. The only thing I can think is that the faint line is the antibody strip. Wish I knew one way or the other.

  5. #41

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    Clare, a line is a line babe, no matter how faint it is. I hope that it keeps getting darker and you get a Christmas .. I really hope this is your month, I have everything crossed for you

    Flowerchild, You sound like you and your family are going to have a wonderful Christmas . I hope you enjoy the lights tour. When I used to live in Townsville there were some streets that every home were covered in lights and the police would close off the streets. I loved doing that as a kid and I am sure you are creating the most magical memories for your kids.

    We me, I just feel like I am getting worse. I can't stop crying and feel just so sad. DH is doing his best but to be honest, the next few days are going to be hell. We finally found a house in Sydney, we could only get a 9 month lease but at least once we are there it will make finding a house easier. Silly me, I thought well if I get pregnant this cycle, we will have to move just as the lease is ending. Silly me hey.

    I am also really stressed because I have to go to Canberra for work for the first week in Jan and that is just after I am meant to have O'd. Then after that, DH will be moving to Canberra for 6 months training and I will be in Sydney and we will only get to see eachother on the weekend. I feel like that is going to make TTC almost impossible. As DH says, lets just see how we go this cycle and we don't get a BFP then we will figure out how to keep BD'ing while we are in different states? Hmmm, don't know how that is going to work but he is good at fixing things. Interstate booty calls were his suggestion, gotta love him.

    Anyway, we have a couple of friends coming over tonight so I am going to go and try and make it look like I haven't been crying. I feel like I am back to the first few days after we lost Harrison and just can't stop the tears. Oh well, I am trying to be grateful for everything I have rather then dwell on that I don't have.

    Take care my gorgeous ladies

    to every single one of you.

    Spring Angel

  6. #42

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    Evening Girls,

    Sorry I havnt posted for a while but just like all of us Christmas is here and I for one am totaly not ready. I have also been finding it so hard to find "Happy Christmas Cheer"!!! Im sort of feeling a bit better knowing im not alone at the moment like I thought I was. My poor mum thinks Im going mad, Im norm Mrs Christmas but have only just put the tree up and chrissy lights!! I had my 35 birthday on Tuesday and found it hard to celebrate. I should have been 14weeks.... so like Clare I downed a bottle of red not sure that I felt any better after but was good while it lasted.

    There is just so much to catch up on, so here go's

    Deb wonderful news on prog levels, fingers, feet, everything crossed for a BFP soon. Glad to here you got chrissy shopping done. hope the lights were good.

    Clare sticky vibes for you...I hope you get that big dark ++ soon.:hugs:

    Spring I sure hope no no things will be better soon. I think christmas times just makes us think of our angles even more and we shouldn't have to feel whatever that feeling is that happens to us but but it just sucks somtimes. I hope you have a great time tonight and know Im thinking of you and sharing this road with you.xxxxx

    Mel Find yourself that OB! I agree with deb interview and have one who wants to help not hinder. A good one will be more than happy to go along with your thoughts. Im sure your mum will understand .......they always seem too anyway!! as far as babbling I think thats what stops us from going mad ... Boy i you seen some of my postings talk about babbling!!!!!

    To anyone else I hope you are all well and yes 2007 is going to be a good year.

    We have decided that next cycle (if it ever comes) we will start to tryfor our 2nd mircle baby. Im not total sure if its the right thing just now.... but after talking to one of my great nurses at IVF she reassured me that it makes no differance so why not. With my added extras to the ****tail hopeful things may go better. DH is happy about the trying part anyway. Back to acupuncture and dowing the pills!!!! Whats that song "The road is longgggg" lets hope its a little shorter for all of us here. Maybe a will get us into the sprit!!!!!

    If I don't get back before chrissy, I wish you and your families a wonderful christmas, may God bless you all with BFP SOON and lots of healthy babies in 2007

  7. #43

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    Hey everyone, sorry I haven't popped in for a few days. Having a pretty rough time and have pretty much just been feeling sorry for myself.

    Deb - Great news on the progesterone levels, I wish you the best of luck and lots of bding success.

    Clare - I am with Spring, a line is a line. Sounds very encouraging so I will definitely be keeping my eye out for a very soon.

    Dream - for the other day. Keep that red wine coming, if that doesn't bring the Christmas cheer I don't know what will.

    Spring - It was good chatting with you last night, I always feel so much better afterwards. Thank you so much for your support over the last couple of months, I just know we will be able to support each other through pregnancies in 2007 and hopefully swap stories of not only our angel babies, but also our earth babies. I won't wish you a Merry Christmas cause as we said last night we don't know if it is possible. What I do wish for you is all the very best for the new year and that little bundle of joy you want so much - oh, and that Macca's is open! I will be thinking of you, DH and Harrison tomorrow and I hope you guys get through as best as possible :hugs:

    Me - Well Christmas is coming whether I like it or not, I spent today being a sad sack (didn't get out of bed until 2.30pm) hoping to get it all out of my system so I can try to put on a brave front tomorrow. I am absolutely dreading it, I know everyone is going to be so happy and I just don't know if I can do it - I burst into tears before watching National Lampoons Christmas of all things! As for the carols I'm not even gonna go there!!! Although in saying that, bring on New Years - can't wait to see the arse end of 2006 that's for sure.

    On a different note, today is CD14 and just like last month it seems today is my ovulation day (according to OPK). I ovulated CD14 last month, AF came the day she was due and ovulated CD14 today - guess you can't get any more regular than that so fingers crossed this month is the month.

    On the OB front, I have found someone else by the name of Mark Umstad (Spring, forgot to tell you last night). A couple of people replied to my post and recommended him so I rang his rooms and they said he wasn't taking any new patients which someone actually suggested may be the case. So anyway, I figured I have nothing to lose so wrote him a letter and explained my situation (also put in that I work for a surgeon at St V's just in case it helped) and asked if he would consider seeing me or otherwise could he recommend one of his colleagues. His secretary rang me within half an hour of sending the fax and said she had shown him the letter and that he considered me very high risk and therefore would squeeze me in. She said that he definitely wants to see me before I get pregnant again and so he has put me in to his post op clinic next Friday 29th - YAY!!!! It felt so good to have someone consider me high risk, since my last OB seemed a little blaze that it won't happen again because there is no reason it will it made me lose a little confidence in him especially when he just told me to go back and see him when I was pregnant, whereas this guy is already doing more and is more concerned than the other OB and wants to check me out before I am pregnant - now I just hope I get a good vibe on a personal level.

    Anyway, I hope you all - including people I haven't mentioned - have a lovely Christmas and that your angels watch over their Mummy's and guide you through. You have all been a wonderful support for me and I am truly grateful. I wish everyone the very best in 2007, you all deserve it so much.

    Love Mel

    P.S. I hope Santa is good to you all... Santa (DH) is bringing me a slushie machine, tequila, triple sec and strawberry liquer so that I can make all the strawberry margaritas in the world - New Years Eve is gonna be sensational!

    P.P.S. My sister bought a red Christmas bauble for us which has "Nicholas" written on it. How beautiful is that!!!! We were so grateful for the gesture and it really showed us that not only are we missing Nicholas this Christmas but so are our families. I think my sister is really sad because my niece Maya who was born on 4 Nov. and Nicholas were meant to be spending their first Christmas together - life doesn't always work out as planned though hey!

    P.P.P.S. Spring - also meant to tell you that after playing golf yesterday and getting a "little" burnt on my chest, I woke up this morning and could barely stand under water if was so painful. I can't even touch it cause it stings so much... thought you may get a laugh out of that seeing as you can relate, lol. With my fair skin you would think I would learn, that's twice in a couple of weeks if you take into account burning the tops of my feet red raw in Hamilton Island. I am gonna get the biggest lecture from my Dad tomorrow!
    Last edited by Mel1977; December 24th, 2006 at 09:25 PM. Reason: to add ppps

  8. #44

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    WARNING: this is a bit of a vent.... I didn't want to upset anyone so please don't feel like you have to read on

    Well thank God, today is almost over. I hate to be a grumpy bum but it can't be over quick enough. DH and I cancelled doing anything today as we just couldn't face a day of eating and being merry when we just felt like crawling under a rock. Because we knew today would be hard, we had Christmas in early December with our Family. So today just sat around, didn't open any presents, didn't have the big lunch, just spent time together reflecting and talking about your little angels.

    I can't help but think that we were supposed to be a family of 4 this Christmas and instead of a bustling house full of dirty nappies and cheeky grins, a silence has fallen over our house. I am glad that we didn't force ourselves to do the big Christmas lunch though. I just don't think I could have coped with that pressure. Mel we chatted about it a few nights ago but I think that I have decided once I get to Sydney in the New Year, I am going to see about getting some professional help. It isn't that I think I am going crazy, but I think the sadness is starting to blur my usually positive perspective. I am so grateful that I stumbled across BB. I think this has been my salvationn because to be honest I am pretty disapointed in how my friends have been. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriends with all my heart but I think that their sympathy has sort of run out. I don't know why I got so upset but I got text after text today saying "Merry Christmas" have these people even stopped to think hard darn hard it was just getting through today. I know that I am being a little irrational but to be honest, there are only a few people in this world that I know when they say " if there is anything I can do', actually mean it. It makes me so angry to get stupid texts from people who haven't even put the slightest bit of thought into how I might feel.

    I got so darn angry last night. We went to the house a few doors down who do their house up in lights. They gave DH and I a Christmas pressy so we went down there last night to give them a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. We get there and my neighbour is holding a tiny newborn baby born. She basically just passed him to me and of course I burst into tears and said that I couldn't hold him. She then handed him back to her mother as she put out her smoke. Now I don't mean to judge but I didn't everything I could to give Harrison the best chance at life and here is this mother smoking around this tiny little precious baby. I asked how old he was and she said 6w5days. He was tiny and she said that he was only 5lbs 12oz when he was born and that he had had breathing promblems since he was born.... Well no S#@t, if you smoke when you are pregnant that is what happens you stupid women. I was just furious and only just managed to hold my tounge until I got home and balled my eyes out with DH. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it did. WHY DID WE LOSE OUR BABY WHEN WE DID EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO SAVE HIM......WHY?????....... that is the question that is going to haunt me forever...

    Anyway, today is over, tomorrow is another day and soon there will be another year. I know that I will be ok one day, I just hope it is one day soon.

    Mel: I was inspired by you going out and getting another Ob that I did some research of my own and started a thread to see if other mothers could make suggestions. I don't care what it takes, I just want to get through my next pregnancy with my baby and my mind. How sweet is your Big sis getting you the bauble, I don't know what I would do without mine. LMAO about your dad getting angry about the sunburn, you'd think us lilly arse girls would learn.

    Clare: hey hon, have you tested again? I have everything crossed for you that you get a really strong soon. Let us know girl.

    Flowerchild: I hope you and your beautiful children had a special Christmas day. I know that you would have made it a magical day for them.

    Dream: Belated hon. for TTC that miracle baby #2 hon. I know in my heart 2007 with bring us all the blessings we deserve.

    Michelle, Sarah and Kirsty and anyone else out there. I hope today was a good as it could be. Thank you to each and every wonderful women in this thread. Each one of you is personally responsible for helping me face each day.

    Now bring on 2007.

    Love
    Spring Angel

  9. #45

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    Spring Angel when you come to Sydney there is a support group held at Nepean Hospital for bereaved parents (yes some dads too)but mostly mums.It is held monthly (2nd Friday).I can email you info about it if you are interested. Open to anyone.

    Though a few of us attend with our babies (BF) and the social worker makes a point of telling everyone new now ... for me when I first when there was a lady 9 months pregnant and her 2 yr is almost same as my angel Charlotte but it gave me hope. Her bub was iVF too and she was lady who lead me to consider IVF -same clinic/Dr and all so I am forever grateful. I knew they had lost babies before and come through a subsequent pregnancy with a baby in their arms so it was okay IYKWIM.

    But when we go there we are our angels' mummies and we talk freely with tears and laughter at our tragedies and triumphs and the daily stuff like coping with Christmas / horrible people and yes the others - ones who do nothing or others who run out of sympathy and don't understand or think we should be over it.

    The for mentioned lady lost one of her twins 6 years ago but attends and finds it a place to grieve/remember and honour her precious daughter.

    I hope you all had a peaceful day

  10. #46
    clare076 Guest

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    Spring, so sorry to hear you had a rough day I suppose we all knew it was going to be tough but sounds like you had a terrible time. BIg hugs to you. The support group mentioned by PP sounds like a good idea, and its just that "support" it doesn't make you weak because you are grieving and need help.
    I am with you on the smoking mother, I would have said something, the day I lost Max there was a preggo woman outside the hospital having a fag and I said in a very loud voice "oh typical I am sitting here waiting for my baby to die and you are trying to poison yours!" DP kicked me under the table but I didn't care.

    We had Max's candle on the table with us while Shelby opened her pressies and when we had lunch and surprisingly all our visitors wished him a Merry Christmas, we blew him out when Shelby went to bed.

    Deb - hows was your chrissy? Any news on that POAS yet? Are you planning on testing on?

    Well as for me I am still getting faint lines on these stupid crystal clear HPT's, I really should go and get a different type of test because I really think they are evaps now. They aren't getting any darker and at 14DPO it should be a tad darker than barely there. Again I am thinking my o date is out, by about 4 days, but FF doesn't agree. My temp is still high and no signs of Af so not giving up hope yet.

    Take care all.
    Big hugs to you

  11. #47
    kirsty Guest

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    Hi all you lovely ladies just popping in quickly to see how you all are. Hoping you enjoyed your days to the best of your abilities with our angel babies in our hearts & thoughts.

    We had a pretty good day & have to admit the highlight was my brother & SIL announcing after lunch that they are expecting a baby ~ she is approx 15wks pg & glowing!!! I expected to be a little upset after they said it but nope, for the very first time ever I wasn't the emotional mine field that I normally am when someone announces their pg (& believe me it really took me by suprise coz another of our friends announced pg #4 to us on Xmas Eve & I had to go to the *toilet* almost straight away & come back & fib my way through about being fine!). I am so happy for them & can't wait to be an aunty again!!!

    On the other hand only 9 more sleeps until we finally get back to see the OB to get our last lot of test results & organise the hysteroscopy & maybe make some headway into seriously thinking about ttc'ing again.

    Anyway lovely ladies big hugs to all & will catch up properly soon.

  12. #48

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    Hi everyone - glad to be over another hurdle.

    Spring - As you know my thoughts were with you, DH, Harrison and Pumpkin yesterday :hugs: Just know that you are still a family of four, they are still your babies even though you cannot see them or hold them. I know that is no consolation but it is fact. I understand what you mean by peoples sympathy running out, as you know I have felt that way too - you know you have the sympathy, or more to the point empathy, of everyone here and when you feel that no one is there for you think of us. And I too am with you on the smoking mother, I got angry just reading it. Life seems so unfair sometimes, not only because of what has happened to our babies, but also because an innocent little baby like the one you met has been dealt the hand of such a selfish mother who endangered her own babies life just so she didn't have to go through the "stress" of quiting. I say this as a reformed smoker. I smoked from the time I was 12 and quit only 2 years ago because I had to have an operation and was told I needed to. As far as I am concerened an even better reason than that would be to protect the life of someone so totally dependant on you. I am not trying to be a martyr and honestly smoking doesn't bother me, each to their own I say because they are only hurting themselves... unless pregnant, then they have someone elses life in their hands!!! Well, that being said how are you feeling today? About the OB I pretty felt the same as you, I needed to be proactive and go out there looking for help rather than just sitting back and waiting for things to work out on their own. And about the sunburn, Dad didn't say anything. Seeing as I spent alot of the morning sitting in the bathroom crying and the early afternoon holding myself back from crying I don't think he was brave enough to bring it up.

    Clare - How frustrating about the HPT's!!!! Maybe blood test would be an idea, I have been told it's the only way to get a definite yes or no. Anyway, I still have my fingers crossed for you

    Deb - Hope you had a wonderful Christmas with the kids.

    Kirsty - Glad to hear you had a nice Christmas. Congrats to your brother and SIL! Maybe the reason you felt happy about the news is because this baby will be your family and I think you certainly feel a sense of closeness to your siblings children. Personally I find I am ok with my sisters bub but hear about anyone and I am in tears. And hey, maybe 2007 will be your year... we all wish it for you anyway.

    As for me, I am already driving myself nuts with the whole am I pregnant this month. OMG - I only ovulated on Christmas Eve so even if I was it wouldn't have even done its magic yet! I have a feeling I won't be, maybe I just think that to protect myself from disappointment, but I keep thinking that I don't think I am lucky enough at the moment for it to happen to me. Oh well, I guess TWW here I am - please be kind

    Take care everyone,

    Love Mel

  13. #49
    clare076 Guest

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    Guess who's knocked up!!!

    I just want to burst into tears, FF changed my O date yesterday and put me at 9DPO. Last night I was woken in the night with severe tummy cramps and today I feel so pucky and have my tell tale stitch on the left hand side. So after 4 hours wee holding I tested and BFP

    Yeah

  14. #50

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    OMG Clare.... that is fantastic news

    What a wonderful way to finish 2006. I hope you have a H&H pregnancy

    What will your due date be?


    Yay

    Spring Angel

  15. #51
    clare076 Guest

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    Thanks so much Spring
    I feel so awe struck at the moment, I feel excited but sad, you ladies deserved this far more than me at the moment.
    My due date is 9th Sept or there abouts - still unsure on o date, I haven't told Craig, and not going to until pregnancy is confirmed by GP (no appointment made yet) I am so scared its not going to be successful and really dont want to upset Craig with another loss, so buying my time.

    Surely this has to work out, I couldn't possible have anymore bad luck.

  16. #52

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    That's fantastic Clare - CONGRATULATIONS

    Everyone deserves it, including you and I wish you all the best for a wonderfully healthy

    Make sure you keep us all informed how you are going!

    Mel

  17. #53

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    Oh hun, no one deserves a baby more than anyone else. You are a wondeful person and I know with all my might that this little baby is going to be fine.

    I can understand that you are worried, that is only natural. It is pointless me telling you not to worry, for hecks sake I am worried also and I am not even pregnant yet (lol) Just know that you are a wonderful person and will be the best mum this little darling could wish for.

    Take it easy hun, I hope you can get in with the GP soon. As Mel said, keep us updated. I hope you don't mind but I am going to get excited for you.



    Sweet dreams to you and your little bean
    Spring Angel

  18. #54
    clare076 Guest

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    Thanks Mel and Spring

    I will definately keep you all up to date on progress. I am not going to Gp until see a few more lines, I just can't believe it at the moment after all th evaps I had. Going to stop in at chemist on the way to work tomorrow and get more tests. lol

    Love to you all, you are all wonderful women and have been a tremendous support to me in the past few weeks. I am glad my stay was short, but glad I got to meet you all.
    xxxxxx

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